He has been a busy man. Yet, for the last two years, he has also managed to squeeze in a weekly column for The Times. Without fail, he sat down every week and wracked his brain to think of something to write 900 words about. Dispatches From the Sofa is the brilliant result. Alighting on such random topics as the potential demise of Margaret Thatcher, the love-hate relationship with your football club, Mike Read's musical of Oscar Wilde, fat pop stars, Serbian breakfast banter, the pleasures of air-guitar, the banking crisis and the evil phenomenon of Jedward, this is a thought-provoking, wide-reaching, hilarious and self-deprecating collection - which also includes the first two chapters from his unpublished novel - from one of our funniest, quickest and most beloved comedians.

    Hal SpacejockAn incompetent space pilot, a massive debt and a twenty-four hour deadline...Freighter pilot Hal Spacejock has a life to die for: His very own cargo ship, a witty and intelligent flight computer ... and a debt so big it makes the GFC look like a rounding error.Hal's an upright sort of guy, and he won't take jobs from gun runners, drug smugglers or politicians. On the other hand, the finance company's brutal enforcer is on his doorstep, and Hal has barely twenty-four hours to pay him off. Miss the deadline and he - and his ship - will go under. Way, way, under.Faced with an impossible choice, Hal chooses an impossible job ... and gains an impossible new co-pilot into the bargain.Hal Spacejock is the first novel in the Hal Spacejock series (80,000 words, approx 350 pages)2. Hal Spacejock: Second CourseRex Curtis is trying to save his freight company from bankruptcy, and the last thing he needs is a cheeky freelancer stealing his best customers.Hal Spacejock, cheeky freelancer, is fighting for survival in the cut-throat interstellar cargo business. The last thing he needs is a powerful enemy.Two headstrong men on a collision course, in a Galaxy barely room enough for one.Hal Spacejock: Second Course is book two in the Hal Spacejock series. (80,000 words, approx 350 pages)3. Hal Spacejock Just DessertsPlanet Cathua has a proud history where robots are concerned. Their legendary factories produced the best, the fastest, the most efficient robots in the Galaxy ... but no longer.Now they must go cap in hand to neighbouring planets, haggling and bartering for the very  robots they used to be so famous for.One Cathuan patriot is determined to reverse this embarrassing situation, and Hal Spacejock lands in the middle of his sinister plot ...Hal Spacejock: Just Desserts is book three in the Hal Spacejock series. (80,000 words, approx  350 pages)Plus ... Hal Spacejock: VisitHal returns to his ship after a shopping expedition, and finds Clunk in a right old state. Break out the crayons and colouring sheets ... they're booked in for a school visit!Hal and Clunk, stars of the Hal Spacejock comedy series, feature in this 3500-word short story. Visit slots into the series any time after Hal Spacejock (book one), but can be read and enjoyed as a stand-alone.

    Gary Handler has issues. His boss hates him, his mother hounds him, and his cat thinks he’s an idiot. But that’s okay because Gary’s got the perfect solution to all of life’s troubles: a porn site subscription and his right hand.Sadly, all habits grow old, even the fun ones. Gary soon finds himself at the doorstep of a creepy old pawn shop where he buys a used adult novelty toy to spice up his one-man sex life.Pity for him that it’s cursed by the angry spirits of all the “kids” he’s flushed down the toilet. Needless to say, hairy palms are about to become the least of his worries.----------Jack on, jack off ... with the Jacklight in book 2 of Shingles, the horror comedy series that’s not for those with faint hearts or weak bladders.

    After watching it, one of them vanishes...A heart transplant recipient gets much more than he bargained for when he digs into his donor's sinister past...Mourning the death of their son, a young couple is plunged into madness after encountering something otherworldly in the wilderness...DREAMS IN BLACK STATIC is a collection of eight terrifying stories by Ambrose Ibsen, author of The Haunting of Beacon Hill and Asylum. The tales included are:"Me and Mr. Ray" **"Decatur Road" **"Dreams in Black Static" **"Distortional Addict" **"Trim" **"Subterrane Dream" **"Orchard""The Uncanny" **** = Appearing in print for the first time

