Back in six months whatever you do. Or three days, like last time.' Camilla Long on Nigel Farage'You're as ugly as a salad.' Bulgarian insult'I'm going to beat him so bad he'll need a shoehorn to put his hat on.' Muhammed AliThere's no pleasure like a perfectly-turned put-down (when it's directed at somebody else, of course) but Matthew Parris's Scorn is sharply different from the standard collections. Here are the funniest, sharpest, rudest and most devastating insults in history, from ancient Roman graffiti to the battlefields of Twitter. Drawing on bile from such masters as Dorothy Parker, Elizabeth I, Donald Trump, Groucho Marx, Princess Anne, Winston Churchill, Nigel Farage, Mae West and Alastair Campbell - which form an exchange between voices down the ages - Scorn shows that abuse can be an art form. This collection includes extended literary invective as well as short verbal shin-kicks. Encompassing literature, art, politics, showbiz, marriage, gender, nationality and religion, Matthew Parris's sublime collection is the perfect companion for the festive season, whether you're searching for the perfect elegant riposte, the rudest polite letter ever written, or a brutal verbal sledgehammer.

    and a bike called Reggie. Secondary school teacher Andrew Sykes moves out of the classroom, climbs onto his bicycle and sets off along the route of the EuroVelo 8, from the southern tip of Greece to the Atlantic coast of Portugal.However, this is more than just a cycling tale of border crossings and big hills, as our would-be adventurer perspires his way through a hot and sticky mix of Mediterranean landscapes, life and culture.Join Andrew as he travels Along The Med on a Bike Called Reggie: an inspirational and light-hearted travelogue for cyclists and non-cyclists alike.

    He calls for boycotting Canada, says Adolf Hitler would have been a card-carrying member of the ACLU, and thinks Hurricane Katrina victims seen carrying televisions should be shot on sight. Amann and Breuer – the creators of the hugely popular website www.sweetjesusihatebilloreilly.com — take a close look at O'Reilly's own assertions and arguments — taken from his TV and radio shows, books and columns — to expose him for what he is: a self-righteous boob and a sham newsman. The ongoing themes explored in Sweet Jesus, I Hate Bill O'Reilly are that O'Reilly is a bit crazy, not all that sharp and, as the authors put it, about "as self-aware as a legume." The result is a hilariously funny book, a great read for anyone who enjoys seeing a puffed-up blowhard taken down a notch or two — whether they're an O'Reilly hater, fan, or something in between.

    We cling onto age-old traditions, but a holiday can alter our accent. To us, caste and community is a badge of trust, religion is a line of control and a godman is an anti-depressant.We won’t stop at a zebra crossing, but we will damn well stop on it. We build things to prove our worth and break things to prove a point. We love the concept of independence, but we need our parents to help raise our kids. And we scripted the Kamasutra. Easy to forget, since we also ruined sex.So how do we tell the real from the farcical? The farcical from the nutty? And the nutty from the downright ridiculous?Easy. We just go along.Daksh Tyagi's funny and insightful 'A Nation of Idiots' is the ideal guide to surviving the modern Indian life with your scruples intact.

    He treats a meerkat with a broken tail from Great Ouseburn, a lame horse next to Almscliffe Crag, a Wagyu in Topcliffe and a Clydesdale horse in York. These and many more adventures are contained within...

    

    Seeking to highlight the hypocrisy of their politicians on Brexit four friends armed with nothing more than ladders, roller brushes and a treasure trove of damning statements from their leaders slapped up the politicians' biggest lies on billboards around the country. This guerrilla operation wasn't easy, but it wasn't long before the British public enabled them to take things into their own hands - and the rest is history. Leave the EU or remain? An apparently simple question divided the nation in historic fashion. Many believed the words of these politicians. By putting up their quotes as billboards, self-styled 'Led By Donkeys' had clear intentions - to compare the promises that have been made across the years with the damning reality.

