She quickly makes an identical offer to all her children and their families: a large, custom-built home, and two million dollars cash. But there's a catch, a nasty hook hidden inside the bait. If the deal is accepted, they will be required to live together on a newly-created cul-de-sac in southern California, for the remainder of the matriarch's life — a woman Jovis sarcastically calls Sunshine. Not a chance! And that would only be the beginning of it, he knows. The rest of his wife's family is no prize, either. Nancy the bohemian earth child with organic, free-range armpits, Kevin the pompous scarf-wearing intellectual, Sue the 400-pound attention junkie who throws herself down flights of stairs for sympathy… Jovis sees them all as kooks, in one way or another, and they want him to live amongst them? Not for a million bucks! Or two million, even. But his defiance begins to fade when Jovis returns to his job, and realizes he's now there by choice. Crossroads Road is the first novel by Jeff Kay, proprietor of the popular humor site The West Virginia Surf Report! It is a rollicking comedy, perfect for fans of National Lampoon's Vacation, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. An early reader called the book "relentlessly hilarious."

    This is a hilariously screwed-up love story.- This book does NOT have a typical happily-ever-after.- The hero and heroine in this book are NOT billionaires who look like supermodels. They are normal people, like you and me.Description: Laney Hill is screwed. On the bed. On the treadmill. On the hood of a BMW. And on her boss’s desk. Then she’s screwed again when she steps into the free clinic and finds out she has gonorrhea. That dirty prick gave her gonorrhea! She’s totally going to break up with him...until he breaks up with her...because he’s married!A night out drinking with friends leads to a fateful--yet awkwardly-sloppy--kiss between her and her best friend George Bratton. George has been single and pining for his ex-girlfriend ever since their breakup two years ago. When his ex invites him to her destination wedding in London, self-destructive George and gonorrhea survivor Laney make a deal to go as each other’s dates. It will make great material for Laney’s “Anti-Romance” blog and maybe it will help George finally get over his ex. Nothing could possibly go wrong, right?

    She certainly doesn’t need a man to complete her. Her life couldn’t be better. Or could it?Charlie’s life is about to change. From an episode of doggy incontinence to a vomit incident in the M&S food hall, life has some little mishaps planned for Charlie that lead to some BIG surprises.With a fancy dress party looming, what begins as a drunken nightmare could turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to her.

    But at forty, she finds herself fantasizing about sprawling Tuscan villas and fitting into 'juniors department' fashions. Instead, another twenty years in a two-bedroom ranch, sale-rack slacks and a receptionist job at Idid-a-Rod Auto Garage seem to be her destiny. Until... GOOD GRIEFMary stumbles on a bag of cash in the car of two-bit drug dealer Jimmy Adler... and steals it. Confiding in best friend, Caryn, she vows to make good by playing Robin Hood in the sleepy town of Stillwater Village. Only she must keep the plan under wraps from devoted husband, Nick, who just happens to be the local sheriff. GOOD INTENTIONS As one unexpected event after another turns Mary's once tapioca-bland life hotter than three-alarm chili, she is more than a little tempted to indulge in a few retail therapy sessions. Charity begins at home, after all, but where should it end? When the fate of her imperfect yet loving family is put on the line, Mary must decide what the good life really means, and if it is Worth Lying For.

    Years of trying and failing to bear a child have given her an air of sadness overlaid with a hardened determination to persevere. Hiring Brazilian Professional Bull Rider, Alex, who is on a slow road to recovery from potentially career-ending injuries, will help Hanna get her wheat in before the fall rains come. The handsome cowboy makes it clear that he will return to bull riding before the start of the new PBR season in January. Alex didn’t count on his ex-wife dropping off his toddler daughter Chloe without warning. Hannah didn’t count on caring for the cowboy or his precious daughter. Despite his love for Chloe and the way he cares for Hannah, Alex’s goal remains the same—to return to bull riding, the only life he’s ever wanted. Three hearts hang in the balance, and one decision will break them all. If you like hot cowboys, strong women, and ranching in the new West, then this book will have you burning through the pages.

    Still smarting from the fact that her husband left her for a younger woman, she’s trying to cope single-handedly with a sick elderly cat, a sick elderly mother and a sick elderly car – to say nothing of two daughters who treat the house much like a comfortable hotel. And on top of everything else, she’s having trouble hanging on to her job.So why does everyone else seem to think turning fifty is the trouble? And why does everyone seem to think she’s losing her mind? She’s not really going crazy ... or is she?

