Like the bungling burglar who logged on to his own Facebook page at his victim's house - and forgot to turn the computer off when he left, or the stupid bank robber who made his escape in his own car - complete with personalised number plates, or the idiotic criminal who tried to hand himself into the police... in order to collect the reward. Award-winning writer Andrew Penman has scoured the country for this hilarious collection of those who are not just bad, but also dim very dim. 'Andrew Penman enjoys a laugh at the expense of Britain's most stupid burglars' - The Mirror 'Exploits so dim-witted it's surprising they ever managed to keep themselves breathing long enough to commit any crime' - Wales Online Illustrated with cartoons drawn by Neil Kerber.

     Holy Cow! Hundreds of hilarious pranks that are really quick and easy to pull off. Become a “Master Prankster” with this giant collection of great pranks and practical jokes. Each gag in this master-collection is ready to be played on co-workers, friends, or family in a few short minutes (or less). You’ll be amazed at how fast you can gain reverence and appreciation from your friends, family, and coworkers for the tons of mischievous tricks you keep up your sleeve. You’ll enjoy every page of this book while you lightheartedly increase the anxiety-level in your office, home, or school. Instantly turns any day into “April Fool’s Day”. The quick and easy-to-set-up pranks and tricks in this book will provide you with endless, devilishly fun, practical jokes and japes to play on the most “deserving” people you know. Why wait for April Fools’ Day? Go Viral! The pranks in this book are also chosen for their ability to “go viral” on YouTube, Vine, or any social media outlet. Be sure to keep your smart device recording while you play out your practical jokes, so you can have great video to share (with your victim’s permission, of course). Let the shenanigans begin! Get this book today and start showing off how formidable and clever your “Pranking” abilities really are.

    Fire dragons once again walk the world, but will it be enough to throw off the chains of captivity binding mankind to a dismal existence?The rulers in the floating cities tighten the noose around Jared's neck as dissent brews among the waterfolk, putting everyone he loves and protects in danger. Jared must learn how to lead and guide his people to safety.  While ships from above pursue the group with powerful weapons, the fire dragons begin to bond with the waterfolk, allowing them to develop special abilities and grow their powers.Even with his superhuman body and the increased power of bonded fire dragons, Jared and Scarlet come to a critical realization; they will never stand against the cities alone. Building alliances sends them to the far corners of the world on a quest for vengeance and justice.Join the Revolution - Evolve!

    Chapters: Ranger's Apprentice Books, Ranger's Apprentice Characters, List of Characters in Ranger's Apprentice, the Ruins of Gorlan, Oakleaf Bearers, Erak's Ransom, the Icebound Land, the Sorcerer in the North, the Kings of Clonmel, the Siege of Macindaw, the Burning Bridge, Will Treaty, Halt, Halt's Peril. Excerpt: Ranger's Apprentice is the title of a series of fantasy novels written by Australian author John Flanagan. The first book in the series, titled The Ruins of Gorlan, was released in Australia on 1 November 2004 and in the United States on 16 June 2005. So far, nine books have been released in Australia and New Zealand, with other countries including the United States and United Kingdom following behind. The series follows the adventures of Will, an orphan who is taken as an apprentice Ranger, as he strives to keep the Kingdom of Araluen safe from invaders, traitors and threats. He is joined on his adventures by his mentor Halt and his best friend Horace among others. The series has been sold to over 20 countries and has sold over 2 million copies worldwide. Will was an apprentice throughout the books The Ruins of Gorlan, The Burning Bridge, The Icebound Land, Oakleaf Bearers and Erak's Ransom. The first four books told the story of Will at his first two years as an apprentice while Erak's Ransom told about Will's final mission as an apprentice. Will grew up as as orphan in Castle Redmont by the charity of Baron Arald. The orphans there are educated and given food. When the orphans turn 15, they will become an apprentice to a craft of their choice. However, if they are not chosen, the child is sent to help grow crops. When the day comes for Will, no one is willing to accept him as an apprentice until the Ranger Halt gave the Baron Arald a p... More: http://booksllc.net/?id=5750241

    But when both the fracturing worlds and Clint's bride-to-be are thrust into peril by an old foe, the gunslinger must come out of retirement and aim his seven-shooters at the dark magic and those who bring it. An epic quest hurls marshal and unicorn across the endless desert in pursuit of the dark rider Dharma Kold and his unicorn of a different color, where they must battle their way back toward The Realm to uncover the truth...and mayhap save the worlds that hang in the balance.From the creators of Yesterday's Gone (Platt) and Fat Vampire (Truant) comes this reinvention of both the western genre and unicorn lore. Appropriate for adults, teens, and children, Unicorn Western is "Harry Potter without wizards but with gunslingers, talking unicorns, epic fights, and more turkey pie."

