(Brought to you by the famed Dweezel and Pallie.)"[A] funny and clever little book... I like this version even better than the original story."Chytach18, Reviewer for OnlineBookClub.org"An amazing story, and hilariously funny to boot, perfect for kids and adults alike!"Angela, Amazon UK reader"It made me laugh. Grossed me out. Then makes you laugh some more."Thelma Coots, Amazon reader"One word : FUNNY! A new way of reading Snow White"Isienie V., Amazon reader*****Take your expectations for a fairy tale and throw them out the window! A noble prince? Lame. A humble princess? What a loser! A happy ending? You wish. This eBook is way better than all that. It will make you giggle, laugh, and ask for more. Either that, or it will make you scream for it all to stop. The only way to know is to read it. Download "Lily White and the Horrible Dwarves" now!The Funny Stories for Kids series, written/recorded by Dr. Dexter Dweezel and Professor Parnassus Pallie, is an ongoing effort to make fairy tales less crappy. "Lily White and the Horrible Dwarves" is the first in this series, with more to come.**Note: This story is not for babies. It can be crude, and has jokes about butts, poo, and drunk people. It also has a bit of cartoony violence. There is no swearing or sexual activity. If this story had a MPGG rating it would probably be PG, and would be comparable to a modern episode of the Simpsons.**

    Unfortunately, seventeen-year-old Anna Morgan has no choice. Resting on a park bench, touching the turnstile at the Metro station—she never knows where she’ll encounter a ghost. These mental hitchhikers are the reason Anna has been tossed from one foster home and psychiatric institution to the next for most of her life.When a chance touch leads her to pick up the insistent spirit of a girl who was brutally murdered, Anna is pulled headlong into a deadly conspiracy that extends to the highest levels of government. Facing the forces behind her new hitcher’s death will challenge the barriers, both good and bad, that Anna has erected over the years and shed light on her power’s origins. And when the covert organization seeking to recruit her crosses the line by kidnapping her friend, it will discover just how far Anna is willing to go to bring it down.

    A thief and a mercenary, Daniel is now determined to find the treasure his father snatched. Being a Zukar is all he knows and wants for his future. Up until his father’s murder, his father’s faltering loyalties to the Zukar hung heavy as a rift between them. But now, with his father's blood on his hands, his time is running out to find his father’s killer, the missing treasure… and to save his world. He wants to go alone to retrieve his father’s stolen treasure, but he is accompanied by his flight school dropout cousin Faulk, his best friend’s stubborn little sister Jade, and his own younger brother Nickel. Jade is off limits since her brother is his best friend, but unfortunately, Jade’s set on changing his mind. Daniel just can’t decide if she’s worth the beating he’ll get from his friend in order to have her. They’re on the run from the king’s officials and an unknown killer. The king desires to kill any Zukar child who is unprotected and will stop at nothing to get them. Who’s more dangerous, Daniel doesn’t know. All he knows is someone is bent on killing him and taking the treasure he thinks his father died foolishly to protect. Through the islands of Merwin to an unknown planet, they seek to find the treasure that changed his father’s life – all for a price that is too high. To claim the treasure, Daniel will have to test everything he knows and everything he is or will ever be in order to earn the right to save their lives and the home of those he loves.

     Before he slid into the MRI machine, Jake Bronson was just an ordinary guy with terminal cancer. But when an earthquake hits during the procedure, Jake staggers from the wreckage a profoundly changed man, now endowed with uncanny mental abilities. An ocean away, Luciano Battista wants a piece of Jake's talent. Posing as a pioneering scientist, the terrorist leader has been conducting cerebral-implant experiments in a sinister quest to create a breed of super jihadist agents...and Jake's altered brain may be the key to his success. But Jake refuses to play the pawn in an unholy war--and when an innocent woman and autistic child are taken hostage to force his cooperation, he embarks on a jihad of his own. Jake and his band of loyal friends are thrust into a deadly chase that leads from the canals of Venice through Monte Carlo and finally to an ancient cavern in the Hindu Kush mountains of Afghanistan--where Jake discovers that his newfound talents carry a hidden price that threatens the entire human race.

