Book picks similar to
Fat Vampire Value Meal by Johnny B. Truant
vampires
humor
paranormal
fantasy
The Radleys
Matt Haig - 2010
Except, as Peter and Helen Radley know but their children have yet to find out, the Radleys happen to be a family of abstaining vampires. When one night Clara finds herself driven to commit a bloodthirsty act, her parents decide to explain a few things.
Artful
Peter David - 2014
Throw in some vampires and a plot to overthrow the British monarchy, and what you have is the thrilling account that Charles Dickens was too scared to share with the world.From the brilliant mind of novelist and comic book veteran Peter David, Artful is the dark, funny, and action-packed story of one of the most fascinating characters in literary history.With vampires.
Necroscope
Brian Lumley - 1986
And what they tell him is horrifying.In the Balkan mountains of Rumania, a terrible evil is growing. Long buried in hallowed ground, bound by earth and silver, the master vampire schemes and plots. Trapped in unlife, neither dead nor living, Thibor Ferenczy hungers for freedom and revenge.The vampire's human tool is Boris Dragosani, part of a super-secret Soviet spy agency. Dragosani is an avid pupil, eager to plumb the depthless evil of the vampire's mind. Ferenczy teaches Dragosani the awful skills of the necromancer, gives him the ability to rip secrets from the mind and bodies of the dead. Dragosani works not for Ferenczy's freedom but world domination. He will rule the world with knowledge raped from the dead.His only opponent: Harry Koegh, champion of the dead and the living.To protect Harry, the dead will do anything--even rise from their graves!
An Unattractive Vampire
Jim McDoniel - 2016
After three centuries trapped underground, thousand-year-old Yulric Bile, also known as The Cursed One, The Devil's Apprentice, He Who Worships the Slumbering Horrors, awakens only to find that no one believes he is a vampire. Apparently he's just too ugly. Modern vampires, he soon discovers, are pretty, weak, and, most disturbing of all, good. Determined to reestablish his bloodstained reign, Yulric sets out to correct this disgusting turn of events or, at the very least, murder the person responsible. With the help of part vampire-wannabe Amanda; Simon, the eight-year-old reincarnation of his greatest foe; and a cadre of ancient and ugly horrors, Yulric prepares to battle the glamorous undead. But who will win the right to determine, once and for all, what it truly means to be a vampire?
Midnight Customer
Mac Flynn - 2015
She gets her wish when rumors spread about strange creatures seen in the night, and one of the regular diners tells her a haunting story.Misty offers to help him, and before she knows it one trouble leads to another and she's entwined in a web of death and undeath. The undeath is a handsome and mysterious stranger, and the death might be her own. She'll have to use all her wits to get her out of this mess, and with most of her blood intact.Check out the other books in the series:Midnight CustomerTrouble For Two: Coming soon!
Ash
Jason Brant - 2013
10:32 AM EST: An entire floor of government agents leap to their death from their office building. 12:57 PM EST: All the police officers inside a station murder each other. And the day has just begun. Lieutenant Asher Benson left Iraq with a traumatic brain injury, PTSD, and a Purple Heart. His doctors warned that the symptoms would be life altering. They had no idea. As his body healed, the thoughts of those around him began to echo through Ash’s mind, stretching the boundaries of his sanity. Five years later, Ash is drowning the voices with copious amounts of booze and self-loathing. When unidentified intelligence agents abduct him in broad daylight, Ash is thrust into a world of espionage and assassinations. A unique terrorist is operating on U.S. soil, and the government needs Ash, and the malady that has plagued him for half a decade, to find the killer. *Ash is the first book in the Asher Benson thriller series, which is full of snarky humor and nonstop action.
By Blood We Live
John Joseph AdamsBarbara Hambly - 2008
And yet, there is an attraction, undeniable, to the vampire archetype, whether the pale European count, impeccably dressed and coldly masculine, yet strangely ambiguous, ready to sink his sharp teeth deep into his victims' necks, draining or converting them, or the vamp, the count's feminine counterpart, villain and victim in one, using her wiles and icy sexuality to corrupt man and woman alike... Edited and introduced by acclaimed anthologist John Joseph Adams (Wastelands, The Living Dead), By Blood We Live gathers together the best vampire literature from the preceding three decades, authored by many of today's most renowned writers of fantasy, speculative fiction, and horror.