    His preferred medium is the spoken word, and his audience has been limited to hard-bitten reporters and hard-core watchers of C-SPAN. Just as The Iliad and The Odyssey were spoken aloud by many bards, in many variations, before Homer captured them on paper, the Rumsfeld improvisations have finally met up with their perfect editor/enabler. Hart Seely, coeditor of O Holy Cow! The Selected Verse of Phil Rizzuto, uncovers the gems hidden within hundreds of hours of Rumsfeld commentary, in the form of Zen verse, haiku, sonnets, lyric poetry, and free verse. In addition, Seely's sharp sleuthing has uncovered two thematic collections: Rumsfeld's Songs of Myself, and Nine Poems on the Media. The result is a hilarious and irreverently revealing book both by and about one of the world's most powerful men.

    Get paid to travel and write about it.Only no one told Jules that it would mean eating oily seabirds, repeatedly falling off a husky sled, getting stranded on a Mediterranean island, and crash-landing in Iran.The exotic destinations come thick and fast – Hong Kong, Hawaii, Huddersfield – as Jules navigates what it means to be a travel writer in a world with endless surprises up its sleeve.Add in a cast of larger-than-life characters – Elvis, Captain Cook, his own travel-mad Dad – and an eye for the ridiculous, and this journey with Jules is one you won’t want to miss.

    From a life of luxury in the opulent city of Dubai to promised ruination, Jaubert tells a tale of espionage and escape that rivals any best selling novel on the market. Immersed in a luxury submarine business, Jaubert was hired as CEO by Dubai World to develop and design miniature subs for the wealthy. Once problems developed within the business, Herve Jaubert became the scapegoat of government officials and found himself ensnared in a web of police threats, extortion, human rights abuses and coercion. With no chance to make it through their biased legal system, Jaubert planned the escape of his life.

    Her cuts are so swift that the smiles are still on the faces when she displays the heads on her trophy wall.--Washington Post. Finally in trade paperback, here is the latest volume of stiletto essays from the author of Reflections in a Jaundiced Eye and Confessions of a Failed Southern Lady.

    

    (He died on July 31st, 2012 at the age of 86.) The triumphant arc of Vidal’s literary career wasn’t solely a mastery of language, though that never hurts. Handsome, poised, slim, charismatic, able to hold his own in verbal fisticuffs without losing his imperious cool, Vidal was the premiere star author of his generation, the one who elevated the role of talk-show guest to a command performance--a theatrical event. He brought the electronic crackle of the TV screen to his prose and the tactical precision of his prose to combat debate on TV. His near-violent altercations on camera with William F. Buckley, Jr. and Norman Mailer are the stuff of YouTube legend and the secret to The Gore Supremacy. A contributing writer to Vanity Fair, a partisan observer of pop culture, and the author of the New York-in-the-70s memoir Lucking Out (which comes out in paperback this fall), James Wolcott has been a closeup observer of Vidal on-camera and off for more years than seems respectable. This, his first Kindle Single, is his way of paying homage--and saying goodbye.

    He describes his idyllic childhood in Eastern Tennessee, helping to operate his grandfolks' backyard nuclear plant. He explains how he sold his soul to the Devil to make him a better bluesman, and how the Devil tried to sell it back. And he reveals what happened when Neil Diamond invited him to dinner, and more importantly, why he had to wear a hardhat. Along the way he tackles the questions we've all asked ourselves from time to time, such as, which element did people breath before oxygen was discovered in 1774? (neon.) What's the difference between iron and lead? (There isn't one: ask anyone who has ever been hit in the head by a length of pipe.) And, if Jesus was a carpenter, "How come not a single example of his craftsmanship exists, not even a crude chest of drawers?" In the tradition of Woody Allen's "Without Feathers", "Things Snowball" is a comic, inventive book: subversive and entertaining.

    This book goes through all the miserable people you love to hate. Do you hate morning people? How about the guy who doesn’t wipe the ketchup top after using it? Or people who just don’t care? After all, isn’t hating just another form of caring?It's true: Misery does love company. But what kind of company can you keep if you can't stand anyone? This kind. No matter who they are or what they do that sets you off and gets you going, you'll find 'em inside. From rich people who are dicks to guys named Rich who go by Dick to those who are always cold to people who are just hot, no one is safe. But one thing is certain—everyone will find someone they equally despise. And you're gonna love it, period.