These are just some of the stories included in Bernard Schaffer's first collection, Women and Other Monsters. ***Vampires are assholes. They're not sparkly, reticent killers yearning for true love. They aren't gothic romantics who read poetry. They aren't even mysterious Romanians who turn into bats and terrorize the countryside. Really, they're just douche bags. - Room ServiceThus begins "Room Service," a dark comedy about a loser named Robbie who lives with his mom and dates a stripper. One night his girlfriend does a "private" with a suspiciously pasty customer and is never heard from again. As soon as Robbie figures out his girl was served up as a vampire Slurpee, he's out to exact revenge. Not that he has any clue how do it. But when you have nothing to lose and a bloodsucking freak to get even with, you don't mind improvising. ***Women and Other Monsters is the first collection of short stories by best-selling author Bernard Schaffer. Readers will have plenty more to feast on (nearly as much as Blake the vampire did in the story mentioned above), whether it's a Civil War Era woman too beloved by Death to die, or Ancient Astronauts who are only supposed to observe Earth, but instead tamper with humanity and trigger a history-altering event. Prepare to be seduced, surprised and sometimes horrified at the twists and turns that await as you venture into the darkness with Bernard Schaffer.***Women and Other Monsters is a short story collection recommended for fans of scary short stories, sexy short stories, superhero stories, secret agent short stories, horror stories and more.

    But traitors within the Sacristans have other ideas and a shocking act of betrayal sets the stage for one of the bloodiest battles of the Horus Heresy…This story is a prequel to Graham McNeill’s epic Horus Heresy novel Vengeful Spirit, and first appear in The Imperial Truth.

    Jokes, humor, and comedy come in many forms. Whether it is a few funny jokes, a silly joke book, or a funny movie, we can all benefit from the positive effects of comedy and humor! You'll love this hilarious joke book. Share a funny joke with a friend today! Amazon Prime Members can borrow this book for FREE! 151+ funny yo momma jokes Hilarious yo momma insults and humor Hours of funny jokes and entertainment With this MASSIVE collection of funny yo momma jokes you can make everyone laugh! This ebook full of funny yo momma jokes is perfect for any occasion. You and your friends will laugh for hours at this funny joke book. Uses for funny jokes... Can aid in story-telling Great for conversation starters Improves conversation and social skills Can make others laugh, smile, and be more playful Can lighten tense moods and create rapport with others Are you looking for funny and hilarious yo momma jokes? Yo momma is so fat… she walked in front of the TV and I missed 3 shows! LOL Yo momma is so old… she knew Burger King while he was still a prince! HAHA Yo momma is so short… she can use a sock for a sleeping bag! Funny Yo Momma Jokes! Yo momma is so tall… she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon! HAHA Yo momma is so poor… she can't afford to pay attention! LOL Yo momma is so stupid… she sold her car for gas money. Funny Yo Momma Jokes! Yo momma is so ugly… that she scares blind people! HAHA Yo momma is so hairy… you almost died of rug burn at birth! LOL Yo momma is so bald… you can see what’s on her mind. This Hilarious Joke Book has 151+ Funny Jokes About... Yo momma is so fat… Yo momma is so skinny… Yo momma is so old… Yo momma is so short… Yo Momma is so tall… Yo momma is so poor… Yo momma is so stupid… Yo momma is so ugly… Yo momma is so hairy… Yo momma is so bald… Yo momma is so lazy… Other yo momma jokes… LOL Funny Jokes Club The LOL Funny Jokes Club is dedicated to comedy. We'll tickle your funny bone with our side-splitting jokes and humor.

