The idea of crap lies in the real-life messes, hiccups, disasters and bad meals that many of us dish up and deal with every day. This mum is tired of the photos of perfectly packed school lunches, posts about gourmet family dinners eaten together over the table, and tales of neat, tidy and obedient children with smoothly brushed hair. It's time to reset the bar. Make expectations realistic. Strive to be kind, loving, smart and funny. Perfection is not required.

    So which does he choose? Despite his love of basalt, he chooses the career that teaches him how to kill... and sh*t in plastic bags.Knowing his weak body will have to shape up to complete thirty weeks of commando training, Mark prepares for the Royal Marines by sleeping in his shed wearing only plastic bags. He braves pain by ordering his mate to attack him while trapped in a sleeping bag. He starves himself in a stupid urban survival exercise, turning down the offer of crispy pancakes from his bewildered mother.He is ready.Some might say for the nut house...Often hilarious and yet shockingly sobering, this is the true story of a boy who joins one of the world's most elite military units with only naivety and incompetence equalling his will to succeed.'A cover to cover laughathon' - SOLDIER MAGAZINE

    On the day after Hurricane Katrina blew through the Gulf Coast, they watched Robin, standing amid the remnants of her hometown, recount the desperate search for her mother–and her return to safety. Robin was not surprised to learn that even as the winds howled and floodwaters rose, Lucimarian sang hymns. Today, Lucimarian Roberts can recite lyrics to hundreds of hymns and spirituals. She credits hymns for helping her, a black woman born in 1924, live faithfully through the turbulent times of the Great Depression, segregation, and racial prejudice even as the wife of a U.S. Air Force officer. This memoir shares pivotal moments in Lucimarian Roberts’ intriguing life, revealing how God has sustained her with strength and hope. Daughter Robin reflects at the close of each chapter, with her own voice, on her remarkable mother’s character and influence. Special features include 5 musical tracks, all played and sung by Lucimarian Roberts. Within these tracks is the hymn "When We All Get to Heaven," performed by three of the Roberts women: Dorothy, Robin, and Lucimarian. PDF material includes photos throughout the years of the Roberts’ family.

    

    As a member of the Nolan sisters, Coleen Nolan was born into the spotlight and has stayed there ever since. She has now become one of the nation's favourite TV presenters and is used to newspapers and magazines claiming to have the inside story of her private life. In No Regrets Coleen finally reveals the truth of what really happened during the last few rollercoaster years, truly the worst of her life. Whilst it's certainly been a traumatic time for the whole family, Coleen is a survivor. First and foremost, she is a mum and is determined to hold her family together. The Nolans finally put aside their infamous feud to rally round their beloved sister Bernie, who tragically lost her fight with cancer on the 4th of July last year, aged just 52. In this memoir, Coleen movingly describes her struggle to deal with the emotional scars that come from losing someone so close and the effect it has had on her own life. In this incredibly candid memoir, Coleen writes with raw honesty about her family troubles, her career highs and lows, and her struggle with her body image. In recent years, Coleen has found herself in both a plastic surgeon's office looking at a £20,000 bill to 'fix her face' and at a breast cancer clinic asking for the removal of her healthy breasts to avoid becoming the fourth sister in the family to be struck down by cancer. Wonderfully warm and moving, and brilliantly funny and honest, No Regrets will take you from laughter to tears and back again as you share in Coleen's very personal journey.

    When he finally achieved his ambition, becoming one of only a dozen full-time undercover officers, the reality of covert work turned his life into a nightmare.To catch criminals, Christian bought and sold drugs with taxpayers' money, was beaten up, arrested at gunpoint and barricaded in a pub by a gang of marauding travellers - all in a day's work. At one stage, he was running almost a dozen mobile phones to keep track of his different identities and had so many aliases that he nearly forgot who he was. He put his life on the line for the job but was to find that being the 'best of the best' wasn't all it was cracked up to be. The pressure became so intense that he even contemplated suicide.Crossing the Line is a visceral, gripping account of what it really takes to be an undercover cop, going behind the scenes to reveal the harsh realities of modern covert police work.

