Little does he know, he'll soon find his mate, tiny brunette Blaire. But she turns out to be hard to handle for her tiny size.

    Containing Harry's favourite jokes picked from the world's joke archive, it also features jokes written by Harry, including some brand-new ones written specially for this book.

    I drifted very slowly to the eastward, approaching the island slantingly; and presently I saw, with hysterical relief, the launch come round and return towards me.

    She wears granny panties and is constantly dropping wads of cash at Target, and his son cries all the time. Now his "temporary" roommate, Dave, ate all the Totino's pizza rolls. Again. Karl Welzein is sick of this. So sick of this.Power Moves chronicles the hilarious decline of Karl Welzein on his journey from life as a Dockers-and-golfshirt-wearing dad to a ponytailed party maniac who spits out his life philosophies like a modern-day Charles Bukowski (if he preferred to get drunk at Applebee's).A middle-aged Michigan native, Karl may be overweight, prone to questionable fashion and culinary choices, oblivious to his drinking problem, a poor excuse for an employee, obsessed with the restroom, and a terrible husband, father, and friend . . . but in his heart he means well. He's just like a lot of us—he loves the USA, Guy Fieri, bold flavors, Bob Seger, and thinking he looks jacked in a tight tee and Maui Jim sunglasses. Karl is an everyman and like no other man on the planet all at once.Inspired by the Twitter feed @DadBoner, Karl finally tells his full story. He shares his wisdom on fitness (1. Look at a pic of Stone Cold Steve Austin. 2. Do 'shups 'til you look like Stone Cold. 3. Cut off your sleeves), diet (Eat only the filling of the Taco Bell Beefy Melts for maximum flavor and low-carb health), fashion (Wearin' boots with jean shorts says "I like to keep cool, but I'm ready if the action gets hot"), work life (If you don't have a job that makes you want to kill yourself, you don't deserve to drink until you want to die), and the bliss of the perfect weekend (beers, brats, and babes' chest beefers).But above all, this is a story about America—the real red, white, and blue America of today. Welcome to Karl's world. Reading this book is the ultimate Power Move.

    ✯ The American Revolution ✯ WWII ✯ 9-11 What About Today?How do we share Patriotism with America's Future?The novel Saving Dr. Warren...A True Patriot answers that question through the eyes of a 14 year old boy.Steve O'Dell loves to write and does it well. But as an eighth-grade student at Needham Middle School, his talent sometimes seems more an embarassment than a blessing.Then, on Veterans Day 2001, Steve's award-winning essay propels him into an adventure twisting through Revolutionary battles and bloodshed. Thanks to the bizarre bequest of a manuscript and a musket ball from a long-lost family war hero, Steve's journey with the Revolutionary War hero Dr. Joseph Warren begins.A time-traveling talisman missing from the archives of one of Boston's oldest historical societies takes Steve through portals of history, where he walks side by side with a real Boston patriot. He makes house calls with Dr. Warren on March 5, 1770 and stumbles onto the bloodstained streets of the Boston Massacre. From the killings of March 5, to boarding tea ships in 1773, Steve's history book explodes to life as he helps Dr. Warren and forges a friendship with Boston's True Patriot. Steve watches Dr. Warren launch Paul Revere on his midnight ride, and he helps Dr. Warren dodge British musket balls in the first battles of the War for Independence. With each adventure, Steve tastes the light that ignites The Revolution.Steve will eventually convince others that the Revolutionary relic he was given really does open portals through time, but he faces his most difficult quest alone-saving Dr. Warren from the onslaught at Bunker Hill. Can he do it? And if he fails, will he ever return to this century?Saving Dr. Warren...A True Patriot rips through the pages of history. From the Revolutionary War to the vanishing veterans of World War II, to the ashes of September 11, 2001, Saving Dr. Warren demonstrates to both old and young that patriotism, standing like an old oak tree on a grandfather's farm, has and will endure.★ ☆ ★ ☆Author's NoteI love Historical fiction; it is a wonderful tool for learning. Saving Dr. Warren...A True Patriot is a historical fiction novel written for younger readers and middle school teachers. Within these pages are resources that junior high school teachers can use to help their class explore the impact of September 11th, World War II and the beginnings of the American Revolution.Through historical fiction, the author is able to provide young readers a perspective on what it would be like to experience 9-11 and the War on Terror as a middle school student, allowing history to come alive.Combat stories as told by a United States Marine and Medal of Honor recipient give middle school teachers the opportunity to share with students the Battle of Okinawa and impress upon them the sacrifices made for freedom. The importance of Veterans Day is also impressed upon Steve, the teenage protagonist, as he learns about his great uncle's experience as a World War II Marine.Finally, Steve's experiences with Dr. Joseph Warren will propel middle school readers into the beginnings of the American Revolution. All Americans have heard of Paul Revere, but how many know that it was Dr. Warren who sent his best friend out on the famous midnight ride? Junior high school students and teachers can experience the Boston Massacre, the Boston Tea Party, the battles of Lexington, Concord and Menotomy, as well as the Battle of Bunker Hill, through the lens of Dr. Joseph Warren, America's forgotten hero.Saving Dr. Warren...A True Patriot was written to help teachers connect with these important historical events, while providing a fun adventure through history for teenage readers.