    Jokes, humor, and comedy come in many forms. Whether it is a few funny jokes, a silly joke book, or a funny movie, we can all benefit from the positive effects of comedy and humor! You'll love this hilarious joke book. Share a funny joke with a friend today! Kindle Unlimited and Amazon Prime Members can borrow this book for FREE! 100+ funny insults and jokes Hilarious insults, comedy, and humor Hours of funny jokes and entertainment With this MASSIVE collection of funny insult jokes you can make everyone laugh! This ebook full of funny insults is perfect for any occasion. You and your friends will laugh for hours at this funny joke book. Uses for funny jokes... Can aid in story-telling Great for conversation starters Improves conversation and social skills Can make others laugh, smile, and be more playful Can lighten tense moods and create rapport with others Are you looking for funny and hilarious insult jokes? You’re so dumb… you thought the Harlem Shake was a drink! LOL You’re so fat… you fell out of both sides of the bed! HAHA You’re so poor… you wash your paper plates! LOL Your feet are so big your shoes need license plates! This Hilarious Joke Book has 100+ Funny Insults About... You’re so dumb insults You’re so ugly insults You’re so fat insults You’re so skinny insults You’re so poor insults Other insults… LOL Funny Jokes Club The LOL Funny Jokes Club is dedicated to comedy. We'll tickle your funny bone with our side-splitting jokes and humor. Whether it's funny and hilarious one-liners, dirty adult jokes, or laugh-out-loud rib tickling knee slappers, the LOL Funny Jokes Club does it all! Scroll up and click "buy" to start laughing now! If for any reason you are unsatisfied, there is a 100% money back guarantee!Tags: insults, jokes, insult joke book, insult, joke books, funny insult jokes, fat jokes, skinny jokes, dumb jokes, stupid jokes, yo momma jokes ebook, ebooks, jokes, funny, kindle joke books, funny jokes, book, comedy, lol, jokes, funny, insults, jokes, haha, joke, laugh, laughing, giggle, humor, comedy, funny, humor, kindle ebooks, joke club, dirty jokes, adult jokes, funny jokes books, hilarious jokes, funny books, funny jokes, laugh, laughter, laughing, funny books, comedy, humor, laughter, e books, ebook download, jokes, joke book, funny jokes, funny joke books

    You may find it for free on the web. Purchase of the Kindle edition includes wireless delivery.

     Links to free, full-length audio recordings of the novels and stories in this collection. An individual, active Table of Contents for each book accessible from the Kindle "go to" feature. Perfect formatting in rich text compatible with Kindle's Text-to-Speech features. A low, can't-say-no price! Sixteen Complete WorksEight novels and eight shorts ranging in length, style, and subject. Works included:Novels: Dracula Frankenstein The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde The Invisible Man The Phantom of the Opera The Canterville Ghost The Turn of the Screw The Island of Doctor Moreau Short Stories: The Legend of Sleepy Hollow The Monkey's Paw The Yellow Wallpaper Edgar Allen Poe: The Raven The Pit and the Pendulum The Black Cat The Tell-Tale Heart The Fall of the House of Usher Additional Fan ResourcesAlso included are special features for any horror enthusiast, including: A comprehensive list of the many film and television adaptations of the works included in this collection. A Halloween Viewing Guide: a recommended viewing list of movies to get you in the mood for Halloween, including family favorites, classic movie monsters, and modern horror films. The History of Halloween: a fascinating look into the origins of the holiday, the varieties of modern traditions, and a look into how Halloween is celebrated around the world. Links to free, full-length audio recordings of the books in this collection.

    "Allah!"With that shrill cry, three Muslim terrorists blow up a key Soviet oil complex, creating a critical oil shortage that threatens the stability of the USSR.To offer the effects of this disaster, members of the Politburo and the KGB devise a brilliant plan of diplomatic trickery - a sequence of events designed to pit the NATO allies against each other - a distraction calculated to enable the Soviets to seize all the oil in the Persian Gulf.But as this spellbinding story of international intrigue and global politics nears its climax, the Soviets are faced with another prospect, one they hadn't planned on: a full-scale conflict in which nobody can win.

    But popular and successful Noah Rackham is shocked when Adelaide won't have anything to do with him. He has no idea that his very presence reminds her of something she'd rather forget. He only knows that he's finally met a woman he could love. TAKE ME HOME FOR CHRISTMAS Everyone in Whiskey Creek remembers Sophia DeBussi as the town's Mean Girl. Especially Ted Dixon, whose love she once scorned. But Sophia has paid the price—the man she did marry was rich and powerful but abusive. When he goes missing, she learns that he died running from an FBI probe of his investment firm, leaving her penniless and forced to face all the townspeople he cheated. Desperate for work, she accepts a job as housekeeper for Ted, now a successful writer. He refuses to get emotionally involved, but will the holidays bring them another chance at happiness? COME HOME TO ME When Presley Christensen returns to Whiskey Creek with her little boy, she has completely changed her life. Now she's back in the small town that was the closest thing to “home” she ever knew. There's just one catch. Aaron Amos still lives in Whiskey Creek, and no matter how hard she's tried, Presley hasn't been able to get over him. She's come too far to backslide now. And there's a secret she's been guarding—a secret she'll do anything to protect.