    You are a deniable asset. Betrayal is punished by death.'A writer of almost cinematic talent' DAILY EXPRESSAlex Reeve was Operative 66. A former special-ops soldier and one of the UK's most lethal weapons, he was a member of SC9 - an elite covert unit with a remit to assassinate the country's most dangerous enemies.Falsely accused of treason, Reeve was condemned to live in the shadows as the merciless killers he once trained alongside were ordered to terminate the 'rogue asset'.But tricked into revealing himself, Reeve is dragged into a deadly international conspiracy involving the British state, shadowy Russian agents... and his own father, a violent murderer newly released from prison.But if there's one man who can survive... it is Operative 66.From the internationally bestselling author of the Wilde & Chase series comes an explosive new thriller - the perfect pulse-racing read for fans of LEE CHILD, VINCE FLYNN and GREGG HURWITZ., ,

    Okay yes, all that stuff too, but I'm not talking about that right now. The government has also been lying to us about space aliens. Aliens have landed on the National Mall and are asking to speak with the President of the United States. For the sake of the planet, diplomat Michael Wallenson is tasked with keeping them away from Donald Trump at all costs. Will Michael succeed? Or will these heavily armed, easily offended aliens succeed in reaching our leader? Building the border dome, coal-powered missiles, and the true identities of the men in black - all in Take Us To Your Trump, another hilarious satirical comedy from author Andrew Stanek.

    Comedy and Error Simon Day, star of the Fast Show and Bellamy's People tells the shocking, sometimes sad and hilariously funny story of his life so far Full description

    But when she and her friend, Peter, find a valuable coin and try to take it out of the shop, they find themselves in the fifteenth century. But that is only the beginning. The Edward V Coin The discovery of the coin from the short lived reign of Edward V, prompts Peter to want to find out what really happened to the princes in the Tower. The Anne Boleyn Necklace When Peter finds the famous B necklace worn by Anne Boleyn in many portraits, he is eager to use it to go back and see her in the flesh. But Rachel has sworn she'll never time travel again, until she finds a journal which reveals a cousin, stranded in the fifteenth century. She feels she must rescue her, but she doesn't stop to wonder if the cousin wants to be rescued. The Ripper Rings Jack the Ripper took souvenirs in the form of organs from his victims. But from one victim he took three rings and when they turn up in the antique shop, both Peter and Rachel are keen to find out how they got there.

    Nothing else going on. No girlfriend meeting his father for the first time. No recused sister back in his life after having been missing for a decade. No other sister married to a werecoyote gangster with a freshly born grandchild to show off. Especially no vampires. I promise. THE KING HENRY TAPES Book 1 - "The Foul Mouth and the Fanged Lady" (released) Book 2 - "The Foul Mouth and the Cat Killing Coyotes" (released) Book 3 - "The Foul Mouth and the Troubled Boomworm" (released) Book 4 - "The Foul Mouth and the Headless Hunny" (released) Book 5 - "The Foul Mouth and the Mancy Martial Artist" (released) Book 5.5 - "King Henry and the Three Little Trips" (released) Book 6 - "The Foul Mouth and the Pit of No Return" (released) Book 6.5 - "Assault on Dread Fortress Paine" (released) Book 6.75 - "The Glassbreaker Goes Home" (released) Book 7 - "The Foul Mouth and the Runaway Rumble" (forthcoming)

