Enjoy these hilarious stories about stupid criminals, their hilarious attempts at crime, and bizarre mistakes they made that prevented them from getting away with their crimes.

    The 100 Best Yo Mama Jokes.

    From TV's award-winning comedy mum, Lucy Beaumont, comes her hilarious debut on the trials and tribulations of motherhood.

    But a light so bright never really goes out, especially since, in her last few months, Keelin wrote a fantastic record of her life.Charting the twists and turns of both a remarkable career as an investigative journalist and a lengthy battle with cancer, in A Light That Never Goes Out Keelin reveals with real honesty what it's like to keep living your life and career - right up to becoming a co-anchor of RT�'s Six One News - while dealing with the challenges of cancer treatment.Written with the help of Alison Walsh and completed posthumously by Keelin's husband Conor Ferguson, A Light That Never Goes Out is a remarkable story of courage and resilience and a memorable reflection on how to live well, no matter what you're facing.

    Her honest, hilarious and moving account of the whys and hows of having a baby makes perfect reading for expectant mothers and fathers everywhere, as well as those who've been there, done that, and wonder how on earth they did.In this very funny book she writes candidly about her own personal experience exploring the decision to have a baby when she doesn't even like them, the importance of cheese during pregnancy, why she took hair straighteners to the labour ward, plus the apocalyptic newborn days, childcare, work and the inevitable impact on life and love and most importantly, her breasts.

    Always have been, always will be. The only way I'll ever wear a size 6, or even a 16, is if you add them together. That's right: I wear a size 22. And I'm proud, because I wear it well. Hell, even Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder can see that! Such is the life—and largesse—of Mo'Nique, one of America's best-loved plus-size personalities. “I really wish I didn't have to write this book,” writes Mo'Nique. “But it appears I have no choice. Especially when BIG girls are still subjected to ridicule simply because we've been blessed with a few extra pounds.” In Skinny Women Are Evil, Mo'Nique strips away the stigma of being weight-challenged and introduces a new vocabulary in which F.A.T. is FABULOUS AND THICK and a woman who is “skinny” is just plain evil. Why? Because America gives them the comfortable airline seats, the fashionable clothes, and the lead roles in the Hollywood blockbusters. So how can a F.A.T. girl learn to operate in the it's-a-small-world after all? In this hilarious, heartwarming book, women of all sizes, shapes, and colors can benefit from Mo'Nique's Fat Girls' Survival Tips, a handy Thin-O-Meter, and a generous portion of advice about dating, eating, dressing, undressing, and much more. Skinny Women Are Evil is Mo'Nique's testament to living large and loving it. So go on, dig in!

    30,000 first printing."

    This is it. This is really the end. I was now a matter of seconds away from the moment all the numbers stopped for ever. My career total of National Hunt winners would remain at 4,348 after this, my 17,546th ride. All the stats, the numbers that had governed my life for the last two decades, they were just a few hundred yards from being stilled for ever. My whole career, my whole adult life, had been built on making those numbers click upwards as fast as I could, but in a couple of furlongs they would never move again.Deciding to retire was the most difficult decision I've ever had to make. Fortunately I was able to go out at the very top, and being able to say that makes me a very, very lucky man indeed. And now, in this book, I've been able to look back over my entire career - both good and bad moments - and see it in its entirety: the biggest wins, the disappointments, the injuries and the tragedies, my wonderful family, and the amazing horses and the fantastic personalities I've worked with.18,000 people turned up to that final race at Sandown, and I can now look back on my career with immense pride and gratitude. But that chapter of my life is closed. This book is the final word on my riding career - it's time to move forward.

