Wells he has no idea what trouble lies in store. Because he is about to discover that the apparently respectable establishment now paying his salary is in fact a front for a deeply sinister organization that has a mighty peculiar agenda. It seems that half the time his bosses are away with the fairies. But they're not, of course. They're away with the goblins. Tom Holt, Master of the Comic Fantasy Novel, cordially invites you to join him in his world of madness by reading his next hilarious masterpiece.

    Chronicling his abusive childhood, his near-fatal addiction to Life, his excruciating time in rehab, and the ultimate triumph of his true nature, this long-awaited autobiography finally reveals the inner story of one of the most troubling, and troubled, figures in history. For the first time, Death reveals his affairs with the living, his maltreatment at the hands of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, the ungodly truth behind the infamous “Jesus Incident,” and the loneliness of being the End of All Things. Intense, unpredictable, and instantly engaging, Death: A Life is not only a story of triumph against all odds, but also a tender, moving tale of unconditional love in a universe that, despite its profound flaws, gave Death the fiery determination to carve out a successful existence on his own terms. DEATH was born in Hell, the only son of Satan and Sin. He was educated in the Palace of Pandemonium and the Garden of Eden. Since before the Dawn of Time, he has ushered souls into the darkness of eternity. This is his first book.

    But when Grayson Park's bride leaves him at the altar, a solo trip to paradise seems like just the thing to take him far from his troubles. Then he meets the beautiful and enigmatic Hi'iaka, and his troubles just begin--because when she's abducted by the sinister Kamapua'a, a savage creature bent on draining her life by the light of the full moon, she calls on Grayson to rescue her. With his loyal, new-found Hawaiian friend Polunu as his steadfast guide, Grayson sets out on an incredible adventure that pits him against the very gods of Hawaiian mythology and leads him to the heart of Pele's volcano, into the ocean to find the mythical Hook of Maui, and through the strange and brutal upcountry fleeing from demonic mo'o sent to destroy him. But there are only two nights left before the moon becomes full, and Grayson is running out of time to save Hi'iaka...and himself.

    The infamous bounty hunter, Logan Coldhand, chases close behind her and intends to drag Maeve back to the planet of Axis to collect the high price on her head. When he finally corners her, the long chase seems to be over… until a frightened alien girl stumbles into their fight and begs for their protection. Maeve and Logan call a reluctant end to their battle and promise to help the girl, but they have agreed to far more than they know.Can the fragile peace between hunter and mark hold long enough to save the lives that depend on them?Crucible of Stars is the first book of the Reforged Trilogy. It was previously published as Anvil of Tears.

    Abigail hopes that her birthday will slip by unnoticed and uncelebrated, but her employer, detective of the supernatural R. F. Jackaby, has other plans. Using magical party crackers that teleport the pair to unknown destinations in time and space and a cryptic map that may lead to a forgotten treasure, Jackaby intends to give Abigail what he considers to be the best gift of all--adventure. Abigail and Jackaby must tame an enormous (and carnivorous) rabbit, defend a castle, and master a dirigible if they want to find the treasure and get back to New Fiddleham alive.

    This book is nothing short of hilarious. I started to read it at work, but had to stop almost immediately because I could not stop myself from laughing out loud." "Humor drips from every orifice of this story which couples well with the hints of gore and danger ever present in vampire literature. I found it very entertaining and I wish I had drawn it out a bit more instead of cashing out in one sitting. Five stars, no regrets." "At Last! An Original Vampire Story! I've read a fair few Vampire tales in recent years, and most are twilight clones, interview clones, or frankly bad fan fiction. This one is the first I've read for a long time that is genuinely original, well written, and also 'keeps to the rules'." +++++ DESCRIPTION FOR FAT VAMPIRE (BOOK 1): When overweight treadmill salesman Reginald Baskin finally meets a co-worker who doesn't make fun of him, it's just his own bad luck that tech guy Maurice turns out to be a two thousand-year-old vampire. And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity. As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire -- too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead -- he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have… and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race. Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes. +++++ Full descriptions for the other books in this series can be found here: FAT VAMPIRE 2: http://www.amazon.com/Fat-Vampire-Tas... FAT VAMPIRE 3: http://www.amazon.com/Fat-Vampire-All... FAT VAMPIRE 4: http://www.amazon.com/Fat-Vampire-Har... FAT VAMPIRE 5: http://www.johnnybtruant.com/fv5a FAT VAMPIRE 6: http://www.johnnybtruant.com/fv6a +++++ ABOUT THE AUTHOR Johnny B. Truant is the author of "Unicorn Western" and "The Bialy Pimps" and is one of the co-hosts the popular "Better Off Undead" podcast with "Yesterday's Gone" authors Sean Platt and David Wright. Both Better Off Undead and the trio's Self Publishing Podcast are available on iTunes.