    What’s worse is that every time she leaves the house, she winds up in some kind of altercation. She can’t help but wonder if she’s an idiot magnet, or if she’s the smart-mouth stirring things up. Hoping for a little peace of mind, Ace gives in to the advice of her best friend and goes to see a therapist. But she quickly discovers that the road to nirvana isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. And as Ace goes from one therapeutic misadventure to another, the plus-sized spitfire becomes more determined than ever to find enlightenment—even if it means bending herself into a pretzel to do it.

    Meet the 38 stones man who has never flown before and stands fat chance of ever doing so. The man who thinks his distinct Turkish looks won't go down very with the locals in the Greek half of Cyprus. The passenger who wants to enjoy the flight with his inflatable rubber woman sat on his knee. The man who suspects his false teeth may have been stolen by one of the cabin crew. Meet these delightful people plus many, many more, and enjoy the funniest read you'll have had for ages. If you enjoyed the Henry Root Letters you'll love Dear Air 2000..

    the reader is seduced by that willful voice, wavering between shock and grudging admiration at Friedmann's high-wire balancing act. And laughing all the way." -The New Orleans Times-PicayuneA tour de force whose heroine falls somewhere between the southern elegance of Walker Percy and the zany black comedy of THE CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES.Surrounded by the splendor and excess of old money in New Orleans, Eleanor Rushing is a wry and witty young woman who first locks eyes with the love of her life at a City Council meeting—or so we’re led to believe. What starts as an innocuous infatuation with Dr. Maxim Walters, a Methodist minister who just so happens to be married already, quickly turns into an outrageous and obsessive passion: she orchestrates an automobile accident outside his house, volunteers to stuff envelopes at his church, follows him to Nashville on a business venture, sets up camp in the toolshed in his backyard… Eleanor’s voice is both acutely perceptive and macabrely unhinged. She considers herself blessed with the ability to “remember everything,” except that her recollections and impressions seem to be at odds with everyone around her. As her “relationship” with Dr. Walters begins to spin frantically out of control, we can't help being her willing and faithful admirers. Magnificently showcases Friedmann's touted powers of psychological acuity and laugh-out-loud black humor. A fitting Kindle addition for fans of THE SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK.Excerpt:I think it is impossible to change the world unless you are truly evil and so mad for control you never sleep. And it’s ridiculous to try to change yourself at all. Scientists have studied identical twins who feel pain in the gut at the same time, as if everything were laid out from the moment they were conceived. Sometimes I figure all you can do is watch yourself, as if you’re viewing a simple, dull film; eventually you find out what was going to happen. Unless death catches you by surprise.So I go to City Council meetings. I haven’t missed one in four years, not even for a case of B-type influenza, which I probably picked up from a crowd in the City Council chambers. Sitting in those meetings is the only way I can pretend to feel any breezes of serendipity. Somewhere between the global and the personal, they play out the grandest battles of silliness, and I like to guess at them. When I was twenty-three I lived in Washington, DC and sat in regularly on the proceedings of the U.S. House of Representatives. But they mumbled and shuffled a lot, and you couldn’t see their eyes unless they passed close by. It was good to learn about carcinogens in the Iowa corn after the drought and how the turnips in western Montana swelled like giant melons for years after Mount Saint Helens blew, and I believed money should be set aside to study such matters, but I couldn’t see the congressmen’s eyes.

    But Markie and Jesse are unable to escape the attention of their new neighbor Mrs. Saint, an irascible, elderly New European woman who takes it upon herself, along with her ragtag group of “defectives,” to identify and fix the flaws in those around her, whether they want her to or not.What Markie doesn’t realize is that Mrs. Saint has big plans for the divorcée’s broken spirit. Soon, the quirky yet endearing woman recruits Markie to join her eccentric community, a world where both hidden truths and hope unite them. But when Mrs. Saint’s own secrets threaten to unravel their fragile web of healing, it’s up to Markie to mend these wounds and usher in a new era for the “defectives”—one full of second chances and happiness.

    And while it's not OK for someone else to make yo-momma jokes about your momma, it is perfectly healthy — even downright hilarious — to find the humor in your own upbringing. In fact, these writers highly recommend it. So if you think your mom is nuts, pull up a chair. You're in good company.

