Book picks similar to
Fat Vampire Value Meal by Johnny B. Truant
vampires
humor
paranormal
fantasy
Last Christmas
Heide Goody - 2018
A short story in the Oddjobs universe that tries to answer the age-old question: what Christmas present do you get for the demon who has everything?
Fang Girl
Helen Keeble - 2012
Not sure which.Being an undead, eternally pasty fifteen-year-old isn't quite the sexy, brooding, angst-fest Jane always imagined...Helen Keeble’s riotous debut novel combines the humor of Vladimir Tod with Ally Carter’s spot-on teen voice. With a one-of-a-kind vampire mythology and an irresistibly relatable undead heroine, this uproarious page-turner will leave readers bloodthirsty for more.
The Vampire's Violin
Michael Romkey - 2003
The blood of innocents is plentiful and easily attained—it is his other passion that torments him. Many years ago he owned and lost a violin that sang with the voice of the angels. Now this unearthly monster will do anything to press the instrument once more against his neck.As it summons a hellish creature of the nightMaggie O’Hara was a talented if unremarkable violinist—until the day her grandfather gives her a violin he had brought home from World War II. For fifty years the magnificent instrument sat untouched in an attic, but from the moment Maggie hits the first note, her playing is transformed. With this remarkable violin in her possession, all of her dreams are eerily becoming reality. But she has no way of knowing that a nightwalker is tracking her down—and that he has every intention of taking back, through bloodlust and terror, what is rightfully his. . . .
THE VAMPIRE’S VIOLIN
Blood & Sawdust
Jason S. Ridler - 2012
But nothing prepared him for Milkwood: a fat, ugly bastard who could take a beating like a government mule, but never, ever won. So when Malcolm risks his life to discover Milkwood's secret, he convinces the fighter to stop being a punching bag and to go for broke in the local tournament. Only problem? A beautiful woman called Lash who needs Milkwood for her own purposes, and a fouler creature on her heels known only as Dizzy Colt. But for Malcolm and Milkwood? Hell, it’s just another day of Blood and SawdustPRAISE FOR BLOOD AND SAWDUST!"With wicked, playful prose that blends the best of pulp with the supernatural, Jason Ridler’s Blood and Sawdust creates an unholy, hell-raising hybrid, the kind of tale Christopher Moore and Jim Thompson might swap after a long night of drinking, trying to one-up one another with acerbic absurdity." Joe Clifford, Author of CHOICE CUTS and JUNKIE LOVEPRAISE FOR THE WORK OF JASON RIDLER!"An exciting new writer." Lucius Shepard, multiple-award-winning author of HANDBOOK OF AMERICAN PRAYER. “Jason Ridler is kind of like a bull rider who’s tossed a saddle on a Tiger tank, and he’s riding that bucking sucker for all he’s worth, because, hey, no one told him that he couldn’t do it, did they? So here he is, the Man in the Barbed-Wire Straitjacket." Norman Partridge, Award Winning Author of DARK HARVEST. "Jason Ridler’s work is intense and taut, with incredible characters and plots that keep your mind buzzing long after you’ve reached the final page." Trent Zelazny, author of TOO LATE TO CALL TEXAS, and FRACTAL DESPONDENCY. ABOUT THE AUTHORJason S. Ridler is the author of BLOOD AND SAWDUST, the Spar Battersea thrillers (DEATH MATCH, CON JOB and DICE ROLL), the short story collection KNOCKOUTS, and has published over fifty stories in such magazines and anthologies as Beneath Ceaseless Skies, Brain Harvest, Chilling Tales, and more. His popular non-fiction has appeared in Clarkesworld, Dark Scribe, and the Internet Review of Science Fiction. A former punk rock musician and cemetery groundskeeper, Mr. Ridler holds a Ph.D. in War Studies from the Royal Military College of Canada. Visit him at twitter at http://twitter.com/JayRidler, Facebook ,http://www.facebook.com/Ridlerville, or his writing blog, Ridlerville, atwww.jsridler.com
Johannes Cabal the Necromancer
Jonathan L. Howard - 2009
Johannes Cabal, a brilliant scientist and notorious snob, is single-mindedly obsessed in heart and soul with raising the dead. Well, perhaps not "soul" . . . He hastily sold his years ago in order to learn the laws of necromancy. But now, tormented by a dark secret, he travels to the fiery pits of Hell to retrieve it. Satan, who is incredibly bored these days, proposes a little wager: Johannes has one year to persuade one hundred people to sign over their souls or he will be damned forever. To make the bet even more interesting, Satan throws in that diabolical engine of deceit, seduction, and corruption known as a "traveling circus" to aid in the evil bidding. What better place exists to rob poor sad saps of their souls than the traveling carnivals historically run by hucksters and legendary con men? With little time to lose, Johannes raises a motley crew from the dead and enlists his brother, Horst, a charismatic vampire (an unfortunate side effect of Johannes's early experiments with necromancy), to be the carnival's barker. On the road through the pastoral English countryside, this team of reprobates wields their black magic with masterful ease, resulting in mayhem at every turn. Johannes may have the moral conscience of anthrax, but are his tricks sinful enough to beat the Devil at his own game? You'll never guess, and that's a promise! Brilliantly written and wickedly funny, "Johannes Cabal the Necromancer" combines the chills and thrills of old-fashioned gothic tales like "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow," the mischievous humor of "Wicked," and the sophisticated charms of" Jonathan Strange &Mr. Norrell "and spins the Faustian legend into a fresh, irreverent, and irresistible new adventure.
