He’s in love with his work colleague Melanie and his only friend Gary is a conspiracy theory nut. His life is going nowhere until he has a Near Death Experience - though Death thinks of it as a Near Dave Experience. He discovers gifts he never knew he possessed and a world he never dreamed existed. A world where the Grim Reaper is a hard drinking, grumpy Billy Joel fan and the undead are bored, lonely and dangerous. This box set contains the first 3 stories in the How To Be Dead series: How To Be Dead Paper Cuts Old Haunts They tell the story of Death and his office staff protecting humanity from ghosts, zombies, vampires and medium-sized apocalypses. After a nice cup of tea and a biscuit. “Dave Turner is a funny man and ‘How To Be Dead’ is a brilliant read.” “If Neil Gaiman and Simon Pegg sat down to write a story together they might come up with something like this.” “Hilarious and unexpectedly moving.” “Laugh out loud funny… It’s been a while since an author has made me laugh more than Pratchett does.”

    Some of the objects are described by future historians; others through found materials, short stories, or dialogues. All come from a very real future.

    And with The Road to Mars he reaffirms this with a raucously sidesplitting vengence.Muscroft and Ashby are a comedy team on "The Road to Mars," an interplanetary vaudeville circuit of the future. Accompanied by Carlton, a robot incapable of understanding irony but driven to learn the essence of humor, Alex and Lewis bumble their way into an intergalactic terrorist plot. Supported by a delicious cast, including a micropaleontologist narrator (he studies the evolutionary impact of the last ten minutes) and the ultra-diva Brenda Woolley, The Road to Mars is a fabulous trip through Eric Idle's inimitable world, a "universe expanding at the speed of laughter."

    In his own words, Satan muses on key dates throughout history--reveling in his role as the mastermind behind the Fall, rock 'n' roll, Y2K, and, of course, global warming. The Dark One grumbles at the way some of his best work has been hijacked and credited elsewhere, and confesses his frustration that many of his efforts go unappreciated. Even Satan falls in love, goes on vacation, suffers from depression, and deserves a little sympathy from time to time.

    But now that the Imperium Titus has taken over, every ship sails on the edge of a knife. Young airman Cyprian Fields isn't one to turn away from danger. During his service as the deckmaster of an old freighter named Philomena, the arrival of mysterious young physician Basil Black and alluring stowaway Veronica Stromm turn the intrepid boy officer's world upside-down. Suddenly, Cyprian and Philomena's ragtag crew are thrown into a wonderful and perilous adventure that will take them to the furthest reaches of air, land, and sea. In the midst of whispering Silverspoons and murderous admirals, printing presses and aetherolabes, fleets and fortresses, Cyprian, Veronica, and Basil must decide whether they will face down the might of the Imperium or allow the doom descending on Cor Nova to overwhelm them all.

    Hung around with 12 other guys. They came in the store, no one ever bought anything. Once they asked for water."Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks ad-libbed their first interviews between the miraculous ancient sage and the reporter covering his history-making arrival in the United States. The 2000 Year Old Man knew everyone from Jesus to Shakespeare, Cleopatra to Paul Revere. He was there when men discovered women, and he dated Joan of Arc. The feisty raconteur had been married several hundred times. He had 42,000 children -- "and not one comes to visit me." The Jewish Methuselah had something to say about everyone and everything -- from religion to soul kissing, from taxes to nectarines: "Half a peach, half a plum. It's a hell of a fruit!" Brooks never knew what Reiner was going to ask, and Reiner only knew that he would never get the same answer twice. Reiner calls it "writing with the mouth."Most of the targets Reiner and Brooks skewered between 1961 and 1974 on record albums are still with us, including food, cigarettes, the power of advertising, selling America to Japan, neglected children, fear of homosexuals in the military, inadequate health care, fad diets, violent films and pretentious filmmakers. In this millenial update of the cult comedy classic, the 2000 Year Old Man offers his unique wit and wisdom on everything from the Mars landing to shopping malls; homeopathy to the invention of the infomercial; his own dietary secrets, from eating a swirl to his time-tested Seven-Day Diet; and pet peeves, from rap music to "If you know the extension, press one..." The humor of The 2000 Year Old Man in the Year 2000  is a hilarious antidote to the millenial literature of the '90s.

    It is the first children’s book that demonstrates what not to say after a natural disaster. On September 19, 2018, Donald Trump paid a visit to New Bern, North Carolina, one of the towns ravaged by Hurricane Florence. It was there he showed deep concern for a boat that washed ashore. “At least you got a nice boat out of the deal,” said President Trump to hurricane victims. “Have a good time!” he told them. The only way his comments would be appropriate is in the context of a children’s book—and now you can experience them that way, thanks to the staff of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Whose Boat Is This Boat? is an excellent teaching tool for readers of all ages who enjoy learning about empathy by process of elimination. Have a good time!

