A selection of confused teenagers. A play doomed for disaster. A distinctly below average teacher. Being a successful teacher is difficult, especially when you are not overly keen on doing any actual work.Still, the narrator of Thrift is undeterred as he lies and cheats his way through the Christmas term, hoping that he can save his career, and perhaps even earn himself a thoroughly undeserved promotion.

     I’m going to show you examples, rock solid proof, that unknown authors used the keyword phrases in this book to rank higher than superstar authors like J.A. Konrath or Barry Eisler. You can start getting visibility today because...This Book Marketing Guide Answers The Most Critical Question You Face As A Fiction Writer:What keyword phrases should I use for my novel? I’m not going to show you how to find them. I’m going to tell you what they are. This Kindle selling book is quite literally an encyclopedia of keyword phrases that buyers type into Amazon’s search engine when they try to find books in your genre. It’s your biggest challenge answered: Discoverability.Writing a Young Adult novel? Click on the “Young Adult” link in this Kindle selling book and it’ll take you to a list of keyword phrases people use to find YA books. Writing a thriller? A romance? Same thing. My team of researchers pulled the keyword phrases directly out of Amazon’s “Leading Indicators.” Special Bonus! They include Amazon’s “Relative Importance” ranking, which shows you which keyword phrases are more likely to lead to a sale. Get excited! This is your ticket to huge sales! Inside This Kindle Publishing Guide You Will Find The Most Effective Keyword Phrases For Books In: • Romance- Christian- Contemporary- Fantasy & Futuristic- Historical Romance- Paranormal- Romantic Suspense- Time Travel- Vampires- Westerns • Fantasy- Alternative History- Contemporary- Dark Fantasy- Epic- Historical- Paranormal- Urban • Mystery & Thrillers- Crime- Mystery- Police Procedurals- Thrillers• Horror- Dark Fantasies- Occult- Ghosts• And...- Science Fiction- Action Adventure- Contemporary Fiction- Erotica- Literary Fiction- Historical Fiction- Christian Fiction- Gay & Lesbian- Medical- Men’s Adventure- Sea Adventures- Sports- War How To Sell More Books On Amazon, Part Two. Every book buyer goes through nine decision points on their way to a purchase. Will they click on your cover? Read your book description? Click on “Look Inside? Wince at your price? Read your reviews? I’m going to show you how you can influence each of the nine decision points so they result in a sale. This includes how to:• Come up with clever, must-click titles.• Create mesmerizing covers.• Write a book description that ignites click lust. • Use HTML to format your book description.• Use the “look inside!” Feature to clinch the sale.• Set the right price for your book.• Get reviews that jump-starts sales.About Michael AlvearWhen I published my first books on Kindle, I’d check my anemic sales and let out a string of cuss words that made my dog blush. Then I developed my Attract•Engage•Convert strategy and sales took off.

    This is the book explaining how, with a few simple changes, I boosted my daily writing from 2000 words to over 10k a day, and how you can too."Expanding on her highly successful process for doubling daily word counts, this book, a combination of reworked blog posts and new material, offers practical writing advice for anyone who's ever longed to increase their daily writing output. In addition to updated information for Rachel's popular 2k to 10k writing efficiency process, 5 step plotting method, and easy editing tips, this new book includes chapters on creating characters that write their own stories, practical plot structure, and learning to love your daily writing. Full of easy to follow, practical advice from a commercial author who doesn't eat if she doesn't produce good books on a regular basis, 2k to 10k focuses not just on writing faster, but writing better, and having more fun while you do it.

    Could any novel be ruder than IS HARRY ON THE BOAT? Possibly this sequel to that brilliantly funny cult novel about holiday reps in Ibiza.

    It follows Eddy Nugent, a bored fifteen-year-old, living in Manchester, as he travels through the drinking, swearing and sex-obsessed world of our nation's finest.

    Along the way he falls in love, drinks a lot of beer, eats too many sweets, ponders the meaning of life on the dole, and gets admitted to hospital for a painful condition.

    He talks to the models, he reads hundreds of filthy readers' letters, he organises the photoshoots and even gets to direct the action. He has, according to his non-porn friends, "the best job in the world". But Godfrey Bishop has a problem. Godfrey Bishop is going through the sex drought to end all sex droughts. He hasn't been with a woman in over a year and this knee-twisting frustration is magnified a hundred times by his daily grind. He feels like Billy Bunter put in charge of the cake shop, only to have the Atkins diet forced upon him at gun point. Chuck into the mix a twelve girl orgy, a stable of alcoholic co-workers, an angry argumentative feminist, a naked run from justice and an obsessive nutty reader who thinks Godfrey is trying to scupper his chances of marrying the magazine's centre-spread girl and you have Danny King's filthiest and funniest novel yet – according to the back of the book. Godfrey Bishop has "the best job in the world" – and it's doing his f*cking head in.

    

    Whether it’s a memoir of an exciting life, or fictional characters in your head trying to get out. Perhaps you’ve thought it might be cool to write a book, but always believed it was beyond your reach and ability.It’s not.To be more precise, it doesn’t have to be. All you lack is the motivation to get started, the tenacity to stay with it, and the expertise in self publishing to get it finished. I can help you with these things.In this book, I’ll show you some of the rewards that might come your way by becoming an self published, or independent author. I also provide a few tips on how to overcome certain common stumbling blocks.But, this isn’t a how-to book. There are many learned scholars publishing books about the craft of creative writing. This is more of a motivational book, giving you an idea of what you might expect in the trenches, as a mid-level self published author. Whether you’re just thinking about writing or already have several books published, we could all use a little motivation.Who am I? Just an old truck driver, who is now off the road and living the life I’ve always dreamed of, after just two years of writing and self publishing.

