What twisted, funny tales would it unleash upon the world?Each episode of Crackanory contains two 15-minute tales and is a master class in storytelling, combining some of the UK's best comedy writers and performers.Full author list: Nico Tatarowicz, Toby Davies, Kevin Eldon, Ali Crockatt, David Scott, Laurence Rickard, Jeremy Dyson, Simon Judd, Alex Carter and Holly WalshFull narrator list: Jack Dee, Sally Phillips, Rebecca Front, Kevin Eldon, Harry Enfield, Sarah Solemani, Sharon Horgan, Charlie Higson, Richard Hammond and Jessica Hynes.

    Mostly. Calm down.)Jewels, art, historical artifacts—nothing is safe when this professional thief is on the job.(That makes it sound so sinister.)Lying to everyone you love is second nature when you work in that particular industry. The truth, however, becomes a little harder to hide when she falls into bed with her roommate/crush.Avoiding dealing with the unpleasantness of feelings, Molly takes an assignment in Scotland and is paired up with an untrustworthy wildcard. It doesn’t help that her new partner-in-crime is super annoying. And devastatingly handsome…(Are you suggesting there’s something between me and him? hahahahaha No. Just no.)When a mission doesn’t go according to plan, she wonders if it’s time to hang up her burglar mask for good and try having a normal life with a normal job. And a lot less trespassing.(Snore. Borrrring.)Join Molly on her hilarious adventures as she dodges bullets, wears disguises, and steals her way into trouble.

    She seems wonderful, and it is love at first sight, and they marry quickly. However, not all is rosy in the garden, and a lifetime’s baggage rears its ugly head. Pablo’s ex-wife re-establishes contact with him, and he desperately seeks to exorcise the demons of that betrayal and divorce, but he gets drawn into a double life. Then, one shocking day, Hellion goes to work, and inexplicably, and without warning, fails to return home. Now he has to try to understand another devastating, bewildering calamity.Til Death We Do Part, Too is a story that scrutinises the impact of unfinished business, baggage, emotional damage, and lingering love. It balances heart-breaking loss with resilience, disorientation with hope, and desperation and bitterness with true enduring love and understanding. There is much insight into the reality of relationships and the frailty of the human psyche. It is told with immense depth of feeling, humour, and faith.

    Suspecting her new boyfriend is cheating on her, John decides to follow Frank's Lexus and find out the truth once and for all. Turns out John's in for a major surprise. Frank isn't heading for some sack time with another girl. Instead he drags John into the middle of a shootout on the banks of the Hudson River, and before John knows what's happening, he's knee-deep in bodies.Before the corpses can even cool, Frank disappears and John finds himself wanted for five murders. With no way to prove his innocence, John goes on the run—not only from the police, but a vicious assassin as well. And when Michelle is kidnapped, John’s worst-case scenario comes true. Though his head tells him to stay in hiding, his heart says otherwise. He has to save the woman he loves or die trying.As John begins to uncover the truth surrounding the events that have turned his life upside down, he learns it isn’t just Michelle he must rescue. Thousands of other innocent lives are in jeopardy too.

    Expensive things in shops. Jelly that is not ready to eat yet. Cigarette lighters. Necks. Dead Things. Dogs. Piercings. Toddlers' cheeks. Each other's knees. People also like to touch death.Jasper wants to get on in the world, but he's got a lot on his plate: A-levels, his mother pushing him to overachieve, weekly visits to his psychologist, comedowns, YouTube suicides and pregnant one-night-stands. Then there's his stepdad - the murderer.Hilarious and heartbreaking by turns, Grow Up is the ultimate twenty-first-century coming-of-age novel. It paints a vivid portrait of the pills and thrills and bellyaches of growing up today. Funny, smart and twisted, it is the story of one young man transformed.

    As in her acclaimed novels The Siege and A Spell of Winter, world-class storyteller Helen Dunmore shows us with subtlety and humor precisely who her characters are and why we should care for them. In each taut, agile tale, they grow to surprise, concern, and move us as they negotiate situations that are often both mundane and bizarre: a cafeteria cook confronts her Polish pen pal in a meeting that is unexpectedly intense; a divorced mother gains insight from a parking meter; a boastful writer is put in his place in spectacular fashion; and in a chilling future, conception is ruthlessly controlled by the government. In several stories a soulful, curious woman named Ulli takes up residence in the reader's imagination -- stumbling across a strangely magnetic collector of religious icons, contemplating a youthful pregnancy, and remembering a troubled lover. In Ice Cream, Dunmore reveals both her poet's ear for the concise and piercing potentialities of language and the novelist's ambition of scope, proving her status as "a master of the shorter form" (The Sunday Telegraph). "Spellbinding ... She captures a moment in time and leaves us reeling at the echoes." -- Michael McLoughlin, The Irish News "Cool, elegant, and beautifully controlled, the stories collected in Ice Cream display Dunmore's virtuosity of language." -- Pamela Norris, The Independent on Sunday "All the senses are vibrantly alive in these stories." -- Katie Owen, The Sunday Telegraph

    When the haughty Dona Constanza decides to divert a river to fill her swimming pool, the consequences are at once tragic, heroic, and outrageously funny.