    She is engaged to a handsome artist, lives above an windswept beach, and has a rapidly growing list of clients. But in a heartbeat everything changes, and she is left staring at an empty future. It starts with her naked fiancé disappearing in the rear-view mirror, and ends with news so devastating she collapses, sobbing, on the filthy floor of an airport toilet. It is the day that changes Joanne forever. Paul Clarke looks like a man that has stepped out of the pages of a women's magazine. He is living on Twin Pines Station, a farm shrouded in mystery following the disappearance of his grandmother. The small town community expect Paul to marry his spoilt, pregnant girlfriend, and settle in the area like the previous generations of the Clarke family. But not everything is as it appears, and life for Paul is about to be turned upside down. A tragic twist of fate brings Joanne and Paul together. But neither is looking for romance, and both are struggling with loss and the deceptions of the past. What unfolds is an unforgettable story of friendship, family and changes born through love. "This should become a TV series or a movie. It is that good in my opinion." - Mr Butler "Moving, rousing and beautifully written." - Jackie Parry "Being away from New Zealand it was such an indulgence to be given such wonderful imagery." - Meilyrox “All these threads come together in bold colors and powerful strands in Rochelle Carlton's compelling novel "The Quilt: Unraveled" to render vividly life's harsh realities in a story that is both personal and intimate.. This multi-generation family saga is immense in scope (and intense).” – Mark Fine Mature content warning. This book contains language that may offend some readers.

    Her client, Anna Petersheim, is pleasant and tells captivating stories. Plus, her home is quiet and far more peaceful than Esther's, with so many siblings. She only dreads the day when Anna's grandson, Viktor, will return from the river to take over the farm. She and Viktor were classmates years ago, and he'd been an obnoxious flirt who paid attention to every girl but her.A Toughened Riverboat CaptainA seasoned riverboat captain, Viktor Petersheim has seen his share of trials. He left the Amish after the death of his parents and siblings in a house fire for which he still feels responsible. Now, after years of working on the Mississippi River, he returns home to claim the farm he inherited from his grandparents and, hopefully, to repair some of the damaged relationships and broken hearts he left in his wake.Love off the RiverWhen Viktor arrives home, it doesn't take long for him and Esther to realize their mutual attraction. Even so, their relationship remains as tumultuous as a shaken snow globe, like the one Esther finds at a garage sale and gives to Viktor's grandmother as a token of affection. Viktor isn't the only man with an eye on Esther, and soon it looks as if she's ready to make a future with someone else. Will the two go their separate ways again? Or will the hand of God work something beautiful out of their angst and agitation?

    The Warming is coming. The ocean ice they have lived and hunted on for generations is melting, and they must flee to the safety of an unknown land before they all drown. In this powerful tale of survival at the end of an Ice Age, the young hunter, Attu, must choose between saving his clan or saving Rika, the golden-eyed healer he is forbidden to love.Show more Show less --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Join a controversial scientist in exile on a journey through a near future ruled by cyber mobs and a violent ancient past he confronts when he closes in on dark energy discovery. 400 pp. debut multi-genre dystopian sci-fi mixed with historical fiction and elements of alchemy and mysticism that trace back to ancient Egypt.Book Viral, Feb 27, 2017"Antioch is, in every sense of the word, a masterpiece and epic beginning to what will undoubtedly be an epic series and one you must certainly add to your reading shelf. It is recommended without reservation."First Goodreads review of 2nd edition:"Antioch, by Gregory Ness is a masterful piece of writing. I had the opportunity to read an earlier version of this book published in 2014. I considered it a good book at that reading, but now, having just read the 2016 edition, I rate this book as excellent! Without spoiling this beautifully done story, it takes us back and forth between the present, which is some years ahead of contemporary times, and thousands of years into the past, and then rolls us back and forth in an ever-consuming tale between now and then. The detail and imagery laced into the text about ancient Rome and Egypt, as well as Persia and Turkey, and their cultures and people, animates them, as if the reader is walking the stony streets of Alexandria. There is a beautiful love story which transcends time, depiction of brutal wars and great power struggles between Rome, Egypt and others – and the perspective of how Julius Caesar was, as a man, and a leader, makes the history books seem shallow in design. But what really makes this story shine is the way the author draws us into the world of our memories, of past lives we have lived, and the scientific dialogues and intrigue which are unfolding in the now, and how, all of this ties into the grand story which we are reliving thousands of years before when Pharaohs were the most powerful rulers on Earth, when Caesar and his armies marched into Egypt and when the infamous Cleopatra had the two most powerful nations of that time, in the palm of her hands. Antioch makes you think about the nature of who we really are, about the veracity of having lived countless past lives, about the scientific import of a tiny organ in our brain – a portal which not only allows us to interact with the world around us, but quite possibly, is also the very link to our immensely distant past. An entertaining, gripping, beautifully written and highly insightful piece of work."