    Although all attempts to harness the beast’s abilities have ended in appalling bloodshed, the acquisition of the Xenomorph remains a priority. As such, Weyland-Yutani has granted you access to their detailed files on the alien in the hope that you will be able to help capture and subjugate one of these fascinating yet deadly creatures.This exclusive in-world book utilizes specially commissioned illustrations and thirty-five years of Alien movie concept art and film stills to create a deeply engrossing reading experience that explores the nature of the Xenomorph in unparalleled detail. Alien: The Weyland-Yutani Report contains extensive information on the characters, locations, vehicles, and weapons from the movies, along with an in-depth breakdown of the Xenomorph’s life cycle, to give readers the most comprehensive look at one of movie history's greatest monsters.Covering all aspects of this hugely popular franchise’s thirty-five-year history, Alien: The Weyland-Yutani Report is the ultimate book for fans.Aliens TM & © 2016 Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation. All Rights Reserved.

    Anderson's The Saga of Shadows: The Dark Between the StarsThis is a slightly edited extract from the first quarter of The Dark Between the Stars, corresponding to chapters 1-2, 6-7, 11-12, 17-19, 22-23, 27-28, 37.

     But Peter Miller, an analyst at the headquarters of the Office of Strategic Services in Washington D.C., learns of a secret Nazi weapons project that may pose a far greater threat: the Black Gate. Sent alone on a perilous mission into the heart of Germany in the guise of an SS officer, Peter discovers that Nazi scientists have recreated an ancient machine that opens a portal to another universe, a gate they believe literally leads to Hell. With the help of Mina Hass, a beautiful woman who is also the lover and confidant of the madman leading the project, Peter must find a way to close the gate forever before the Nazis unwittingly unleash Armageddon…

    A mage cop on his first assignment learns the world isn't as black and white as hopedA jump mage and a starship with matching needs turn out to be a magnet for troubleDigging in 1940s New York City awakens a monster--and brings in the elite of the FaeThe protected heir of an interstellar dictatorship is called to a battle no one expected him to fightAn explosive collection of four novellas from science fiction and fantasy author Glynn Stewart, spanning his ONSET, Starship's Mage, Changeling Blood and Exile universes, including two brand new urban fantasy novellas.  Includes:ONSET: Murder by MagicStarship's Mage: Episode 1Fae, Flames and FedorasAshen Stars

    Thankfully not. Super Dave is dumpster fire of regret and disappointment for anyone who relies on him. Colonel Ekaterina Varatchevsky of the Russian GRU doesn't want to rely on him. A deep cover agent operating in the US as Karen Warat, a successful New York art dealer, Karin is gifted with superpowers courtesy of killing a Threshrend Daemonum which attacks her gallery and eats rather a large number of Manhattan's 1%. Now she doesn't have to rely on Dave any more. She has to target him. This is her story. Not told by Dave. Because you can't trust that guy.

    He is a master of the supernatural, the dark twist, the creak of a door in the dark, of all creatures sinister. Connolly’s novels have been bestsellers world-wide. Now, step into his imagination for a moment or two and experience this wonderfully nightmarish short story.

    A young hero overcomes implacable foes to lead a planet fallen into a dark age back to the high point of its lost technological civilization. Contains The Anvil and The Steel in the General series.  Series relaunched in The Heretic and continuing in The Savior.After the collapse of the galactic Web, civilizations crumbled and chaos reigned on thousands of planets. Only on planet Bellevue was there a difference. There, a Fleet Battle Computer named Center had survived from the old civilization. When it found Raj Whitehall, the man who could execute its plan for reviving human civilization, he and Center started Bellevue back on the road leading to the stars. Now Raj Whitehall has come close to reuniting the entire planet of Bellevue. Because of his victories and because of the way he won them, Raj is loved by the people—and his army would follow him to Hell. Even those closest to him, his band of sworn companions and his wickedly subtle but utterly loyal wife, hold him in awe. And that's the problem. For though Raj battles only in the name of his emperor and has proven his loyalty again and again, still the half-mad jealousy and fear of that emperor Clerett is about to give Raj no choice but to revolt or face death and the loss of all he has gained for freedom.About prequel omnibus volume, Hope Reborn:"The various battles and intrigues–all of them very clever and some of them very unexpected–make up the core of these extremely well-written and unabashedly fun books. And really, the action never stops. I highly recommend them to you as they’ve come out in a tasty trade format that’s very easy to hold and lug around (they are, in other words, backpackable)."—Amazing Stories About the Raj Whitehall series:“[T]old with knowledge of military tactics and hardware, and vividly described action. . .devotees of military SF should enjoy themselves.”—Publishers Weekly“[A] thoroughly engrossing military sf series. . .superb battle scenes, ingenious weaponry and tactics, homages to Kipling, and many other goodies. High fun.”—Booklist