The bookstore or library is half full of that kind of crap. What you're holding here is a collection of quips and observations with a refreshingly gloomy, sometimes twisted, always funny take on life. Or lack thereof.With illustrations by renowned artist Brian Andreas, this book is a glimpse inside the humorously askew mind of a writer whose witticisms have been featured on NPR, printed onto t-shirts, performed on stage in Germany, and posted online at the Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, and New York Times. He's been named one of the top funniest people on Twitter by the likes of Maxim, MSNBC and Mashable.

    This book is a window into the world of Danny Dyer - and he's seen more of the world than most so he's got one or two things to say about it.Tackling such vital questions as 'Where have all the old school boozers gone?' 'Are there such things as ghosts?' and 'Am I middle class?' Danny shares his unique take on life with characteristic honesty and humour and reveals why it is that:· What goes around comes around - he learnt the hard way· You can take the boy out of the East End but you can't take the East End out of the boy· Harold Pinter is a diamond geezer · He told the media training expert to do one· Science can prove that West Ham are the best football club in the world· Him and Joanne are like a team - he's Paul Gascoigne, she's David Batty· The human race isn't evolved enough for TwitterSo, hold on to your titfer, it's gonna be a bumpy ride!

     A must-read for all diehard O&A fans, Permanently Suspended finally answers the questions that everyone has been waiting for: What really happened between Opie and Anthony? What was the reasoning behind the multiple firings? What prompted the tweeting about the Times Square NYC incident? What is the true account of the controversial allegations? What are the never-before-revealed details of Anthony’s stint in rehab? What does the future hold for his livestream podcast? These questions, and many more, will be answered. Permanently Suspended is a humorous, no-holds-barred account of the legendary career and life of Anthony Cumia—a blue collar guy who made his dreams come true, rising above all obstacles to become one of the most well-known and successful personalities in radio history.

    She has been called the Zinedine Zidane of the women's game. She has scored more goals for England than any other player in history. Yet since she was old enough to kick a ball, Kelly Smith has had to battle every step of the way to play the game she loves. Girls were not welcome when Kelly first started out, practising for hours to hone her sublime skills, but after outshining all the boys in the teams she played in, she became a pioneer for English women's football. A teenage sensation and the nation's first professional footballer, Kelly was soon a star, a genius with the ball at her feet, but a series of injuries led to periods of depression and then alcoholism as she struggled to cope without the sport. As she nears the end of her glittering career, Kelly now tells the heartfelt story of her triumphs and tragedies, of how she beat her demons to put England on the world football map. It is a tale of overcoming prejudice to live your dream, and of how it feels and what it means to be a woman at the very top of her game.

    It was there where she first saw a lamb being born, giving her the drive to defy her urban roots and become a professional shepherd. She never looked back.In this uplifting and inspirational memoir, Hannah shares how she broke the stereotypes of her 'townie' beginnings, took risks and faced up to the challenges of being a young woman in a male-dominated industry, and followed her heart to become the Red Shepherdess. But behind the beautiful landscape, talented sheepdogs and eye-catching red hair was a steep learning curve. The physically and mentally demanding conditions she faced as she chased her dreams to build her own Cumbrian farm taught Hannah the values the holds true, including community, leadership, patience and resilience.In Call Me Red, Hannah gives a unique insight into farming life and reveals a mindset and determination that proves no matter your background, with hard graft (and a loyal sheepdog) you can make your dreams a reality.

    This charmingly funny, self-deprecating resumé of an ordinary man’s career to date and current life in the celebrity bear pit is penned by the author of the Sunday Times-bestselling Where Did It All Go Right?

    And because Geoff Norcott is so funny, it unfortunately means I can't dismiss his views entirely. It's so important to have a friend you can disagree with but still admire and Geoff can be that friend to you!' - Katherine Ryan "I've always thought the benefit of having batsh*t parents is it increases the chance of you growing up funny. It's certainly worked for Geoff Norcott." - David Baddiel 'Voting Conservative is like buying a James Blunt album: loads of people have done it, but weirdly you never meet them ...' Comedian Geoff Norcott should have been Labour through and through. He grew up on a council estate, both of his parents were disabled, and his Dad was a Union man. So, how was it that he grew up to vote Tory? In this courageously honest and provocative memoir, Geoff unpicks his working-class upbringing and his political journey from left to right. Raised by a fierce matriarch and a maverick father on a South London council estate where they filmed scenes for The Bill, Geoff spends his youth attempting to put out kitchen fires with aerosols and leaping in and out of industrial skips. But as he reaches adolescence, his political views begin to be influenced by major events including the early 90s recession, the credit crunch, and a chance encounter with Conservative PM John Major. As an adult, Geoff begins to have the gnawing feeling that the values and traditions he grew up with no longer match Labour's. And, as Brexit appears, he feels even more like a double agent operating behind enemy lines. Written with warmth, wit and often laugh-out-loud humour, Where Did I Go Right? is Geoff's attempt to understand why he ended up voting 'for the bad guys', and why blue-collared conservatism could be here to stay. Praise for Geoff Norcott: 'A mature, sharp take on modern politics' - The Sunday Times 'Gently abrasive, but that's what makes him so entertaining... with a sharp, self-knowing wit' - The Times 'Geoff Norcott genuinely has something original to say' - New European 'A refreshingly brilliant new comedic voice' - Spectator 'Norcott is an out-and-out rebel' - ExpressReviewWHERE DID I GO RIGHT? is sharp, considered, insightful, and helped me make sense of 'the other side'. And because Geoff Norcott is so funny, it unfortunately means I can't dismiss his views entirely. It's so important to have a friend you can disagree with but still admire and Geoff can be that friend to you! ― Katherine RyanBook DescriptionGeoff Norcott's colourful memoir of growing up Labour, but now voting Tory.About the AuthorComedian and writer Geoff Norcott is well known for his regular appearances on BBC2's The Mash Report, BBC1's Mock The Week, and Radio 4's The News Quiz. In 2019, he fronted his own BBC2 documentary How The Middle Class Ruined Britain and he has four Radio 4 specials to his name, one of which won the BBC Radio Award for Best Comedy Production. A satirical commentator in many national newspapers, Geoff has also been profiled in The Times and t he Guardian. He lives with his wife and son in Cambridgeshire.

