Now, in this down and dirty tale of modern fatherhood, Mohr shares his stories as a first-time parent. No Wonder My Parents Drank reveals the details behind Mohr's humiliating test-tube conception attempts and then recounts the trauma of not only having to keep this child alive, but having to spend time alone with him! He waxes poetic about dirty diapers; spins theories on spanking; and mulls over the more hidden advantages of parenthood, like carpool lane access, carte blanche to use the ladies restroom, and an alibi for missing family dinners. Mohr describes, in painfully funny detail, the bizarre situations that all parents inevitably face but can never prepare for (such as when his kid discovered his dog's rear end) as well as moments of pure joy like taking his son to his first baseball game. Mohr reports on the hilarious wisdom that his son, Jackson, has taught him--like why it's fun to play Kissy Boy with the other boys at recess, how important sunscreen is for avoiding a sunborn, and how awesome it is to get a rainbow belt in karate.Riotously acerbic and refreshingly honest, No Wonder My Parents Drank casts the very funny Jay Mohr with an even funnier mini-me sidekick as a supporting character in a little comedic love story that every person who either is a parent or has a parent will find delightful.

    From TV's award-winning comedy mum, Lucy Beaumont, comes her hilarious debut on the trials and tribulations of motherhood.

    Constable Wood was a disaster waiting to happen. He was the sort of cop who was happier helping little old ladies across the street (even when they were quite content where they were) than pursuing the perpetrators of dreadful deeds. But if he failed to strike fear into the hearts of the criminal underworld, his superiors had a real problem on their hands. Never before had they been forced to deal with such a well-meaning but accident-prone officer and they hoped, fervently, never to see his like again. From his early encounters with a less-than-impressed public, through the terrifying days of the Springbok Tour riots, to the gradual realisation that perhaps he wasn’t cut out for life on the beat, this is the hilarious story of a young cop who created a severe disturbance in the force.

     Why so many people keep watching Duck Dynasty is because of something unique in the contemporary smorgasbord of contemporary television - the actual presence of real values. These people are salt of the earth folks who simply love each other and receive all of life as a gift. They also love God in a naturally supernatural way which is communicated without the necessity of words. There are real, human, redemptive values on display in each episode as the family faces the raising of children, remaining faithful to their marriages and supporting one another in the rough and tumble of real life. In addition, in almost every episode, they end with the extended family sharing a meal which begins with a heartfelt and sincere prayer of thanksgiving to the Lord. In this day and age where 'God' is a bad word to say, they embrace their faith and share it with the world. No wonder Duck Dynasty is one of the top shows on television today.

    On his release from one of America's toughest prisons, Howard made a promise to himself to go straight. No more drugs, no more smuggling, no more fake passports. He would retire to a quiet life with his family in the Balearic Islands of Spain. It didn't quite work out that way.This was the mid-nineties, the height of the ecstasy and clubbing boom, and Ibiza was at the very centre of the vortex for the 'E generation'. Pills had taken the place of marijuana, Paul Oakenfold had replaced The Rolling Stones as the music of the masses, but some people are just born for life on the other side of the law.It wasn't long before Howard found himself trying pure ecstasy and rubbing shoulders with some of the king-pins of the pill trade. These included some of Britain's most notorious gangsters, who were laundering millions of pounds of gold stolen from the legendary Brink's-Mat bullion raid. As Britons descended on Ibiza ahead of one of the greatest summers of the nineties, Howard was preparing for his most outrageous operation yet.Incredibly funny, moving and scabrous, Howard Marks' Mr Smiley follows a journey to the heartland of the clubbing and British crime scene. It is also a fitting last word from one of Britain's best loved bad boys.

    But this is the story I’ve been waiting to tell. It’s my time to set the record straight.’ One of the most naturally talented footballers of the modern era, Michael Owen’s career has always divided opinion among fans. From the age of only seven, his life was mapped out as a professional footballer. At 17, he made his Premier League debut. At 18, he was a Golden Boot winner and England’s youngest goalscorer at a World Cup. As he turned 22, he became the second youngest player to lift the Ballon d’Or. Owen would go on to lift every domestic trophy and play in three World Cups. But his career path took him in directions he could never have foreseen. Lines were crossed. Headlines were written. Injuries took their toll. Fans made up their minds… Owen penned a previous autobiography in 2004 but feels that only now, six years on from hanging up his boots, can he really open up on what really happened behind the scenes. It makes for a revealing, explosive read.

    When he emerged he had under his arm a manuscript, a genre-smashing book about comedy, tragedy, love, loss, war, and redemption. When asked if this was the celebrity memoir, Norm replied, "Call it anything you damn like."

    Leslie Nielsen is a true veteran of the Hollywood scene and one of America's funniest slap-stick film star. He is well-known in Britain for his movies and appearances in cider commercials and the movie "Naked Gun 33 1/3" is on its way from Paramount. From the frozen wilds of northern Canada to New York, Los Angeles, and the flashiest bars all around the world, Leslie Nielsen tells the dramatic, heart-wrenching, explosively erotic, sleazy, entirely truthful, and hilarious story of his life.

