There is a cute and present danger lurking out there–in the wild, in the zoos, and sometimes even in our very own homes. Spurred on by the Cute Industrial Complex, these cuddly animals have taken over blockbuster films, inspirational posters, and computer desktops everywhere, further weakening the innocent civilians who are beguiled by these fuzzy frauds. But you are stronger than them, aren’t you? Those soft bellies and wet noses are no match for you–and their free ride has just come to an end. F U, Penguin is the rallying cry for those who choose to fight these power-hungry cute-mongers. Loaded with color photographs and hilarious commentary, this book will have you laughing out loud while it simultaneously saves you from the tragic fate of tossing yarn with big-eyed kittens and bottle-nursing baby pandas forever. ___________________________ "Finally, a book for the rest of us! Most animals go about our business without playing to the audience like the elitists exposed in these chapters.I wasn't sure how many more times I could hear about those great penguins and pandas and kittens before I started eating people... well, more people, anyway."—Jerry the Shark "Penguins killed my parents, and they would not hesitate to kill me. I thank the Crustacean God for Matthew Gasteier, a true saint and a decent human being in a world filled with heartless penguin accomplices."—Dennis the Krill "It's all true. We're the worst."—Anonymous Penguin "The average dolphin is far beyond this level of vulgarity, but I could see how this would be a very enjoyable book for humans. I should remember to hand these out to some of my slower relatives at the common ancestor reunion."—Edward the Dolphin "Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this style of book is not something we are currently looking for. However, we wish you the best of luck with your human publishers!"—Danielle the Bear, Editor-in-Chief, Random Cave Publishing

    They may have nine lives but there is much cats can teach us about getting the most out of the one we have. Whether it’s advice for purrfecting your downtime, navigating romance, friendships or your career, this book features 100 essential lessons to help you through the ups and downs of life, such as:- A beautiful mane takes serious work- … and so does the perfect set of nails - Preserve your dignity at all times- Stretch regularly- Demand the bestSo, put down your self-help book and pick up your cat. It’s time to take a nap with the life guru you never knew you had. (Please see life lesson no.1.)Perfect for fans of Simon's Cat and How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You .

    For all you fellow agonizers, fretters, and nervous wrecks, this book is for you. Read it and weep...with laughter

    Based on the popular webcomic Bird and Moon, this collection does for biology what XKCD does for math and Hark! A Vagrant does for history.

    His new school is Freshwater Elementary. Will he fit in? This is an excellent read for early and beginning readers. Each story contains an important moral and lesson. Cute and bright illustrations for younger readers & a free coloring book! These stories are great for quick bedtime stories and cute tales to be read aloud with friends and family! Excellent for early and beginning readers Includes fun activities for kids Great for reading aloud with friends and family Cute short stories that are great for a quick bedtime story Funny and hilarious jokes for kids FREE coloring book downloads included This books is especially great for traveling, waiting rooms, and read aloud at home. Story List & Activities: Dilly’s First Day Freshwater Fun Day Just for Fun Activity Dilly Meets Tippy the Toad Field Day Celebrations Just for Fun Activity Welcome Back, Dilly! Funny Jokes FREE Coloring Book Downloads WHAT A GREAT DEAL! => 5 STORIES, JOKES, ACTIVITIES, AND A COLORING BOOK! Your child will be entertained for hours! Each story contains an important lesson for strong character development in children. * FREE GIFT with your purchase! * (see inside for link)Free membership to the Uncle Amon Book Club & 3 free books for children! Scroll up and click 'buy' and spend some quality time with your child! 100% Money Back Guaranteetags: dolphin, dolphin books for kids, marine life, dolphin books for children, dolphin stories, dolphins, Children's books, short stories, kids stories, stories for kids, stories for children, kids ebooks, short stories, bedtime stories, kids stories, stories for kids, short stories for kids, short stories, stories for kids, jokes, kids stories, childrens stories, kids books, childrens books, books for kids, bedtime stories, kids books, ebooks, books for kids, jokes, kids, hilarious, children, kid, kids books, childrens books, childrens book, kids book about animals, elementary, kids book, books for kids, childrens book, book, kindle book, kindle ebook, comedy, kindle unlimited, kindle unlimited books for kids, kindle unlimited books for children, humor, early reader, beginning reader, kids comedy, bedtime stories, free ebooks, ebooks free, stories for kids, preschool, ages 3-5, ages 6-8, ages 9-12, preteen, beginning readers, beginner reading, kids stories, children stories

    He calls for boycotting Canada, says Adolf Hitler would have been a card-carrying member of the ACLU, and thinks Hurricane Katrina victims seen carrying televisions should be shot on sight. Amann and Breuer – the creators of the hugely popular website www.sweetjesusihatebilloreilly.com — take a close look at O'Reilly's own assertions and arguments — taken from his TV and radio shows, books and columns — to expose him for what he is: a self-righteous boob and a sham newsman. The ongoing themes explored in Sweet Jesus, I Hate Bill O'Reilly are that O'Reilly is a bit crazy, not all that sharp and, as the authors put it, about "as self-aware as a legume." The result is a hilariously funny book, a great read for anyone who enjoys seeing a puffed-up blowhard taken down a notch or two — whether they're an O'Reilly hater, fan, or something in between.