    She realizes that one foamy soak probably won't cure what ails her, so she takes a 30 day vacation from her life. (What woman doesn't need one of those?) As her 30 days sail by, Mara Jane Mulligan discovers she has a decision to make that even Dorothy couldn't avoid... Will she click her heels for home or kick them up for good? Read all Kathy's women's fiction: The Do-Over - what woman doesn't need a vacation from herlife? Plan On It - 6 men, 6 months! Back To U - taking her daughter's place at college seemedlike a good idea... Hollywood Beginnings - her mother was once a star, butdoes fame and love skip a generation? Over 100 FIVE STAR reviews! "Make mine a Do-Over..." The Do-Over is an IndieReader.com Top 10, a BookRooster.com Reviewers Pick and a Top Amazon Bestseller."The writing is witty, the plot clever, the theme universal. I can't wait for this author's next book!" P.A. Moore, author of Courthouse Cowboys (5-stars) Kathy is the National Bestselling author of The Do-Over, Plan On It, Back to U & Hollywood Beginnings. She has an M.F.A. in Creative Writing from the University of Montana,an encouraging husband, two creative daughters, and the ability to bringwriting and life together with insight and humor. She teaches writing and creativity workshops, her screenplays have placed in numerous competitions,and she was a recipient of a Zola Award for fiction from the PacificNorthwest Writer's Association.

    Getting so tall and mature. Why, you can barely recognize yourself from just a few short months ago-back when you were so young. Your body is changing. Changes can be scary. Especially for girls, and, gosh, it can be confusing." Nope. No way. That's not this book. This is NOT your mother's coming-of-age manual. In the comedic likes of Chelsea Handler, author Jen Ashton breaks sex-education tradition and begins her hilariously endearing journey to womanhood with stories of growing up a tomboy in Middle America, circa the 1980's. Packed with iconic pop culture, nostalgic geekery, and a healthy dose of self-deprecation, Ashton foregoes the conventional route of learning how to be a lady and dives right in, enlisting the help of Cosmo, Hustler and her anal-loving housekeeper. Forget dancing around the dutiful explanations passed on from generation to generation-tales of 'the red curse' and 'your changing body.' Ashton's rites of passage are chock-full of unique life lessons learned the extracurricular way. From bodily functions to breast enlargement, pregnancy prevention to purgatory, learn the real facts of life as only she can describe them. If you're lucky, you might even discover the answer to the age-old question: Do Girls Poop? If you thought your journey through puberty was rough, be prepared to finally feel normal. Girls Don't Poop is a jaw-dropping, side-splitting adventure of one clueless tomboy's quest to figure out women, so that she could inevitably become one.

    This boxed set contains the first six books from both series. BONUS: RECIPES INCLUDED --------------------------------------- Contents: (From the Garden Girls Cozy Mystery Series) 1-Who Murdered Mr. Malone? 2-Grandkids Gone Wild 3-Smoky Mountain Mystery 4-Death by Dumplings 5-Eye Spy 6-Magnolia Mansion Mysteries (From the Cruise Ship Cozy Mystery Series) 1-Starboard Secrets 2-Portside Peril 3-Lethal Lobster 4-Deadly Deception 5-Vanishing Vacationers 6-Cruise Control ----------------------------------------------- Book 1-Who Murdered Mr. Malone? Nothing exciting ever happens in the small town of Belhaven. Nothing that is, until a body was found in the woods behind the local elementary school. With the entire town in an uproar, "Garden Girl" Gloria Rutherford makes it her personal mission to find the killer or killers and solve the mystery with some help from her friends. With a little amateur detective work, Gloria is able to uncover enough clues that point right to the murderer. She's about to discover, however, things aren't always as clear cut as they would appear. Book 2-Grandkids Gone Wild "Garden Girl" Gloria Rutherford, has her hands full. Her mischievous and energetic grandsons are coming for a weekend visit. To top things off, she discovers someone is living in her barn. But who and why? As this amateur sleuth investigates what's going on in her own backyard, another murder victim turns up in their sleepy little town. Hot on the trail of a murderer, trying her best to make sure her grandkids don't end up in the ER and facing a budding romance, Gloria and her small town of Belhaven are once again about to be turned upside down. Book 3-Smoky Mountain Mystery Life is good for "Garden Girl" Gloria Rutherford. Spring has finally sprung, love is in the air, and no dead bodies have turned up in the small town of Belhaven...lately. It seems as if it's almost too good to be true. Just as Gloria starts to get settled into her familiar routine, she receives a mysterious message from her older sister, Liz. Certain that her sister, the drama queen, is once again bent on turning Gloria's life upside down for no good reason, she almost chooses to ignore the dire message that she may be in danger. When a key to her sister's place shows up in her mailbox after Liz mysteriously vanishes, Gloria jumps in with both feet to track her down. Crisscrossing the country with one of the other Garden Girls in tow, the two amateur sleuths find themselves on an adventure of a lifetime. Gloria soon discovers her sister's mysterious disappearance is the least of her worries. PLUS NINE MORE COZY MYSTERIES FOR YOU TO ENJOY!