There was a gross woman named Rebecca who was sunbathing all naked and she was fat. Douglas walked up to her and said, "I need to poop". "Okay, Rebecca replied, "I like poop". Douglas squatted down over the fat sunbathing lady and went poop. The poop sat there on Rebecca's boobs, looking like a weiner...."Why are we here?", Douglas cried as poop came out his weiner in a long thin strip, it was weiner-poop, which is the grossest poop of all.The peepee got on the woman's leg and she screamed, pooping out her boobs.And so when the pee got mixed with the poop it smelled like a butt.And the poop and the pee lived happily ever after.

    Homer's epic poem, The Iliad is brought to life by Rosemary Sutcliff with the skill of a good storyteller, and with the dramatic and haunting illustrations of Alan Lee (Art Direction, The Lord of the Rings).The book was the winner of the Kate Greenaway Medal in 1993.

    You may find it for free on the web. Purchase of the Kindle edition includes wireless delivery.

    In a relaxed and humorous tone, these splendid artists bring to life the myths that have inspired great European literature and art through the ages, creating a book readers of all ages will cherish."For any child fortunate enough to have this generous book...the kings and heroes of ancient legend will remain forever matter-of-fact; the pictures interpret the text literally and are full of detail and witty observation."--The Horn  Book"The drawings, particularly the full-page ones in this oversized volume, are excellent  and excitingly evocative."--The New  York Times"Parents, uncles, and aunts who have been searching for a big picture book that has good reading-aloud value for the younger ones and fine read-it-yourself value on up, have it in this volume...a children's classic."--Christian Science Monitor

    Is she a miracle child who escaped the raiders, or is she a bad-luck child, the one who called the Bull King's ship to the island? No one sees the mama-stone around her neck, with the sign of the dragonfly. And only Luki, in training to leap the bulls, knows that she charmed the viper who would have killed him. When the girl turns twelve, she discovers her name - Aissa - and she knows that her one chance to live freely is to become a bull dancer, and be taken away to the island of the Bull King.

    Though brought together in a friendship that neither jealousy nor violence could shatter, the Hazards and the Mains are torn apart by the storm of events that has divided the nation. "Superb! You will gain a firsthand knowledge of life at West Point in the early 1800s...a peek at the Texas frontier, a vacation in a posh cottage at Newport...experience the savagery of war in Mexico, suffer the suspense of both the Charleston Battery and beleaguered Fort Sumter before the mortar fire that launched a war. It has been a long time since I enjoyed a book so much." (The Asheville Citizen-Times)

    To escape the gods' revenge, Prometheus travels through time to Eden City in 1858. There, he befriends a young orphan, actor, and petty criminal named Jim. When Jim runs into trouble with the law, Prometheus is torn -- if he uses his powers to get his friend out of trouble, he will betray his hiding place to the gods. Terry Deary masterfully interweaves two plots, with action jumping at a whirlwind pace from Mount Olympus to the seedy taverns and elegant mansions of Victorian Eden City. Packed with puns, wisecracks, and sarcastic footnotes, The Fire Thief turns Greek mythology into a laughing matter.

    Wonder at Medusa's potent venom, Circe's fierce sorcery and Athena rising up over Olympus, as Nikita Gill majestically explores the untold stories of the life bringers, warriors, creators, survivors and destroyers that shook the world - the great Greek Goddesses.Vividly re-imagined and beautifully illustrated, step into an ancient world transformed by modern feminist magic.'I watch Girl become Goddessand the metamorphosis is moremagnificent than anythingI have ever known.'

    The title of his most famous work, Ab Urbe Condita ("From the Founding of the City"), expresses the scope and magnitude of Livy's undertaking. He wrote in a mixture of annual chronology and narrative. Livy claims that lack of historical data prior to the sacking of Rome in 387 BC by the Gauls made his task more difficult. He wrote the majority of his works during the reign of Augustus. However, he is often identified with an attachment to the Roman Republic and a desire for its restoration. His writing style was poetic and archaic in contrast to Caesar's and Cicero's styles. Also, he often wrote from the Romans' opponent's point of view in order to accent the Romans' virtues in their conquest of Italy and the Mediterranean.

    You may find it for free on the web. Purchase of the Kindle edition includes wireless delivery.

    in black-and-white. This action-packed edition of James Fenimore Cooper's famous adventure brings the wilds of the American frontier and the drama of the French and Indian War to vivid life.

    Hawthorne wrote these stories for children based on Greek myth and legend. They are incomparable retellings of themes which the Greek dramatists used in creating their immortal plays and literature. Contents: The Gorgon's Head; The Golden Touch; The Paradise of Children; The Three Golden Apples; The Miraculous Pitcher; The Chimaera; The Wayside; The Minotaur; The Pygmies; The Dragon's Teeth; Circe's Palace; The Pomegranate Seeds; and The Golden Fleece.

    Line drawings.

    Daughters of Sparta is a tale of secrets, love, and tragedy from the women behind mythology's most devastating war, the infamous Helen and her sister Klytemnestra.As princesses of Sparta, Helen and Klytemnestra have known nothing but luxury and plenty. With their high birth and unrivaled beauty, they are the envy of all of Greece. But such privilege comes at a cost. While still only girls, the sisters are separated and married to foreign kings of their father's choosing--the powerful Agamemnon, and his brother Menelaos. Yet even as Queens, each is only expected to do two things: birth an heir and embody the meek, demure nature that is expected of women.But when the weight of their husbands' neglect, cruelty, and ambition becomes too heavy to bear, Helen and Klytemnestra must push against the constraints of their society to carve new lives for themselves, and in doing so, make waves that will ripple throughout the next three thousand years.Daughters of Sparta is a vivid and illuminating reimagining of the Siege of Troy, told through the perspectives of two women whose voices have been ignored for far too long.Required reading for fans of Circe, and a remarkable, thrilling debut. --Fiona Davis, New York Times bestselling author of The Lions of Fifth Avenue"[A] gorgeous retelling of the classic Greek myth... Absolutely riveting!" --Alka Joshi, New York Times bestselling author of The Henna Artist

    Can he escape? From multi-award-winning Ellie Crowe and Scott Peters.16-year-old Josh is thrilled to be a crew member aboard the mighty USS Indianapolis. But when a Japanese torpedo strikes in the middle of the night, it tears the warship in half. Josh is thrown from the deck and plunged deep into the black ocean. In horror, he watches the massive vessel begin its death plunge, threatening to pull him down with it. Josh is no swimmer. He's a baseball player from San Antonio, Texas. He's way out of his element. Soon, hundreds of sharks begin to circle. He's living his worst nightmare, but for how long? Can he survive without a lifeboat, food or water in a sea of countless hungry sharks? Every hour is a fight because if he gives up, he'll never make it home. But does he have what it takes to survive? With no rescue team in sight, can Josh ever hope to escape?On July 30, 1945, the USS Indianapolis was torpedoed at 15 minutes past midnight. It sank in 12 minutes. The survivors spent four days fighting off the deadliest shark attacks in history.This is the 3rd children's book in the I Escaped Series about brave kids who face real-world challenges and find ways to escape. Sure to appeal to fans of books like I Survived by New York Times Bestseller Lauren Tarshis, stories about the Titanic, and readers of Alan Gratz.A study guide is available at bit.ly/sharkescapeAn adrenaline-charged tale of bravery and friendship during a terrible tragedy in American history.