I alone have heard your silent screams, so I have written this book to help you achieve what everyone who has the courage to live the creative life deserves: complete, utter, slavish adoration and worship. Also: incalculable wealth that insulates you from the concerns of ordinary people." And there you have it. Fondling Your Muse is John Warner's innovative and slightly insane book of instruction for those who want to write, and those who think they already can. It's packed with quirky (possibly deranged) advice guaranteed to make you laugh out loud in the most embarrassing fashion possible. You know what we mean. It also includes a special chapter entitled "Everything Stephen King Knows About Writing Successfully: Plus Some Things I Know That He Doesn't Because He Isn't That Special." No other book currently available has this chapter! And Fondling Your Muse provides the kind of wise, insightful guidance that's missing from all of those self-serious, mind-numbingly awful books that promise riches and fame by writing only 20 minutes a day. Let's say you're looking for a tried-and-true recipe for literary success. Warner reveals all of the best ones, including these succulent concoctions: * Contemporary Romance Quiche al la Nicholas Sparks ("Tasty with a side of hackneyed potatoes.") * Tom Clancy Techno-Thriller Surprise ("Preparation is usually subcontracted to others.") * Chick-Lit Cacciatore ("Satisfies many, every single time. I can't explain how either.") * Harlequin Romance Salad ("Thoroughly rip bodices, pound prose until purple, and combine all ingredients in a large mixing bowl.") * John Grisham's Legal Thriller Stew ("Boil in pot until ingredients bubble over line of believability.") * Comtemporary American Literary Fiction Flambé ("Served in smaller and smaller quantities as the years go by.") Mmmm...tasty. Even really famous people endorse Warner's work: "Fondling Your Muse is brilliant in the same way the most distant stars in the galaxy are brilliant. If it's a really clear night and you tilt your head to the side and squint, you sort of see it." -- Dave Eggers It doesn't get any better than that. So go ahead - get Fondling today!

    Let’s just go ahead and call that, “25 bonus tips,” shall we? Boom. Value added.)The book features sections such as:“The Transubstantiation of Trope,” “Why Bad Decisions Are A Good Decision,” “Nobody Sees Themselves As A Supporting Character,” "I Want To Buy The Semi-Colon A Private Sex Island," and “Plot Is Promise.”Contained within are things you should know about plot holes, self-publishing versus legacy publishing, "on-the-nose" dialogue, story versus plot, metaphors, copy-editing, killing darlings with a claw hammer, cursing like an undead pirate, and generally being a cranky and irreverent creative type.

    Whether puncturing the lies of politicians, wittily dissecting the English character or telling unpalatable truths about war, Orwell's timeless, uncompromising essays are more relevant, entertaining and essential than ever in today's era of spin.Contents:"Why I Write", first published 1946"The Lion and the Unicorn", first published 1940"A Hanging", first published 1931"Politics and the English Language", first published 1946

    In "Will Write for Shoes, "veteran Chick Lit and romance author Cathy Yardley addresses the common questions (and misconceptions) about the genre. Based on years of teaching about commercial women's fiction, this definitive guide provides invaluable tips and step-by-step methods for writing and selling a successful Chick Lit novel. Features include: * The history of Chick Lit* A blueprint for writing a Chick Lit novel* New trends in the genre* Tips and tools for breaking into the market* FAQs and miscellanea A directory of agents and publishers who acquire Chick Lit, sample submission materials, and online resources make this fun and comprehensive manual a must-have for all women who want to write a Chick Lit novel.

    Part memoir, part master class by one of the bestselling authors of all time, this superb volume is a revealing and practical view of the writer's craft, comprising the basic tools of the trade every writer must have. King's advice is grounded in his vivid memories from childhood through his emergence as a writer, from his struggling early career to his widely reported near-fatal accident in 1999 -- and how the inextricable link between writing and living spurred his recovery. Brilliantly structured, friendly and inspiring, On Writing will empower and entertain everyone who reads it -- fans, writers, and anyone who loves a great story well told.(back cover)

    You should never quit your day job, but your ultimate goal should be to quit your day job. It's an endless, confusing, and often controversial conversation that, despite our bare-it-all culture, still remains taboo. In Scratch, Manjula Martin has gathered interviews and essays from established and rising authors to confront the age-old question: how do creative people make money? As contributors including Jonathan Franzen, Cheryl Strayed, Roxane Gay, Nick Hornby, Susan Orlean, Alexander Chee, Daniel Jose Older, Jennifer Weiner, and Yiyun Li candidly and emotionally discuss money, MFA programs, teaching fellowships, finally getting published, and what success really means to them, Scratch honestly addresses the tensions between writing and money, work and life, literature and commerce. The result is an entertaining and inspiring book that helps readers and writers understand what it's really like to make art in a world that runs on money-and why it matters.

    Drawing from her popular blog, the Newbery Honor author answers readers' questions and dives into how to make a story come alive. If you're interested in writing prose and poetry or just want to be a better and more rounded writer, this book will help you on your creative journey.With her trademark humor and vast writing knowledge, Gail Carson Levine reveals the tricks of her trade, writer to writer.