Blur
Kristen Middleton - 2012
Seventeen year old Nikki and her twin brother, Nathan, move to the small town of Shore Lake to start over after their mother is brutally attacked. When a missing teenager washes up on shore during their first night at the cabin and there are whispers of vampires in Shore Lake, Nikki begins to realize that there are things roaming in the darkness that are far more sinister than what they left behind in the big city. This book contains some graphic language, violence, and mild sexual situations.
Pete, Drinker of Blood
Scott S. Phillips - 2012
He’s also a vampire. He lives alone and avoids the other vampires in L.A., but Pete’s simple life goes haywire when he falls for Angie, the cute bartender at a Sunset Strip dive -- and when sinister vampire lord Carson Fitzgerald returns to claim his children, Pete learns that nothing's ever easy for a creature of the night.
Bill the Vampire
Rick Gualtieri - 2011
He isn't one of them. Meet Bill Ryder: programmer, gamer geek, and hopeless dweeb when it comes to women. All he ever asked for out of life was to collect his paycheck, hang out with his buds, and eventually (someday) ask out the girl of his dreams.However, then Bill met Sally. She was mysterious, aggressive, and best of all...smoking hot. Bill never stood a chance. Before he knew what was happening Sally had lead him to his death, and that was only the beginning of his troubles. Now Bill awakes to find himself an undead predator of the night. The only problem is he’s still at the bottom of the food chain. He’s in way over his head, surrounded by creatures more dangerous, better looking, and a whole lot cooler than he is. Worst of all is the dreaded Night Razor, a master vampire who just can’t stand him. He gives Bill a 90-day deadline to either prove himself or meet a more permanent kind of death, and the deck is definitely stacked against him.But Bill isn’t exactly average. A vampire like him hasn’t been seen in over five centuries. He's got a few tricks up his sleeve, unlikely allies to help him out, and an attitude problem that makes him just too damn obnoxious to quit. He may just pull it off... if he doesn't get his teeth kicked in first.Bill the Vampire is an 80,000 word horror comedy adventure by Rick Gualtieri.
Turned
Morgan Rice - 2011
The one ray of light in her new surroundings is Jonah, a new classmate who takes an instant liking to her.But before their romance can blossom, Caitlin suddenly finds herself changing. She is overcome by a superhuman strength, a sensitivity to light, a desire to feed--by feelings she does not understand. She seeks answers to what’s happening to her, and her cravings lead her to the wrong place at the wrong time. Her eyes are opened to a hidden world, right beneath her feet, thriving underground in New York City. She finds herself caught between two dangerous covens, right in the middle of a vampire war.It is at this moment that Caitlin meets Caleb, a mysterious and powerful vampire who rescues her from the dark forces. He needs her to help lead him to the legendary lost artifact. And she needs him for answers, and for protection. Together, they will need to answer one crucial question: who was her real father? But Caitlin finds herself caught between two men as something else arises between them: a forbidden love. A love between the races that will risk both of their lives, and will force them to decide whether to risk it all for each other…
Reign of Blood
Alexia Purdy - 2012
Vampires and hybrids have overrun my world, once vibrant with life, but now a graveyard of death shrouded in shadows. I fight to survive; I fight for my mother and brother. The journey is full of turns that I am quite unprepared for. And I'm just hoping to make it to the next Vegas sunrise..."In a post-apocalyptic world, a viral epidemic has wiped out most of the earth’s population, leaving behind few humans but untold numbers of mutated vampires. April is a seventeen-year-old girl who lives in the remains of Las Vegas one year after the outbreak. She has become a ferocious vampire killer and after her family is abducted, she goes searching for them. What she finds is a new breed of vampire, unlike any she has seen before. Unsure of whom she can trust, she discovers that her view of the world is not as black and white as she once thought, and she's willing to bend the rules to rescue her family. But in trying to save them, she may only succeed in bringing her fragile world crashing down around her.