     Will Hall is a CIA agent in a South American country on the brink of Civil War. But when the moderate, rebel leader that Hall covertly supported is assassinated, the spy resigns and retreats to a cabin in the North Carolina woods. His quiet, civilian life is shattered when an unknown adversary frames him for revealing Agency secrets, putting a kill-on-sight target on his back. Hall runs in a global chase to evade death, clear his name, and free himself from the flawless "box job" that could become his coffin. Praise for Ralph Dennis: "A breathless, lean noir thriller. Every line is razor sharp. Jason Bourne fans will find a lot to like." Publishers Weekly "Ralph Dennis has mastered the genre and supplied top entertainment." New York Times "Believable and constantly thrilling." The Spy Guys & Gals Site "His prose is muscular, swift and highly readable. " Joe R. Lansdale, New York Times bestselling author "Exceptional characterization, strong and vigorous prose." Mystery Scene Magazine "Straight-up, hardboiled crime fiction, written in a tight, evocative voice with a wicked, dark sense of humor." Lee Goldberg, New York Times bestselling author

    But her autistic twenty-year-old son Merlin is desperate to lose his virginity, and a prostitute seems like the only option . . . only Lucy picks up an undercover policewoman instead.Let off with a suspended sentence, Lucy resigns herself to the fact that her son will never have sex, let alone find love… until the morning she miraculously discovers Merlin in bed with a girl.But is tough, tattooed Kayleigh just taking Merlin for a ride? If so, why? And what has brought Lucy’s snake of an ex-husband wriggling back into their lives?As all her best laid plans for Merlin’s happiness chaotically unravel, will Lucy ever be able to cut her son’s psychological umbilical cord and start to live her own life? And will the funny, quirky and marvellously magical Merlin ever find real love?With plenty of comic twists and emotional turns, Kathy Lette’s riotous yet heartrending novel tackles the taboo subject of sex for the ‘differently abled’ – and shows us that when it comes to sex, we all have special needs …

    drug company interests and a criminal coverup to stop the disease in its tracks. But are they too late? Enjoy this close-up, clinical look at an unfolding disaster, with a Chinese city in crisis, relationships lost, international criminal justice in action, and a medical community’s desperate search for Patient Zero.“This novel sparkles!” – author Henry D. SmithOriginal edition: B06WLP2793This is an alternate cover edition.

    Then got out of bed and had a brisk rub down with the pumice stone. I opened the curtains and saw that the sun was shining brightly. (A suspicion is growing in my mind that the BBC is not to be trusted.)Margaret Hilda Roberts is a rather ambitious 14 � year old grocer's daughter from Grantham. She can't abide laziness, finds four hours of chemistry homework delightful and believes she is of royal birth - or at least destined for great things. But Margaret knows that good things never come to those who wait . . .These are the secret diary entries of a girl born into an ordinary life, yet who might just go on to become something really rather extraordinary, and she is brilliantly brought vividly to life by bestselling author Sue Townsend, Britain's favourite comic writer for over three decades.'Essential reading for Mole followers' Times Educational Supplement'Wonderfully funny and sharp as knives' Sunday TimesSue Townsend is Britain's favourite comic author. Her hugely successful novels include eight Adrian Mole books, The Public Confessions of a Middle-Aged Woman (Aged 55�), Number Ten, Ghost Children, The Queen and I, Queen Camilla and The Woman Who Went to Bed For a Year, all of which are highly acclaimed bestsellers. She has also written numerous well-received plays. She lives in Leicester, where she was born and grew up.

    It is an enigma that a long-dead scientist called the Fermi Paradox."Where are they?" A brave crew will take humanity's first starship, Endeavour, on an epic journey that spans light years and centuries to solve this mystery. As Commander Tom Hites and his crew searches amid long-abandoned worlds and ancient relics, the question they seek to answer becomes: "Where are they now?"ErebusThe sparsely populated moon Io is destroyed in a terrorist attack. Hundreds are dead in the cataclysmic explosion. Thousands become refugees as the shattered remnants of the moon threaten the Jupiter Alliance. Billions throughout the solar system are wondering, "Where next?"Those responsible must be found and brought to justice. The explorer ship Erebus is reassigned from its mission and sent to Jupiter to investigate this atrocity with Trent's international team onboard. And what Trent discovers among the relics of the alien Sleeping Gods will change humanity's place in the universe forever.