    When he dreams one night that he will drown, he knows upon waking it is only a matter of time before his dream becomes reality.Plucked from the timeline of history at the moment of his death and considered dead by his parents and friends, Gabriel mourns the loss of his family as he trains to become an apprentice time mage -- part of an elite team of wizards who travel throughout history to fight the War of Time and Magic.When a mission to stop the creation of an alternate reality fails, Gabriel is revealed as the Seventh True Mage, able to use all six forms of magic. He soon finds himself hunted by three dark mages who hope to use him to rule the whole of the Primary Continuum.From an alternate Windsor Castle to Victorian London, from the Aztec temples of 1487 to the Greek island of Samos in 320 BCE, from Scotland in the Middle Ages to the battle fields of Alexander the Great -- Gabriel struggles to master the different magics and fulfill the responsibility of being the Seventh True Mage as he joins the battle to protect the timeline of history in The Wizard of Time.

    He knows there isn’t a man alive who can fulfill the promise of such a word. But when a caravan transporting a noble family is savaged in the haunted forest of Maug Maurai, Grae is ordered to be a hero. And a villain. It's quite a handful for an officer whose last assignment was capturing runaway orchard pigs. Such is the fate of a commoner among the high-born officer corps of the King's army.Until now.Grae is ordered to lead a small squad into the forest to kill the legendary Beast of Maug Maurai. It's a suicide mission, but if he succeeds he will reap glory, a noble title, lands, and, most importantly, respect. All he has to do is slay the most dangerous creature in the kingdom with the squad of misfits and criminals that he’s been assigned. A female archer that Grae presses into service makes things even more difficult. Her kindness and odd philosophies begin to chip away at his deepest conviction.Before he sets out Grae receives one last ugly detail. A secret secondary assignment that makes it clear to him why he was chosen to lead the squad. It’s the first order Grae has ever considered disobeying, an order that will force him to choose between his loyalty and his morality. And he’s certain that the wrong choice will plunge the kingdom into civil war.The Culling is the first of a three-part novel.

    Originally published in 2013 in the Unfettered anthology edited by Shawn Speakman, now offered singly with cover art by Galen Dara.Ancient Druid Atticus O’Sullivan has had plenty of adventures during his long life, and in “The Chapel Perilous” he shares one of them with his apprentice, Granuaile. He lays out the true story of the quest for the Holy Grail, in which he was personally involved—and the events of which are quite different from the Christian tale most people know today. While on an errand for Ogma to recover the Dagda’s Cauldron, Atticus confronts evil at a mysterious chapel, takes the first steps to becoming the Iron Druid, and learns the shocking truth about goblin fashion choices. He was, of course, in terrible peril.

    Teddy, a master conman, heads up a clan who possess gifts he only fakes: there's Maureen, who can astral project; Irene, the human lie detector; Frankie, gifted with telekinesis; and Buddy, the clairvoyant. But when, one night, the magic fails to materialize, the family withdraws to Chicago where they live in shame for years. Until: As they find themselves facing a troika of threats (CIA, mafia, unrelenting skeptic), Matty, grandson of the family patriarch, discovers a bit of the old Telemachus magic in himself. Now, they must put past obstacles behind them and unite like never before. But will it be enough to bring The Amazing Telemachus Family back to its amazing life?

    First, he discovered a magnificent manmade cave in the Canary Islands off the African coast. Then, while exploring a newly-found gunpowder magazine inside a 300-year-old stone Spanish fort in St. Augustine, Florida, a man emerged. The man is killed by police before his identity can be ascertained. All evidence indicates that the man had been sealed in the room for centuries. When Curt uncovers a link between the Canary Island cave and the unidentified man, he realizes that he has stumbled upon a secret lost in history; the catalyst for the Fountain of Youth legend. But the revelation holds terrifying consequences. And there are those willing to murder to guard the truth. As Northeast Florida braces for a deadly hurricane, Curt and his friends are drawn into a monumental conspiracy which could alter the balance of power…and destroy humanity.

    As our story opens, the Bennet sisters are enjoying a peaceful life in the English countryside. They idle away the days reading, gardening, and daydreaming about future husbands - until a funeral at the local parish goes strangely and horribly awry.Suddenly corpses are springing from the soft earth - and only one family can stop them. As the bodies pile up, we watch Elizabeth Bennet evolve from a naive young teenager into a savage slayer of the undead. Along the way, two men vie for her affections: Master Hawksworth is the powerful warrior who trains her to kill, while thoughtful Dr. Keckilpenny seeks to conquer the walking dead using science instead of strength. Will either man win the prize of Elizabeth's heart? Or will their hearts be feasted upon by hordes of marauding zombies? Complete with romance, action, comedy, and an army of shambling corpses, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Dawn of the Dreadfuls will have Jane Austen rolling in her grave - and just might inspire her to crawl out of it!(Description from back cover of trade paperback edition)

