It’s a disaster!Luckily, there’s a spare suit of armour and a very small boy called Ralph who’s willing to fill it. Together with Fortnight the Friday knight and Fossfiddle the wizard, Ralph sets out to defeat the fearsome fire-breathers.But there's a teeny weeny surprise in store . . .Fourteen fantastically funny stories from master storyteller Sir Terry Pratchett, full of time travel and tortoises, monsters and mayhem!‘So funny I dropped my spoon laughing!’ – King Arthur

    Problem was, these stories, many of which found their way into the general social consciousness, reflected the way in which these men lived and saw their world: that is, the stories were sexist, discriminatory, unfair, culturally biased, and in general, demeaning to witches, animals, goblins, and fairies everywhere.Finally, after centuries of these abusive tales, which have been handed down--unknowingly--from one male-biased generation to the next, James Finn Garner has taken it upon himself (that's right, yet another man) to enlighten and liberate these classic bedtime stories and retell them in a way that is much more in keeping with the society in which we live today.Politically Correct Bedtime Stories, then is the fruit of Garner's labors. We'd like to think that future generations of fairy-tale fans will see this as a worthy attempt to develop meaningful literature that is totally free from bias and purged from the influences of a flawed cultural past.

    Now he gives birth to a cast of gruesomely sympathetic children – misunderstood outcasts who struggle to find love and belonging in their cruel, cruel worlds. His lovingly lurid illustrations evoke both the sweetness and the tragedy of these dark yet simple beings – hopeful, hapless heroes who appeal to the ugly outsider in all of us, and let us laugh at a world we have long left behind (mostly anyway).

    Smart and funny illustrations by artist Jeffrey Brown give classic Star Wars moments a twist by bringing these iconic family relations together under one roof. From tea parties to teaching Leia how to fly a TIE fighter, regulating the time she spends talking with friends via R2-D2's hologram, and making sure Leia doesn't leave the house wearing only a skirted metal bikini, Vader's parenting skills are put hilariously to the test.

    A missing mage. A world in need… Brinley has spent most of her life lost in her own imagination, teaching bullfrogs to do gymnastics and pretending to be invisible. Now, when a magic bell from another world summons her across time and space on a journey to find her mother, she will discover real friendship, face true evil, and overcome her greatest fears in order to save the ones she loves. The Mage and the Magpie is the first book in Austin J. Bailey's Magemother series: an epic middle-grade fantasy adventure series with witches, shapeshifters, and cliffhangers, and awesome kids (There are very few boring adults in this book!). What Readers are Saying Loved the world it took me into to. A good, clean, fun story that left me wanting more. Loved how developed the characters were for such a quick read. A great read for any age.-Melissa A fresh story of good versus evil set in a fantasy world much like a marvelous daydream gone wild. A truly enjoyable and engaging read.-S.Rosenquist Interview with the Author Q - Why should I try your books? A - Because the Magemother books are fast and fun, and I guarantee you'll never forget the friends you find inside them. Each of the books is a different experience, but each one is worth your time. And I'm not just saying that because I wrote them. I've also read a TON of Fantasy. If you like fun, kid-friendly books with lots of magic and a plot that twists and turns, you'll get a kick out of this series. Q - So, what makes the Magemother series so special? A - A few things. When I set out to write the Magemother series I wanted to write the types of books that I love to read. My top picks are usually fantasy books. I'm well into my 20's now and I still love reading the middle grade bestsellers. Especially ones with a good bit of mystery, a few surprises, and lots of laughs. The Magemother books have a good mix of these things. They mostly focus on the children's fantasy / teen fantasy adventure genre's over all, with some coming of age and mystery aspects thrown in for good measure. Overall the Magemother series is designed to invite you into another wonderful fantasy universe alongside a set of unforgettable characters. Q - What order should I read the books in? A - Well, if I did my job right you should be able to read them in any order you want right? Seriously though, fantasy worlds can get a bit complicated, so if you don't want to risk missing anything I would suggest this order: - The Mage and the Magpie - The Empty Throne (Novella) - The Paradise Twin - The Bridge to Nowhere (coming soon) Q - Which one was your favorite to write? A - That's a tough one. The Empty Throne was fun because Tabitha is such a wonderfully strange and quirky character, and I really had a blast giving her her own adventure. That said, The Paradise Twin is my favorite so far. The characters really come alive in that book, especially Hugo, who has some serious demons to wrestle with. There is also some great plot twists and comedy in that one, if I do say so myself. Magemother Middle Grade Fantasy Adventure Series eBook Categories: -kids fantasy series free -teen fantasy series free -teen fantasy free -free teen fantasy books

    Burly and Grum show Max a secret city in the the middle of the forest but hunters are tracking them down. They knock out Burly, capture Max and want to turn the Secret City into a tourist attraction. Throw in some big cats, Grum's mother and brothers, Mike the Angel, a deer and a few ducks and the day becomes very exciting!