    The author doesn't pull any punches describing the good, the bad, the funny and the just plain ridiculous of the Submarine Service. Besides a wealth of information about what it's like to serve on a submarine, you'll meet real life characters like Tongue, Snake and Button Butt John. Did submarines make them rude, crude, and crazy. Or does the Submarine Service act as a magnet for every nut in the Navy? One thing is sure, after two months underwater, and with their back pay in their back pocket, Sub Sailors are as wild as cowboys after a cattle drive. Bar the doors and hide your daughters. Every reader owes it to themselves to use Amazons "Look In" feature to take a peek inside this unique and entertaining book.

    Gudetama (tama from "tamago," egg in Japanese) is the lazy egg. Gudetama likes soy sauce and being left alone. Sometimes, Gudetama wonders if we are born only to suffer.Each page of this book is kind of packed with helpful lessons, inspiring quotes and mind-blowing advice that will have you laying around like an egg in no time! And all of it comes straight from the yolk of a Gudetama!

    This is the book for you because it will help you hit the ground running once you get your license. It is written by an actual, active Realtor. Mario Jannatpour is with RE/MAX Alliance in Louisville, Colorado and what he writes about is based on his experience of what it takes to be successful today as a Realtor. Mario has been a Realtor since 2002. Reader Review: Are you green in real estate or a veteran? Do you know what buyers and sellers are looking for when they are looking at you? What qualities differenciate you from your competition? Mario has helped pin point what today's buyers and sellers are looking for in their real estate agent giving relavent information as well as insight on how you should handle different situations. We all know that honesty is the best policy yet the profession of representation is riddled with pot holes where one can stray. This book will help any new agent or seasoned agent gain a true north when dealing with clients. Mario's first book, Must See Inside, was a great introduction to the real estate business and with this book, The Honest Real Estate Agent, Mario dives deeper on how to "be" a real estate agent which means doing the right thing, always! I sincerely recommend this book for anyone who is getting into the business and wants to get a firm handle of how to "be" great at your job. Addy Saeed, RE/MAX Active Realty (Toronto, Canada)

    With biting wit, bracing satire, and boundless good cheer, Mary Jo-distinguished member of the First Family of Circle Pines, Minnesota; she'll explain-takes you on a poignant, hilarious journey through the world of keepin' on. Dispatched from her Midwestern home state, then New York, Texas, and exotic points beyond, these very personal stories and essays, with illustrations by Len Peralta, reveal a warm, smart, funny writer who can spot the absurdities in what she deals with every day, and make her readers LOL at them. There's nobody else like Mary Jo Pehl. But then, there's nobody else like you, either. Hey, you two should get together! Read this book, and you will, my friend: you will.

    . . ?If a Victorian couldn’t afford a sweep, they might drop a goose down their chimney to clean it!A posh lady’s unmentionables could weigh up to 40lbs!Parliament had to be suspended during the Great Stink of 1858!From the wretches of the rookeries to the posh nobs at Buckingham Palace, Dodger will show you every dirty inch of London.Warning: Includes ’orrible murders, naughty ladies and plenty of geezers!

     From the author of A Prairie Home Companion's beloved "Five-Minute Classics" comes The Five-Minute Iliad and Other Instant Classics, a witty and profane lampoon of the Western literary canon -- the Spinal Tap of literature. "I will never write such wordy trash again," Leo Tolstoy said of War and Peace after reading Homer in the original Greek. Tolstoy's pledge inspired humorist Greg Nagan to whet his double-edged verbal sword and offer this gleefully twisted take on what contemporary readings of the Great Books say about our society today. From The Iliad to On the Road, these fifteen parodies provide a riotous romp through Western civilization (one version of it, anyway) from Homer to Kerouac, from Ancient Greece to Postwar America, from the Lyrical Epic to the Breathless Gush. Nagan's mirthful mayhem will delight those who've read the Great Books, and those who haven't read them will find these literary caricatures entertaining in their own right.

    This study guide includes the following sections: Plot Summary, Chapter Summaries & Analysis, Characters, Objects/Places, Themes, Style, Quotes, and Topics for Discussion.

    It should be a haven from the stresses of the world. You should be proud to have your friends round for dinner and they should leave impressed by your comfortable, clean, homely home. Nowadays, we don't all have the time or energy to make the most of our homes. But with a little help from Anthea Turner, the queen of clean, you too can have a beautiful, clean and comfortable home to be truly proud of. With tips on everything from decluttering to dry cleaning, storage solutions to spring cleaning, dinner parties to brunches, this is an indispensable home management guide. There are simple lessons on each aspect of home making from cleaning to ironing to washing to tidying as well as top tips on entertaining. You wil learn to entertain in style, with little effort and cost. Whether you're a housewife, or a young professional or student just setting up home, the Perfect Housewife has helpful hints to get you organised. You can save time and energy and turn your house into a home with Anthea Turner!