Now I know why my dog likes her better. 2. I wish this were the worst thing she’d ever told me. About the book In “The Warlizard Chronicles”, Warlizard tells the tales of a misspent youth, from the story of his “dog-gasmic” ex-fiancée to the logic of serving as a German linguist in Iraq. The stories are light, fast-paced, graphic, and not remotely safe for work. You have been warned. Reader feedback: - “You tell all women that story? You should wash out your mouth!” - “I think I could listen to your stories for hours.” - “So you owe your marriage to the people who brought down the world trade center?” - “I have nothing else I can add or ask, except MORE STORIES.” - “Holy s**t. I wish I was you.” - “You slept with another man's wife and then lied to him about it, and can say with a straight face it was the right thing to do?” - “Godda***t, I spewed out laughter too loud at work, now I have to leave because everyone knows I'm not doing s**t. F*** this is hilarious, and disconcerting, at the same time.” - “He is the most interesting man in the world.” - “I feel like a failure reading these stories, they're awesome.” - “Your life experience makes me feel good. You good sir are somewhat of a new idol of mine. Nothing much you can do about that. Have a good day sir.” - “Warlizard doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he prefers Dos Equis.” - “I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that not only a story like this exists but that a Reddit regular would be living it. And it kinda has this enthusiastic ‘and then it happened...’ moments in it that kinda style like you'd write fiction on the go.” - “This guy is either the most creative man in the world or the most interesting man in the world. Either way...”

    But his best mate Spike keeps getting him into trouble, first by showing him what is being grown in a tucked-away polytunnel, and then turning up at his caravan’s door with a van full of weed. As Elliot tries to help his friend get rid of the hot merchandise, they find themselves at the receiving end of a cruel cat-and-mouse game.A tale of adventure with as many twists and turns as the enchanting Somerset landscape that forms its backdrop, Two Cows and a Vanful of Smoke is, above all, a celebration of the English countryside – full of magic, history and superstition – where smoke is in the air, and where not all is what it seems.

    This former bank manager helped them transform three million dollars - stolen from bookies by a gang of robbers - into a rescue package for their dying town.But now the day of reckoning has come.The crims want the money.The cops want the money.A rogue insurance investigator wants the money.And so do Australia's two most notorious hit men.In trying to save his town, Lambert is forced to risk everything - his life, the lives of the town folk, his own daughter, ten thousand barramundi and a really lovable Jack Russell.

    Kevin Carver is a household name. A popular TV soap star, he’s coasting through life in the same semi-detached, slightly smug way he’s always done. But when he dumps his much-too-young-for-him girlfriend in the same callous way he’s come to treat those around him, he makes the first in a series of mistakes. One poor decision leads to another and, as Kevin wades deeper into a moral grey area, things go from bad to very much worse. The national treasure finds himself the subject of vitriolic press attacks, a police investigation, and so much public loathing he begins to wonder if he has any chance of receiving justice. As the line blurs between his own life and that of the character he plays on TV, Kevin must face the consequences of his actions if he is ever to right his sinking ship. The Star Witness is the story of one self-regarding man’s descent into disgrace and his journey back to join the human race. A pin-sharp satire on the shallows of modern media culture and the dysfunctional relationship we all have with the idea of ‘celebrity’, it will keep you laughing, cringing and guessing until the very last page.

    Everything Mark's not, Paris is a man of the world with a thirst for adventure - even his name is better than Mark's.But after a catastrophic argument, Mark finds himself setting off alone on his voyage, instead emailing an unresponsive Paris from the road. A cocktail cruise on the Seine, mindful pastry making in Foix, a graffiti tour in Barcelona: Mark will be forced to engage with life and strangers as he never has before, with poignantly recognisable results.But questions remain: will he ever be able to have an authentic interaction? Will Paris ever reply to his emails? And crucially, will he manage to write SEO friendly copy for every place he visits?After all, it's not the destination that counts: it's the homes and experiences you encounter along the way.

    (Can supply own time travel machine if required.)When Horace Tweed places an advertisement in a national magazine, the last thing he expects is to be commissioned to travel back through time in search of the long extinct Holey* Snail.But this isn’t just any old snail. The helix pertusa is possessed of an extraordinary and highly desirable property, and Horace’s quest leads him and his co-adventurers to Ancient Greece and a variety of near-death encounters with beings both mythological and not so mythological.Meanwhile, Detective Chief Inspector Harper Collins has her hands full trying to track down a secret order of fundamentalist monks whom she suspects of committing a series of murders – the same monks who are determined to thwart Horace in his... ...Quest for the Holey Snail. (* This isn’t a spelling mistake. The Holey Snail is so called because there are hundreds of tiny holes all over its shell.)PLEASE NOTE: Quest for the Holey Snail is not part of Rob Johnson’s Lifting the Lid series.

    Detective Sergeant Kate Linton is called on Glastonbury Tor where a young woman has been strangled. Twelve holes are found at the scene, surrounded by wax, evidence of garden flares - the only connection to two other unsolved cases. When another young woman and a TV celebrity go missing, Linton is in a race against time to find the serial killer before he strikes again. But, when her journalist ex-boyfriend is singled out as a chief suspect, Linton feels that events are heading a bit too close to home. A Means of Escape presents an intricate, gripping mystery plot, combined with a focus on the heroine's personal life as she juggles an unwelcome attraction for her good-looking and charismatic superior with her efforts to become closer to her estranged family. A Means of Escape is the first in a series of psychologically driven crime novels.