Joe Vampire
Steven Luna - 2012
Joe was just an average guy with an office job, a synthesizer band, and crush on a girl in the marketing department, until a horrible misunderstanding on a date with friends turned him into a real-life vampire. It didn’t take long for him to find out the afterlife isn’t nearly as glamorous as he’s been led to believe; it ruined his already-struggling love life, damaged things with his best friend, and pushed him away from his crazy family. So he’s letting the whole world know what it’s really like to be a card-carrying member of the undead, fighting his ridiculous situation every step of the way. But not everyone is happy to find out the truth, and for every ally he finds in the vampire world, there’s an enemy lurking in the real one, just waiting for a chance to show Joe a little vampire truth of their own... What readers are saying: "The vampire's humanity that Anne Rice strives for in The Vampire Chronicles? [Luna] captures it perfectly and smartly in his modern tale of the supernatural everyman." "I absolutely loved this book. It was full of witty sarcasm, humor, heartbreak and suspense." "Joe Vampire is a laugh out loud hysterical, sometimes poignant, read. I recommend this book to anyone looking for a funny, sarcastic look at the undead life." "I laughed out loud several times reading this book and giggled so many times my husband made me leave the room to go read elsewhere!"
The Vampire Club
J.R. Rain - 2011
A man who just might be a vampire.The Vampire Club, a group of misfits who meet regularly in the basement of Western Virginia University’s library, think that they might have found their first documented case of a real vampire. Better yet, the Club thinks that the vampire might still be alive to this day, lying comatose in a hidden grave. And this is good news indeed for a group of vampire lovers.The hunt begins, and as they close in on their immortal prize, they soon realize that they aren't the only ones interested in the vampire; indeed, a powerful group of killers will use whatever means possible to keep the vampire permanently in its grave.The first in a series that features The Vampire Club, a group of lovable, laughable, larcenous college students turned vampire hunters.
The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant
Drew Hayes - 2014
Some live boring. Some even die boring. Fred managed to do all three, and when he woke up as a vampire, he did so as a boring one. Timid, socially awkward, and plagued by self-esteem issues, Fred has never been the adventurous sort.One fateful night – different from the night he died, which was more inconvenient than fateful – Fred reconnects with an old friend at his high school reunion. This rekindled relationship sets off a chain of events thrusting him right into the chaos that is the parahuman world, a world with chipper zombies, truck driver wereponies, maniacal necromancers, ancient dragons, and now one undead accountant trying his best to “survive.” Because even after it’s over, life can still be a downright bloody mess.
Happy Hour at Casa Dracula
Marta Acosta - 2006
Then one night, at a book party for her pretentious ex-boyfriend, she meets an oddly attractive man. After she is bitten while kissing him, she falls ill and is squirreled away to his family's estate to recover. Vampires don't exist in this day and age -- or do they? As Milagro falls for a fabulously inappropriate man, she finds herself caught between a family who has accepted her as one of their own and a shady organization that refuses to let the undead live and love in peace.
The All Souls Trilogy
Deborah Harkness - 2014
A Discovery of Witches, Shadow of Night, and The Book of Life, now available in an eBook bundleWith more than a million copies sold in the United States, A Discovery of Witches and Shadow of Night have landed on all of the major bestseller lists, garnered rave reviews, and spellbound legions of loyal fans.The Book of Life brings the number one New York Times bestselling series to a deeply satisfying close, and we are now pleased to offer all three books in a lavishlydesigned boxed set, perfect for fans and newcomers alike.