    And yet, when she finally does have something like that life, as a wife and mother in 1980s London, she is the one blaring music from her room, necking vodka and valium and making an almighty mess of her home and family.Cleaning other people’s houses, eventually, is the only option left. At 50 years old, post rehab, living alone in a Hackney bedsit, Michele finds herself finishing her working life as she had begun, “in a dumb job that you do when you can’t really do anything else...”This is a remarkable, powerful, and often unbearably funny memoir in which cleaning and getting clean intertwine as a strange and magical form of redemption. Michele Kirsch is a Nora Ephron for the modern age.

    Parrish Times tracks his amazing journey over the last four decades, through a rollercoaster ride of emotions in surely the most dangerous and exhilarating sporting arena there is.In the 1970s Steve was competing for the world motorcycle championship with legendary team mate Barry Sheene on a Suzuki. After retiring in 1986, Steve managed a successful Yamaha factory team to three British Superbike Championship titles and started a truck-racing career, becoming the most successful truck racer ever. He also proved to be a natural commentator, first for BBC radio, then transferring to television with Sky, ITV and Eurosport. Against this backdrop are Steve's notorious pranks: posing as a medical doctor to allow John Hopkins to fly from Japan to the Australian GP; impersonating Barry Sheene in a qualifying session; owning a fire engine, a hearse, and an ambulance - parking it on double yellow lines with the doors open in visits to his local bank.It's a funny, hell-raising account of life - and death - in the fast lane that will keep readers enthralled to the end. Barry Sheene's final words to his best friend sum it up: 'Neither of us will die wondering.'

    After appearing for 10 years on the hit BBC show, Ola is now moving on and reveals all about her past in this book.

    

    In "An Auctioneer's Lot", he brings to life a world in which the most valuable antiques frequently turn up in the most unlikely places - and accompanied by the most unlikely people. For over thirty years he has uncovered a huge range of priceless (and occasionally worthless) antiques, and he has met, done business with and befriended people from the farthest corners of English life - normal, eccentric, sometimes lovable, often baffled and occasionally terrifying. Funny, startling, poignant and above all true, these stories of ordinary people with extraordinary possessions are the perfect inspiration for anyone who's ever wondered whether they might just be sitting on a fortune. What's in your attic?

    Who is the real Bill Oddie? Best known for the wacky humor of the Goodies, and the irrepressible enthusiasm of his nature programs, off screen there has been a darker side. Bill has suffered from bouts of depression which have more than once taken him to the brink. Now he is back in control and wiser about the causes and the cure. Here he describes the childhood blighted by the absence of his mother who had been committed to a mental asylum when he was small. It was a lonely and difficult start to life, but there were to be happier times. Touring with the Cambridge Footlights in the 1960s saw him alongside the greatest comic talents of his generation—John Cleese and of course fellow Goodies Tim Brooke-Taylor and Graeme Garden. Soon the Goodies were to become one of the biggest comedy hits of the 1970s—bringing a new brand of surreal humor to our screens. Now as Britain's favorite birdwatcher Bill has turned his private passion into his most public role and hosted more than 20 nature programs for the BBC. He has also become a fervent and outspoken campaigner for the environment. It has been an extraordinary and far from straightforward journey. Bill Oddie takes us along with him in a memoir which is as witty, candid, curious, and as unconventional as the man himself.

    He was raised in a beautiful, chaotic, cramped, colorful, and legally dubious guesthouse where his parents fed and watered Iranian nationals flocking to the UK for medical treatment on the NHS. Over 20 years, almost 2000 "cousins" passed through the Djalili's doors, and the young Omid played translator to each. Although these years taught him a lot about the rich tapestry of life, this parenting by committee led to a slightly checkered school career which saw Omid taking his A levels a record six times, and eventually fake his own university entrance papers. Desperate to be free of his cramped living quarters he escapes to the University of Ulster, where he lives a life of wonderful solitude. Full of the warmth and intelligence that makes Omid such a successful comedian and sought-after actor, this memoir takes us on an incredible and laugh-out-loud funny journey through an unusually British life.

    His abrupt style and zero-tolerance policy on nonsense have become the highlights of every series. But what is he like in real business?Single-Minded reveals the story of Claude's varied career and the turbulent years that shaped him. From being told at school that he would never amount to anything to his current status as a boardroom heavyweight both on-screen and off it, success has never come easy. Claude's complex, fascinating work has taken him into many different industries and countries, encompassing retail start-ups; knife-edge company rescue missions; the bruising rough-and-tumble of Premier League football; facing down French trade unions; taking on Texan oil barons in multi-million-dollar deals; and, in the private sphere, conquering life-threatening illness.Told with characteristic candour and disarming modesty, Single-Minded is an unflinching account of a remarkable career in the spotlight.