His hilarious syndicated newspaper column and numerous best-selling books have sparked the kind of adulation that's often reserved for rock stars or world leaders. His wit cuts right to the core of life's absurdities.In My Teenage Son's Greatest Goal in Life Is to Make Me Feel 3,500 Years Old and Other Thoughts on Parenting from Dave Barry, Dave shares his hopes, fears, and insights about his own stint as a father. Most people make babies out to be very complicated, but the truth is they have only three moods: Mood One: Just about to cry. Mood Two: Crying. Mood Three: Just finished crying.

    Now Adrian's been volunteered to run it. From the confusion of arrival when Anne is allocated to the top bunk with a schizophrenic recovery group, and Adrian is in a low-ceilinged 'pod' at the top of the tower, to the hugs and tears of departure, this is typical Plass, humorous and heartwarming in equal measure.

    are you the type of person who:- thinks books are quite good- has never held a book before and would like to try holding one for a day- is completely normal and just wants to look at something- is fed up- would rather be dead- is frightened of what tomorrow may bring- is curious- needs a bit of motivation- wants to feel more positive about your lifethen this is the book for youbecause the words and pictures inside of this book will instantly make you feel more positive about yourself even after just having a look at them for about a second or 3 secondswhat happens to your body when you have no motivation:when you have no motivation it is like a wall of sadness has been built up inside of yourself and it is this wall that stops all of the happy things in the world from getting inside of your body so take my book and use it to break down the wall of sadness brick by brick so that happiness can climb back inside of your body and live there for the rest of your dayslove from your friend Chris (Simpsons artist) xox

    

    The woman you see at the bus stop every morning; the man who reaches for the last newspaper just before you get to it. Everyone you meet, and some you nearly meet, will have an impact on the way your day goes.Small World is the story of a group of men and women, living and working in a city, who are connected through love, work, friendship, or simply by virtue of proximity. We connect with the hearts and minds of characters including an all-coping housewife, a stressed out working mother, a put-upon nanny, a long-suffering journalist, an Indian waiter who dreams of stardom, a grieving shop assistant, a stand-up comic and a psychotic policeman - all of whom speak directly to us about their innermost thoughts, fears and desires in a series of interwoven first-person narratives.

    Rarely are self-certified wasters called to the battle between good and evil. It’s the job of Jack Connolly, failed television celebrity turned religious messiah to convince Joseph otherwise. As the past, present and future converge, an important question becomes paramount: Is the oncoming apocalypse even real? Add in a new girlfriend who thinks Joseph is someone else entirely and a housemate with an unhealthy Roger Moore obsession and it all starts to get a bit tricky.

    Mixerman is a recording engineer working with a famous producer on the debut album of an unknown band with a giant recording budget. Mixerman is supposed to be writing about recording techniques, but somehow, through that prism, he has hit upon a gripping story. Like all great narratives, Mixerman's diary has many anti-heroes for whom we, the readers, can have nothing but contempt. The band consists of the four most dislikable human beings you can imagine. The singer is vain and pretentious. The guitarist is a serious depressive. The drummer is as "dumb as cotton," and the bassist is merely mean and petty, making him the only one that Mixerman can stand. All four of them hate each other's guts, and they haven't even been on tour yet. Mixerman takes you through the recording process of a bidding war band in over their heads with a famous record producer (also in over his head). Many find Mixerman's diary entries side-splittingly funny. Some find them maddening. And a select few feel they are the most despicable accountings of record-making ever documented.

    “Just when we thought the lawlessness in Iraq was over,” O’Farrell observes, “even more blatant incidents of looting have begun. With handkerchiefs masking their faces, two rioters roughly the height of George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld kicked in the gates of the largest oilfield and grabbed the keys of the gasoline trucks. ‘Yee-haw! It’s all ours! Millions of barrels of the stuff’ they laughed. ‘Yup!’ added the leader ‘ and this mask guarantees my anonymousinity!’ So after all these years there really is such a person as the Thief of Baghdad. Except strangely his accent sounded vaguely Texan.”A writer for the groundbreaking television show Spitting Image and contributor to the screenplay for the hit movie Chicken Run, O’Farrell meticulously researched his conclusions “by spending five minutes on the internet and then giving up.” And while O’Farrell’s sharpest barbs and stingers have often been written to come out of the mouths of grotesque puppets and Claymation chickens, this time around he keeps the best lines for himself: ‘‘With the election of the 43rd President of the United States, the global village is complete,” O’Farrell writes. “’It has its own global village idiot.’”

    In this parody of the famous children's book We're Going on a Bear Hunt, two parents set off for a night on the tiles, and encounter a series of watering holes and bars before an alarming encounter with a 'bear' sends them running home to their children.Gillian Johnson is the author and illustrator of the successful Monster Hospital and Thora series for children. Her illustrations bring this story to life, gently parodying the original but adding an anarchic edge as the evening progresses.We're not going on a bar hunt again!

