Note: These texting fails contain profanity, not for children.When are people going to learn that autocorrect can't be trusted? With FAILS like these, we actually hope that's not for a long time.This book complies 101 of the funniest, most viral and cringeworthy autocorrect screenshots to date.Guaranteed to put you on the floor laughing!

    We promise to make you laugh and give you that much needed break in the middle of all the crazy.We have partnered with the most talented bunch of moms and dads to bring you the best, the funniest, and the most outrageous stories to get you from girth to birth.Are you having strange cravings? Have you asked yourself what in the hell is happening to my body? Have strangers touched your belly? If you've answered yes to any of these questions then this is the book for you! Prop up your cankles, grab a bowl of your favorite ice cream covered in olives and have a laugh with our crew. Things are about to get real.

    He calls for boycotting Canada, says Adolf Hitler would have been a card-carrying member of the ACLU, and thinks Hurricane Katrina victims seen carrying televisions should be shot on sight. Amann and Breuer – the creators of the hugely popular website www.sweetjesusihatebilloreilly.com — take a close look at O'Reilly's own assertions and arguments — taken from his TV and radio shows, books and columns — to expose him for what he is: a self-righteous boob and a sham newsman. The ongoing themes explored in Sweet Jesus, I Hate Bill O'Reilly are that O'Reilly is a bit crazy, not all that sharp and, as the authors put it, about "as self-aware as a legume." The result is a hilariously funny book, a great read for anyone who enjoys seeing a puffed-up blowhard taken down a notch or two — whether they're an O'Reilly hater, fan, or something in between.

    Feared, loathed, and admired in equal measure, early on he drew the wrath of many fans, who literally wore their emotions on their sleeve, donning tee-shirts that read: I hate warm beer, cold women, and Darrell Waltrip. As the decade progressed, he won over their hearts and was voted NASCAR's most popular driver in 1989 and 1990-and his popularity has continued to soar ever since. Waltrip retired in 2000, tied for third all-time with eighty-four career victories, and immediately began attracting new fans with his folksy style as a color commentator for FOX Sports' NASCAR coverage. Now, with that same inimitable charm, he shares his memories of his life in racing. It's the tale of a man who lived his dream every time he stepped into a race car, and whose dreams got better every time he climbed out in Victory Lane. But it's also the story of NASCAR, as Waltrip serves as a bridge between its earlier days and its explosion into one of the world's most popular sports. Having raced against immortals like Richard Petty and David Pearson, modern-day legends Dale Earnhardt and Jeff Gordon, and rising stars Tony Stewart and Dale Earnhardt, Jr., Waltrip provides a knowing look at the evolution of the sport and its greatest drivers and personalities.

    Beginning with an introduction to array formulas, this manual examines topics such as how they differ from ordinary formulas, the benefits and drawbacks of their use, functions that can and cannot handle array calculations, and array constants and functions. Among the practical applications surveyed include how to extract data from tables and unique lists, how to get results that match any criteria, and how to utilize various methods for unique counts. This book contains 529 screen shots.

    Walk? 500 miles? Across Spain? We can't do that!And so began the journey of a lifetime for Reg Spittle.An outwardly well-adjusted professional and family man, Reg was a master of disguising a lifetime of debilitating anxiety that undermined his self-confidence.Recently retired, he never dreamed he'd soon find himself chasing distant boundaries across a foreign land, sleeping in dorm bunks and sharing bathrooms as if he were a teenager experiencing his gap year.When tragedy strikes, Reg reluctantly accepts his wife's challenge to carry his red backpack on the historic Camino de Santiago, confronting past fears and humiliations, while packing weighty new worries.Self-reflection, humor, and a recurring cast of characters create the backdrop for a story of hope in Camino Sunrise: Walking With My Shadows.

    But instead of fame and fortune, he found himself stuck behind a wall of script-killing rewrites, unable to make a living.In Return to the Big Fancy, Freeman shares his wildly entertaining journey back through the fiery gates of Retail Hell. He thought he had seen it all in his day, but with the bar set higher than ever before, employees are now graciously bowing before Corporate as they climb over fellow salespeople, and even friends, to earn enough transactions and commissions to actually survive. As he learns more of the wretchedness that has befallen the sales floor, he realizes that The Big Fancy has its customers and its employees on a short leash. But leave it to Freeman and the threat of disappearing commissions to rally the retail slaves and show Corporate who's really in charge!

