And that's with no toilet breaks. And all you'd get to eat and drink would be giant buckets of coke and popcorn, and six inches of horrible pink gunk extruded on a bun. And your left hand will keep wandering down to that tacky gobbet of someone else's chewing gum under your seat. You know it will.Even if you saw one a week it would take three months: you'd miss all those trips down the pub and your friends would stop speaking to you and you'd be in danger of turning into Jonathan Ross. And no one wants that.Or perhaps you could watch them at home on DVD and never be able to get up out of your sofa ever again. Even when the pizza arrives.But then Hollywood Blockbusters are a guilty pleasure you'd really not want to be without. Never fear. Help is at hand. Well, in your hand actually. Ten of the biggest movies of the last thirty years. Condensed. Made (intentionally) funny. Made (intentionally) very funny. Simple really.

    Now he gives birth to a cast of gruesomely sympathetic children – misunderstood outcasts who struggle to find love and belonging in their cruel, cruel worlds. His lovingly lurid illustrations evoke both the sweetness and the tragedy of these dark yet simple beings – hopeful, hapless heroes who appeal to the ugly outsider in all of us, and let us laugh at a world we have long left behind (mostly anyway).

    Known for her eponymous blog and her confessional style of writing, this is Trista Mateer's second collection of poetry.

    In reality, mythology is more screwed up than a schizophrenic shaman doing hits of unidentified. Wait, it all makes sense now. In Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes, Cory O’Brien, creator of Myths RETOLD!, sets the stories straight. These are rude, crude, totally sacred texts told the way they were meant to be told: loudly, and with lots of four-letter words. Skeptical? Here are just a few gems to consider: � Zeus once stuffed an unborn fetus inside his thigh to save its life after he exploded its mother by being too good in bed. � The entire Egyptian universe was saved because Sekhmet just got too hammered to keep murdering everyone. � The Hindu universe is run by a married couple who only stop murdering in order to throw sweet dance parties…on the corpses of their enemies. � The Norse goddess Freyja once consented to a four-dwarf gangbang in exchange for one shiny necklace. And there’s more dysfunctional goodness where that came from.

    Here, they chat about what's new at The Londoner, the glossy fashion magazine where they all work, and everything else that's going on in their lives. Or almost everything. Beneath the girl talk and the laughter, each of the three has a secret. And when a chance encounter at the cocktail bar sets in motion an extraordinary chain of events, each one will find their biggest secret revealed.In Cocktails for Three, Madeleine Wickham combines her trademark humor with remarkable insight to create an edgy, romantic tale of secrets, strangers, and a splash of scandal.

    Eliot for his godchildren and friends in the thirties. They have delighted generations of children since, and inspired Andrew Lloyd Webber's brilliant musical Cats.

    In a world that teaches us to cling to what we love at all costs, there is an undeniable art to moving on – and it’s one that we are constantly relearning. In this series of honest and poignant essays, Heidi Priebe explores the harsh reality of what it means to let go of the people and situations we love most - often before we are ready to – and how to embrace what comes next.

    It is filled with dozens of humorous tales of musician antics and concert meltdowns. Outsiders are rarely allowed such access, but at last you can have your own personal tour of the mystical and magical realm of professional orchestras and the people who play in them. "Real Men Don't Rehearse" was written by Justin Locke, who spent 18 seasons as a professional freelance double bassist in Boston. He played with the Boston Symphony and the Boston Pops, as well as for ballets, operas, and Broadway shows. He is also well known in the symphonic world as the author of "Peter VS. the Wolf" and "The Phantom of the Orchestra," which are internationally acclaimed programs for orchestra family concerts. This is the perfect gift for your favorite music lover! This is a book no musical library should be without!

    Here, featuring gloriously pseudo-scientific diagrams and the inimitable writing style that made footballcliches.com a smash hit, they are covered in all their glory.

    The people who roamed Early Earth were much like us: curious, emotional, funny, ambitious, and vulnerable. In this series of illustrated and linked tales, Isabel Greenberg chronicles the explorations of a young man as he paddles from his home in the North Pole to the South Pole. There, he meets his true love, but their romance is ill-fated. Early Earth's unusual and finicky polarity means the lovers can never touch.      As intricate and richly imagined as the work of Chris Ware, and leavened with a dry wit that rivals Kate Beaton's in Hark! A Vagrant, Isabel Greenberg's debut will be a welcome addition to the thriving graphic novel genre.

    Inside you will find:× The smell of honeysuckle× Heartbreak× A French-kissing rabbit× A haunted house× Death× A vagina singing sad old songs× Young geraniums in an ancient castle× Birth× A dog who appears in dreams as a spiritual guide× Divorce× Electromagnetic energy fields× Emotional horniness× The ghost of a sea captain× And moreI hope you enjoy these little weirds.Love,Jenny Slate

    She’s six feet tall, self-conscious and posh. And is frequently mistaken for a man. She’s also invested her inheritance in a joke shop that she runs with her friend Stevie (Sarah Hadland) while trying to deal with her outrageously embarrassing mother (Patricia Hodge). Though surrounded by chocolate willies, Miranda is determined to suss out what it takes to be a girly girl and to not look a complete idiot every time she meets the gorgeous Gary (Tom Ellis). Miranda Hart’s Joke Shop – first broadcast on BBC Radio 2 – is written by Miranda Hart (Hyperdrive, Absolutely Fabulous, Lead Balloon), with James Carey (My Family, Think the Unthinkable) and Simon Dean (Not Going Out).2 CDs. 2 hrs.

    Or the broken heart.A knowing, funny gift for everyone who's ever been in love and then out of love: the newly single, the lonely-hearted, and even the happily re-paired. Dear Old Love is a collection of anonymous love notes to the ones who got away—or were left behind. They're the notes that ex-lovers have written to set the record straight. Or crooked. They're concise, witty, melancholy, revealing, sweet, sentimental, outrageous, withering, indignant, sometimes all at the same time. And like a pitch-perfect little poem, each entry paints a complete picture with just a handful of apt words: "A current snapshot of you erased 25 years of fantasizing about what could have been." Or: "I don't care that you miss my dog. When you cheated on me, you cheated on him, too." Or: "I say 'I love you' to people all the time now, to make that time I said it to you mean less."And for anyone wanting help to write their own love note, the book ends with clever fill-ins: "I wonder if we’d still be together if I had just admitted I was a ____, instead of saying you had a ____ so big it blocked out the _____."  Try it on someone you loved.

    Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool.Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty. Encouraged by her motley collection of friends (aka: her partners in crime) but challenged by her family members (who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounter), Chelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning.

    He has two Netflix comedy specials: DARK, a brilliant, laugh-out-loud meditation on our relationship with death; and Jigsaw, which needles apart the ideas of love, romantic relationships, and marriage–and according to Sloss, singlehandedly caused 160 divorces and 95,000 break-ups (he’s got the tweets to back up those numbers). His HBO special, Daniel Sloss Live: X, is a miraculous 85 minutes on the topic of male toxicity.Now, in his first book, he picks up where Jigsaw and his other specials left off, and goes after every conceivable kind of relationship–with one’s country (Daniel’s is Scotland), with America, with lovers, ex-lovers, ex-lovers who you hate, ex-lovers who hate you, with parents, with best friends (male and female), not-best friends, with children, and with siblings. In Everyone You Hate Is Going to Die, every relationship gets the hilarious, brutal (but always incisive) Sloss treatment as he explains why all of our relationships are fragile and ridiculous and awful–but, just maybe, also valuable and meaningful.