    The Hands of Time: When a young American woman vanishes without a trace from a quaint fishing village on the coast of England only one person knows the truth, but he remains silent, safe in the knowledge that she will never be found. Meanwhile, Valerie Crane finds herself transported to the year 1605. Terrified and confused, she turns for help to the Whitfield brothers, who take her in and offer her a home. Both Alexander and Finlay Whitfield fall in love with the mysterious woman who shows up on their doorstep, creating a love triangle that threatens to consume them all. Valerie must make her choice, deciding between the brother who will lead her down the path of destruction and one who will give her the love she couldn’t find in her own time. A Leap of Faith: Alone and bereft, Valerie’s sister, Louisa, makes the fateful decision to follow her sister into the seventeenth century. But, the best laid plans often go awry, and she finds herself on the wrong continent, and in the wrong year. Louisa must cross the Atlantic to get to Virginia, hoping that Valerie is still there in 1620, and face the uncertainty of her situation as she makes the dangerous journey to the New World. Will the two sisters reunite, or will they pass like ships in the night, never knowing how close they came to finding each other? A World Apart: Reunited with her sister at last, Louisa settles in colonial Virginia, but an unexpected visitor throws life into turmoil once again by offering Valerie and Louisa an opportunity to return to the future. Before the sisters have a chance to make a decision, the unthinkable happens; ripping the family apart, and scattering them over continents and time itself. No one is spared as child is torn from parents, sister is parted from sister, and a devastating famine threatens the colony. The Whitfields and Sheridans must fight for survival and face challenges they never imagined as they are cast a world apart. A Game of Shadows: It’s 1624, and the Whitfields finally arrive in England, eager to spend time with Louisa and Kit, but their visit is not the happy reunion they’d hoped for. In the meantime in 1777, Abbie and Finn go behind enemy lines to spy for the Revolution, putting themselves in grave danger. The slightest mistake can mean the difference between life and death, and tear them apart forever. Even Finn’s knowledge of what’s to come is not enough to keep them safe from their own carelessness. Unexpected revelations, long-buried secrets, and unforeseen reunions threaten to destroy everything the Whitfields and Sheridans hold dear, throwing their lives into turmoil once again. Shattered Moments: Murder, blackmail, long buried secrets, and a tender new romance take center stage in Shattered Moments, the final installment of The Hands of Time Series as the Whitfields and Sheridans face their toughest challenges yet.

    No one is actually compatible with anyone else/ we just all get swept away by lust or, deafened by the thrashmetal tick of the biological clock, shut down all critical facilities. Part 1 of Darkside Zodiac in Love is "I'm Your Venus," which is all about the planet of L.O.V.E. and Libra and Taurusthe signs it rules directlyand the havoc they can play in our lives. Part 2 shows how love hurts all the way around the zodiac. It identifies the cheaters, describes how members of each sign conduct themselves on dates and perform in bed, and provides compatibility charts and blinddate guides. Darkside Zodiac in Love will help readers take a cold, hard look at all the shabby tricks, manipulations, lies, and cruel intentions each sun sign tries to hide. It won't mend a broken heart, but it will tell readers who they are compatible with and who is likely to murder them in their sleep! It also tells readers what conniving, twotiming, icyhearted little love rats they really are, but then nothing comes for free, does it?! * Snarky, snarkywe all take love too seriously and astrology not seriously enough.

    In the span of one day, Judian goes from the burden of farm chores to a crushing responsibility for the lives of his family. With his father and brother gone to war, he must keep the others safe and evade the enemy. If only he can trust the guides which appear, seemingly unbidden, he may succeed. Yet, he has so much to learn, and so little time. He struggles to keep to the fringes of the conflict, but the magic he discovers draws him deeper, toward the truth of the war. Mages from a distant land are driving the enemy forces. To what end? Follow Judian as he comes of age in a world of portents and spellcasting. Though life as a farm boy left him longing for more adventure, he must be careful with his wishes during the fateful year he becomes a man.

    Most of his friends are dead or disappeared. Corrupt CIA Director Marcus Cain is poised to ascend to the highest levels of power, and the shadowy group known as the Circle is causing chaos across the globe.

