The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
Amy Schumer - 2016
Now, Amy Schumer has written a refreshingly candid and uproariously funny collection of (extremely) personal and observational essays. In The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo, Amy mines her past for stories about her teenage years, her family, relationships, and sex and shares the experiences that have shaped who she is - a woman with the courage to bare her soul to stand up for what she believes in, all while making us laugh.Ranging from the raucous to the romantic, the heartfelt to the harrowing, this highly entertaining and universally appealing collection is the literary equivalent of a night out with your best friends - an unforgettable and fun adventure that you wish could last forever. Whether she's experiencing lust-at-first-sight while in the airport security line, sharing her own views on love and marriage, admitting to being an introvert, or discovering her cross-fit instructor's secret bad habit, Amy Schumer proves to be a bighearted, brave, and thoughtful storyteller that will leave you nodding your head in recognition, laughing out loud, and sobbing uncontrollably - but only because it's over.
All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome
Kathy Hoopmann - 2006
If you have only just begun to discover why someone with Asperger's syndrome is different, this book will inform and entertain you. The descriptions provide an accurate balance between the qualities and difficulties associated with Asperger's syndrome, while the photographs will make the journey of discovery enjoyable and remarkable.'- Tony Attwood, author of Asperger's Syndrome and The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome
What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding
Kristin Newman - 2014
Not ready to settle down and in need of an escape from her fast-paced job as a sitcom writer, Kristin instead traveled the world, often alone, for several weeks each year. In addition to falling madly in love with the planet, Kristin fell for many attractive locals, men who could provide the emotional connection she wanted without costing her the freedom she desperately needed. Kristin introduces readers to the Israeli bartenders, Finnish poker players, sexy Bedouins, and Argentinean priests who helped her transform into "Kristin-Adjacent" on the road–a slower, softer, and, yes, sluttier version of herself at home.
I Know I Am, But What Are You?
Samantha Bee - 2010
Critics have called her "sweet, adorable, and vicious." But there is so much more to be said about Samantha Bee. For one, she's Canadian. Whatever that means. And now, she opens up for the very first time about her checkered Canadian past. With charming candor, she admits to her Lennie from "Of Mice and Men"-style love of baby animals, her teenage crime spree as one-half of a car-thieving couple (Bonnie and Clyde in Bermuda shorts and braces), and the fact that strangers seem compelled to show her their genitals. She also details her intriguing career history, which includes stints working in a frame store, at a penis clinic, and as a Japanese anime character in a touring children's show.Samantha delves into all these topics and many more in this thoroughly hilarious, unabashedly frank collection of personal essays. Whether detailing the creepiness that ensues when strangers assume that your mom is your lesbian lover, or recalling her girlhood crush on Jesus (who looked like Kris Kristofferson and sang like Kenny Loggins), Samantha turns the spotlight on her own imperfect yet highly entertaining life as relentlessly as she skewers hapless interview subjects on "The Daily Show." She shares her unique point of view on a variety of subjects as wide ranging as her deep affinity for old people, to her hatred of hot ham. It's all here, in irresistible prose that will leave you in stitches and eager for more.
Movies In Fifteen Minutes: The Ten Biggest Movies Ever For People Who Can't Be Bothered
Cleolinda Jones - 2005
And that's with no toilet breaks. And all you'd get to eat and drink would be giant buckets of coke and popcorn, and six inches of horrible pink gunk extruded on a bun. And your left hand will keep wandering down to that tacky gobbet of someone else's chewing gum under your seat. You know it will.Even if you saw one a week it would take three months: you'd miss all those trips down the pub and your friends would stop speaking to you and you'd be in danger of turning into Jonathan Ross. And no one wants that.Or perhaps you could watch them at home on DVD and never be able to get up out of your sofa ever again. Even when the pizza arrives.But then Hollywood Blockbusters are a guilty pleasure you'd really not want to be without. Never fear. Help is at hand. Well, in your hand actually. Ten of the biggest movies of the last thirty years. Condensed. Made (intentionally) funny. Made (intentionally) very funny. Simple really.
2⁷ Nerd Disses: A Significant Quantity of Disrespect
Zach Weinersmith - 2013
For example, I was once pinned down by a young lad who repeatedly asked me why I was hitting myself, when he knew full well that I had temporarily ceded hegemony over my hands and forearms. I tried to explain it to him, but he didn’t seem to comprehend. In retrospect, I can only conclude that my explanation was not articulate enough.To that end, I and Phil Plait have teamed up to create precisely 128 insults designed to weaken the resolve of aggressors, while educating them in their primary field of interest. Whether the person pummeling you is a student of mathematics or belles-lettres, we have the right words for the occasion.Zach WeinersmithPS: In the highly likely situation that the person pummeling you refuses to cease his aggression until he understands the meaning of the insult, we have also provided an appendix in which the insults are explained.
Dear Air 2000
Terry Ravenscroft - 2011
Meet the 38 stones man who has never flown before and stands fat chance of ever doing so. The man who thinks his distinct Turkish looks won't go down very with the locals in the Greek half of Cyprus. The passenger who wants to enjoy the flight with his inflatable rubber woman sat on his knee. The man who suspects his false teeth may have been stolen by one of the cabin crew. Meet these delightful people plus many, many more, and enjoy the funniest read you'll have had for ages. If you enjoyed the Henry Root Letters you'll love Dear Air 2000..
