He’s in love with his work colleague Melanie and his only friend Gary is a conspiracy theory nut. His life is going nowhere until he has a Near Death Experience - though Death thinks of it as a Near Dave Experience. He discovers gifts he never knew he possessed and a world he never dreamed existed. A world where the Grim Reaper is a hard drinking, grumpy Billy Joel fan and the undead are bored, lonely and dangerous. This box set contains the first 3 stories in the How To Be Dead series: How To Be Dead Paper Cuts Old Haunts They tell the story of Death and his office staff protecting humanity from ghosts, zombies, vampires and medium-sized apocalypses. After a nice cup of tea and a biscuit. “Dave Turner is a funny man and ‘How To Be Dead’ is a brilliant read.” “If Neil Gaiman and Simon Pegg sat down to write a story together they might come up with something like this.” “Hilarious and unexpectedly moving.” “Laugh out loud funny… It’s been a while since an author has made me laugh more than Pratchett does.”

    

    Each story was specifically written for this anthology.The goal of the Cocktales Anthology is to raise funds to fight against obstruction of creative expression. Specifically, what we believe are obstruction attempts through the trademarking of common (single) words for titicular use in books / or as a book series (eBooks, print, and audio).*ALL* net profits will be donated to:1) Authors already impacted by creative-obstruction (10%), and2) Romance Writers of America (RWA) (90%) as a general donation intended for their Advocacy Fund.Disclaimer: This anthology is not being conducted on behalf of RWA, nor does RWA endorse this anthology or effort. They have, however, graciously agreed to accept the funds.Authors with material included (as they appear in the anthology):Nana Malone, USA Today Bestselling author – ForewordDylan Allen – 'Cocked and Loaded'Jana Aston, NYT, WSJ, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Double Cocked'Whitney Barbetti – 'Cocksure Grin'Author Sawyer Bennett, NYT, WSJ, USA Today Bestselling author – 'A Wicked, Cocky Plan'K.f. Breene, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Magical Cock and Bull'Ruth Clampett, Amazon top 20 Bestselling Author – 'Don’t Get Cocky'L.H. Cosway, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Illusionist Seeks Neanderthal'Mariah Dietz – 'Landmines'Amy Daws, Amazon Top 25 Bestselling author – 'Cock and Balls'BB Easton, Amazon Top 100 Bestselling author – 'Cocky BB: Two Boys, One Prom.'Jaymin Eve, USA Today Bestselling author – 'The Cockier the Dragon, the Harder They Fall'Emma Hart, NYT and USA Today Bestselling author – 'Tricky Bond'Staci Hart, Amazon Top 10 Bestselling author – 'Cockamamie'Jessica Hawkins, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Cocky Couture'Julie Johnson Amazon Top 100 Bestselling author – 'Culinary Cock-Up'Karpov Kinrade, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Crimson Cocktail'Adriana Locke, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Swag'Lex Martin, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Love & Hate at the Stallion Station'Aly Martinez, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Going Down'Katyi McGee - USA Today Bestselling author – 'Cocksure Co-Star'Corinne Michaels, NYT, WSJ, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Cockblocked'Liv Morris, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Getting It Up'Red Phoenix, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Her Cocky Russian'Daisy Prescott, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Confessions of a Cockblocked Wingman'Jessica Prince – ‘A Cocky Corruption Engagement’Meghan Quinn, Amazon Top 20 Bestselling Author – 'Fight or Flight'CD Reiss, NYT and USA Today Bestselling author – 'Cocky Capo'Penny Reid, WSJ and USA Today Bestselling author – 'Beard and Hen'Julie Richman, USA Today Bestselling author – 'The Color of Love'Aleatha Romig, NYT, WSJ, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Aligned'Kennedy Ryan, Top 40 Amazon Bestselling author – 'All'Kylie Scott, NYT, WSJ, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Short Story with Mal and Anne from The Stage Dive Series'Sierra Simone, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Until the Cock Crows'Tara Sivec, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Chocolate and Cockup'Kate Stewart, Amazon Top 30 Bestselling author – 'The Golden Sombrero'Leia Stone, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Cocky Alpha'Karla Sorensen – 'Tristan & Anna: A Bachelors of the Ridge short story'Rachel Van Dyken, NYT, WSJ, USA Today Bestselling author – 'Cocky Mafia'April White, Amazon Top 100 Bestselling author – 'Code of Conduct'

    Fortunately, they've been extinct for a hundred and fifty years.Or not.Astrid had always scoffed at her eccentric mother's stories about killer unicorns. But when one of the monsters attacks her boyfriend—thereby ruining any chance of him taking her to the prom—Astrid finds herself headed to Rome to train as a unicorn hunter at the ancient cloisters the hunters have used for centuries.However, at the cloisters all is not what it seems. Outside, the unicorns wait to attack. And within, Astrid faces other, unexpected threats: from the crumbling, bone-covered walls that vibrate with a terrible power to the hidden agendas of her fellow hunters to—perhaps most dangerously of all—her growing attraction to a handsome art student ... an attraction that could jeopardize everything.

