Fiction by Hugo and Nebula award winners and nominees as well as talented newcomers. Stories were selected by the Unidentified Funny Objects series curator Alex Shvartsman.

    This plant is used exclusively to comply with the extremely complicated ritual laws set down in the Tablets of Enku.

    She is addicted to the feeling of being on stage, looking out at expectant, up-turned mouths, waiting for the first laugh to hit. A first laugh that will not happen unless she creates it. But Brenda is clueless. The on-off girlfriend of a prolific comedian, it is only after she realises his best stage material consists of recycled versions of her own restless, smart-arsed energy that she begins to wonder whether she might be better off keeping her jokes for herself - and so she finds herself making her very first walk to the mark on stage in front of a bare brick wall, with just a spotlight and a PA system for cover, wondering what we all wonder from time to time: am I funny? A book as much about the thrill of performance as it is about what goes on when the microphone is switched off, Brenda Monk is Funny is a blackly humourous and devastatingly candid snapshot of the reality, the brutality and fragility of the comedy industry from an exciting new voice in fiction.

    Get paid to travel and write about it.Only no one told Jules that it would mean eating oily seabirds, repeatedly falling off a husky sled, getting stranded on a Mediterranean island, and crash-landing in Iran.The exotic destinations come thick and fast – Hong Kong, Hawaii, Huddersfield – as Jules navigates what it means to be a travel writer in a world with endless surprises up its sleeve.Add in a cast of larger-than-life characters – Elvis, Captain Cook, his own travel-mad Dad – and an eye for the ridiculous, and this journey with Jules is one you won’t want to miss.

    Landing dead center at a college campus swarming with zombies, the aliens soon realize that their abduction mission is going to be quite a bit more complicated than they'd imagined. The presence of vampires only makes the situation worse.Will the human race prevail or be forced to relocate to an alien planet? Is there any way to reverse the zombie plague? Is the plague contagious to aliens and can an alien be turned into a vampire? What if a vampire alien became a zombie, then was bitten by a radioactive spider and then possessed by the ghost of a robot werewolf? That last part doesn't happen in the story, but what if it did? Find out what becomes of humanity in this hodgepodge of dystopian absurdity.

    This collection contains books 1-6 from the Dork Diaries series plus an interactive journal and a write-your-own-journal guide. Titles in this collection Dork Diaries: Tales from a not-so-fabulous life Dork Diaries: Party Time Dork Diaries: Pop Star Dork Diaries 3 1/2: How To Dork Your Diary Dork Diaries: Skating Sensation Dork Diaries: Dear Dork Dork Diaries: Holiday Heartbreak Dork Diaries: OMG! All About Me Diary

    Back in Cherry Creek with his boyfriend, Luke, Cameron wrangles everyone who means anything to the family into town, ready to celebrate. Joined by their loved ones, Cameron sets to righting his relationship with Eddie and planning the wedding of Eddie and Charlie's dreams. But as it often happens, emotions run high, and words from the past resurface, leaving Cameron doubting his future with Luke. Thankfully, his brothers and their boyfriends rally to his side, and when all is said and done, maybe two couples will end the day with rings on their fingers. --- A Very Messy Motel Brothers Wedding is a short story that takes us back to Cherry Creek for one last hurrah before saying goodbye. A Very Messy Motel Wedding is best enjoyed after reading the entire Room for Love series, and it gets back into the heads of your favorite Motel men and their partners for the wedding to end all weddings.

    The only catch is that she has to look after a pet dog in exchange for board.She soon finds herself trying to juggle auditions, the demise of a long-term relationship and a blossoming fling, all whist hiding a sinister secret concealed within her suitcase.

    The only things I’ve wanted from life are happiness and prosperity, and a little bit of love mixed in. The simple pleasures have always been enough for me. My life changed the night I went to help my friend. Misty was always getting into trouble, and I was always the one to save her. Dependable Danni was what she called me, but she was the closest I had to a family and I had to help her. Turns out I needed some help too, from a man who would go on to change my life. Some people won’t believe this story. Some will think it too strange. I’m not a princess, nor a knight, but I’ve seen a dragon live in the flesh. They’re beautiful, wonderful creatures, but there’s also a man behind the monster.

    Discworld is a flat planet, supported on the backs of four elephants, who in turn stand on the back of the great turtle A'Tuin as it swims majestically through space.

