Damn, now I sound stupid, too." -Bomani Jones, ESPN "It's great, and I have no idea what just happened, but Jerry Jones dick exploded and that's enough for me." -Spencer Hall, SB Nation "The only parody Twitter account worth following" -Deadspin.com "This is the least influential book of anything I've ever read. I hated it." -Adolf Hitler In what is being hailed by many, probably, as the best, funniest, most gut-shittingly poignant literary work since The New Testament, PFT Commenter takes you on a realistic-fiction journey through the backdoor politics of today's NFL. Set in the 2014 offseason, Roger Goodell and President Barack Obama become locked in a mano a mano battle over the future of the Dallas Cowboys, culminating in a literal fight to the death. Starring NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, Barack Obama, Mike Ditka, Joe Biden, Michael Vick, Peter King, Ron Jaworski, Dan Snyder, Robert Griffin III, Danny Woodhead, J.J. Watt, Jerry Jones, Russell Wilson, Pete Carroll, and many more of your favorite NFL stars and media personalities; "Goodell vs. Obama: The Battle for the Future of the NFL" will take you on a journey that any NFL fan is sure to love, or at least not hate. WARNING: Told through the narrative eye and screaming mouth of an uneducated internet commenter, this book is filled with grammatical errors. It was written by a someone who was raised on scorching hot sports takes, light beer, and an undying love for Roger Goodell. He cares about TELLING, not about spelling. If that's going to be a problem,, there's the door.

    With the enemy pushing inexorably forward, he knows the Horde must turn its attention to more vulnerable prey, and he'll use every atrocity and deception at his disposal to bring the high council around to his way of thinking.A prequel to the original Gears of War, written by Kurtis J. Wiebe (Rat Queens) with art by Max Dunbar (Dungeons & Dragons). See how it all began as Queen Myrrah's deadliest servant steers the course of history to bring about Emergence Day and the attack on humanans, setting in motion the events of the game!

    

    President-General Adzic and his new Czervenian Army set upon a murderous campaign to destroy the neighboring Republic of the Ostregals. But the war is only the tip of the iceberg and sets in motion a mysterious plan to change the course of world power. Sergeant John Plaxco and his elite Long Range Surveillance Team conduct a critical recon mission and make an ominous discovery that could endanger the world. With new information in hand, will every American Soldier make it out alive? Only strength and teamwork will make the difference in America's Army #1 Knowledge Is Power.

    The Abominable Charles Christopher follows the adventures of a dim-witted yeti through a forest full of colourful animal characters.Who is Charles? Where did he come from? Where is he going? He knows about as much as you do - probably much less, actually - and his adventure is just beginning.

    The discovery of the tomb comes with a thousand years curse. Because of that curse, Carol's happy family shattered and she is brought back in time to 3000 years ago. There, Carol meets Memphis, the handsome but cruel pharaoh. Because of her vast knowledge in Egyptian history, she was able to help Egypt through many difficulties and she becomes intertwined with the history of that time, shaping the way conflicts are played out and hailed by the Egyptian people as the Nile Goddess.

    The breast of the mail bore a ragged hole and the heavy links were sticky. It took a moment for Hedyn to realize it was soaked in drying blood.“A bascinet and hauberk?” he asked.“Aye, you shall need these before the night is done.” . . . Treachery, disease, hunger, and death plague their steps as King Henry’s men near their fateful battle with the French army at Agincourt. Eager to see the world that lies beyond his small Cornish village, 12 year ol Hedyn, son of an archer and serf, is thrilled to be chosen to join King Henry’s army as it advances on Normandy. His excitement quickly gives way to exhaustion in body and spirit, as well as worry for the safety of his newfound friends and comrades. Can a mysterious stranger with a secretive past offer Hedyn hope amidst the horrors of battle?

    Famous for its ancient hilltop monastery, Monte Cassino achieved a new and grimmer renown in the Second World War when it became a German bastion against the Allied advance through Italy.Even in February 1944, when the abbey buildings had been reduced to rubble by aerial bombardment, the mountain itself continued to command the adjoining river valleys and to block the road to Rome.Cassino had to be taken. Frontal assault had proved a costly failure, but now the highly ambitious Brigadier Heathfield had devised a plan for an outflanking operation. Total victory, or total defeat, could hinge on this single mission. A stirring and powerful thriller concerning the final years of the Second World War, perfect for fans of Alistair MacLean, David McDine and Jack Higgins.