    This might, by those who know her, be considered a mistake. While her cousin, police constable and apprentice wizard Peter Grant, is off in the sticks chasing unicorns Abigail is chasing her own mystery. Teenagers around Hampstead Heath have been going missing but before the police can get fully engaged the teens return home – unharmed but vague about where they’ve been.Aided only by her new friend Simon, her knowledge that magic is real and a posse of talking foxes that think they’re spies, Abigail must venture into the wilds of Hampstead to discover who is luring the teenagers and more importantly – why?Limited: 2500 signed numbered hardcover copiesLettered: 26 signed leatherbound copies, housed in a custom traycase

    Zits cover his entire body; his skin is aflame with bright red, pus-filled sores. He has become an outcast in his school and the other kids call him Toad.But what they don't know is the pus leaking from Kip's acne is actually a powerful narcotic that produces strong psychedelic effects. Soon, everyone in school will want a taste of his hallucinogenic cream and this former-loser will become the most popular kid in school. But once you lick the Toad, there's no going back to normal drugs. His classmates just can't get enough. And as their addiction grows, they will stop at nothing to get it...In the spirit of Street Trash and Class of Nukem' High comes a novel about growing up, finding yourself, and tripping on bodily fluids. Shane McKenzie and Eraserhead Press present a bizarro high school drama drenched in Technicolor-splatter!

    And the demons? Well, that’s where Amber comes in...Sixteen years old, smart and spirited, she’s just a normal American teenager until the lies are torn away and the demons reveal themselves.Forced to go on the run, she hurtles from one threat to another, revealing a tapestry of terror woven into the very fabric of her life. Her only chance rests with her fellow travellers, who are not at all what they appear to be…

    Meet Judy. Two humans who don't like each other much, but together must fight dragons, fire-breathing felines, trolls, Inuit walrus dogs, and a crazy cat lady - for the future of the universe. Monster runs a pest control agency. He's overworked and has domestic troubles - like having the girlfriend from hell. Judy works the night shift at the local Food Plus Mart. Not the most glamorous life, but Judy is happy. No one bothers her and if she has to spell things out for the night-manager every now and again, so be it. But when Judy finds a Yeti in the freezer aisle eating all the Rocky Road, her life collides with Monster's in a rather alarming fashion. Because Monster doesn't catch raccoons; he catches the things that go bump in the night. Things like ogres, trolls, and dragons. Oh, and his girlfriend from Hell? She actually "is "from Hell.

    Step into a world that defies all logic. One of Masturbatory headphones, diabolically toppled comb-jars, moustache-filled ejaculations, malfunctioning bookmarks, bricolage scrotums, wank fairies and a poorly conceived theory regarding wall stability. A world where ball popping is the only solution to the scrotum's poor aesthetic qualities and true love can lead a man to transpose menstruation across gender lines. Not to mention a blink so immensely powerful that mild abrasion can ensue. There s also a lime. Truly some of the strangest stories ever told. In his debut collection Matthew Revert has concocted a bizarre vortex of fiction by turns hilarious, disturbing, thought-provoking and just plain odd. A Million Versions of Right will force you to find logic in the illogic and shun anything resembling common sense. Like the faecal scrawl of a madman without the unpleasant smell

    How did he get here? From the vantage point of his prison cell, Toby pens his memoir, trying to piece together how he fell so far, all the while fielding the uninvited literary opinions of his murderous cellmate, Gary.What Toby unspools is a tale of twisted bureaucracy, public servants gone rogue, and the ever-present pervasive stench of rotting prawns (don't ask). Realizing that his political career is far from the noble endeavor he'd once imagined it would be, Toby makes a bid for freedom...before the terrible realization dawns: it's impossible to get fired from the public service. Refusing to give up (or have to pay for his relocation fee), Toby's attempts to get fired grow more and more extreme, and he finds himself being propelled higher and higher through the ranks of bureaucracy.

    Overcome by grief, he searches for clues about her disappearance in a file of interviews between a man called "Wiggy" and a cat, Roger. Who speaks to him.            It takes a while for Alec to realize he’s not gone mad from grief, that the cat is actually speaking to Wiggy . . . and that much of what we fear about cats is true. They do think they’re smarter than humans, for one thing. And, well, it seems they are! What’s more, they do have nine lives. Or at least this one does – Roger’s older than Methuselah, and his unblinking stare comes from the fact that he’s seen it all. And he’s got a tale to tell, a tale of shocking local history and dark forces that may link not only the death of Alec’s wife, but also several other local deaths. But will the cat help Alec, or is he one of the dark forces?In the deft and comedic hands of mega-bestseller Lynne Truss, the story is as entertaining as it is addictive” (The Sunday Telegraph) – an increasingly suspenseful and often hysterically funny adventure that will please cat lovers and haters alike. And afterwards, as one critic noted, “You may never look at a cat in quite the same way again” (The Daily Mail).