     Lola’s name and celebrity gossip have always gone hand-in-hand—that’s just the price she pays for being young, beautiful, and famous in Hollywood. But when the paparazzi catches her in a steamy embrace with one half of America’s favorite movie star couple, Lola knows things are about to get bad. If Lola wants to keep working in this town, she’s going to need some major image rehab. According to her publicist, what Lola really needs is an All-American boyfriend to salvage her bad-girl reputation. Sam Medina is the perfect choice to play the part—hard-working, decent, and decidedly not famous. He’s also sexy as hell. And he’s interested in being a lot more than a pretend boyfriend. Lola needs someone to save her career, not fight for her heart. But Sam refuses to follow the script…

    Dangerous first love. This is where it all begins...The mansion on top of Benson Hill has stood empty for years. But one day it seems to be occupied, and its mysterious, handsome inhabitant Alexander Sterling becomes the source of much talk around town. Raven, a vampire-obsessed Goth-girl who has always considered herself an outsider in 'Dullsville', is determined to uncover the truth surrounding the secretive Alexander. As she gets to know him, and their spark intensifies, Raven finds herself in some unanticipated situations. Vampire Kisses: The Beginning captures the thrill of a most unusual romance.Also available by Ellen Schreiber:Vampire Kisses 2: Kissing CoffinsVampire Kisses 3: VampirevilleVampire Kisses 4: Dance with a VampireVampire Kisses 5: The Coffin ClubVampire Kisses 6: Royal BloodVampire Kisses 7: Love BitesOnce in a Full Moon

    Come and claim it in this first book of the Five Kingdoms series, from the #1 New York Times bestselling author of the Fablehaven and Beyonders series.Cole Randolph was just trying to have a fun time with his friends on Halloween (and maybe get to know Jenna Hunt a little better). But when a spooky haunted house turns out to be a portal to something much creepier, Cole finds himself on an adventure on a whole different level. After Cole sees his friends whisked away to some mysterious place underneath the haunted house, he dives in after them—and ends up in The Outskirts. The Outskirts are made up of five kingdoms that lie between wakefulness and dreaming, reality and imagination, life and death. It’s an in-between place. Some people are born there. Some find their way there from our world, or from other worlds. And once you come to the Outskirts, it’s very hard to leave. With the magic of the Outskirts starting to unravel, it’s up to Cole and an unusual girl named Mira to rescue his friends, set things right in the Outskirts, and hopefully find his way back home…before his existence is forgotten.

    Sea Serpents. Pirates. Dragons. Follow Darek of the Red Claw Clan through this three book box set, a young sailor crossing blades with ruthless pirates and warring clans. As his hidden powers grow, first in his natural ability to commune with sea dragons, so too does his uncanny dragon-riding skill and sudden bursts of psi power. Yet a foul wind blows across the serpent deeps, bringing with it a former apprentice, Cyrus, a forsaken sorcerer who wields terror and death. The Dragonclaw Islands are thrust into the brink of war as Darek struggles to find his path, unlock his skills, though alienated from his sister and parents. Is he destined to become the Mage Reborn? Ever more does he realize he must stop the tides of war, bring order to clan and family while the rising menace of Cyrus lurks unseen. Taken under the wing of the ailing Dragon Mage Agrippa, Darek uses his powers to unite the Dragon Riders against the growing swarm of sea serpents controlled by Cyrus’s forbidden magic. The fires of rebellion, stoked by a Pirate Queen, plunge the Islanders into an all-out war among dragons, sea serpents, and monsters of the deep. But are Darek’s powers enough to combat these foes, especially when he is linked to the pirates by blood bond and their beautiful queen? Dive into this world of adventure, imagination, and danger that fans of Dragonriders of Pern, Eragon, Dragonlance, Dragon Blood, Dragonvein, Temeraire, and Dragon School will love. Scroll up and one-click to buy this box set today while the introductory price lasts!

    In fear for her life, she must remain off the streets of DC or suffer an evil fate. Luckily Slade, who vows to avenge Knox s death, is tucked away in a cell, although his imprisonment does nothing for her broken heart. Desperate for protection, Farah, Mia and Shadow take solace with Bones, 2nd in command of The Fold, a group of modern day vampires. When her blood craving increases she makes risky moves to quench her thirst. For months she successfully avoids capture while waiting for the day the Bakers will abandon the quest and withdraw from D.C. It never happens. Surmising the plan to snuff Farah out is weakening, Audio, the youngest of the Bakers, becomes unglued. Refusing to sit idly by he moves solo, making a brash decision that causes a domino effect of consequences, which will ruin many lives. Just when your pressure settles you re struck with a revelation that will challenge everything you believe. Prepare Vamp Lovers...you re in for a bloody ride.

    Why not?Who cares. She has everything under control.Except she's not sure Will is really dead dead. And Detective Gavin Raines, her vampire-hunting crush, has popped back in her life to investigate an odd string of murders...and maybe finally ask her out on a real date.At least her her teaching job is straightforward. Or rather it was before the world's most perfect teacher joins the staff and seems to be noticing that her vampire traits are, well, a lot more apparent than she'd like them to be.Caught between two worlds and fitting into neither, Jo must risk it all to take her own path--before the next person dead is her. Buy your copy today!