Life is hard for Archie. It often seems like the world is out to get him. People are always telling him what to do... "Eat your snack, Archie!, "Don't lick the bus stop, Archie," "Stop putting Mommy's phone in the garbage, Archie!"An then one day his heart is shattered when he learns his parents are to replace him with a younger sibling--the utter bastards!The only comforts he finds are in his best friend Amelie, who teaches him all the good swear words, and the sweet relief he gets from sinking his teeth into other people's limbs.From naked protests to dealing with other people looking at YOUR THINGS!, this is a no-holds-barred account of life told through the eyes of Archie--a creatively stifled, modern day toddler.Sunday Times bestseller Hurrah for Gin has delighted fans with its honest, emotional and laugh-out-loud accounts of parenting. Brilliantly illustrated with Katie Kirby's unique stick-figure drawings and told in the same outrageously funny way, The Daily Struggles of Archie Adams, Aged 2 1/4 once again takes on the highs and lows of family life, this time with one opinionated toddler having his say.

    If someone vomits watching one of my films, it's like getting a standing ovation. Thus begins John Waters's autobiography. And what a story it is. Opening with his upbringing in Baltimore ("Charm City" as dubbed by the tourist board; the "hairdo capital of the world" as dubbed by Waters), it covers his friendship with his muse and leading lady, Divine, detailed accounts of how Waters made his first movies, stories of the circle of friends/actors he used in these films, and finally the "sort-of fame" he achieves in America. Complementing the text are dozens of fabulous old photographs of Waters and crew. Here is a true love letter from a legendary filmmaker to his friends, family, and fans.

    It is filled with quips and quotes that represent the Code of the West, like: "Always drink upstream from the herd" and "The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swallow."

    It is essential reading.

    1 Ladies' Detective Agency novels, begins a wonderful new series starring the irrepressibly curious Isabel Dalhousie.Isabel is fond of problems, and sometimes she becomes interested in problems that are, quite frankly, none of her business. This may be the case when Isabel sees a young man plunge to his death from the upper circle of a concert hall in Edinburgh. Despite the advice of her housekeeper, Grace, who has been raised in the values of traditional Edinburgh, and her niece, Cat, who, if you ask Isabel, is dating the wrong man, Isabel is determined to find the truth—if indeed there is one—behind the man's death. The resulting moral labyrinth might have stymied even Kant. And then there is the unsatisfactory turn of events in Cat's love life that must be attended to.Filled with thorny characters and a Scottish atmosphere as thick as a highland mist, The Sunday Philosophy Club is irresistible, and Isabel Dalhousie is the most delightful literary sleuth since Precious Ramotswe.

    Learn how to slow down and move at your own pace, become your own boss, and just devour those irritating people who get in your way.Do you struggle out of bed each morning and sway lifelessly across the room, mouth agape, arms hanging slack, murmuring unintelligibly? Well, take heart: you’re not alone! But these other staggering, limp, perpetually drowsy folks just happen to be zombies—and it turns out they can teach us a lot about enjoying life. And only here, between the covers of this book, will you learn their secrets to happiness.And there’s more, because zombies can offer no-nonsense advice on love, playing to your strengths, and more. The table of contents includes:The 24 Habits of Highly Effective ZombiesSlow Down! (You Move Too Fast)Be Your Own BossStrength in NumbersNo Credit Letting Go of Your Ego and Adopting a Zombie’s Spirit of CooperationAnd much more!Learn how to love your undead yourself and succeed in the real world.“We’ve all heard the slurs and stereotypes, but few people stop to consider how much humans have to learn from zombies. What about all the good things zombies do? This book is a guide through the life lessons that can be gleaned from one of the netherworld’s most successful creatures: the implacable, untamable zombie. Whatever your setback or ailment, zombies feel your pain. Have you ever felt as if other people were smarter than you? Quicker on the uptake? Zombies feel this way every day. Have you ever been tongue-tied while those around you knew exactly what to say? (Maybe when you did speak, it came out as nothing more than some guttural croaks and gurgles, and possibly very simple words like ‘brains?’). Zombies haven’t let this stop them. Do you drool at inappropriate times? Stagger when you walk? Stare unblinkingly at passersby, sometimes for hours on end, unnerving each one of them?”