Contents:
(Author, title (type, year of first publication, beginning page in print edition))01 - Neil Gaiman, Snow, Glass, Apples (short story, 1995, p3)02 - Anne Rice, The Master of Rampling Gate (novelette, 1984, p13)03 - Harry Turtledove, Under St. Peter's (novelette, 2007, p33)04 - Tad Williams, Child of an Ancient City (novelette, 1988, p43)05 - Michael A. Burstein, Lifeblood (novelette, 2003, p75)06 - Barbara Roden, Endless Night (short story, 2008, p88)07 - Garth Nix, Infestation (novelette, 2008, p106)08 - Carrie Vaughn, Life Is the Teacher (short story, 2008, p120)09 - Nancy Kilpatrick, The Vechi Barbat (short story, 2007, p134)10 - Kristine Kathryn Rusch, The Beautiful, The Damned (short story, 1995, p148) 11 - David Wellington, Pinecones (short story, 2006, p161)12 - Norman Partridge, Do Not Hasten to Bid Me Adieu (novelette, 1994, p165)13 - Sergei Lukyanenko, Foxtrot at High Noon (short story, 2008, p180)14 - Michael Marshall Smith, This Is Now (short story, 2004, p189)15 - Nancy Holder, Blood Gothic (short story, 1985, p199)16 - Jane Yolen, Mama Gone (short story, 1991, p204)17 - Joe Hill, Abraham's Boys (short story, 2004, p209)18 - Tanith Lee, Nunc Dimittis (novelette, 1983, p224)19 - Gabriela Lee, Hunger (short story, 2007, p240)20 - Caitlín R. Kiernan, Ode to Edvard Munch (short story, 2006, p250)21 - L.A. Banks, Finders Keepers (short story, 2008, p256)22 - Brian Stableford, After the Stone Age (short story, 2004, p275)23 - Kevin J. Anderson, Much at Stake (short story, 1991, p286)24 - Elizabeth Bear, House of the Rising Sun (short story, 2005, p297)25 - Lilith Saintcrow, A Stand-Up Dame (short story, 2008, p302)26 - Kelley Armstrong, Twilight (novelette, 2007, p316)27 - Eric Van Lustbader, In Darkness, Angels (novelette, 1983, p333)28 - Barbara Hambly, Sunrise on Running Water (novelette, 2007, p355)29 - Bruce McAllister, Hit (short story, 2008, p372)30 - Ken MacLeod, Undead Again (short story, 2005, p385)31 - Robert J. Sawyer, Peking Man (short story, 1996, p388)32 - Ben Lumley, Necros (short story, 1986, p396)33 - Catherynne M. Valente, Exsanguinations: A Handbook for the Educated Vampire by Anna S. Oppenhagen-Petrescu (short story, 2005, p409)34 - Charles Coleman Finlay, Lucy, In Her Splendor (short story, 2003, p415)35 - John Langan, The Wide, Carnivorous Sky (short story, 2009, p426)36 - Stephen King, One for the Road (short story, 1977, p464)37 - Ross E. Lockhart, For Further Reading (By Blood We Live) (essay, 2008, p477)
The Reformed Vampire Support Group
Catherine Jinks - 2009
Vampires are dead. And unless they want to end up staked, they have to give up fanging people, admit their addiction, join a support group, and reform themselves.Nina Harrison, fanged at fifteen and still living with her mother, hates the Reformed Vampire Support Group meetings every Tuesday night. Even if she does appreciate Dave, who was in a punk band when he was alive, nothing exciting ever happens. That is, until one of group members is mysteriously destroyed by a silver bullet. With Nina (determined to prove that vamps aren't useless or weak) and Dave (secretly in love with Nina) at the helm, the misfit vampires soon band together to track down the hunter, save a werewolf, and keep the world safe from the likes of themselves.The perfect anecdote to slick vampire novels, this murder-mystery comedy of errors will thrill fans of Evil Genius.
The Ouroboros Cycle, Book Three: A Long-Awaited Treachery
G.D. Falksen - 2015
And while Doctor Varanus has never found tranquility much to her taste, even she cannot deny that the peace and quiet make for a pleasant diversion following the chaos of her recent adventures in London. Having left the horrors of bloodshed and wellness behind her, Varanus has thrown herself headlong into the study of the Shashavani condition, determined to learn the secrets of their undying power.But all is not as it seems in the House of Shashava. As winter snow covers the Shashavani valley and chokes the mountain passes, sinister events are unfolding in the shadows. Whispers of conspiracy echo through the halls. Soon loyalties will be tested and friendships betrayed. Blood will flow. For upon the frozen steppe, an ancient evil stirs and turns its gaze toward the House of Shashava, hungering for power and revenge.As darkness descends, one question remains:Do you serve the Winter King?
