Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love
Amir Levine - 2010
F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory-the most advanced relationship science in existence today-can help us find and sustain love. Attachment theory forms the basis for many bestselling books on the parent/child relationship, but there has yet to be an accessible guide to what this fascinating science has to tell us about adult romantic relationships-until now.Attachment theory owes its inception to British psychologist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, who in the 1950s examined the tremendous impact that our early relationships with our parents or caregivers has on the people we become. Also central to attachment theory is the discovery that our need to be in a close relationship with one or more individuals is embedded in our genes.In Attached, Levine and Heller trace how these evolutionary influences continue to shape who we are in our relationships today. According to attachment theory, every person behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:*ANXIOUS people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back.*AVOIDANT people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.*SECURE people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.Attached guides readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mates) follow. It also offers readers a wealth of advice on how to navigate their relationships more wisely given their attachment style and that of their partner. An insightful look at the science behind love, Attached offers readers a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections.
Codependency - “Loves Me, Loves Me Not”: Learn How To Cultivate Healthy Relationships, Overcome Relationship Jealousy, Stop Controlling Others and Be Codependent No More
Simeon Lindstrom - 2014
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If you’ve had difficulty with starting or maintaining relationships, issues with feeling jealous and possessive or find that your connections with others are more a source of distress than anything else, this book is for you. It may feel sometimes that an intense and serious connection with someone is proof of the depth of the feeling you have for one another. But be careful, obsession and dependency is not the same as love. In the codependent relationship, our affection and attention is coming from a place of fear and need. As a result, the partners never really connect with each other. They do endless, complicated dances around each others problems, but what they never do is make an honest human connection. In codependent relationships, manipulation, guilt and resentment take the place of healthy, balanced affection. Codependent partners are not necessarily together because they want to be, they are because they have to be, because they don’t know how to live otherwise. One partner may bring a history of abuse, a “personality disorder” or mental illness into a relationship; the ways the other partner responds to this may be healthy or not, but if they bring their own issues to the table too, they may find that the bond of their love is more accurately described as a shared and complementary dysfunction. Remember, the relationships we are in can never be better than the relationships we have with ourselves. Two unhappy people together never make a happy couple together. We cannot treat other people in ways we have never taken the time to consider before, and we cannot communicate properly if we are not even sure what it is we need to communicate in the first place. An individual with a mature, well-developed sense of themselves has the most to offer someone else. They have their own lives, their own sense of self-worth, their own strength. And when you remove need, fear, obsession and desperation, you open up the way for love and affection just for its own sake. Love is many things, but it’s cheapened when held hostage by the ego. Connections formed around ego and fear may be strong and lasting, but what keeps them going is mutual need. What could be more romantic than, “I don’t need to be with you. You don’t complete me at all. I am happy and stable and fulfilled without you. But I still want to be with you, because you’re awesome”? It all boils down to this: communication. Whether it’s through words or not, we are constantly communicating, and the accumulation of these little units creates this big thing we call a relationship.
Real Love: The Art of Mindful Connection
Sharon Salzberg - 2017
You don’t have to do anything to deserve all the love in the world.Real Love is a creative tool kit of mindfulness exercises and meditation techniques that help you to truly engage with your present experience and create deeper love relationships with yourself, your partner, friends and family, and with life itself.Sharon Salzberg, a leading expert in Lovingkindness[GR1] meditation, encourages us to strip away layers of negative habits and obstacles, helping us to experience authentic love based on direct experience, rather than preconceptions. Across three sections, Sharon explains how to dispel cultural and emotional habits, and direct focused care and attention to recapture the essence of what it is to love and be loved.With positive reflections and practices, Sharon teaches us how to shift the responsibilities of the love that we give and receive to rekindle the powerful healing force of true connection. By challenging myths perpetuated by popular culture, we can undo the limited definitions that reduce love to simply romance or passion, and give the heart a much needed tune-up to connect ourselves to the truest experience of love in our daily lives.
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
Sue Johnson - 2008
In Hold Me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy to the general public for the first time. Johnson teaches that the way to save and enrich a relationship is to reestablish safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond. With this in mind, she focuses on key moments in a relationship-from "Recognizing the Demon Dialogue" to "Revisiting a Rocky Moment" -- and uses them as touch points for seven healing conversations.Through case studies from her practice, illuminating advice, and practical exercises, couples will learn how to nurture their relationships and ensure a lifetime of love.
Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
John M. Gottman - 2019
Navigating the challenges of long-term commitment takes effort—and it just got simpler, with this empowering, step-by-step guide to communicating about the things that matter most to you and your partner. Drawing on forty years of research from their world-famous Love Lab, Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman invite couples on eight fun, easy, and profoundly rewarding dates, each one focused on a make-or-break issue: trust, conflict, sex, money, family, adventure, spirituality, and dreams. Interactive activities and prompts provide motivation to stay open, stay curious, and, most of all, stay talking to each other. And the range—from the four skills you need for intimate conversation (including Put Into Words What You Are Feeling) to tips on being honest about your needs, while also validating your partner’s own emotions—will resonate, whether you’re newly together or a longtime couple looking to fortify your bond. You will discover (or rediscover) your partner like never before—and be able to realize your hopes and dreams for the love you desire and deserve.
The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship --Toltec Wisdom Book
Miguel Ruiz - 1999
In the tradition of Carlos Castaneda, the author distills essential Toltec wisdom on human relationships as well as techniques for integrating this awareness into daily life.
Building Love Together in Blended Families: The 5 Love Languages and Becoming Stepfamily Smart
Gary Chapman - 2020
With so many complex relationships involved, all the normal rules for family life change, even how you apply something as simple as the five love languages.That’s why Gary Chapman, the bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages® andnational expert on stepfamilies, Ron Deal, join together in this book to teach you how the five love languages can help your blended family. They’ll teach you:About the unique dynamics of stepfamiliesHow to overcome fear and trust issues in marriageHow to develop healthy parenting and step-parenting practicesHow the love languages should—and should not—be appliedYou’re going to face many challenges, but with the right strategies and smart work, your family can be stronger and healthier together.
Why Won’t You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts
Harriet Lerner - 2017
Harriet Lerner has been studying apologies—and why some people won’t give them—for more than two decades. Now she offers compelling stories and solid theory that bring home how much the simple apology matters and what is required for healing when the hurt we’ve inflicted (or received) is far from simple. Readers will learn how to craft a deeply meaningful “I’m sorry” and avoid apologies that only deepen the original injury.Why Won’t You Apologize? also addresses the compelling needs of the injured party—the one who has been hurt by someone who won’t apologize, tell the truth, or feel remorse. Lerner explains what drives both the non-apologizer and the over-apologizer, as well as why the people who do the worst things are the least able to own up. She helps the injured person resist pressure to forgive too easily and challenges the popular notion that forgiveness is the only path to peace of mind. With her trademark humor and wit, Lerner offers a joyful and sanity-saving guide to setting things right.
Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic
Esther Perel - 2006
She invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home.In her 20 years of clinical experience, Perel has treated hundreds of couples whose home lives are empty of passion. They describe relationships that are open and loving, yet sexually dull. What is going on?In this explosively original book, Perel explains that our cultural penchant for equality, togetherness, and absolute candor is antithetical to erotic desire for both men and women. Sexual excitement doesn't always play by the rules of good citizenship. It is politically incorrect. It thrives on power plays, unfair advantages, and the space between self and other. More exciting, playful, even poetic sex is possible, but first we must kick egalitarian ideals and emotional housekeeping out of our bedrooms.While Mating in Captivity shows why the domestic realm can feel like a cage, Perel's take on bedroom dynamics promises to liberate, enchant, and provoke. Flinging the doors open on erotic life and domesticity, she invites us to put the "X" back in sex.©2006 Esther Perel (P)2006 HarperCollins Publishers
No One's the Bitch: A Ten-Step Plan for the Mother and Stepmother Relationship
Jennifer Newcomb Marine - 2009
Whether you just want to create a neutral, “business” partnership with the “other woman” in your life—or actually, gulp, become friends—they show you how to reach your goal through ten powerful steps.
Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy: A Guide to Getting Over Your Partner's Past and Finding Peace
Zachary Stockill - 2013
That's where I come in. Written from the rare perspective of one who has struggled with, and eventually overcome, intense jealousy surrounding my partner's past, "Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy" is the only guide you will ever need to letting go of jealous thoughts and anxiety about your partner’s past, overcoming constant unrest and worry, and finding greater peace. You might currently feel hopeless; like retroactive jealousy is something that you’ll just be forced to “live with” until you die. You might even be severely depressed, mired in obsessive jealous thoughts and confusion. I used to feel the same way. I'm here to tell you that you are suffering needlessly. In nineteen chapters, I outline effective strategies, practices, and exercises for confronting, and eventually overcoming, jealousy regarding your partner’s past as painlessly and efficiently as possible. After reading this guidebook you will: - have access to a new multi-step program that will help you to let go of your jealousy and anxiety - begin incorporating coping exercises into your daily routine which will reduce your jealous thoughts as soon as they appear - feel a new sense of optimism and confidence in your ability to grow and overcome retroactive jealousy - understand what your jealousy is really trying to tell you Overcoming retroactive jealousy wasn’t easy, but I am undoubtedly a stronger, more confident, more loving and overall better man for having gone through it. My jealousy turned out to be a blessing in disguise -- seriously. It might not seem like it now, but you too can use jealousy to your advantage. As you progress, you will emerge a stronger, more confident, more attractive, and more loving person and partner — and it’s my pleasure to guide you every step of the way. What my readers are saying: "Thanks for writing such a great book… It’s superb. Your advice has already given me instant help. I see the problem clearly and feel empowered to start the battle." - Ryan, UK "I cannot express to you how grateful I am for your book… The help that your book has given me, and the hope you instilled in me is priceless. It would be an understatement to say I would recommend this book to sufferers of RJ. This should be compulsory reading for all sufferers of jealousy." - Jeremy, USA "Your book was better than professional therapy... I’ve gone from crying and feeling helpless all day, to functioning at about 90%, with reassurance that I WILL get back to 100%. - Nick, USA Visit http://www.retroactivejealousy.com/ov... for more testimonials. You need to know that you can move on from retroactive jealousy, and reassert control over your life. You can get a hold on your brain, and patterns of compulsive questioning and obsessive thoughts. You can be the partner you want to be — you just have to understand where retroactive jealousy comes from, and how to deal with it. So let’s get started!
NAVY SEAL: Self Discipline: How to Become the Toughest Warrior: Self Confidence, Self Awareness, Self Control, Mental Toughness
Jason Lopez - 2016
These are the men, and one day soon the women, who stand out from their peers as being part of one of the most elite military groups in the world. They have proven that they have what it takes but the question is, do you? Walk with us through the training regimen of the most feared and respected military force in the world as we take you through initial training to graduation day. Along the way you’ll learn some lessons about integrity, perseverance, and honor. You don’t have to be a SEAL to take these lessons and apply them to your daily life. You just need the right motivation and we’re here to give it to you. Here’s just a few thing you’ll learn about: • The Navy SEAL Fitness regimen • How to train your mind for everyday battle • Being aware of what’s happening around you • How the tough keep mentally strong Do you think you have what it takes to be a Navy SEAL? You might not be boot camp ready but when you’re done with Navy SEAL Self-Discipline you’ll be ready to take on life! What are you waiting for? Grab your copy today and start on the path to a new, more confident you!
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Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
Melody Beattie - 1986
The healing touchstone of millions, this modern classic by one of America's best-loved and most inspirational authors holds the key to understanding codependency and to unlocking its stultifying hold on your life.Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to someone else's, you may be codependent--and you may find yourself in this book--Codependent No More.The healing touchstone of millions, this modern classic by one of America's best-loved and most inspirational authors holds the key to understanding codependency and to unlocking its stultifying hold on your life.With instructive life stories, personal reflections, exercises, and self-tests, Codependent No More is a simple, straightforward, readable map of the perplexing world of codependency--charting the path to freedom and a lifetime of healing, hope, and happiness.Melody Beattie is the author of Beyond Codependency, The Language of Letting Go, Stop Being Mean to Yourself, The Codependent No More Workbook and Playing It by Heart.
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life
Henry Cloud - 1992
A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances -- Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions -- Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others -- Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator -- Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask: - Can I set limits and still be a loving person? - What are legitimate boundaries? - What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries? - How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money? - Aren't boundaries selfish? - Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries? Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.
The Three Marriages: Reimagining Work, Self and Relationship
David Whyte - 2009
David Whyte knows there are three crucial relationships, or marriages, in our lives: the marriage or partnership with a significant other, the commitment we have to our work, and the vows, spoken or unspoken, we make to an inner, constantly developing self. In The Three Marriages, the bestselling author, poet, and speaker argues that it is not possible to sacrifice one relationship for the others without causing deep psychological damage. Too often, he says, we fracture our lives and split our energies foolishly, so that one or more of these marriages is sacrificed and may wither and die, in the process impoverishing them all. Whyte looks to a different way of seeing and connecting these relationships and prompts us to examine each marriage with a fierce but affectionate eye as he shows us the importance of cherishing all three equally. Drawing from his own struggles to achieve this goal as well as exploring the lives of some of the world's great writers and activists—from Dante to Joan of Arc, from Austen to Dickinson—Whyte reveals that our core commitments are irrevocably connected. Only by understanding the simultaneously robust and delicate nature of the three marriages and the stages of their maturation, he maintains, can we create a real portrait of what makes us tick and a real sense of finding a place in the world. In prose that's at once lyrical and inviting, Whyte investigates captivating ideas for bringing a deeper satisfaction to our lives, one that goes beyond our previously held ideas of balance.