How Did You Get This Number: Essays
Sloane Crosley - 2010
From the author of the sensational bestseller I Was Told There'd Be Cake comes a new book of personal essays brimming with all the charm and wit that have earned Sloane Crosley widespread acclaim, award nominations, and an ever-growing cadre of loyal fans. In Cake readers were introduced to the foibles of Crosley's life in New York City-always teetering between the glamour of Manhattan parties, the indignity of entry-level work, and the special joy of suburban nostalgia-and to a literary voice that mixed Dorothy Parker with David Sedaris and became something all its own.Crosley still lives and works in New York City, but she's no longer the newcomer for whom a trip beyond the Upper West Side is a big adventure. She can pack up her sensibility and take us with her to Paris, to Portugal (having picked it by spinning a globe and putting down her finger, and finally falling in with a group of Portuguese clowns), and even to Alaska, where the "bear bells" on her fellow bridesmaids' ponytails seemed silly until a grizzly cub dramatically intrudes. Meanwhile, back in New York, where new apartments beckon and taxi rides go awry, her sense of the city has become more layered, her relationships with friends and family more complicated.As always, Crosley's voice is fueled by the perfect witticism, buoyant optimism, flair for drama, and easy charm in the face of minor suffering or potential drudgery. But in How Did You Get This Number it has also become increasingly sophisticated, quicker and sharper to the point, more complex and lasting in the emotions it explores. And yet, Crosley remains the unfailingly hilarious young Every woman, healthily equipped with intelligence and poise to fend off any potential mundanity in maturity.Show me the doll --Lost in space --Take a stab at it --It's always home you'll miss --Light pollution --If you sprinkle --An abbreviated catalog of tongues --Le Paris! --Off the back of a truck
Never Push When It Says Pull: Small Rules For Little Problems
Guy Browning - 2005
His advice includes: What to do when you discover the man you beeped, flashed and swore at for driving too slowly is your girlfriend's father who you'll meet for the first time that night. How to convince your friends that shoes with loo-paper attached to the soles are now a cutting-edge fashion statement. How to argue, persuasively, that George Eliot is in fact a man.
Sh*t My Dad Says
Justin Halpern - 2010
Sam Halpern, who is "like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair," has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:"That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them.""Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.""The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two."More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern's philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes. An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny's, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns' kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh*t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.
Animals Talking in All Caps: It's Just What It Sounds Like
Justin Valmassoi - 2013
A giraffe who might be violating his restraining order. An alpaca with a very dirty secret. A cat who’s really mad at you for cancelling Netflix instant. These are just a few of the hilariously human animals you’ll meet in Animals Talking in All Caps. Inspired by the wildly popular blog of the same name and including some of the site’s best-loved entries as well as gobs of never-before-seen material, these pages provide a brilliantly unhinged glimpse into the animal mind.
You Can Never Find a Rickshaw When It Monsoons: The World on One Cartoon a Day
Mo Willems - 2006
At the end of each day, he drew a cartoon of the one event that stuck out in his mind, from the sublime to the ridiculous. This is his sketch diary.
Cyanide and Happiness: Punching Zoo
Kris Wilson - 2013
The experimental, hilarious voice of CYANIDE & HAPPINESS embodies the spirit of BOOM! Box and we jumped at the chance to collect it.WHY YOU’LL LOVE IT: If you are on the Internet, you’ve read CYANIDE & HAPPINESS. Generating over a million hits a week, the webcomic is one of the longest-lasting strips out there, and everyone can relate to its hilarious slice-of-life depictions. Since the dawn of man, stick figures have been used as an important device for storytelling. CYANIDE & HAPPINESS has taken this language and mashed it up with Internet culture, bringing us some of the best satire and dark comedy out there. WHAT IT’S ABOUT: PUNCHING ZOO includes a buttload of our favorite comics from the site, 30 brand-new, too-hot-for-the-Internet comics, “The Hot Date” (a choose-your-own-adventure where you decide the story), and a nice forward by Alexis Ohanian, one of the founders of reddit.
The Secret Lives of Men and Women: A PostSecret Book
Frank Warren - 2007
For The Secret Lives of Men and Women, Warren has selected a never-before-seen collection of postcards bearing the explosive confessions and captivating revelations of men and women everywhere. Created using photographs, collages, illustrations, and more, the handmade cards offer a compelling dialogue on some of today’s most provocative topics—from marriage and infidelity, to parenting, office politics, repressed fantasies, and even abortion—daring us to consider how well we really know our friends, family, even ourselves.
Is This Anything?
Jerry Seinfeld - 2020
“Whenever I came up with a funny bit, whether it happened on a stage, in a conversation, or working it out on my preferred canvas, the big yellow legal pad, I kept it in one of those old school accordion folders,” Seinfeld writes. “So I have everything I thought was worth saving from forty-five years of hacking away at this for all I was worth.” For this book, Jerry Seinfeld has selected his favorite material, organized decade by decade. In page after hilarious page, one brilliantly crafted observation after another, readers will witness the evolution of one of the great comedians of our time and gain new insights into the thrilling but unforgiving art of writing stand-up comedy.