In this book I have set out prove that statement is completely untrue and in fact with customers like these then maybe the opposite could be said. So sit back, grab your self a drink perhaps an alcoholic one if you feel that way inclined and enjoy some of the strangest, ridiculous and most outrageous complaints and statements from all walks of life. The second volume is out now and is much longer and in my opinion even better than the first, though i would say that.

    . . . . . well, actually, God knows what you are holding in your hand, you are after all adults, and what you hold in your own right hand is entirely up to you . . . . . . you may, after all, have this in your left hand and something else in your right hand and you will probably have held far worse things in both your hands than this . . . and hey! . . . No! . . . Stop that! Miss Johansson, I said, "Please hold my calls . . ." Honestly. Hollywood! Anyway, what you are about to read--or have read to you--is a new book that is the first active collaboration of the Monty Python chaps for many, many years. In fact, the first book written and produced by the Pythons, themselves, since 1979. No, they are not all dead. Okay, some of them have been a bit quiet recently, and one or two have DNR notes by their bedsides, but the point is five of them are still technically alive and that, if not exactly cause for rejoicing, may well be cause for a new book. And this is it! So hold whatever you like in your right hand while you read this book. Because laughter is jolly good for you. Even if it can make you blind. --The Pythons

    It rejoices in men and women made of the Wrong Stuff: writers who believed in the power of words, but could never quite find the rights ones; artists and performers who indulged their creative impulse with a passion, if not a sense of the ridiculous, an eye for perspective or the ability to hold down a tune; scientists and businessmen who never quite managed to quit while they were ahead; and sportsmen who seemed to manage always to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Like Walter Oudney, one of three men chosen to find the source of the River Niger in Africa, who could not ride a horse, nor speak any foreign languages and who had never travelled more than 30 miles beyond his native Edinburgh; or the explorer-priest Michel Alexandre de Baize, who set off to explore the African continent from east to west equipped with 24 umbrellas, some fireworks, two suits of armor, and a portable organ; or the Scottish army which decided to invade England in 1349 - during the Black Death. Entries include: briefest career in dentistry; least successful bonding exercise; most futile attempt to find a lost tribe; most pointless lines of research by someone who should have known better; least successful celebrity endorsement; least convincing excuse for a war; worst poetic tribute to a root vegetable; least successful display of impartiality by a juror; Devon Loch - sporting metaphor for blowing un unblowable lead; least dignified exit from office by a French president; and least successful expedition by camel.

    Based on his column in the acclaimed magazine "mental_floss," this collection of conversations is incredibly funny, but each interview is also based on serious research, so in addition to laughing, readers actually learn real history. "The Dead Guy Interviews" includes discussions with: Alexander the Great Beethoven Napol?on Bonaparte Buddha Julius Caesar Caligula George Washington Carver Catherine the Great Winston Churchill Cleopatra Confucius Crazy Horse Salvador Dal? Charles Darwin Emily Dickinson Albert Einstein Benjamin Franklin Sigmund Freud Genghis Khan Vincent van Gogh Henry VIII J. Edgar Hoover Harry Houdini Thomas Jefferson Joan of Arc Robert Johnson Frida Kahlo Leonardo da Vinci Abraham Lincoln Mao Tse-tung Karl Marx Michelangelo Montezuma Mozart Nostradamus Edgar Allan Poe William Shakespeare Sun Tzu Mae West Oscar Wilde

    « Funny Jokes » is one of the best compilations of jokes in English that will surely hold your attention. In this book you can find all sorts of jokes that will amuse you and will create a good mood for you. Have fun reading these hilarious jokes!

    As well as journalism, Wallace wrote screen plays, poetry, historical non-fiction, 18 stage plays, 957 short stories and over 170 novels, 12 in 1929 alone. More than 160 films have been made of Wallace's work.Table of Contents: The Secret of the Moat Farm (1924) The Murder on Yarmouth Sands (1924)The Great Bank of England Frauds (1924)The Trial of the Seddons (1924)Herbert Armstrong - Poisoner (1924)The Suburban Lothario (1928)Excerpt:"There is no more dangerous criminal than a small larcenist who has escaped the consequence of his offences, through, as he believes, his own dexterity and skill. Having this good opinion of himself, he progresses from crime to crime, until there comes a moment when he finds no other escape from the consequences of his meanness and folly than the destruction of a human life which, as he believes, stands between himself and freedom. And so confident is he in his own genius for evasion that he will plan the most diabolical of crimes, perfectly satisfied in his mind that the success which has attended the commission of minor offences will not desert his efforts to evade the penalty of his supreme villainy."