    Lee resting in the woods on the day after the surrender at Appomattox. A lover of history, Fritz finds his sudden time trip to the past both a gift and a chance for great adventure. But when the classroom door opens to the Oval Office, he realizes that his time portal might also be put to serious purpose. Hired by the president to help on behalf of national security. Fritz does not believe he will be endangered by using his door to travel across time and space. But will Fritz’s own government consider him expendable, if he cannot solve the mystery of the portal?

    

    Suddenly, nothing is as it appears to be -- the house she lives in, the woman who raised her, even the most beautiful boy in town all turn out to be more than what they seem. And when this strange new world forces Addy to answer for a crime that was committed long ago, by parents she has never known, she has no choice but to trust Luc, the mysterious Annorasi who has been sent to protect her. Or so he says . . .

    but where did he come from? Who was Merlin? What part did the Druids play in bringing Arthur to his round table? This is the story that came before, when Britain was just a Shadowland. On the night of Midwinter's Eve, a storyteller takes his listeners back to the Dark Ages and a tale from his youth. `I have lived more years than I can remember, probably more than the sum of all your years combined. Kings have called me friend and brigands have sworn to burn the flesh from my bones, even if they have to search all seven halls of the shadowland to find me.' Deserted by its Roman masters, Britain has been invaded by the Saxons at the invitation of Vortigern, traitorous leader of the Britons. Now, as the tribes unite to reclaim their land, one man must rise to lead them and become their only true king. Shadowland is a young adult story of historical fantasy set in the Dark Ages of Britain; however, it is gathering fans of all ages. .................. Magical and moving, I couldn't put it down - Jacqueline Rodriguez "Shadowland" is a tensely written story about the dark days before the rise of King Arthur. Flawlessly weaving history, legend and imagination - Vered E for Readers' Favorite. Gray has a real gem starting with his subject and carries it through with an excellent delivery - Tom Clementson, Kindle Book Review

    First he had to win admission when only one hundred applicants would be selected from over four hundred. Then Jamie had to learn how to use the power of a Dragon belt and learn to fly with a Dragon. Added to all of this, against all tradition, Jamie has been bonded to a Dragon in his first year. But Jamie overcomes all of those difficulties and even helps his bonded Dragon, Tomith, whom he has nicknamed Tommy, to learn how to fly. Now Jamie and Tommy face the second semester, and in this semester they will continue to struggle— but not only with their classes. They have now been caught up in the Stonebriar House Championship. Each year, the five Houses—Blackburn, Warwick, Aubondale, Waverly, and Pembroke—all compete for the coveted House Championship. Jamie’s and Tommy’s House, Aubondale, has finished in last place for the previous seven years. The overriding passion of every student in Aubondale is to finally get their house out of last place. To help accomplish this, Jamie and Tommy will have to compete in the school’s Dragon races, something they know nothing about. Even as Jamie and Tommy settle into the day-to-day struggles of school life at Stonebriar, they have been marked for capture or assassination by a shadowy organization known at the Sisterhood. For decades, the Sisterhood has been seeking to fulfill a prophecy that will grant the sisters total control over all the nations of Aurellius—along with immortality. But, in order to achieve their goal, they must eliminate Jamie and Tommy. Jamie’s and Tommy’s greatest challenge will not be helping get their House out of last place—their greatest challenge will be to simply survive.

    Scientific endeavor is strongly discouraged, while remnant technology is locked away—hidden by a Church determined to prevent a new Armageddon.This is the world to which Benzamir Michael Mahmood must return. A descendant of the tribes who fled the planet during those ages old wars, he comes in pursuit of enemies from the far reaches of space. The technology he brings is wondrous beyond the imaginings of those he will meet, but can its potency match that of the Church’s most closely guarded treasure?For centuries it has lain dormant, but it is about to be unearthed, and the powers that will be unleashed may be beyond anyone’s capacity to control. Even a man as extraordinary as Benzamir . . .

    A wave of sinkholes appears on the anniversary of a rural tragedy, and local residents begin to hear the voices of the dead. A woman encounters a predator from her youth—and a chance to turn the tables. A child’s inner beast takes on a sinister life of its own. An undetectable serial killer raises tensions on a college campus. Experimental physics reveals another world, and it might mean the end of ours. Shrouded in darkness, lurking in the shadows, NIGHT TERRORS III awaits you. The third installment of the chilling Night Terrors anthology series includes stories from Jack Ketchum, Steve Rasnic Tem, Dennis Etchison, Taylor Grant, Eric J. Guignard, Aric Sundquist, Jennifer Brozek, John McNee, Simon McCaffery, Patty Templeton, and many more!