    5SOS Annual

    

    We are a bombarded generation: Facebook, billboards, Twitter, Instagram, taxes, newspapers, watches monitoring our sleep, apps that read our pulse, terrorism. There's such an onslaught to the senses these days it's a marvel any of us manage to get out of bed. I love bed. While we are overwhelmed and confused by the miasmic cloud of information, there are those that seek to take advantage: there are parking fines, hate Tweets, Nigerian email scams and Christmas newsletters from old school friends about their ugly kids. And just as we're getting round to doing something about it, we're distracted again. I, Joe Lycett, comedian, wordsmith, and professional complainer, am here to help. During my short life of doing largely nothing I've discovered solutions to many of life's problems, which I impart to you, dear Reader. Containing a centurion of complaint letters to unsuspecting celebrities, companies and anyone brave enough to clog up my phone, as well as illustrations, one-liners , jokes and life hacks, this little gem offers you a collection of tips and advice* for all manner of modern woe. By the time you have finished reading this book you will have learnt how to: - Reverse a parking fine - Manipulate the tabloid press - Navigate social media - Respond to hate mail - Out-weird internet trolls - Contest a so-called ripe avocado - Send the perfect Christmas newsletter - Defeat ISIS - Take down multi-national companiesAND MUCH, MUCH MORE! Joe Lycett x * If you are looking for guidance with taxes, quitting smoking, moving house, love, divorce, education, healthcare or anything actually important may I recommend speaking to friends or family members and not consulting a book by a comedian who eats halloumi at least twice a day.

    Mark Titus holds the Ohio State record for career wins, and made it to the 2007 national championship game. You would think Titus would be all over the highlight reels. You'd be wrong.   In 2006, Mark Titus arrived on Ohio State's campus as a former high school basketball player who aspired to be an orthopedic surgeon. Somehow, he was added to the elite Buckeye basketball team, given a scholarship, and played alongside seven future NBA players on his way to setting the record for most individual career wins in Ohio State history. Think that's impressive? In four years, he scored a grand total of nine—yes, nine—points. This book will give readers an uncensored and uproarious look inside an elite NCAA basketball program from Titus's unique perspective. In his four years at the end of the bench, Mark founded his wildly popular blog Club Trillion, became a hero to all guys picked last, and even got scouted by the Harlem Globetrotters. Mark Titus is not your average basketball star. This is a wild and completely true story of the most unlikely career in college basketball. A must-read for all fans of March Madness and college sports!From the Hardcover edition.

    Now, for the first time, Carlin has produced a book of original humor pieces, Brain Droppings. Filled with thoughts, musings, questions, lists, beliefs, curiousities, monologues, assertions, assumptions, and other verbal ordeals, Brain Droppings is infectiously funny. Also included are two timeless bonus items from the past, "A Place for Your Stuff" and "Baseball-Football." Readers will get an inside look into Carlin's mind, and they won't be disappointed by what they find: I buy stamps by mail. It works OK until I run out of stamps. What year did Jesus Christ think it was? A tree: first you chop it down, then you chop it up. Have you ever noticed the lawyer is always smiling more than the client? I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed. If you ever have chicken at lunch and chicken at dinner, do you ever wonder if the two chickens knew each other?

    He thought his only career choice would be a life of crime. Fifteen years later, he was one of Britain's most successful comics, playing live to half a million fans a year as Roy 'Chubby' Brown.COMMON AS MUCK! tells an incredible story of hardships, heartbreak and, ultimately, success. From an impoverished childhood with his abusive father, to his brand of comedy too rude for television and his determined fight against throat cancer, COMMON AS MUCK! is a frank telling of a remarkable life, laced with Roy's irrepressible humour.

    Married. Annoyed. from Chris and Rosie Ramsey, stars of the phenomenally successful chart-topping podcast.SH**GEDSaturday nights out on the tiles, undying crushes, dating like it's a competitive sport, awkward tales of dating woes, one-night stands, the walk of shame, ghosting, tears and break-ups.MARRIEDFinding 'the one', meeting their parents, first holidays and romantic weekends away, engagement rings, big moment proposals, wedding bells, the hen do, the stag, the much anticipated - and feared - best man speech, the honeymoon of a lifetime.ANNOYEDWho stacks a dishwasher like this? Empty milk cartons placed back into the fridge, pregnancy, sleepless nights, toilet seats up, toothpaste everywhere, less and less frequent date nights, DIY weekends, divorce.Whether you're sh**ged, married, annoyed, or, all of the above, Chris and Rosie Ramsey, hosts of the number one podcast, write hilariously and with honesty about the universal highs and lows of life, dating, relationships, arguments, parenting and everything in between.