    In the early 1800s, Nicholas, Jessica and Jon Santa attempt the first human trek to the North Pole and stumble upon an ancient race of people left over from the Ice Age. They are short, fat and hairy. They slide across the ice on scaly soles and carve their homes in the ice that floats on the Arctic Ocean. The elven are adapted to life in the extreme cold. They are as wise as they are ancient.Their scientific advancements have yielded great inventions -- time-stopping devices and gravitational spheres that build living snowmen and genetically-modified reindeer that leap great distances. They’ve even unlocked the secrets to aging. For 40,000 years, they have lived in peace.Until now.An elven known as The Cold One has divided his people. He’s tired of their seclusion and wants to conquer the world. Only one elven stands between The ColdOne and total chaos. He’s white-bearded and red-coated. The Santa family will help him stop The Cold One. They will come to the aid of a legendary elvenknown as...Claus.

    And there's also a bit about a giant robot octopus. Praise for my other book, I am not a Loser, which is about 8 million times longer than this one: ‘Brilliant’ – My mum ‘Amazing’ – Also my mum

    Why?Her sister is marrying Bobby's brother.She's trussed up in a bridesmaid dress that must have been designed originally as a Victorian Torture Chamber.To teach them a lesson, she and Bobby have been assigned to the Kiddie Table.And that's only the beginning...

    Why, the latest on-dit is that rakish Viscount Sheffield is canceling the fête of the year because he hasn't time for silly soirees. He doesn't need time—he needs her! When a flash of lightning destroys the venue for his family's annual Christmas ball, Lord Benedict Sheffield intends to enjoy a relaxing holiday for once. But after twelve days of beguiling Lady Amelia's guerrilla tactics, he's up to his cravat with tinsel . . . and tumbling head over heels in love.

    Now, in "Overtime," the Laundry is on a skeleton staff for Christmas—leaving one bureaucrat to be all that stands between the world and annihilation by the Thing That Comes Down Chimneys. Written especially for Tor.com's holiday season, Charles Stross's novelette is a finalist for the 2010 Hugo Award. Charles Stross is the Hugo-winning author of some of the most acclaimed novels and stories of the last ten years, including Singularity Sky, Accelerando, Halting State, the "Merchant Princes" series beginning with The Family Trade, and the story collections Toast and Wireless.

    Andersen created intriguing and unique characters -- a tin soldier with only one leg but a big heart, a beetle nestled deep in a horse's mane but harboring high aspirations. Each one of us at some time, has been touched by one of Andersen's Fairy Tales. Here you'll find his classic tales such as: "The Mermaid, Thumbelina, The Steadfast Tin Soldier, "and "The Ugly Duckling," 38 of your favorite tales in all. This deluxe Children's Classic edition is produced with high-quality, leatherlike binding with gold stamping, full-color covers, colored endpapers with a book nameplate. Some of the other titles in this series include: Anne of Green Gables, Black Beauty, Heidi, King Arthur and His Knights and The Secret Garden.

    You know where you can go? The f**k to sleep.”Go the Fuck to Sleep is a book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland. Profane, affectionate, and radically honest, it captures the familiar—and unspoken—tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night. Read by a host of celebrities, from Samuel L. Jackson to Jennifer Garner, this subversively funny bestselling storybook will not actually put your kids to sleep, but it will leave you laughing so hard you won’t care.

    A mysterious snowfall, one Santa too many, and eyes of coal that watch you wherever you go.Ten-year-old Kaity is busy trying to get rid of her mum's creepy new boyfriend and reunite her divorced parents, but her curiosity gets the better of her when she meets the new mall Santa and his enchanting daughter Blizzard. Can Kaity help them save Christmas from being destroyed by Anti-Claus - a pretend Santa who is a permanent member of the naughty list?It's Christmas in the village of Chelferry, but this year the snowmen can move, the fairy won't stay on top of the Christmas tree, and if you listen closely to the musical Christmas cards, you can hear the faint sound of screaming over the Jingle Bells...- - - - - - - - - -Creepy Christmas is a 50,000 word (approx 200 pages) novel suitable for ages 8 and upwards.

    I am the new rotsap of Nibbleswicke. Dog help me!"The Reverend Lee is suffering from a rare and acutely embarrassing condition: Back-to-Front Dyslexia. It affects only his speech, and he doesn't realize he's doing it, but the parishioners of Nibbleswicke are shocked and confused by seemingly outrageous comments.At last a cure is found and the mild-mannered vicar can resume normal service. Or at least as normal as is possible for a man who must walk backwards to be sure of taking forwards!A highly comic tale in the best Dahl tradition of craziness, written for the benefit of the Dyslexia Institute.