     "Simon’s star-studded debut memoir populated with humorous details and matter-of-fact commentary is incredibly readable, with plenty of quote-worthy anecdotes. Over the span of his lengthy career as a music producer, the author worked with some legendary artists, including Janis Joplin, Simon and Garfunkel, Leonard Cohen, and The Band. In this remembrance, he details his lifelong engagement with music, which follows the trajectory of American popular music as a whole, from jazz to Broadway musicals to rock ’n’ roll. An intriguing memoir about an unusual career involving some celebrated musical figures." - - Kirkus Reviews Celebrated music producer John Simon has produced some of the greatest rock ‘n’ roll ever recorded including THE BAND’s "Music from Big Pink", "The Band", and "The Last Waltz", JANIS JOPLIN’s Cheap Thrills, SIMON AND GARFUNKEL’s Bookends, and the first albums by LEONARD COHEN and BLOOD, SWEAT and TEARS. His contributions to popular music have helped tell the story of a generation in the 1960s and 70s, and now he is sharing his own. "WHEN JOHN SIMON JOINED THE BAND’S BROTHERHOOD HE FIT LIKE A GLOVE. I CAN’T IMAGINE ANOTHER RECORD PRODUCER IN THE WHOLE WORLD WHO COULD’VE MATCHED JOHN’S WORK ON: MUSIC FROM BIG PINK AND THE BAND, ALBUMS." - - Robbie Robertson “Reflecting on the amazing life he’s led, I found myself thinking he ought to write a book. Then I realized that he did. Now he tells never-before-told tales of those rich, often rollicking years in his colorful new book.” --- Steve Israel * * * * * * * Given his truly unique perspective on music and the music business, Simon has been been courted by interviewers for years. With so many anecdotes to choose from, Simon found himself only skimming the surface of his experiences. Now, in writing TRUTH, LIES & HEARSAY, he has drawn on a lifetime of numerous first-hand accounts revealed in this memoir for first time, including: • Getting down the sounds for MUSIC FROM BIG PINK and THE BAND’s 2nd album • How everything was changed by a hit record of a PAUL SIMON song that Paul didn’t even like • Experiencing the volatile personal dynamics during the recording of CHEAP THRILLS by BIG BROTHER AND THE HOLDING COMPANY featuring their new vocalist, JANIS JOPLIN • Living and playing in Woodstock when it was just a small-town safe haven for musicians. • Behind-the-scenes at THE BAND’s “farewell concert appearance” • Writing two ballet scores for legendary choreographer TWYLA THARP • Touring with American blues master, TAJ MAHAL • Recording secrets revealed and much, much more! With an unerring ear for music and eye for a good story, John Simon has amassed a collection of remarkable stories to delight any music fan! Read about Leonard Cohen, Levon Helm, Janis Joplin, Robbie Robertson, The Band, Mama Cass, Blood, Sweat & Tears, Gordon Lightfoot, Leon Russell, Eric Clapton, Wilson Pickett, Peter Yarrow, Gil Evans, Elizabeth Taylor, Joni Mitchell, Les Paul, Bob Dylan, Muddy Waters, Steve Forbert, Marshall McLuhan and The Beatles – -- All of these people and more turn up in the pages of TRUTH, LIES and HEARSAY: A Memoir of a Musical Life In and Out of Rock and Roll. You will really like this book.

    A journey of self-realization and renewed assessment of our lives, marked by silly anecdotes, mindless distractions, and everyday truths. This book is a humorous retelling of the author’s personal blunders and mind-boggling human behavior in general, strung together by a series of hilarious open letters. It is a modest pursuit to deliver a little relief, and diversion from the pandemic’s grim realities. It’s also an attempt to reaffirm the need for a good laugh to help deal with the doom and gloom that now surrounds our lives. Each letter picks up a relatable theme of our lockdown life – be it our obsession with baking banana bread, growing out our beards, or finding the fanciest holiday homes in Goa. What comes out, is a light and delightful offering that anyone living in this era shouldn’t miss. “A breezy read that goes well with your evening tea (like Marie Gold) or finds a permanent spot on your nightstand. A perfect picker-upper if you're feeling down, it reminded me of Bill Bryson's 'A Short History of Nearly Everything' and Hugh Prather's 'Notes to Myself'.”- Manish Bhatt, Founder/CCO August Communications“Hits a cord with everyone who has left the rat race of ‘acquiring new skills’. It is honest, straightforward, and downright hilarious. I loved the book. I found it clutter-breaking, relatable and non-preachy.” - Shilpi Agarwal, Blogger @bookgasmicSome important information:o The book is part memoir, part random lists and part mean musings.o It celebrates the ability to find humor in unexpected predicaments and life in general.o It’s a collection of letters addressed to the most unlikely of receivers, filled with pithy observations, irreverent and ruthless humor about the little idiosyncrasies of life in lockdown.o Each of these perfectly bite sized letters are wonderful accompaniments to the massive mood swings that is our reality in the times of corona.o Under no circumstance, this book is to be taken seriously, seriously.Savor this quick pick-me-up with a hot cup, a pinch of salt and a great deal of grins."

    She’s still smoking hot, but telling jokes about farting on men’s balls isn’t helping her find The One...Hilarious, sweet, and bitingly honest, Cherry On Top reveals how one gorgeous, potty-mouthed blonde took back Hollywood in middle age, and embarked on a fresh search for love―one fart joke at a time.