    You might have caught the bug after experiencing that adrenaline rush of completing your first 5k; it might be a desire to finally cross something off your bucket list; or, perhaps it was a bit of an absentminded afterthought while watching TV, crisps in hand, and a niggling voice saying ‘maybe I could do that’ – it was for Vassos, at least. However far along you are in your journey, How to Run A Marathon shows us that absolutely anyone can take those first steps to defeating the distance. In fact, you’ll probably end up enjoying it a lot more than you think.Including inspiring interviews with runners from all walks of life, delightful tales of remarkable marathons all over the world, crucial training and nutrition tips and so much more, Vassos shares all the lessons he’s learnt — from start line to finisher’s medal.Funny, candid and motivating, this book will not only help you succeed in your marathon quest but empower you to complete the distance any way you want. Whether that’s achieving a particular time or simply finishing in one piece, How to Run a Marathon will guide you through.

    One woman alone against the world. Young, beautiful, and yearning for love, Heather Bancroft meets the "perfect" man...and is lured into a game in which she begins to make more money than she ever imagined. Betrayed by her own innocence, she loses all that is dear to her and discovers that she has been mercilessly used. Defeated and broken, but surviving with sheer persistence and ingenuity, Heather emerges from her trying ordeal, determined to punish the ruthless man who destroyed her life. Her thirst for revenge takes her halfway around the globe, to the turquoise waters of the Mediterranean, where her nemesis secludes himself in obscene wealth that he's gained from the financial ruin of others. Heather is playing for the highest stakes in a lethal game. Only one man loves her - he's handsome, confident, and just as determined as she is. Only one man can stop her - a criminal mastermind who is intent on her destruction.

    One cold December night in 1959 she can take no more. She and her son Davey escape to her mother. But Paul is in trouble with dangerous men. Unable to pay his debts, he blackmails Louise and those who love her, keeping a shadowy presence in their lives. Even the arrival of Charlie Fox, a stranger who becomes a true friend, cannot guarantee that the future will be safe...No One's GirlJane Reynolds seems a devoted daughter, but her father's cruelty has left her afraid to love. After his sudden death she becomes a virtual recluse, leaving her small farm only to go to market. But everything changes when she finds a young runaway hiding near her cottage. Alice, too, is unloved and in pain, and as the pair become friends, Jane begins to wonder whether she could offer the girl the loving home she's never had. But dark secrets in both their pasts threaten everything Jane hopes for...Dancing Till MidnightGrace Collins, orphaned as a child, was raised by her severely religious aunt. Starved of love, she falls for the first man who shows her affection, Barry Swan. Then Grace falls pregnant. They marry and, for a while, Grace knows happiness. Barry adores her and is a wonderful father, but something is missing. When Barry takes her dancing, the gap seems to be filled - until she meets Philip Golding. He sweeps Grace off her feet but as he draws her into a web of deceit, she discovers that all that glitters is not gold...

    Adopting a sunny, genial tone, Dunthorne lures the reader to darker places, exploring death and dread, failure and regret - the 'lounge of our suffering'. Often, he catches us off-guard: a 'whiplash' effect where poems shift from laughter to slaughter in a moment. Impertinent owls, an immersive theatre troupe, ancient men from the Great War and idiot balloonists - such characters dramatise our human fancies and foibles, joining the protagonist in scenarios both humorously bizarre and all-too-familiar. These performances serve to probe and unpeel the layers of the self - all the way down to the raw.

    “On day 16, the symptoms either begin to subside, or the patient suffers a massive seizure and expires.”– CDC Outbreak Update When Cal Bohannon went to work on Friday morning, he felt the world was teetering on a knife’s edge but what he didn’t expect was a microscopic enemy rapidly spreading south of the border.New to preparing for disasters, Cal’s family, along with a small band of friends, will have their survival plans tested as the fragile threads of society quickly unravel around them.Can the fledgling group come together in time as the authorities scramble to gain control over the sudden contagion and hysteria?What if the virus isn’t their biggest problem but just the beginning of something much worse?