    It is a comedic, self-deprecating, look into the harsh, scary, and often sad world of infertility. Hilariously Infertile will make you laugh out loud while wishing you could have a glass of wine with the author and discuss how you relate to her story is. The author pokes fun at the infertility world, with jokes, such as, equating the constant gynecological exams to her sluttiest days in college, and wondering if her husband will be home in time to stick it (the IVF ass shot) into her butt.We follow the author's journey from trying to conceive on her own, discovering she is infertile, getting pregnant, and then doing it all again for her second child. The entire journey is marked with uproarious scenes that any woman who has ever been to the gynecologist can identify with. At times, the author's candor will surely lead the reader to conclude that the outlandish stories cannot be true. But they are, all of them.Included in the journey is a chapter on being a new mom. This chapter is funny and real. It does not boast about being a parent, to those who still may be on that path; rather, it speaks candidly about the adjustment to a new life that the author worked hard to achieve, via fertility treatments, and yet still was not ready for.There is no filter for the author of Hilariously Infertile. This book tells it like it is, from sex, to infertility, to being a mother and a wife. If you have thought it somewhere deep down inside, this book says it aloud.

    As far as apps go, what do you put on your new Fire? With tens of thousands of apps out there and more appearing on a daily basis, how do you choose what's useful, as opposed to what may be a waste of your download time? Here is the answer, newly updated with over 300 of the best FREE apps for your Fire. Top 300 Free Apps for the Kindle Fire is your guide to 300 of the top rated apps that you'll find useful for your Kindle Fire. Jones has taken the time to research and compile this extensive list of apps for your Kindle Fire, and best of all, each of these apps are FREE. You'll find apps for the home office, for entertainment, for news, weather, and sports, for your health, for managing your finances, for playing games, and more. A new local news apps section provides news, weather, and traffic apps for over 50 major US cities, and a new travel section gives you an insight to the best apps that will help you find great deals on flights, hotel rooms, cruises, dining, and even the best gas prices around your hometown or when on the road.We’ve also taken the time to create each listing beginning with a clickable link back to the Amazon catalog. So as you read this book on your Kindle, if any particular app sounds like what you’ve been looking for, just tap the image or heading name. You’ll be taken directly to the Amazon page for the app, where you can click the button to install that app. (Active wi-fi connection required.)And this isn't just a list of names with little helpful information, like some guides out there that we'd prefer not to mention. In this book, you'll find detailed write-ups for each app, with specifics as to what the app can (and cannot) do for you. Let Top 300 Free Apps for the Kindle Fire be your guide to the best free apps for your new tablet!Top 300 Free Apps for the Kindle Fire comes from the pen of Edward Jones, the principal technology writer behind the "Get-it-Done" series of computer books. Jones is an experienced computer and technology writer, database applications development analyst, consultant, and trainer who understands the issues faced by people dealing with technology, day in and day out. His career spans years of technology training, database development, and consulting services for major law firms and government agencies in the Washington, DC area, and he currently resides in Charlotte, NC where he is concentrating on providing publications to the rapidly growing digital marketplace. Jones is also a best-selling author whose printed titles have sold over one million copies, and he has served as a technical editor on numerous computer books.

    in his home.Dan recounts the first trip day by day, the highs of being a homeowner where every room has a view that can change daily, the lows of having steam burst from below deck and an overheating engine and everything in between from the perfect natural surrounds to the long hard days of lock working.After the long trip home we are then given a view of his first year onboard as Tilly the narrowboat is transformed into a full time home and the seasons bring their own tint to boat life, particularly a winter that wont soon be forgotten.Written with honesty and humour Dan gives readers an insight into living on a boat, his own life and personality and why people in his local area instantly know who someone is referring to when they say "The Narrowboat Lad".

