(Can supply own time travel machine if required.)When Horace Tweed places an advertisement in a national magazine, the last thing he expects is to be commissioned to travel back through time in search of the long extinct Holey* Snail.But this isn’t just any old snail. The helix pertusa is possessed of an extraordinary and highly desirable property, and Horace’s quest leads him and his co-adventurers to Ancient Greece and a variety of near-death encounters with beings both mythological and not so mythological.Meanwhile, Detective Chief Inspector Harper Collins has her hands full trying to track down a secret order of fundamentalist monks whom she suspects of committing a series of murders – the same monks who are determined to thwart Horace in his... ...Quest for the Holey Snail. (* This isn’t a spelling mistake. The Holey Snail is so called because there are hundreds of tiny holes all over its shell.)PLEASE NOTE: Quest for the Holey Snail is not part of Rob Johnson’s Lifting the Lid series.

    She is addicted to the feeling of being on stage, looking out at expectant, up-turned mouths, waiting for the first laugh to hit. A first laugh that will not happen unless she creates it. But Brenda is clueless. The on-off girlfriend of a prolific comedian, it is only after she realises his best stage material consists of recycled versions of her own restless, smart-arsed energy that she begins to wonder whether she might be better off keeping her jokes for herself - and so she finds herself making her very first walk to the mark on stage in front of a bare brick wall, with just a spotlight and a PA system for cover, wondering what we all wonder from time to time: am I funny? A book as much about the thrill of performance as it is about what goes on when the microphone is switched off, Brenda Monk is Funny is a blackly humourous and devastatingly candid snapshot of the reality, the brutality and fragility of the comedy industry from an exciting new voice in fiction.

    Can a young girl escape a loveless home to seize elusive peace?Portugal. As a baby, Maria Trautman was abandoned at birth by her mother and was raised by her adoring grandmother. But when her grandmother passed away, the distressed child was sent to live with her cruel and cold-hearted mother.After enduring years of physical and emotional attacks, Maria built up the courage to leave her country and emigrated to Canada to seek sanctuary with her aunt. But when her uncle continued the very abuse she was so desperate to stop, Maria feared she would be forever trapped in a never-ending cycle of violence.In a passionate true account exposing unimaginably damaging upheavals, this heartfelt narrative follows Maria’s entry to adulthood and her quest to find one thing that always evaded her: happiness. And through vivid recollection of her own daunting challenges and tragic memories, Maria creates a beautiful tribute to the resilience of the human spirit.Discover the poignant truth of a courageous woman seeking healing through tremendous faith and forgiveness.If you like moving personal accounts, testaments of perseverance and powerful journeys, then you’ll love Maria Trautman’s memoir. Follow her heart wrenching story as she goes from suffering to living in happiness in her shocking memoir, After All...After All... Winner of the Literary Titan Gold book awardBuy After All… to reach the freedom that lies ahead today!

    Peter Serafinowicz's Questions and Answers is a showcase for the razor wit and joyful nonsense of one of Britain's cleverest comedians, firing back genuinely funny instant replies to a stream of questions from the general public. This book collects together several hundred jokes from Peter's store of one-liners in a stylish, faux-Victorian, gifty hardback, just in time for Christmas. 'Peter Serafinowicz is hilarious' David Walliams' 'It's funny, but Peter Serafinowicz is the kind of funny person that funny people find funny' Simon Pegg 'Peter Serafinowicz is one of the funniest women in the world' Derren Brown

    Packed full of zingers and hilarious illustrations, if this doesn't put a smile on your face, nothing will. What's not to like:The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. I'm against hunting. I'm actually a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.' Velcro. What a rip-off. Black Beauty. He's a dark horse. I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

    No idea they’ll encounter an undiscovered tribe, rescue a drowning actress, learn jungle survival from a commando, and attend cultural ceremonies few Westerners have seen. As they find out who hooks up, who breaks up, who cracks up, and who throws up, will they fulfil Simon’s ambition to see the queen, or will they be distracted by insomniac chickens, grunting wild piglets, and the easy-going Tongan lifestyle?

    And St Michael’s Secondary School has got a new member of staff. Jeremy Clovenhoof, has spent six years living the quiet life in the suburbs after losing his job as Lord of Hell and now he thinks it’s time to share all he has learned with the next generation. Whether it’s turning toilet graffiti into art, getting a date by making nuisance calls or making the most of being ill, he’s got advice for everyone. Join Clovenhoof at the start of his year-long journey to tackle the big issues in life.