    It’s a journey deep within, in a way that’s respectful and non-invasive; a journey for which we will all pay a heavy price, even if you’ve waited for the smaller paperback edition.Ayoade argues for the canonisation of this brutal masterpiece, a film that celebrates capitalism in all its victimless glory; one we might imagine Donald Trump himself half-watching on his private jet’s gold-plated flat screen while his other puffy eye scans the cabin for fresh, young prey."

    Who is the mysterious man in the brown suit? What does he want from her? Is there any wine in the fridge?As her life descends into chaos, Kelly’s questions lead her along a twisting path towards the truth — a truth she could never have imagined.

    We have your favourite table ready and waiting and a selection of tasty and unusual dishes for your delectation and delight (but do bear in mind that the kitchen closes shortly as the Chef needs to go to his second job, rodding out blocked sewers). We have a few choice 'nostalgedy' stories for Starters, some meatier ones for your Mains, a selection of 'curmudgeonly rants' or keen observations (you take your choice) for Dessert, and something unspeakable to go with your Coffee and Mints.Philip Whiteland tickles your fancy (it's not a crime yet) once again with this compilation of stories, often with a food-based theme, from today and yesterday. Pull up a chair and tuck in!

    Unfortunately, due to an exercise allergy, and an eating obsession, it isn’t going to be as easy as he first thought. Throw in a battle of wits with his neighbour’s cat over toilet rights to his garden, a son who lives in the shed and dreams of being discovered on The X Factor, a stroppy teenage daughter with a Wayne Rooney fixation, a wife who doesn’t want to sleep with him anymore, and an amorous work colleague who does, and you have all the ingredients to Sex, Lies and Chocolate Cakes: The Secret Eater’s Diary.

    What twisted, funny tales would it unleash upon the world?Each episode of Crackanory contains two 15-minute tales and is a master class in storytelling, combining some of the UK's best comedy writers and performers.Full author list: Nico Tatarowicz, Toby Davies, Kevin Eldon, Ali Crockatt, David Scott, Laurence Rickard, Jeremy Dyson, Simon Judd, Alex Carter and Holly WalshFull narrator list: Jack Dee, Sally Phillips, Rebecca Front, Kevin Eldon, Harry Enfield, Sarah Solemani, Sharon Horgan, Charlie Higson, Richard Hammond and Jessica Hynes.

    This boxed set contains the first six books from both series. BONUS: RECIPES INCLUDED --------------------------------------- Contents: (From the Garden Girls Cozy Mystery Series) 1-Who Murdered Mr. Malone? 2-Grandkids Gone Wild 3-Smoky Mountain Mystery 4-Death by Dumplings 5-Eye Spy 6-Magnolia Mansion Mysteries (From the Cruise Ship Cozy Mystery Series) 1-Starboard Secrets 2-Portside Peril 3-Lethal Lobster 4-Deadly Deception 5-Vanishing Vacationers 6-Cruise Control ----------------------------------------------- Book 1-Who Murdered Mr. Malone? Nothing exciting ever happens in the small town of Belhaven. Nothing that is, until a body was found in the woods behind the local elementary school. With the entire town in an uproar, "Garden Girl" Gloria Rutherford makes it her personal mission to find the killer or killers and solve the mystery with some help from her friends. With a little amateur detective work, Gloria is able to uncover enough clues that point right to the murderer. She's about to discover, however, things aren't always as clear cut as they would appear. Book 2-Grandkids Gone Wild "Garden Girl" Gloria Rutherford, has her hands full. Her mischievous and energetic grandsons are coming for a weekend visit. To top things off, she discovers someone is living in her barn. But who and why? As this amateur sleuth investigates what's going on in her own backyard, another murder victim turns up in their sleepy little town. Hot on the trail of a murderer, trying her best to make sure her grandkids don't end up in the ER and facing a budding romance, Gloria and her small town of Belhaven are once again about to be turned upside down. Book 3-Smoky Mountain Mystery Life is good for "Garden Girl" Gloria Rutherford. Spring has finally sprung, love is in the air, and no dead bodies have turned up in the small town of Belhaven...lately. It seems as if it's almost too good to be true. Just as Gloria starts to get settled into her familiar routine, she receives a mysterious message from her older sister, Liz. Certain that her sister, the drama queen, is once again bent on turning Gloria's life upside down for no good reason, she almost chooses to ignore the dire message that she may be in danger. When a key to her sister's place shows up in her mailbox after Liz mysteriously vanishes, Gloria jumps in with both feet to track her down. Crisscrossing the country with one of the other Garden Girls in tow, the two amateur sleuths find themselves on an adventure of a lifetime. Gloria soon discovers her sister's mysterious disappearance is the least of her worries. PLUS NINE MORE COZY MYSTERIES FOR YOU TO ENJOY!

    

    One day he would mature into an award-winning man of business*, thriving entrepreneur and glittering member of the jet-set. A force of nature, a man who beat the odds, if only for a bit. This is his story. The story of Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter. Who else could tell the glorious tale of rags to riches to rags to rich(ish) but the man himself? You've heard of The Wolf of Wall Street, now meet the Pug of Peckham.*Trotter's Independent Traders, employee of the year 1982 - 2003