    However, his life has not always been a bed of roses. When was just a 12-year-old boy, he saved his best friend from a grisly death at the hands of the outlaw gang that killed her parents. As if that wasn’t enough, his friend was sent away to an orphanage in Denver City and John vowed to one day find the murderers and bring them to justice. Years go by and he works out a plan to shed some blood and take down those who stood in the way of his friend’s happiness. What will John be willing to risk in order to get the revenge he’s been waiting for his whole life?Maggie McDermott is deeply traumatized by the events of that nightmarish night. Having lost all of her childhood memories—even those of her best friend, John, she can’t help but wonder whether she’ll find peace one day. That is until John shows up at her door many years after the haunting event that changed her life. He has become a successful bounty hunter and has a bold plan to recover her childhood memories. His plan involves Maggie joining him on a dangerous mission of vengeance, in order to capture the gang that destroyed her life. Will Maggie find the courage to follow this dangerous prescription to get her childhood memories back?Even though John and Maggie haven’t seen each other for many years, their wild thirst for revenge will take them on a sprawling adventure with gunfire, romance, and a longing for justice. Will John be able to protect the girl from the most infamous outlaw gang in the West? Or will they be forced to abandon all hope for a better life once and for all?

    There’s Irish craic and shenanigans aplenty for the colourful cast of characters as everyone gathers for the grand opening.Meet Melissa, an ex-cabaret singer running from her abusive husband, and Bill, a bachelor bullied from beyond the grave by the ghostly voice of his mother. Along with local bobby Harry the Helmet, ageing aquatic team the Boomerville Babes, eccentric artist Lucinda Gray, and heartthrob Finbar Murphy, they gather in Ireland and the fun begins. But murder is in the air and there’s mischief afoot. Will the residents get more than they bargained for at Boomerville?Set in the beautiful Irish countryside, ‘Boomerville at Ballymegille’ is a heart-warming story of friendship, fears and new beginnings.

    Between debate about the fate of a vacant property, and the rush to open the community center, new ideas are taking root all around town.But it’s a season of secrets, too. Someone seeks a chance to start over, while others are too proud to ask for a helping hand. And as Melinda searches for answers to a long-held rumor, she discovers that the past is never far away from the present.No matter how she tries, there’s never enough time to do it all. And when Uncle Frank and Aunt Miriam take off on a much-needed vacation, Melinda suddenly finds herself at the helm of her family’s business. As the weather slowly warms and the challenges pile up, can she find a way to stay afloat?

    She also cannot forget the day her stepfather sent her away to a group home. Now, years later in Vancouver, she has met a man who can make her forget all that.The God of My Art is layered with unforgettable scenes of youth, obsessive love, and artistic longing. At the core of this coming-of-age tale are the shifting faces of Helene--teenage runaway, university student, and budding artist. Related in her engaging voice, this novel chronicles Helene's seminal love affair with Matthew, a globetrotting mountaineer passionate about Nietzsche, and the art he inspires within her. As she wrestles to become the artist she wants to be, she encounters unforgettable characters along the way, including Hana, a lesbian theatre student fed up with her partner's multiple affairs, and Laurent, a French exchange student who grapples with existential questions of his own.Bold and poetic, sensual and confessional, The God of My Art explores obsessive love as a source of inspiration for art, where the artist is female and the eternal muse, male.

    Abigail Martin has everything: beauty, money, a loving husband, and a fabulous house in the village of Sixpenny Cross. But Abigail is denied the one thing she craves... A baby. When a gypsy offers to change her life, will Abigail accept? Can she deal with the shattering consequences that threaten to send her world spinning out of control?

    In the week before Jack plans to marry, the pair heads out from Los Angeles to the Santa Ynez wine country. For Jack, the tasting tour is Seven Days to D-Day, his final stretch of freedom. For Miles--who has divorced his wife, is facing an uncertain career and has lost his passion for living--the trip is a weeklong opportunity to evaluate his past, his future and himself. A raucous and surprising novel filled with wonderful details about wine, Sideways is also a thought-provoking and funny book about men, women, and human relationships.

    A bright, but slightly absent-minded anthropology teacher at a small Michigan college, Candace is all set to leave for Los Angeles to conduct research on 1960s TV star Pamela Parrish—America’s Sitcom Sweetheart—for her Master’s thesis on television and female gender roles. But after discovering that Ruth Fenton is a long lost relative, she’s first off to San Francisco for her memorial service where she meets a crazy(?) old lady who claims Pamela Parrish didn’t commit suicide like everybody says—she was murdered. Now Candace has to get to the bottom of it, all while fighting the nagging feeling that her long-time professor boyfriend back home is getting a little too close to one of his students, and at the same time wondering if new-found friend Brandon, a newspaper reporter and budding painter who lives on a hidden stairway street in the hills of San Francisco, is really the guy for her. It’s a funny, but moving, uphill climb for Candace who finds that things are rarely what they seem in the ups and downs of love or in discovering a surprising secret about her not-so-perfect mother, or unearthing the truth behind the death of America’s Sitcom Sweetheart.

    Alex is reluctant to expose the crime until he's analyzed the heck out of it, but at the urging of his less-cautious assistant, he brings his discovery to the FBI.When Alex's life is threatened, he's placed into an experimental witness protection program. As a guinea pig for a risky scientific procedure he is changed in ways he never thought possible. That's when things start going wrong.If Alex can't overcome his cautious nature and fight the president while maintaining his anonymity, the United States will be forever changed.