    

    Featuring 50 common North American birds, such as the White-Breasted Butt Nugget and the Goddamned Canada Goose (or White-Breasted Nuthatch and Canada Goose for the layperson), Matt Kracht identifies all the idiots in your backyard and details exactly why they suck with ink drawings. Each entry is accompanied by facts about a bird's (annoying) call, its (dumb) migratory pattern, its (downright tacky) markings, and more.The essential guide to all things wings with migratory maps, tips for birding, musings on the avian population, and the ethics of birdwatching.

    Now, in this down and dirty tale of modern fatherhood, Mohr shares his stories as a first-time parent. No Wonder My Parents Drank reveals the details behind Mohr's humiliating test-tube conception attempts and then recounts the trauma of not only having to keep this child alive, but having to spend time alone with him! He waxes poetic about dirty diapers; spins theories on spanking; and mulls over the more hidden advantages of parenthood, like carpool lane access, carte blanche to use the ladies restroom, and an alibi for missing family dinners. Mohr describes, in painfully funny detail, the bizarre situations that all parents inevitably face but can never prepare for (such as when his kid discovered his dog's rear end) as well as moments of pure joy like taking his son to his first baseball game. Mohr reports on the hilarious wisdom that his son, Jackson, has taught him--like why it's fun to play Kissy Boy with the other boys at recess, how important sunscreen is for avoiding a sunborn, and how awesome it is to get a rainbow belt in karate.Riotously acerbic and refreshingly honest, No Wonder My Parents Drank casts the very funny Jay Mohr with an even funnier mini-me sidekick as a supporting character in a little comedic love story that every person who either is a parent or has a parent will find delightful.

    So she decided to write it herself. Encased in a stunning design package with beautiful feminine illustrations, this is an ideal gift for your best friend, aunt, sister or fairy godmother.

    Drawing on what little he learned during his days of education, Karl explores the world of knowledge through a school curriculum, with chapters devoted to biology, history, art, and English, among others, each topic approached with Karl's inimitable combination of innocent wonder and down-to-earth wisdom. Full color throughout, the book is illustrated with Karl's hand-drawn cartoons and comic strips and it features e-mail contributions from a host of celebrities and experts who Karl has quizzed to further his knowledge.

    It’s a birthday book! It was born from the simple idea that birthdays provide the perfect annual opportunity to preserve a sweet moment in time as your child changes from year to year. So it’s a multi-layered confection: annual touchstone, cherished ritual, and eternal keepsake. This journal provides fun, fast, and casual birthday activities for ages 1-18 as well as space to stick birthday photos and a random picture from each year, amusing and thought-provoking questions to ask your kid, and a time-capsule envelope for stashing away odds and ends (artwork, school papers, hand tracings, birthday cards, invitations, and other memorabilia).From toddler hood to young adulthood to every hood in between, you’ll return to the same four activities for each birthday. The questions prompts, and tone may shift each year, but the essence intentionally remains intact.

    It is the moment when the universe suffers a crisis of conscience. Should it expand or make a great big bang? It decides to wind the clock back a decade to 1991, making everyone in the world endure ten years of deja-vu and a total loss of free will - not to mention the torture of reliving every nanosecond of one of the tawdiest and most hollow decades. With his trademark wicked wit, Vonnegut addresses memory, suicide, the Great Depression, the loss of American eloquence, and the obsolescent thrill of reading books.

    Kevin Smith, the legendary independent film-maker, columnist and cultural commentator, launches himself on an unsuspecting world with a series of hilarious rants on the absurdity of just about everything. Unlike his unforthcoming screen alter-ego Silent Bob, Smith is ready to let rip at maximum volume, whether it be on the madness of Hollywood, 'The Unholy Tale of Greasy Reese Witherspoon', his bloodcurdling hatred of Britney Spears or the highly-sexed comics industry. Along the way we get a shocking insight into the making of Smith's movies, and learn far more than is necessary about his bathroom habits.

    At the center of this outlandishly funny, fiercely intelligent novel is the bewitching heroine, Lenore Stonecipher Beadsman. The year is 1990 and the place is a slightly altered Cleveland, Ohio. Lenore’s great-grandmother has disappeared with twenty-five other inmates of the Shaker Heights Nursing Home. Her beau, and boss, Rick Vigorous, is insanely jealous, and her cockatiel, Vlad the Impaler, has suddenly started spouting a mixture of psycho-babble, Auden, and the King James Bible. Ingenious and entertaining, this debut from one of the most innovative writers of his generation brilliantly explores the paradoxes of language, storytelling, and reality.