    Explicit language warning but little erotic content. (11,000 words ~ 43 pages) First published in The Mammoth Book of Paranormal Romance 2 (2010).WARNINGContains confused lovelorn werewolves and very pretty ex-Goth mermen who are exclusively interested in each other. May also contain fish, Irish mafia, and a shocking lack of tea.

    Some celebrities behave very, very badly. Andrew Manning is the man who picks up the pieces. And buries the bodies.One of celebrity’s back room boys, Andrew has spent twenty years repackaging and reviving celebrities whose careers have been overshadowed by scandal and is now the very special agent to a stellar list of stars.Shelley Bright, singer and fashion icon, wants a divorce from her secretly gay Premier League footballer husband. She asks Andrew to blackmail him, but Shelley has her own destructive secret. Reality TV star Joey Camp’s career goes into free-fall after he launches an expletive-laden attack on The Queen: Andrew resorts to extreme measures to save him. And Janey Jax, international Pop Goddess, what she wants is so twisted and sick that it makes Andrew’s flesh crawl…Meanwhile, Johnny, Andrew’s partner, begins a descent into “celebrity-induced psychosis.” There are voices in his head, and they tell him to kill celebrities. And as an ambitious, scheming paparazzi appears on the scene, things become even more complicated.

    (Can supply own time travel machine if required.)When Horace Tweed places an advertisement in a national magazine, the last thing he expects is to be commissioned to travel back through time in search of the long extinct Holey* Snail.But this isn’t just any old snail. The helix pertusa is possessed of an extraordinary and highly desirable property, and Horace’s quest leads him and his co-adventurers to Ancient Greece and a variety of near-death encounters with beings both mythological and not so mythological.Meanwhile, Detective Chief Inspector Harper Collins has her hands full trying to track down a secret order of fundamentalist monks whom she suspects of committing a series of murders – the same monks who are determined to thwart Horace in his... ...Quest for the Holey Snail. (* This isn’t a spelling mistake. The Holey Snail is so called because there are hundreds of tiny holes all over its shell.)PLEASE NOTE: Quest for the Holey Snail is not part of Rob Johnson’s Lifting the Lid series.

    Smella Rosepetal must find a millionaire husband to finance her baby’s heart transplant. She flies home to her deputy father’s ranch in Pitchforks, Texas, where she falls in love with Deadward Forest, a wealthy environmentalist vampire. When a deranged murderer is on the loose in Pitchforks, killing romance heroines, Deadward assumes Smella would be safer without him. Smella turns to her childhood friend, Snake Long, for comfort. But Snake doesn’t have the money to save her baby, so Smella places herself in peril in a desperate hunt for a rich husband. Time is running out for Smella’s baby, and she must escape from the Australian Outback and face down Flabio, an overweight and disgruntled, aspiring cover model, plus enraged vampire wives and their homosexual, vampire, cowboy husbands, a jealous were-gerbil, James Bond, a drunk rodeo clown and Smella’s strange boyfriend who wants to drain her blood, yet is repulsed by her smell. ROMANCE NOVEL—the unabridged, unauthorized comedic look at the bestselling vampire series that will leave you wondering who the hell ever believed vampires could “sparkle.” And you’ll laugh…all the way to the bathroom!

    Self-image, body changes, and social changes chip away at individual’s self-confidence. Withdrawal and hiding can often seem like the easiest escape. You cannot escape from life. An excellent student, our hero is ripped from his friends and everything he knows when his father is moved across the country for his job. Intent on re-establishing the mother’s employment, the parents appear to withdraw from their high school student as he is dropped into a situation where he knows no one. Everyone experiences physical and emotional problems but our protagonist is ashamed of his body and won’t even talk to his parents who seem oblivious. Wearing baggy clothes, coats and hoods, it is easy to hide his body and isolate himself since he knows no one. Others assume he is overweight, shy or has acne problems. The strangely dressed student is a magnet for bullies and everyone else ignores him. Teachers might have gotten involved or pushed him to participate in class, but as an excellent student, grades are not an issue. Life evolves into a strategy to be left alone and survive another day. Because of this, attacks are not reported. An accident at school will expose our protagonist’s secrets to a classmate. How that classmate responds will change our protagonist’s life. There are still bullying and attacks, but with newfound confidence, our hero will deal with things differently. Can this quiet, isolated person evolve into an example and build real friendships while accepting life’s little hurdles? This series of books contain examples of high school life that help the reader to identify and deal with bullying behavior in a high school setting. The books in this series are intended to be safe reading for teens and tweens. Thank you for reading on Daring Diane Disclaimer This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.