    Lover. Bon viviant. Cad. Ross O'Carroll-Kelly is many things to many people. But 10 years after he lifted the Leinster Schools Senior Cup, Ireland's most beloved rogue remains one of its most misunderstood figures.

    The spate of murders in 1993 touched many more lives than just the three victims. All of Melbourne was gripped with fear, as Frankston and surrounding suburbs were flooded with police hunting the serial killer of three young women. It began on June 11 when Elizabeth Stevens was murdered on her way home from the library. On July 8, Debbie Fream who'd left her 12-day-old baby with a friend while she dashed out for milk, was abducted and killed. Three weeks later, Year 12 student, Natalie Russell, was brutally murdered on her way home from school. When Paul Denyer, an odd young man, was arrested the day after Natalie's body was found, the police and public were shocked by his lack of emotion. Denyer, who was only 21-years-old, spoke of the three young women with contempt as he described their final moments. Their deaths had simply fuelled his bloodlust. Eleven years later, just as the public's memory of the Frankston murders began to fade, convicted serial killer, Paul Denyer, made front-page news with his quest to become a woman. The Frankston Murders: 25 years on details the shocking crimes and explores the lingering effects of what Denyer did. Now 25-years-old, Debbie Fream's son Jake speaks for the first time about the loss of his mother. And Carmel and Brian Russell share their dream for Denyer's ongoing incarceration, as the killer of their child will be eligible to apply for parole for the first time in 2023.

     All the best,Kerry and Kurtanp.s. Kurtan wants to make it clear that although this newsletter is in book format it does not make him any of the following:Book WormBook bummerBoffinNerd alertThe lion, the witch and the book wormp.p.s If you don't buy this newsletter that's fine, but we are getting a percent of the profits to donate to the Kerry Mucklowe eating fund, so if you don't buy it I'll basically starve. Which is fine if your conscience can deal with that utter headf***.

    I'm Jamie, I'm 19-years-old. I make videos on the Internet, and enough people watched them that they let me write a book. I know. What is life?"Inside these pages is my life so far, and what I've learnt - or haven't learnt - along the way. Read about my cowboy hat years, the year I dug a big hole, and the time I pulled down my pants at a badminton game.I'll tell you my top travel tips (drink water), how to have fun at a school ball (don't go) and how to be an adult (eat an oyster). And I'll talk about YouTube, because I suppose that's what got us into this mess in the first place ...

    

    We all know one! They like to groan and grumble, offering their own commentary on the shortcomings of modern life. Whether it is queues at the supermarket, the state of the health system, the price of a pint these days, the hairstyles of teenagers, or the number of Maltesers you actually get in a bag, there is always something that will get their goat. 'The Grumpy Old Git's Guide to Life' is a hilarious celebration of all these grumps, how to identify one, what exactly they find so irritating and why we find their rants quite so amusing.

    God’s country. Heartland of the Inner West. Because of its location an always fertile mix of working-class, migrant, genteel, intellectual and eccentric residents. As she got older she noticed Annandale was changing, and she started hearing new words like ‘architect’ and ‘labradoodle’, and eventually entire weeks would go by with no backyard bomb explosions.These stories about neighbourhood warfare, wacky relatives, quashed dreams and facial disfigurement are told with Norton Lodge’s characteristic comic verve and eye for absurdity and menace, inspired by her family, friends, acquaintances and nemeses. Their highlights include Greek grandparents who have lived in mutual resentment for decades and beat each other up with colanders, children who dabble in amateur porn and are sent to school with cat-food sandwiches, ‘distressed’ furniture, rampaging eczema, flying babies and other suburban wonders.

    Especially, if you are different. The (un)Lucky Sperm is a funny memoir — a collection of honest, harrowing and absurd accounts.Until he was seventeen, Brett Preiss lived in the dusty outback of Australia, where he was one of four siblings in a dysfunctional family. He learned how to survive under the most bizarre and extraordinary circumstances.In this book, he shares the trials and tribulations of his youth through anecdotes that will leave you in tears of joy or sorrow. Travel back to the ’60s and ’70s and watch Brett transform from a sperm to adolescence. Follow him having his first piano lesson, first sewing machine, first kiss and first ejaculation. The story is moving and disturbing, brutal yet hilarious. Cheer him along in his struggles and triumphs until he leaves the desert and heads off to college.If you like stories full of sarcasm and observational humor, then you are going to love this book.