    He rose from poverty in the city's East End to amass a vast fortune from crime and, when he died in 2007, his empire stretched from Glasgow to the Canaries. When he was alive, few would talk openly about the man known as 'The Licensee'. But now his incredible, untold story can finally be revealed. Real stories about the time McGraw cheated The Godfather, risking his life to end a dynasty. How he was behind the UK's biggest coke heist and who paid the price. Who killed the six Doyles in the Ice Cream Wars. Why the BarL Team was never caught even with MI5 on their case. Armed jail breakouts - who arranged them, who grassed them. There are hit contracts, backstabbings, vendettas and scores to settle with everyone from The Godfather to The Devil, M Family, Specky Boyd and Paul Ferris. McGraw did all that and much more yet was never caught. Why? He was The Licensee. Licensed to Commit Crime.

    When Sharon and her husband, Geoffrey, travel abroad, they stumble through Canada, Europe, Southeast Asia and Oman, flinging sausages and car parts, evading jails, abduction, wild coyotes and the Mafia, but will they continue to survive the perils, despite their satnav’s suicidal tendencies? Join them for a rollickingly good time while they lurch between glorious scenery, irritable outbursts and dubious driving.Travels with Geoffrey is an engaging travel narrative full of madcap adventures and is perfect for fans of Beth Haslam, Marjory McGinn and Tony James Slater.

    One thing leads to another, and they end up going on a date! They have a lot in common: they both love video games, they both jam to their favorite songs on mixtapes, they were even both born in the Year of the Snake. Except... Orihara’s first game console used cartridges... and her old mixtapes are all on MiniDisc... and, oh, her birthday is actually 12 years before Momota’s! When her secret comes out, she thinks it must all be over... but will Momota really let something like a little age gap get in the way of his love for Orihara? Find out if love really can transcend generations in this sugar-sweet romantic comedy!

    But who is the real Sarah Millican? For the first time, journalist Tina Campanella gives you the full story of the British Comedy Award winner's astonishing rise to fame. After he husband unexpectedly left her in 2004, Sarah Millican moved back in with her parents and found solace in a series of writing workshops. And it wasn't long before she made the move from writing to performing, drawing on the pain of her recent break-up. She had never even been inside a comedy club when she first stepped onto a stage, microphone in hand. But her emotionally revealing stand-up instantly won the hearts of her audience. Sarah's debut solo show at the famous Edinburgh Fringe Festival won her the 2008 if.comedy Best Newcomer Award causing a stir among the seasoned reviewers and judges. With appearances on 8 out of 10 Cats, QI, Never Mind the Buzzcocks and Mock The Week quickly cementing her status as a household name, the country watched, and laughed, as her star continued to rise. And she was rewarded with her own show, The Sarah Millican Television Programme, which combines telly inspired stand-up and unique interviews with her celeb heroes. It's been quite a journey for the giggly Geordie. In this revealing new book you'll find everything you need to know about how this once shy girl became one of the country's funniest women.

    Now I don't want to seem callous, but to me that's not a tragedy - that's natural selection.'In SURVIVAL OF THE DUMBEST, Wil Anderson turns his sharp gaze and wicked wit to the stupid, strange and perplexing quandaries of popular culture. Wil spares no-one, not even himself, as he delivers an almighty forehead slap to the modern world. And let's face it: between TV, politics, oversexed sports stars, advertising and automatic phone-banking systems - there are a lot of foreheads that need one.Wil Anderson caused cornflake snorting incidents as a breakfast announcer on Triple J, hosts ABC TV's ever-popular The Glass House and continues to thrill audiences at just about every comedy festival known to man. Now Wil has set down some of his funniest rants and observations in this book. Let's just hope there are enough people left who can read…

    Having escaped from his family's kosher catering business, he spent years in the comedy circuit and mastered his craft of delivering hilarious and often offensive insults. Mixing silliness and sincerity, Ross explains the overall history of the roast and explains the art of delivering a stream of "festive abuse" while eliciting laughs. Taking readers on an entertaining journey through his own career, he shares roasts straight from the Friar's Club and the ever popular Comedy Central television events and provides a narrative of his favorite roasts of friends and family, including: Flava Flav: "You really are the ugliest man in America. I mean, how do you roast charcoal?" William Shatner: "Man, you have really let yourself boldly go. If Scotty tried to beam you up now you' d break the f*n' transporter." Courtney Love: "Courtney Love, you're like the girl next door...if you happen to live next to a Methadone clinic."Featuring tips on timing, what's going too far, and dealing with hecklers, Ross shows readers how to channel their inner roastmaster--and emphasizes the all-important Friars' Club motto: We only roast the ones we love.