    The young man from a shadowy government entity approaches Mel, a low-level faculty member, with an incredible offer. The only condition: she must sign a nondisclosure agreement in return for the rather large sum of money.Tristan needs Mel to translate some very old documents, which, if authentic, are earth-shattering. They prove that magic actually existed and was practiced for centuries. But the arrival of the scientific revolution and the Age of Enlightenment weakened its power and endangered its practitioners. Magic stopped working altogether in 1851, at the time of the Great Exhibition at London’s Crystal Palace—the world’s fair celebrating the rise of industrial technology and commerce. Something about the modern world "jams" the "frequencies" used by magic, and it’s up to Tristan to find out why.And so the Department of Diachronic Operations—D.O.D.O. —gets cracking on its real mission: to develop a device that can bring magic back, and send Diachronic Operatives back in time to keep it alive . . . and meddle with a little history at the same time. But while Tristan and his expanding operation master the science and build the technology, they overlook the mercurial—and treacherous—nature of the human heart.Written with the genius, complexity, and innovation that characterize all of Neal Stephenson’s work and steeped with the down-to-earth warmth and humor of Nicole Galland’s storytelling style, this exciting and vividly realized work of science fiction will make you believe in the impossible, and take you to places—and times—beyond imagining.

    Smart, dedicated, gorgeous, and, thanks to her last movie before she hung up on Hollywood, rich, she's a pleasure to oblige when she says Rob has to witness this channeler Ariaura's act--on her, not the Eye's, nickel--despite channelers being so last year. It's quite a show, all right, for in the midst of Ariaura's particular ancient wise guy's basso spiel, a gravelly baritone interrupts (both voices emanate from the channeler's female mouth) to berate the audience as "yaps" and the act as "claptrap." Why is Ariaura undermining herself? Or is she? After all, she angrily accuses Rob and Kildy of scheming to destroy her. Could the baritone belong to a genuine channeled spirit? Willis, one of sf's most spirited writers, rounds on the New Age; pays tribute to a great, skeptical journalist; and affectionately parodies pulp fiction at its best in this irresistible entertainment.

    Budget cuts. Missing teaches. A not-so-cozy mystery. You think you know the world of magical boarding schools? Not from a teacher's perspective at a school for at risk youth. This book bundle includes: Reading, Writing and Necromancy; Budget Cuts for the Dark Arts and Crafts; My Crazy Hex-Boyfriend; Spell It Out for Me; Hex Crimes, and BONUS MATERIAL. BerateMyTeacher.com and Dear Jezzy: How Can a Devil Make an Angel Say Yes are also included in this bundle. WARNING: These books contain hex-rated mysteries. Book 6: Reading, Writing and Necromancy Happily ever after is short-lived for Clarissa Lawrence while working as the arts and craft teacher at Womby’s School for Wayward Witches. Clarissa must solve the mystery of who has been killing people and draining them of their magic. If Clarissa doesn’t discover who the murderer is, and how to save Derrick in time, he may be lost forever. Worse yet, she might turn up dead next. Book 7: Budget Cuts for the Dark Arts and Crafts Clarissa Lawrence’s lifelong dream of being a witch living in a magical realm is shattered now that she has been drained of her magic. As if living without magic isn’t horrible enough, her situation only grows more complicated when she realizes the man she once loved wants her dead, and she must trust a Fae enemy to help her solve her problems. Book 8: My Crazy Hex-Boyfriend Clarissa Lawrence lives in a world of talking unicorns, djinn who grant wishes, and sirens who seduce with their voice. But not all magic is rainbows and sunshine. Magic comes with a price, every favor requires one in return, and bargaining with a Fae can be lethal. If she accepts help from a Fae enemy to solve her problems, she might lose her soul in the process. If she doesn’t, Clarissa and her students might end up dead. Book 9: Spell It Out for Me Clarissa Lawrence knew there would be a price to pay for accepting the assistance of a Fae’s magic, though she never thought it would cost her heart. . . . When Clarissa is forced to choose between regaining her magic and the man she loves, she doesn’t know which is more difficult to give up. Book 10: Hex Crimes A Hexy Mystery. The Raven Court and the Silver Court know what Clarissa is and understand she is the key to solving the Fae Fertility Paradox. They will stop at nothing to renew their numbers and enslave anyone who can bear their heirs. With no one she can trust, friends keeping mysteries of their own from her, and no one to turn to, Clarissa has to hide her forbidden magic—as well as her student’s magic—a difficult task when Clarissa uncovers a plot to expose their secret powers. BONUS MATERIAL: Funny Short Stories from the Womby’s World and the Wrath of the Tooth Fairy crossover world BerateMyTeacher.com Dear Jezzy: How Can a Devil Make an Angel Say Yes