    Everyone thought it was the perfect place to live....until two local doctors made headlines.Two DoctorsOn a chilly January night, Dr. Eugene Turner hastened the death of a three-day-old baby boy who had been pronounced brain-dead. Six weeks later, ER physician Dr. Bruce Rowan hacked his wife to death with an axe, then tried to kill himself--claiming he snapped after witnessing Dr. Turner's euthanasia.A Small Town Rocked by A Shocking FatalityWhat really happened? What drove Dr. Bruce Rowan--a man who was entrusted to heal the sick--to so savagely take the life of his own wife? Acquitted by reason of insanity, Dr. Rowan was committed to a mental institution. And thought the trial is over, some fascinating ethical and legal questions have been raised by its outcome.Now, bestselling true crime writer Carlton Smith reveals the never-before-told facts and the stunning truth behind two doctors, two deaths, a surprising trial, and the picturesque town standing in the shadow of a ghastly killing.

    Catherine was reading a novel. So begins Room on the Sea, André Aciman's scorching and elegiac love-story about a middle-aged man and woman who meet in the bullpen of jury selection and spend a sultry summer’s week trespassing ever further into each other's hearts.What begins as a flirtation quickly evolves into something deeper, something Paul and Catherine must carry on in secret—and with the understanding that anything more than a casual crush is out of the question. But as the week draws to a close, the end of their rendezvous comes into focus, and Paul and Catherine are forced to decide whether to act on their feelings or leave the fantasy of what could have been to the annals of the past.By turns scintillating and philosophical, Room on the Sea is a compulsively listenable story of love, fate, and last chances.©2022 Andre Aciman (P)2022 Audible Originals, Inc.

     The Ragger and Sekar aliens have pushed humanity to the brink of annihilation. Two hopes for survival – genetic modifications to protect against the Sekar, and the death pulse generator – are years from completion. With no other choice, Fleet Admiral Stone is forced to make a deal with the devil in the form of a mutually beneficial exchange of technology with the back-stabbing Raggers. Naturally, the Raggers haven’t changed. However, the aliens are about to discover that when humanity is pushed into a corner, anything goes. In a game of lies, threats and false promises, Stone must do what he can to come out ahead. If he fails, billions die. Only a fool would put all their eggs in one basket. While talks proceed, other, more direct action is ongoing behind the scenes. Captains Tanner Conway and Jake Griffin have a mission of their own which, if it succeeds, might turn everything on its head. With planets under attack, Raggers and Sekar turning up everywhere, this high-stakes game is about to come to an explosive conclusion. Scum of the Universe is a fast-paced military sci-fi shooter filled with spaceships, guns, tech and warfare. It follows on from book 6 in the Fire and Rust Series: Nullifier and concludes the Fire and Rust series.

    Molly Penelope Hardwick has been abandoned in Haisborough Orphanage. Desperate to discover her background, she befriends another orphan, Lenny Smith. Together they sneak out to roam the city of Liverpool, and hatch plans for their escape.But when Molly is forced to leave the orphanage, Lenny has no idea where she’s gone. And when war is declared, he soon forgets about his childhood best pal to focus on his posting with the RAF in Scrimpton. What Lenny doesn’t know is that Molly is desperate to join the war effort, and with her sights set on joining the WAAF, chances are they will see each other again. But will things ever be the same after all this time?

    She tried and failed many diets, but her life took a turn when she was forced to face a harsh reality: her weight crept up to 287 pounds and she had a BMI reading of forty-two. Pre-diabetic and diagnosed as morbidly obese with a fatty liver and high blood pressure, Bernadette decided that it was the time to ditch the fad diets and take matters into her own hands to turn her life around. She began asking those she knew well—the glamorous models she worked with—learning about their healthy eating habits and their tips on staying trim. She further researched medical reports and nutrition papers until finally—by trial, error, and a lot of experimentation—she created a healthy lifestyle plan that was quick to read, easy to understand, and, most importantly, worked long term. Following her new rules, Bernadette went on to lose more than sixty-six pounds in thirty weeks. The Little Book of Big Weight Loss is for anyone who has grown tired of all the confusing, conflicting advice and complicated diet plans. Inspiring and packed with invaluable tips and strategies, this guide provides a fresh, simple, can-do approach to dieting and can help you get on track to achieving your goals and losing weight long term.

    It tells you about every aspect of writing, from having an idea to getting the idea out into the world (and getting paid for it too). It covers everything from journalism to screen-writing, from speeches to sketches, from sitcoms to novels. With thirty years' experience as an award-winning script-writer, journalist, author and broadcaster David Quantick is ideally suited, as a writer, to write this definitive writer's guide to writing... everything.