    Telling the story of humanity's first attempts to colonise distant planets, this is the tale of Kim and his companions and the strange creatures and perilous dangers they face in the unknown worlds.

    In the spirit of two-ness, Tales Designed to Thrizzle Book Two features two of Kupperman's recurring duos: America's favorite mustachioed physicist/writer double team of Twain and Einstein (solving new crimes and barreling through exciting new adventures), and the crime-fighting team of Snake and Bacon ("Sssssssssssss!") who make a special return just to star in Reservoir Dogs 2. Elsewhere in this volume the crusty Quincy, M.E. makes his comic book debut, struggling through the fantastic landscapes of his own dreams in "Quinception" (in which St. Peter also gets his own comic book). Also: The Jungle Princess battles rhino traders... A story of Broadway theatrics in "All About Drainage"... Slightly cursed merchandise... Cockney grave robbers... Cowboy Oscar Wilde... McArf the Crime Dog takes a bite out of scum... The origin of The Hamanimal... Plus a photocomic starring comedian Julie Klausner: "Voyage To Narnia."

    She knows God handed her a life of hardship, especially when her Dad gives her away in marriage to a man she doesn't know. However, she proves to be a true mountain girl with spirit, determination, feistiness and fiery spunk. Laine's unabashed account of events, before and during the first months of her marriage, draws the reader spellbound into a story that will linger like mists shrouding distant mountains.

    

    Embrace it.A bear flies through space. A hamster suffers a breakdown. Elsewhere, a garden snake is arrested by animal control and jailed for home invasion, while a child marvels at the wonder of nature as worms emerge from the ground and begin looking for vodka (as they always have). These are common occurrences in the world of Reza Farazmand’s wildly popular webcomic, Poorly Drawn Lines. Traveling from deep space to alternate realities to the bottom of the ocean, this eponymous collection brings together fan favorites with new comics and original essays to share Farazmand’s inimitable take on love, nature, social acceptance, and robots.

    Enorma, coveted by every man within 100 miles of Dodge City -- and every Indian Tribe -- is a handful in every sense of the word.

    That child is the passionate and free-spirited Flora, daughter of Marion. Flora’s early years are spent roaming around her father’s cattle farm, running wild and free with her brother and his friends. From early on she adores fair Neil MacEachen. But when her father dies suddenly, Flora and her mother are plunged into poverty and it seems beautiful Flora is destined to skivvy in the kitchen and dairy for her harsh aunt. Until one night dashing soldier, One-eyed Hugh, her mother’s former lover, kidnaps mother and daughter and takes them to Skye where he swiftly marries Marion.Back on the Outer Isles they settle into family life and Flora is taken under the wing of the lively Lady Clan, the chief’s wife, who teaches her the skills of a noblewoman. Flora still dreams of the day she might marry the handsome Neil, who has by now disappeared to France. But when the Clanranalds are invited to the grand wedding of the MacDonald chief of Sleat in Skye, Flora finds herself irresistibly drawn to dark-haired, teasing and passionate Allan of Kingsburgh, one of the mighty Skye MacDonalds, who makes no secret of his desire for her. Her heart is torn; she loves the mysterious and increasingly elusive Neil but struggles to control her attraction to Allan, who is meanwhile being groomed for a prestigious match with the chief of MacLeod’s daughter.Before affairs of the heart can be resolved, the exiled Prince Charles Stuart lands on the Outer Isles in his bid to win back the crown and his arrival ignites the Jacobite Rising of 1745. Scotland is plunged into bloody civil war; families and clans are torn apart in their loyalties and Flora’s fate is changed forever. She faces the biggest decision of her life – whether or not to help the now fugitive Prince to escape the islands and certain execution – knowing that to do so will not only put her own life in danger, but those of the people she loves most in the world.Deeply emotional and uplifting, The Jacobite Lass is set in the turbulent times of 18th century Scotland and is based on the true story of Scottish heroine, Flora MacDonald and Bonnie Prince Charlie.