     Now he's tackled the biggest offenders and shows you how to fix them. In 27 Fiction Writing Blunders you'll learn: * The biggest reason readers get stuck in your opening pages...and how to unstick them * How to avoid marshmallow dialogue * The simple solution for low stakes * The art of getting into and out of flashbacks * Getting rid of the kind of characters that readers never want to see in your novel * The biggest point-of-view gaffe and how to spot it * How to perform liposuction on flabby scenes * The best way to show what characters think and feel And much more! Plus, Bell attacks some of the blunders writers can pull on their own careers, including fear, false competition, market ignorance, and the neglected brain. Don't let little mistakes keep you from big success. Eliminate these 27 blunders forever...and sell more books! James Scott Bell is an award-winning, bestselling author of numerous thrillers and popular books on the writing craft. Visit his website at www.jamesscottbell.com "James Scott Bell is my go-to writing teacher!" - Terri Blackstock, New York Times Bestselling Author of Intervention and Vicious Cycle

    From adjectives and exclamation points to dialect and hoopetedoodle, Elmore Leonard explains what to avoid, what to aspire to, and what to do when it sounds like "writing" (rewrite).Beautifully designed, filled with free-flowing, elegant illustrations and specially priced, Elmore Leonard's 10 Rules of Writing is the perfect writer's—and reader's—gift.

    You can be successful with either. Publish your books in a way that brings you the most readers.Put the experience of over one hundred book launches to work for you. Right here. Release Strategies. It’s how successful indie authors get ahead. Plan. Prepare. And Execute. With checklists, recommendations, and candid discussion, you’ll find everything you need to determine your best publication strategy. Implement it and keep your foot on the gas. It’s time to take the ride of your life. Release Strategies. The book you didn’t know you needed.

    In this entertaining and inspirational book you'll hear from 21 top humor writers as they discuss the comedy writing process, their influences, their likes and dislikes, and experiences in the industry. Funny and informative, And Here's the Kicker is a must have guide for aspiring humor writers and simply a great read for fans.

    It won't feed aspiring writers' dreams of fame and fortune. This book is about survival: how to generate ideas when you needed them yesterday, dialogue and plot on the quick, and what your manuscript is up against in the slush piles of the world. For non-fiction writers, Starve Better offers writing techniques such as how to get (relatively) high-paying assignments in second and third-tier magazines, how to react to your first commissioned assignment, and how to find gigs that pay NOW as the final notices pile up and the mice eat the last of the pasta in the cupboard. Humor, essays and some of the most widely read blog pieces from Nick Mamatas, author and editor of fiction that has caught the attention of speculative fiction's most prestigious awards, come together for the first time in a writers' guide that won't teach anyone how to get rich and famous... but will impart the most valuable skill in the business: how to starve better.Blurb: "Mamatas offers up a no-nonsense guide that should be required reading for all writers. Prepare to have some illusions shattered... because you need them shattered. A great resource from a guy with the experience to back up the advice." -Jeff VanderMeer, author of City of Saints and Madmen and FinchAbout the Author: Nick Mamatas is the author of three and a half novels, over seventy short stories, and hundreds of feature articles, and is also an editor and anthologist. His fiction has been nominated for the Bram Stoker and International Horror Guild awards and translated into German, Italian, and Greek; his editorial work with Clarkesworld earned the magazine World Fantasy and Hugo award nominations. Nick's reportage, short stories, and essays have appeared in venues such as Razor, Asimov's Science Fiction, Silicon Alley Reporter, the Village Voice, The Smart Set, The Writer, Poets & Writers and anthologies including Supernatural Noir and Lovecraft Unbound. He teaches at Western Connecticut State University in the MFA program in Creative and Professional Writing, was a visiting writer at Lake Forest College and the University of California, Riverside's Palm Desert Campus, and runs writing classes in the San Francisco Bay Area.

    S. Lewis's adult religious books, a repackaged edition of the revered author’s treasury of essays and stories which examine the value of creative writing and imaginative exploration.C. S. Lewis—the great British writer, scholar, lay theologian, broadcaster, Christian apologist, and bestselling author of Mere Christianity, The Screwtape Letters, The Great Divorce, The Chronicles of Narnia, and many other beloved classics—presents a well-reasoned case for the importance of story and wonder, elements often ignored by critics of his time. He also discusses his favorite kinds of stories—children’s stories and fantasies—and offers insights into his most famous works, The Chronicles of Narnia and the Space Trilogy.

    I write poetry... I believe poetry is a primal impulse within all of us. I believe we are all capable of it and furthermore that a small, often ignored corner of us positively yearns to try it. —Stephen Fry, The Ode Less Travelled Stephen Fry believes that if one can speak and read English, one can write poetry. Many of us have never been taught to read or write poetry and think of it as a mysterious and intimidating form. Or, if we have been taught, we remember uncomfortable silence when an English teacher invited the class to "respond" to a poem. In The Ode Less Travelled, Fry sets out to correct this problem by giving aspiring poets the tools and confidence they need to write poetry for pleasure. Fry is a wonderfully engaging teacher and writer of poetry himself, and he explains the various elements of poetry in simple terms, without condescension. His enjoyable exercises and witty insights introduce the concepts of Metre, Rhyme, Form, Diction, and Poetics. Aspiring poets will learn to write a sonnet, on ode, a villanelle, a ballad, and a haiku, among others. Along the way, he introduces us to poets we've heard of, but never read. The Ode Less Travelled is a lively celebration of poetry that makes even the most reluctant reader want to pick up a pencil and give it a try. BACKCOVER: Advanced Praise: “Delightfully erudite, charming and soundly pedagogical guide to poetic form… Fry has created an invaluable and highly enjoyable reference book.” —Publishers Weekly “A smart, sane and entertaining return to the basics… If you like Fry’s comic manner… this book has a lot of charm… People entirely fresh to the subject could do worse than stick with his cheerful leadership.” —The Telegraph (UK) “…intelligent and informative, a worthy enterprise well executed.” —Observer (UK) "If you learn how to write a sonnet, and Fry shows you how, you may or may not make a poem. But you will unlock the stored wisdom of the form itself." —Grey Gowrie, The Spectator (UK) “…intelligent and informative, a worthy enterprise well executed.” —Observer (UK)

    Le Guin generously shares the accumulated wisdom of a lifetime's work.