The Biggest Ever Tim Vine Joke Book
Tim Vine - 2010
Packed full of zingers and hilarious illustrations, if this doesn't put a smile on your face, nothing will. What's not to like:The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. I'm against hunting. I'm actually a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.' Velcro. What a rip-off. Black Beauty. He's a dark horse. I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.
The Ducks In The Bathroom Are Not Mine: A decade of procrastination 2007 - 2017
David Thorne - 2017
Includes Overdue Account, Walter's Cargo Shorts, Simon's Piecharts, Missing Missy, Obviously a Foggot, Formal Complaints, Justin’s Floodlight, Matthew’s Party, Permission Slip and many more.
Stupid 911 Calls (Volume 1)
S. Schell - 2011
A collection of 45 ridiculous 911 emergency calls, submitted by 911 Call Center Operators across the U.S.Dedicated to you, the Taxpayer who funded these calls.Note: A quick 10-minute read of humorous quotes from real calls.Just enough for a grin of the day!
I Hate Everyone
Matthew DiBenedetti - 2011
This book goes through all the miserable people you love to hate. Do you hate morning people? How about the guy who doesn’t wipe the ketchup top after using it? Or people who just don’t care? After all, isn’t hating just another form of caring?It's true: Misery does love company. But what kind of company can you keep if you can't stand anyone? This kind. No matter who they are or what they do that sets you off and gets you going, you'll find 'em inside. From rich people who are dicks to guys named Rich who go by Dick to those who are always cold to people who are just hot, no one is safe. But one thing is certain—everyone will find someone they equally despise. And you're gonna love it, period.
Parenting Is Easy: You're Probably Just Doing It Wrong
Sarah Given - 2015
Impossible, you say? Not according to advertisers who flood the web with stock photos of perfect parents and children. They’d have you believe that parenting is a piece of cake, and every significant moment of family life takes place on a spotless white couch. So when Sara Given, a real mother of a real toddler, saw a picture of a radiant new mother in a cute little sundress breastfeeding her newborn in the middle of a golf course, she finally had enough. She launched a Tumblr, which is now visited by tens of thousands of new parents looking for a daily pick-me-up. Because what better way is there to deal with the stress and strain of being a new parent than laughter? The perfect gift of cheer and solidarity, Parenting Is Easy exploits the disconnect between these preposterous photos and what happens in real life, and makes every reader laugh out loud—and feel better, too, because we’re in on the joke.
Motivational Quotes to Help You Be More Positive
Chris (Simpsons Artist) - 2015
are you the type of person who:- thinks books are quite good- has never held a book before and would like to try holding one for a day- is completely normal and just wants to look at something- is fed up- would rather be dead- is frightened of what tomorrow may bring- is curious- needs a bit of motivation- wants to feel more positive about your lifethen this is the book for youbecause the words and pictures inside of this book will instantly make you feel more positive about yourself even after just having a look at them for about a second or 3 secondswhat happens to your body when you have no motivation:when you have no motivation it is like a wall of sadness has been built up inside of yourself and it is this wall that stops all of the happy things in the world from getting inside of your body so take my book and use it to break down the wall of sadness brick by brick so that happiness can climb back inside of your body and live there for the rest of your dayslove from your friend Chris (Simpsons artist) xox
The Grand Tour Guide to the World
Jeremy Clarkson - 2017
And The Grand Tour has seen some of them. That’s why few people are better placed to lead you around this vast planet of ours than Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May. As long as you don’t mind getting hot and lost. Welcome, everyone, to The Grand Tour Guide to The World.In this indispensable guide, you will find an abundance of information, most of which is probably wrong and possibly dangerous. As well as occasionally accurate guides to the places visited on the show, you’ll find exclusive interviews with the presenters and discover their favourite locations for car-based cocking about.As well as being a factually dubious encyclopaedia, The Grand Tour Guide to the World is also a travel companion for those of you who have been inspired by the Grand Tour circus. You’ll find tips on how to sing like a native in the Bahamas, how to speak Welsh (wrongly), and how to navigate the magic roundabout in Swindon. On top of all this, we reveal the world’s fastest cop cars and the greatest car makers. And there’s a picture of James May in an anorak.