    But I wrote a lot of good poems.”So maintains Anita Liberty, the caustically funny New York City performance artist who was going along happily healing her hurt by hating and humiliating her detestable ex-boyfriend on stage and in print until the unthinkable happened: she had a good date. And one good date deserves another. And another. And another. And, all of the sudden, Anita Liberty finds herself in a predicament. Getting dumped launched Anita’s career–Will falling in love finish it? Who’s more important: her devoted audience or her newly devoted boyfriend? And on top of everything, Hollywood won’t stop calling and Anita can’t figure out if It wants a serious commitment or just a little bit of no-strings-attached fun. From digging mercilessly into the minutiae of her new relationship to dramatically torching every professional bridge she crosses in L.A., Anita refuses to let a big load of bliss get dumped right in the middle of her career path.“He said that my work was amazing and hilarious and smart and that he can’t wait to see me perform.So I had sex with him.”“My boyfriend asked me to change my look.To something other than contemptuous.”{BARGAIN} Whatever Hollywood ends up paying me for the rights to the story of my life.“It’s easier to go back to fantasizing about perfection . . .than to accept that perfection is just a fantasy.”“Boyfriend thinks I’d rather be right than happy.Boyfriend’s right.But I’m not telling him that.”Through blog entries, film scenes, poems, and to-do lists, Anita Liberty documents the perils and pitfalls of dating, sex, relationships, artistic success, and the kind of true love that sucks the creative life out of you to the point where you just end up staring at a blank computer screen and thinking gooey thoughts about your new boyfriend even though you should be writing.

    However, just days before the programme was due to air, it was cancelled; a move that not only angered those women, but further fuelled rumours of a wider conspiracy, as even after his death, it seemed that any mention of wrongdoing on the part of “Old Jimmy” would inevitably only be met by a cold, eerie silence. A silence all too familiar for his victims. A year later, a rival TV company decided to make their own documentary concerning the Savile abuse claims. After some initial reluctance, Kat Ward agreed to speak to them. This time, the programme did air – and the story was huge. Literally overnight, a man, who was, in the eyes of the British public, a national institution - as harmless as afternoon tea for many - now stood accused of crimes so heinous, that a collective air of disbelief began to descend, as people struggled to reconcile the claims with his cheery image as a children’s champion and charity fundraiser. However, over the following days, more women came forward. Any disbelief soon vanished. Within a week, the list of potential victims had soared into the hundreds. Prime Minister David Cameron sought to appease a growing public demand for the posthumous revocation of his knighthood, and the Metropolitan Police publicly acknowledged Savile as a “predatory sex offender”. No tears were shed as his gravestone was demolished. His victims must have thought they’d never see the day. But Kat Ward had long given up hope of justice anyway. After suffering a tormented early childhood, in which she was abused by her family, she eventually found herself shuttled between care homes and approved schools; institutions that promised a sanctuary from abuse, but all too often seemed to sponsor it. Many decades later, and after a life marred by depression, she was persuaded by a psychiatrist to write about her experiences, in the hope that doing so might be cathartic. She obliged, and last year her debut offering, “KERI” - in which she recounts her earliest years - took literary circles by surprise, as it became an international bestseller. And now, in this much-anticipated volume, she recounts her early-mid teen years; no longer a small child, but a girl on the cusp of adolescence. Still traumatized by her early experiences, but not entirely without that sense of vague hope that is the inalienable property of youth. Now at Duncroft Approved School for “emotionally disturbed girls”, her life had come to resemble that of a prisoner; a good day was a bad one and a bad day was horrific. A pattern interrupted only by the periodic visits of a certain creepy old man in a shiny tracksuit, with a pocket full of a cigars and a caravan full of demands. There were Rolls-Royce trips to London. There were jaunts to TV studios. And, of course, for Kat, as with most of the girls, there were dreams of a brighter future. But despite all the promises, there was simply no way out. For at almost every turn, another nefarious character was waiting to take advantage of the girls that no-one would believe anyway. Now you can read her full story here. No punches pulled; no stone left unturned. Just the truth, committed to paper over many years, in the hope that it might help inspire the brave, enlighten the misled and heal the abused… WARNING: contains passages some readers may find disturbing.

    Chunk follows him along his crazy, overweight journey; from the chubby 10-year old who stole brownies and tricked his parents into thinking he’d lost weight, to the teenage boy who made regular after-school plans to eat entire pies, to the adult man who still hates working out and still loves Cinnabons. It’s a bracingly funny and delightfully uncomfortable collection of essays exploring food, fitness, and the funny things that happen when we try to slim down and grow up. Brian Donovan has written for Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, National Public Radio, and, most recently, ABC’s The Neighbors. His work has also appeared on Chapelle’s Show, Funny or Die, and Off Broadway in New York City. His “Not a Match: My True Tales of Online Dating Disasters” is currently being developed for television. Cover design by Adil Dara.

    When her mother's health begins to fail, Erina Bridget Ring searches for something to do during the hours she spends at her mother's bedside. What she discovers is knitting--and a group of women knitters. But as she learns to knit and at the same time cares for her ailing mother, she finds that things at the knitting group are not what they seem to be.