    She proclaims, in her delightfully urbane, witty, and very English way, that it is time to look at our commas and semicolons and see them as the wonderful and necessary things they are. Using examples from literature, history, neighborhood signage, and her own imagination, Truss shows how meaning is shaped by commas and apostrophes, and the hilarious consequences of punctuation gone awry.Featuring a foreword by Frank McCourt, and interspersed with a lively history of punctuation from the invention of the question mark in the time of Charlemagne to George Orwell shunning the semicolon, Eats, Shoots & Leaves makes a powerful case for the preservation of proper punctuation.

    His slow descent into semi-madness is chronicled here, in The Office, The Scripts volume 2. Following on from the phenomenal success of series 1 voted Comedy of the Year at the British Comedy Awards the second series averaged over 4 million viewers, with a 25% audience share. This book features the scripts from all six episodes and contains over 500 picture screengrabs taken from the broadcast masters and available exclusively in this BBC publication. Original and accurate and painfully funny: it will have every office in the country twitching with spasms of recognition This is a gem. The Times

    Searching for work, sex and big-city life is Ted Owen, who quickly finds himself swept into the complicated lives of the young and the jaded, people who thrive in a strange world of hip fashion and surreal night-clubs.

    Pretending to work? That’s fudgelling, which may lead to rizzling if you feel sleepy after lunch, though by dinner time you will have become a sparkling deipnosophist.From Mark Forsyth, author of the bestselling The Etymologicon, this is a book of weird words for familiar situations. From ante-jentacular to snudge by way of quafftide and wamblecropt, at last you can say, with utter accuracy, exactly what you mean.

     Enjoys walking barefoot across shards of broken home. Likes loaded silences, resentment and insomnia. Dislikes romantic weekends, lie-ins and any chance of future happiness. Former GSOH. Developing PTSD. Ella Shawe was undomesticated, unattached and uninhibited. Until she met Dan. Sexy, charming and funny, Dan ticked all the right boxes and Ella threw herself head-first into the whirlwind romance. But now she’s moved into his family home, complete with two demanding children and a hyperactive dog. Throw in Dan’s impossibly perfect ex-wife, Ella’s interfering sex therapist mother and the snooty and dismissive mother-in-law from Hell, and Ella is almost ready to throw in the towel. But, ready or not, Ella is part of the family now, and getting it right for Dan’s kids means getting it right for everyone. She just needs to figure out how to include herself in the mix… Girlfriend, Interrupted will have you laughing-out-loud, gasping in embarrassment and rooting for Ella all the way. This British romantic comedy is packed full of humour and has a delightful contemporary heroine at its heart.

    But when Richard Colman adopts his dead sister's daughter, he has no idea how tough life can be.Richard's girlfriend walks out. His business starts losing clients. And there's something terribly wrong with the little girl.Her name is Bernadette, but Richard calls her "Barney". It's a word his own father used to use... a barney, a row, a terrible racket. And Barney is well-named – she never stops screaming. She hammers her head on the floor and the walls. She's adorable, but she doesn't sleep. She cannot talk. She won't even respond to her name.Richard slowly faces the unbearable truth that his little girl is profoundly autistic. And as he prepares for a battle simply to be allowed to keep his child, he's only beginning to find out how tough life can be. Christopher Stevens, the bestselling author of A REAL BOY, draws on painful and intensely personal experiences of raising his own autistic child, to create this compelling story of a single parent who must come to terms with his beloved little girl's autism.AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a novel. The characters are fictional, though they are very real to me. Many of the events in the story did really happen to my family, following the diagnosis of my younger son with autism. I later wrote a memoir about this intensely emotional and exhausting experience: it was published as A REAL BOY. If you have read this memoir, you might recognise some of the scenes and situations in A GIRL CALLED BARNEY – and if you want to read a strictly factual account, the memoir will better suit your needs. A GIRL CALLED BARNEY is more dramatic, more tragic and less humorous than the later, non-fiction book. I used the novel to express the darker, more frightening emotions that, in real life, we hardly dare admit that we feel.Praise for A REAL BOY, Christopher Stevens's factual account of raising his autistic son:Jane Asher, President of the National Autistic Society"This wonderfully honest book tells us a great deal, not only about autism, but also about the extraordinary tolerance and unselfishness that is borne out of unequivocal love. At the same time, it reveals some uncomfortable truths about the struggle it takes to access the rights of those with disabilities in our so-called civilized society."The Sun, 15 Feb 08"incredibly moving"Daily Mail, February 26, 2008Christopher Stevens writes poignantly about life with his autistic son. It's a moving account of the boy's struggle to cope with a world that confuses him - and the extraordinary leap forward that gave them all hope.Bournemouth Daily Echo, 27th June 08By turns harrowing, humorous and inspirational.About the AuthorChristopher Stevens has been a senior sub-editor at the Observer for fourteen years and is also the author of Born Brilliant, the acclaimed biography of Kenneth Williams; Masters of Sitcom, a celebration of Galton and Simpson; and Thirty Days Has September, the bestselling reference book on Kindle.Born Brilliant was shortlisted for a "Sherry", the Sheridan Morley Theatre Biography Prize. It was adapted and broadcast as a Radio Four Book of the Week.