Lost on Planet China: The Strange and True Story of One Man's Attempt to Understand the World's Most Mystifying Nation, or How He Became Comfortable Eating Live Squid
J. Maarten Troost - 2008
Maarten Troost has charmed legions of readers with his laugh-out-loud tales of wandering the remote islands of the South Pacific. When the travel bug hit again, he decided to go big-time, taking on the world’s most populous and intriguing nation. In Lost on Planet China, Troost escorts readers on a rollicking journey through the new beating heart of the modern world, from the megalopolises of Beijing and Shanghai to the Gobi Desert and the hinterlands of Tibet. Lost on Planet China finds Troost dodging deadly drivers in Shanghai; eating Yak in Tibet; deciphering restaurant menus (offering local favorites such as Cattle Penis with Garlic); visiting with Chairman Mao (still dead, very orange); and hiking (with 80,000 other people) up Tai Shan, China’s most revered mountain. But in addition to his trademark gonzo adventures, the book also delivers a telling look at a vast and complex country on the brink of transformation that will soon shape the way we all work, live, and think. As Troost shows, while we may be familiar with Yao Ming or dim sum or the cheap, plastic products that line the shelves of every store, the real China remains a world—indeed, a planet--unto itself. Maarten Troost brings China to life as you’ve never seen it before, and his insightful, rip-roaringly funny narrative proves that once again he is one of the most entertaining and insightful armchair travel companions around.
The Grumpy Old Git's Guide to Life
Geoff Tibballs - 2011
We all know one! They like to groan and grumble, offering their own commentary on the shortcomings of modern life. Whether it is queues at the supermarket, the state of the health system, the price of a pint these days, the hairstyles of teenagers, or the number of Maltesers you actually get in a bag, there is always something that will get their goat. 'The Grumpy Old Git's Guide to Life' is a hilarious celebration of all these grumps, how to identify one, what exactly they find so irritating and why we find their rants quite so amusing.
More of Dave Barry's Greatest Hits
Dave Barry - 1996
What Dave Barry did for American history in Dave Barry Slept Here and for getting older in Dave Barry Turns Forty, he does for everything else in America! Tupperware ladies, eighties people and leisure-concept salesmen beware: Dave Barry is on the loose and no one is safe!
Picking Up The Brass
Eddy Nugent - 2006
It follows Eddy Nugent, a bored fifteen-year-old, living in Manchester, as he travels through the drinking, swearing and sex-obsessed world of our nation's finest.
Attack Transport: The Story Of The U.S.S. Doyen
Lawrence A. Marsden - 2018
It was these ships that carried the bulk of the troops and equipment to the bloody assault beaches of the overseas landings. The Japanese military had swept across Pacific Ocean conquering and fortifying hundreds of small islands that the Allied forces would have to conquer one by one in order to defeat their enemy. Despite being unarmored and having little fire power, attack transports continued to make a monumental impact in the fate of the war. Not because they could defeat the Japanese on their own but because they carried in their hulls the war’s one essential combat element: the troops that fought on the ground. U.S.S. Doyen was one such attack transport that served with honor and made its contribution felt through the course of the war. Lawrence Marsden’s fascinating history of this ship uncovers the action of the Doyen from commissioning through to her last operation in World War Two and of course exposes the lives of the men who sailed her through treacherous waters to do their duty. This book provides brilliant insight into the Pacific War as it was seen from one small unit in the fleet as they were involved in some of the most important operations of that front, including the invasions of Kiska, Tarawa, Kwajalein, Saipan, Guam, Leyte, Lingayen Gulf and Iwo Jima. “In war, transports seldom rest. Between assaults, on long and dreary voyages they carry out to distant bases replacement and service troops and freight, and carry back to home ports our casualties and essential war materials. They are the unsung, battle-scarred work horses of the Navy.” Richmond K. Turner, Admiral, U.S. Navy, Former Commander Amphibious Forces, Pacific Fleet. This book is perfect for readers who wish to learn more about these fascinating boats, the men who fought aboard them and the impact that they made throughout the war. Lieutenant Commander Lawrence A. Marsden served on the U.S.S. Doyen from May 1944 through to the end of the war, and was involved in the landings at Saipan, Guam, Leyte Gulf, Luzon and Iwo Jima. After the war he resigned his commission and became a textile company executive. His book Attack Transport: The Story of The USS Doyen was first published in 1946 and he passed away in 2005.
When I Walk, I Bounce: Walking from Land's End to John o'Groats
Mark Moxon - 2007
In this entertaining and frequently hilarious book, Mark takes us on a journey not only of 1111 miles, but of the highs and lows of long-distance walking.'I read the entire journey cover to cover in a couple of days. Totally fascinating, very amusing.' - Howard J'I highly recommend that people read it from start to finish. It is a great tale ' - Peter K'Thank you for being so enthusiastic about travelling and revealing your passion in such a constructive way ' - Jenny S'A certain cure for a jaded outlook.' - Marilyn S'You can't put it down.' - Frank W'A great job ' - Kevin P
Not a Hazardous Sport
Nigel Barley - 1988
After Nigel Barley's insurance company determined that anthropology was not a hazardous sport, he was free to set off for Torajaland, a remote district of Indonesia. His visit sparked an enduring love afair which led his friends, the Torajans, to London. Their hilarious visit makes a fitting climax to Barley's book.