    Like the bungling burglar who logged on to his own Facebook page at his victim's house - and forgot to turn the computer off when he left, or the stupid bank robber who made his escape in his own car - complete with personalised number plates, or the idiotic criminal who tried to hand himself into the police... in order to collect the reward. Award-winning writer Andrew Penman has scoured the country for this hilarious collection of those who are not just bad, but also dim very dim. 'Andrew Penman enjoys a laugh at the expense of Britain's most stupid burglars' - The Mirror 'Exploits so dim-witted it's surprising they ever managed to keep themselves breathing long enough to commit any crime' - Wales Online Illustrated with cartoons drawn by Neil Kerber.

    Her new autobiography holds nothing back.     In it she will talk about:   • Her controversial marriage to stripper Kieran;    • Their very public split after he slept with one of her oldest friends;    • Her difficult pregnancy and the fear she felt giving birth to her fifth child prematurely;    • The continued joy and challenges of looking after her severely disabled son, Harvey;    • Her public battle with Peter Andre, and the truth behind his allegations;    • Why she forgave her third husband Kieran Hayler, and the truth behind his affair with Jane Pountney; And much, much more.

    World famous wrestling diva Tammy Lynn “Sunny” Sytch has written a tell-all autobiography that follows her into the ring and on the road, through her romantic relationships, domestic abuse, her battle with cancer, incarceration, getting sober and the release of her adult film with Vivid Entertainment.

    It is his first job in general practice; his first brave excursion into the dangerous world where patients walk round in their clothes. Dr Vernon soon finds himself bemused, fascinated and exhausted as he copes with the procession of ailing humanity that streams into his surgery and awaits his visits. A confused old lady, timid vet, puzzled diabetic, lonely housewife, hypochondriac, tipster with an ulcer, nun with dandruff and a persistent young lady with abundant charms and nothing wrong with her. Just published as an e book, exclusive to Amazon, this book was a huge hit in England and America when first published in the 1970s. Edward Vernon is a pen name of a well known British doctor/author.Here's what the critics said about the series:Thoroughly delightful - Fresno BeeHilarious - TitbitsA delightfully funny book that keeps the reader laughing and appeals to one's sense of the ridiculous - Sunday Advocate, Baton RougeFor entertainment, a chapter or two before bedtime is just what the doctor ordered - Sacramento BeeDoes for British GPs what Herriot has done for vets - BooklistHilarious, written with skill and zest - Grimsby Evening TelegraphVery funny - Citizen, GloucesterThoroughly enjoyable, genuinely funny - South Wales EchoWise, funny, sad and heartwarming - Chattanooga TimesGood fun - Homes and GardensMost of his adventures are funny, some hilarious; but he has the good sense to leven the comedy lump with some that are sad, some touching. All are written lightly, easily, entertainingly - Oxford TimesThe funniest of the funny doctor books - Richard GordonJolly good reading - Publishers WeeklyViews the human species he treats with much the same affection, compassion and humour as Herriot brings to the animal world - Cleveland Plain DealerSometimes serious, sometimes hilarious - Lancashire Evening PostTruthful, well observed and consistently readable - Daily TelegraphPerceptive and witty - Surrey AdvertiserWill amuse, amaze and entertain - Yorkshire Postetc etc

     Told in his own inimitable style, Noddy shares insider accounts of his days on the road, along with a healthy dose of celebrity gossip, and leaves no stone unturned as he expounds on some of his favourite subjects – fame, friendship and fatherhood, the perils of social media and the modern age, not to mention what it would be like if he ruled the world . . . From his early days on the West Midlands beat scene, including a stint as a roadie for Robert Plant, Noddy charts his rise from skinhead stomper to international pop-star, statesman, playboy, male model and philosopher, and of course one of the most integral parts of a Great British Christmas. Witty, wise and tremendously funny, this is Noddy Holder at his glittering best.