    Aimed for readers age five to ten, Bookata’s books allow the users (parents and children alike) to change in a few minutes the whole content, from illustrations to text.

    It's OK." Over one hundred contributors share their failures, setbacks and most embarrassing moments for this compilation of hilarity with the hopes that their stories would give the embarrassed and struggling souls some comic and inspirational relief. Life is riddled with pain, disappointments, and failures, but given enough time, they're folly. "We're All A Mess. It's OK" captures life's most absurd moments honestly and without a filter. It's filled with funny essays and one-liners that highlight the grainier sides of being human and imperfect. The book covers everything from horrible internet dating experiences, the strangest of co-workers, vacations that went array, to the worst holiday gifts of all time. It's an anthology of real-life disasters. You'll enjoy comedian/actor Kim Banta's tale, "My First Date and a Sluggish Toilet," detailing a first date in the nicest home in town, ending with an overflowing toilet and panicked placement of poo into her purse. And... "You Must Have Me Confused With Someone Else" depicts Dane Levent's severe behavior problems with her golden retriever, Buddy, after picking him up from boarding, only to find out a week later that she had the wrong dog. And... "He's Worth the Wait" by Bes. D describes her mother-in-law's long-term relationship with a convicted felon she had met on Meet-An-Inmate.com. And... "Saying ‘I'm Sorry' Will Not Fix This Situation" by Ashley P. is a hilarious tale of turning her best date into her worst date by leaping onto her partner's lap, causing what is called in medical terminology, a penile fracture. And... Follow along with Traci Jo's daily embarrassment by her mother, picking her up from school wearing different wigs, such as Dorothy Hamill and Marilyn Monroe. And... Read an entire chapter dedicated to strange conditions, such as Shelley Miner Gardler's need to gather her pets before she goes to work to tell them goodbye and to assign one to be in charge while she's away. And... Discover why Christine T sorts M&Ms in ROYGBIV order and eats them first by frequency until they're even, and then one of each color in order, until they're gone. These humorous essays and quips are about the blunders and snafus, and of everyday life that most of us can relate to. It's like "Chicken Soup for the Soul" if you threw in snark and expletives. If you like Jenn Mann, Samantha Irby and Jenny Lawson, you will love "We're All A Mess. It's OK." Get a copy for your funniest friends, or for grouchy people, maybe it will cheer them up. The book is an easy read and offers a real message that we all can survive, even the worst of failures and ultimately, even though we're all a mess, it's OK. Snarky women, quip, short stories, essays, funny, humorous essays, humor essays, gifts for women, funny stories, dating, relationships, failures, work, family, cats, dogs, alpacas.

    His humor and short fiction appear in various publications throughout the Southeast.

    Or at least that's what Crusoe thinks. He's the self-proclaimed "wiener dog who thinks he's more of a celebrity than he really is." (until now!) Crusoe is the star of his wildly popular blog of the same name, winner of the 2013 and 2014 Best Pet Blog Award. That's right... two years in a row! Because Crusoe is a talented and ridiculously photogenic miniature dachshund with a big personality, stunning fashion sense, and an insatiable penchant for whimsy. Perhaps you know him better by his infamous alter ego, BATDOG? We thought so.This is Crusoe's New York Times bestselling book debut, and he's so excited to share it with all of his adoring fans. Now everyone can stare lovingly into his big brown eyes and admire his wit and many costumes any time they choose. Crusoe is certain that his book, featuring hundreds of photos, will make the perfect gift for dog-lovers of all ages. He wants to be accessible to his fans so you can really get to know the mutt behind the mask, the pooch behind that signature sexy pout, the pup with a heart of gold.Don't miss these amazing photos and stories: The adventures of BATDOG and Robin; Cooking with Crusoe; Dr. Crusoe, the dentist, and malpractice; International travels with the worldliest of adventure dogs;Fishing with Crusoe and twin brother Oakley;Dating advice from the studly pup himself;Walking in a winter wienerland;...And many more!

    Find out what made them consider this in the first place, how they did it, and why they have no regrets! Bonus chapters include Jen’s special recipe for making bite-sized éclairs and a packing list for YOUR move to Costa Rica!