    Through his series of short films and interactions with an enthusiastic online community, Henri's contemplation and disillusion with the world has struck a chord with millions of fans. Now, finally, we have a collection of Henri's musings in his own words featuring never-before-seen photos and quotes. This book is a window into the tortured soul of the world's first feline philosopher.

    True tales from a post-truth world)It should have been simple. Go in and steal the cash. But no job is simple when the two guys named Lenny and their buddy Hot Sauce are involved.Sprinkle in a backpacker who is not what she seems, some cashed-up tourists who don’t speak English, a couple enduring the night from hell, not to mention the mysterious Jack the problem solver and you have a night full of sex, drugs and misadventure.If you love hilarious stories that will keep you laughing and guessing all the way to the end, you’ll love Jack Stroke’s The Other Hotel.Get it now.

    From his perch as a staff writer at The New Yorker, Cuppy observed the world and found a great deal that annoyed him. This collection of essays on animals includes "Birds Who Can't Even Fly," "Optional Insects," "Octopuses and Those Things", and "How to Swat a Fly," which codifies the essentials in ten hilarious principles. And three essays on wombats. Perfect reading for the perplexed, befuddled, and perpetually irritated.

    Long never dreamed he’d become a horse person. But marrying a passionate vet plunged the self-confessed numbers nerd into the wild world of equine emergency care. And just when he thought he had a handle on his new life, his close-knit community gained Internet fame with a daring freeway horse rescue.This outrageous collection of uproarious exploits will tug at your heartstrings and tickle your funny bone. Through Long’s vivid accounts, you’ll meet a whole host of new friends, including a blind horse stuck in a sinkhole, mayhem-causing rescue kittens, and Highway, the famous I-75 Miracle Horse who cheated death four times!Adventures of the Horse Doctor’s Husband is an engrossing memoir-style compilation of four-legged antics. If you love animals, you’ll adore this hilarious, delightful, and sometimes heartbreaking behind-the-scenes look at life in a rural vet clinic. Buy Adventures of the Horse Doctor’s Husband to gallop into bales of chaos today!

    The book uses captivating illustrations and carefully chosen words to teach children about "the acrobat of the sea." This series is known as one of the most beautiful on the kindle. The pictures look great even in black and white and are excellent on the full color kindle. The description in the large text beneath is simple enough for early readers or for a parent to guide a child through.There are also picture captions that provide more information to talk about with your child. Alternatively, a child of any age (even the child in you) can just look at the images and appreciate their beauty.This book depicts the wonder of the world of Dolphins in all its glory. Children are given a well-rounded understanding of this beautiful mammal: its anatomy, feeding habits and behavior. The following Dolphins are featured:* The fun-loving Atlantic Spotted Dolphin* The loveable Bottlenose Dolphin* The acrobatic Dusky Dolphin * The energetic Pacific White-sided Dolphin* The shy Risso’s Dolphin* The endangered Amazon River DolphinGet this book at this special price exclusive to the Amazon Store.*** Your child will love it - this is guaranteed.***

    The girl goes to great lengths to encourage the peacock to display his plumage — she throws him a party, lets him play in the fig tree, feeds him flowers and stages a parade — all to no avail.Then she finally stumbles on the perfect solution. When she introduces the queen of the birds — a peahen — to her collection, the peacock immediately displays his glorious shimmering tail.This delightful story, full of humor and heart, celebrates the legacy of a great American writer.Includes an author’s note about Flannery O’Connor.

    In her trademark bossy, witty, and authoritative way, Miss Manners gives advice that will make the big day more pleasant for one and all, including the bride. 15 line drawings.

    A perfect evening of comedy. Scenes Include:ACT ONEWord Dance (Part One)The Night the Bed FellFables for Our Time (Part One)The Wolf at the DoorThe Unicorn in the GardenThe Little Girl and the WolfIf Grant Had Been Drinking at AppomattoxCasuals of the KeysThe Macbeth Murder MysteryGentleman ShoppersThe Last FlowerACT TWOThe Pet DepartmentFile and ForgetMr. Preble Gets Rid of His WifeTake Her Up TenderlyThe Secret Life of Walter MiddyWord Dance (Part Two) Only material authorized for the production of this play may be used."Of belly laughs there is abundance...Small, cozy, and completely captivating revue...a sheer delight... joyous, magnificently lunatic festival" - New York Daily News

    This volume highlights the research and findings of this natural scientist. Powerful modern microscopes have confirmed the accuracy of Haeckel's prints, which even in their day, became world famous. Haeckel's portfolio, first published between 1899 and 1904 in separate installments, is described in the opening essays. The plates illustrate Haeckel's fundamental monistic notion of the -unity of all living things- and the wide variety of forms are executed with utmost delicacy. Incipient microscopic organisms are juxtaposed with highly developed plants and animals. The pages, ordered according to geometric and -constructive- aspects, document the oness of the world in its most diversified forms. This collection of plates was not only well-received by scientists, but by artists and architects as well. Rene Binet, a pioneer of glass and iron constructions, Emile Galle, a renowned Art Nouveau designer, and the photographer Karl Blossfeld all make explicit reference to Haeckel in their work.