    That same year, he finished third on the Big Wave World Tour, despite only surfing three of the five events. Chris’s mantra is Dream it, See it, Believe it, Achieve it. With his infectious enthusiasm, Chris tells how he pulled off death-defying antics, time and again, overcame overwhelming obstacles and manoeuvred around the many random twists of fate to achieve his goals and fulfil his dreams.

    The city lies under the dark cloud of the Troubles, and hatred fills the air like smoke. But Tony Macaulay has just turned twelve and he’s got a new job. He’s going to be a paperboy. And come rain or shine – or bombs and mortar – he will deliver…Paperboy lives in Upper Shankill, Belfast, in the heart of the conflict between Loyalists and Republicans. Bombings are on the evening news, rubble lies where buildings once stood, and rumours spread like wildfire about the IRA and the UDA.But Paperboy lives in a world of Doctor Who, Top of the Pops and fish suppers. His battles are fought with all the passion of Ireland’s opposing sides – but against acne, the dentist and the ‘wee hoods’ who rob his paper money. On his rounds he hums songs by the Bay City Rollers, dreams about outer space and dreams even more about the beautiful Sharon Burgess.In this touching, funny and nostalgic memoir, Tony Macaulay recounts his days growing up in Belfast during the Troubles, the harrowing years which saw neighbour fighting neighbour and brother fighting brother. But in the midst of all this turmoil, Paperboy, a scrappy upstart with a wicked sense of humour and sky-high dreams, dutifully goes about his paper round. He is a good paperboy, so he is.Paperboy proves that happiness can be found even in the darkest of times; it is a story that will charm your socks off, make you laugh out loud and brings to life the culture, stories and colourful characters of a very different – but very familiar – time.

    They were already used to a simple life, having spent the last three years living on their boat in France for the summer seasons, and returning to the UK and their caravan for the winters. This tiny cabin would now be their new home for the winter months, taking them a step further along the road to self-sufficiency. They had no electricity, no kitchen, no bathroom or bedroom and the loo was a bucket in a shed, but the property came with five acres of field and woodland.From now on their lives would be simple, pared back to the basics, but they found that an off-grid lifestyle was by no means an uncomfortable experience. Responsibilities didn’t disappear but they changed, becoming less onerous. There was more time to think, and to appreciate the natural world around them. Living in such rural isolation, each day brought something new to marvel at: deer browsing in the field at dusk, salamanders on the doorstep, owls calling by night.If their own world felt increasingly magical, the outside world was far from it. They had moved to a foreign country at an historic time, living through a pandemic and adapting to the day-to-day implications of Brexit.A Simple Life doesn’t just follow Mary-Jane and Michael as they settle into their new lives, it also raises questions about what really matters to people. What makes us happy? How does it feel to have few possessions? Will life become unbearable without a flushing toilet?Thought-provoking and amusing, this book opens a window onto a different way of living. Mary-Jane shares a wealth of information and, if you have ever found yourself longing for a simpler life, this might tempt you to take those first tentative steps on the journey.

    But she escaped a life of drugs, alcohol, and promiscuity for a fresh start with Jesus. Cleaned up and happy, with a handsome husband, a nice house, and two wonderful children, her life seemed perfect. Then, the unthinkable: In an instant, everything changed. That one moment triggered a chain reaction of unwanted challenges, and her life would never be the same. Can you relate? In an instant... • the marriage is over, • the job ends, • the car’s wrecked, • the money’s gone, • the diagnosis is pronounced ... ... and your dreams are crushed. All you can do is cry, “Why?” You long for the lost to be found, for the broken to be fixed, for the stolen to be returned. You want your life back! In The Widow Wore Pink, you’ll discover that the God who was faithful to Robyn will also be faithful to you. Learn to face the unwelcome changes in your life by knowing and trusting the promises of God for yourself. Robyn Dykstra is an author, speaker, and Bible teacher who loves Jesus. For decades, Robyn has been presenting life-changing messages to help thousands energize their faith in God and find the strength to face life’s challenges. WWW.ROBYNDYKSTRA.COM