    Rico Slade is not a body builder, an actor, or a governor. Rico Slade is an action hero. Rico Slade doesn't care about the political climate. Rico Slade has an advance degree in badassery. Rico Slade's favorite food is the honey-roasted peanut. Rico Slade can rip out a throat with his bare hands. But Rico Slade's arch nemesis, Baron Mayhem, is threatening to drop a bomb on the Earth that will kill every human being except himself while leaving the world's currency intact. To save the planet, Rico Slade must journey across Hollywood to find Baron Mayhem. Unfortunately, Rico Slade's crime fighting style involves ripping out the throat of anyone who gets in his way, including grandmothers and Midwestern tourists.As Rico Slade leaves Hollywood in ruins, the only person who can stop him from destroying the city is his Jewish psychologist, Harold Schwartzman. Until he does, Rico Slade will kill as many people as it takes to thwart Baron Mayhem's evil scheme. Rico Slade will fucking kill everyone.RICO SLADE WILL FUCKING KILL YOU.Praise for the book:"A one-man Expendables wrecking crew." - SUPERHERO NOVELS"Rico Slade can grab Chuck Norris by a wrist and an ankle and use him as a jump rope. If you're looking for some well-crafted literary mayhem that entertains and pleases in equal degrees, this is the book for you." - THE AUSTIN POST"And, though brilliant and vastly intelligent, it should also be noted that Bradley Sands is a dick." -CRACKED.COM"If you like violence. If you have a decent sense of humor. If you have ever wondered what would happen if Richard Brautigan wrote a 90's action film instead of killing himself in the winter of 1984...These are all great reasons to read Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You." - HOUSEFIRE"Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You is a biting piece of satire on the "unreality" of Hollywood." -THE UNDEAD RAT "Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You is laugh out loud funny, full of cheesy dialogue, testosterone, and can easily be read in one sitting. Buy it now or Rico Slade might rip out your fucking throat."- SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION"If Eugene Ionesco had a threesome with two reels of 80s action movies, the baby would be this book. If you like ridiculous humor with the hands-down wildest action you will ever read, this is your book." - ZOMBIEBLOODFIGHTS

    Peter Werner Ernst is an internal medicine resident at a major hospital's intensive care unit. He functions on eight hours of sleep for every three shifts at work. Overseeing the care of eight patients, Dr. Ernst's job is to keep death at bay--at least until the day shift comes on, and any potential death goes on someone else's record.When Felicia Potter enters the ward to visit her comatose father, Dr. Ernst sees the opportunity to spice up his grim routine with a little romance. What he cannot see is how his relationship with the young attractive model will call into question his integrity, his dedication to his career, and just how far he will go for the sake of his lust.

    Nine years after June Augustine hightailed it out of Sultry Springs with her heart in pieces, one thing stands between her and her dream of opening an upscale martini bar: a bogus warrant from her tiny Texas hometown. Now she's stuck in the sticks for a month of community service under the supervision of the devilishly sexy Luke Gallagher, her first love and ex-best friend.If Texas wasn't already hot enough, working side-by-side with June would make any man melt. Luke wants nothing more than to strip her down and throw her in the lake-the same lake where they were found buck naked and guilty as sin all those years ago. In their heads, they're older and wise. But their hearts tell a different story.Sultry Springs Series: Sultry with a Twist (Book 1)A Shot of Sultry (Book 2)Surrender to Sultry (Book 3)

    They stay in their part of town; she says in hers. Until the day a vampire shows up at her high school. Worse yet, her best friend, Cathy, seems to be falling in love with him. It's up to Mel to save Cathy from a mistake she might regret for all eternity! On top of trying to help Cathy (whether she wants it or not), Mel is investigating a mysterious disappearance for another friend and discovering the attractions of a certain vampire wannabe. Combine all this with a cranky vampire cop, a number of unlikely romantic entanglements, and the occasional zombie, and soon Mel is hip-deep in an adventure that is equal parts hilarious and touching. Acclaimed authors Justine Larbalestier and Sarah Rees Brennan team up to create a witty and poignant story of cool vampires, warm friendships, and the changes that test the bonds of love. Book Details: Format: Hardcover Publication Date: 7/3/2012 Pages: 352 Reading Level: Age 13 and Up