    The armies of North and South stand on the brink of America’s civil war. Nathanial Starbuck arrives in the capital of the Confederate South, where he enlists in an elite regiment. He is a northern boy fighting for the southern cause. But nothing can prepare him for the shocking violence to follow in the war which broke America in two.COPPERHEADNathanial Starbuck is a Copperhead: a northerner fighting for the rebel South in America’s Civil War. Expelled from the Faulconer Legion, Starbuck must travel a hard road before he can rejoin his comrades. His journey will take him through the savage prisons of Richmond, across the blood-sodden battlefields of Virginia, and into the deadly high command of the northern army.BATTLE FLAGThe epic battle for control of the Confederate capital continues through the hot summer of 1862. It’s a battle that Captain Nate Starbuck, a Yankee fighting for the Southern cause, has to survive and win.THE BLOODY GROUNDIt is late summer 1862 and the Confederacy is invading the United States of America.Nate Starbuck, a northern preacher’s son fighting for the rebel South, is given command of a punishment battalion – a despised unit of shirkers and cowards. His enemies expect it to be his downfall, as Starbuck must lead this ramshackle unit into a battle that will prove to be the bloodiest of the Civil War.

    You are clearly a fan of this legendary game that goes by the name of MINECRAFT! I encourage you to take a leap of faith and download this great and funny comedy book, which You wont regret! “MINECRAFT: Funny clean Minecraft jokes and memes for Children. (Minecraft, Minecraft Secrets, Minecraft Stories, Minecraft Books For Kids, Minecraft Books, Minecraft Comics, Minecraft Xbox)” is a great choice for anyone with a sense of humor, especially a fan of this great and iconic game! You will find great PICTURES with funny memes, hilarious jokes and wise quotes all in one place Let the laughs begin…

    1965.  War's found himself deep in the glamorous yet lethal world of international espionage. Unhappy with both the treachery and restrictive dress-code, when a name from the past reappears in his life War realises he must risk everything to keep the world safe once again. This short story follows on from the How To Be Dead series and continues the tale of everybody's favourite grumpy Horseman of the Apocalypse...  What Amazon readers are saying about the How To Be Dead Comedy Fantasy Series: ★★★★★ “Dave Turner is a funny man and ‘How To Be Dead’ is a brilliant read.”★★★★★ “If Neil Gaiman and Simon Pegg sat down to write a story together they might come up with something like this.”★★★★★ “Hilarious and unexpectedly moving.”★★★★★ "Laughs and excitement combined!"★★★★★ “Laugh out loud funny… It’s been a while since an author has made me laugh more than Pratchett does.”★★★★★ "If you like Tom Holt, Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett, Dave Turner's books will fit perfectly into your collection."

    The author shares memories of his improbable past, from a parent-centered Thanksgiving, to playing hooky (and taking notes), to maintaining a termite farm.

    Jarvis may be an all-round irritant, but he's harmless & deep down he's got a heart of gold. As his oldest (& only) friend reflects on his life with Jarvis Ham, he wonders what it would have been like if they had never met.

    Wodehouse ________ Every single one of Stephen Fry's ties - whether floral, fluorescent, football themed; striped or spotty, outrageous or simply debonair - tells an intimate tale about a moment in Stephen's life. Inspired by Stephen's hugely popular Instagram posts, this book will feature beautiful, hand-drawn illustrations and photographs to celebrate his expansive collection of man's greatest clothing companion: The Tie, in all its sophisticated glory. Distinctively funny and offering witty asides, facts and personal stories, this book will make the perfect gift for anyone who has ever worn a tie.

    In this collection of twisted takes on life, the Kinkster gives us funny, irreverent, and insightful looks at outsized personalities, from people he's known -- Bill Clinton and George W. to Willie Nelson and Bob Dylan, not to mention Joseph Heller and Don Imus -- to people he's known in spirit -- Moses, Jesus, Jack Ruby, and Hank Williams. With his meditations on subjects ranging from sleeping at the White House to marriage, his pets, fishing in Borneo, country music, cigars, and the tribulations of possessing talent, Kinky doesn't deny us the "flashes of brilliance and laugh-out-loud observations"* that are present in all his other work.Hilarious and irreverent, and passionately twisted, 'Scuse Me While I Whip This Out reads as if it were written by a slightly ill modern-day Mark Twain.*Rocky Mountain News (Denver)

    TALKING WITH GODIn Don Camillo's Little World, where the Cold War is fought on the very doorstep of life, the hot-headed Catholic priest and the equally pugnacious Communist mayor, Peppone, confront one another in riotous and often hilarious manner.But when Don Camillo unburdens himself in the village church a voice from the cross above the high altar responds and his conversations with Il Cristo begin. We watch and listen, as with fascinating insights and gentle humour the prejudices of the stubborn priest are undermined, a resolution to conflict emerges, and the situation is transformed to the benefit of the community.It is then that we see that the ideas and values of Don Camillo's Little World are true for all times, the world over...Inimitable, delicious, full of pure fun THE OBSERVERIn this brand new, authorised edition of Giovanni Guareschi's enchanting classic, nineteen stories never before translated into English are published for the first time. Set in an isolated village amidst the sultry beauty of Italy s Lower Plain, The Little World of Don Camillo has been enjoyed by countless folk from 10 to 100, not only in book form, but also on film, TV and radio, and most recently as an audio-book.