Captivated
E.M. Jade - 2011
Then, I somehow ignored the water and only saw him. He looked like a dark angel on a cloud of mist holding his arms out to me. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. Then I jumped.” MindyMindy's new best friend, Markus Medina, witnesses Dean kill two people behind a club. Mindy has a hard time believing him, especially when he mentions that the bodies disappear. Poof! Into thin air. Markus decides he has to follow Dean around in order to get evidence that he's been killing people, so he doesn't sound like a nut to the police. Despite Marcus’ crazy theories about the possibility of Dean not being human. And not to mention the fact that he's dangerous. Mindy can't help that she may be falling in love with him. Even after hiding their feelings for each other from the world. Dean and Mindy being together stirs up dangers that neither of them could ever imagine. When she finds out about what Dean really is and the world he tried to keep her away from...it's already too late.
Strange Afterlives
Brooke FosseyNik Holman - 2015
From sinister feline mummies to ravenous zombified cars and any and all things in-between, the living dead have returned from their graves, junkyards, and even the war torn skies to haunt the lands of the living. With stories horrific, funny, and weird, Strange Afterlives has a little something for everyone who has ever wondered what terrible secrets could be lurking in that rotting tree or broken toy.Stories included in this anthology:Mouse Trouble by A. Lee MartinezAfter the Invasion by Russell C. ConnorSeated Woman with Child by Rosemary Clement-MooreRoots by Brooke FosseyThe Late Mrs. Buttons by Sally HamiltonAn Undercover Haunting by Kristi HutsonGImme Shelter by David C. Whiteman01001110 by Nik HolmanThe Runner by John BartellNight Witch by Shawn ScarberThe Scavenger Hunt by John Sanders Jr.Strange Afterlives will terrify and amuse. You may never look at a rusted automobile the same way again.
Darkness Falls
Jessica Sorensen - 2012
The Colony is hidden deep underground, far away from the vampires—humans that were transformed by the disease. The vampires are hideous, starving, and they will kill any human they come across.Seventeen-year-old Kayla is a Bellator, a warrior that protects The Colony. In order to survive, there are three rules she must follow:Rule #1—Never go out after dark.Rule #2—Always carry a weapon.Rule #3—No matter what, never EVER get bitten.But what happens when the rules Kayla has always lived by can no longer apply? The Highers run The Colony and accept nothing less than perfection. One slip up can mean death. Kayla has always worked hard to follow the rules and strive for perfection. But during a moment of weakness, she lets her imperfections show. Her punishment is worse than death. She is chosen for The Gathering and is thrown out into a world full of starving vampires. No one has ever survived The Gathering, at least that’s what Kayla’s been told. But when she runs into a group who insist they were once part of The Gathering, Kayla discovers the Highers have been keeping secrets. Secrets that could lead to a cure.
Touched
A.J. Aalto - 2011
Twice-Touched by the Blue Sense--which gives her the ability to feel the emotions of others, and read impressions left behind on objects--Marnie also has a doctorate in preternatural biology and a working knowledge of the dark arts. She is considered without peer in the psychic community. Then her first big FBI case ended with a bullet in one shoulder and a chip on the other, a queasy heart and a serial killer in the wind, leaving her a public flop and a private wreck. When the FBI’s preternatural crimes unit tracks her down at a remote mountain lodge for her insight on a local case, her quiet retirement is promptly besieged by a stab-happy starlet, a rampaging ghoul, and a vampire-hunting jackass in tight Wranglers. Marnie figures the only real mystery is which one will kill her first. Too mean to die young, backed up by friends in cold places, and running with a mouth as demure as a cannon’s blast, Marnie Baranuik is about to discover that there’s no such thing as quitting time when you’re Touched.
The Devil's Intern
Donna Hosie - 2014
Now Mitchell is The Devil's intern in Hell's accounting office. Lately, he's noticed a disturbing trend: the volume of new arrivals is straining Hell's limited resources. Then Mitchell overhears his boss discussing plans to limit newcomers with a legendary time travel mechanism. With a device like that, Mitchell realizes, he could change history and prevent his own death. Mitchell's plot goes awry when his three closest friends—Alfarin, the Viking prince; Elinor, from 17th-century London; and Melissa, from 1960s San Francisco—insert themselves into his plans. It soon becomes clear that the fates of all four are entwined in dangerous and unpredictable ways. With unforgettable characters and a thrilling premise, this original novel is by turns funny, poignant, and thought-provoking.
A Job From Hell
Jayde Scott - 2011
Summoned by an ancient bond, she can never love another. Lost in the woods one night Amber enters Aidan's deadly world when she unknowingly participates in a paranormal race and promptly wins the first prize...a prize worth killing for.In a world of forbidden love, ancient enemies, legends and rituals, nothing is as it seems and no one can be trusted. Life will never be the same again, unless she enters the Otherworld. But to do so, Amber must die...Books of the Ancient Legends Series:A Job From HellBeelzebub GirlVoodoo KissDead And BeyondForever And BeyondShadow BloodThe books can be read as stand-alone stories, but it is advisable to read them in order to get the most enjoyment from the series.