The bookstore or library is half full of that kind of crap. What you're holding here is a collection of quips and observations with a refreshingly gloomy, sometimes twisted, always funny take on life. Or lack thereof.With illustrations by renowned artist Brian Andreas, this book is a glimpse inside the humorously askew mind of a writer whose witticisms have been featured on NPR, printed onto t-shirts, performed on stage in Germany, and posted online at the Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, and New York Times. He's been named one of the top funniest people on Twitter by the likes of Maxim, MSNBC and Mashable.

    If you think you're funny, and you want others to think so too, this is the book for you! Greg Dean examines the fundamentals of being funny and offers advice on a range of topics, including:- writing creative joke material- rehearsing and performing routines- coping with stage fright- dealing with emcees who think they're funnier than you are- getting experience- and lots more.Essential for the aspiring comic or the working comedian interested in updating his or her comedy routine, "Step by Step to Stand-Up Comedy" is the most comprehensive and useful book ever written on the art of the stand-up comedian.

    

    Who knows?Whenever it was, you've probably noticed that Goldblum has become one of Hollywood's most enduring actors, someone who only seems to grow more famous, more heralded, more beloved through the decades, even though he's always followed his own, strange muse. The guy primarily plays jazz music these days, but is more famous than ever. Actor, pianist, husband, father, style icon, meme. Goldblum contains multitudes, but why? What does he mean?The Washington Post's Travis M. Andrews decided to find out. And so he set out on a journey through Goldblum's career, talking to directors like Lawrence Kasdan and Philip Kaufman, colleagues like Harry Shearer and Billy Crudup, and pop culture experts like Chuck Klosterman and Sean Fennessey, to get to the bottom of this whole Goldblum thing. And then he took what he learned and he wrote this book, which is titled Because He's Jeff Goldblum and is the best thing written since The Brothers Karamazov and slightly easier to follow. But you should already know that. In this new semi-biography, semi-rumination, and semi-ridiculous look at the career of Goldblum, Andrews takes you behind the scenes of his iconic movies, explores the shifting nature of fame in the twenty-first century, and spends far too much time converting Goldblum's name into various forms of speech.Want to hear how Goldblum saved a script supervisor from an amorous baboon? Or what he would write on the mirror after taking showers when he was a teenager? How about his feelings on various brands of throat lozenges? (That one could be an entire book unto itself.) Then this is the book for you!

    Here is the paperback edition of Elaine St. James's best-selling guide to making life with children easier, simpler, and happier.Everyone with children has experienced the frustrations of trying to juggle softball practice, PTA meetings, meals, laundry, and comforting a crying child with marriage, a hectic career, and what used to be a social life. It's a familiar challenge in many of today's harried households. In fact, in nearly three-quarters of American homes with children under eighteen both parents are employed full-time. Life can quickly get complicated.Simplicity expert Elaine St. James now has solutions for beleaguered parents everywhere. Simplify Your Life with Kids offers practical, down-to-earth advice for the vital, time-demanding, perplexing issues that all parents face; it promises to be an easy read for busy parents whose lives are so hectic they don't have the time or energy to wade through a heavy tome.Like St. James's previous simplicity books, Simplify Your Life with Kids will become the classic gift choice for anyone with kids, for anyone who's expecting kids, for older boomer parents, for parents of the currently developing baby boomlet, and for everyone who knows anyone with kids.

    What Dave Barry did for American history in Dave Barry Slept Here and for getting older in Dave Barry Turns Forty, he does for everything else in America! Tupperware ladies, eighties people and leisure-concept salesmen beware: Dave Barry is on the loose and no one is safe!

    In clear precise language, this guide discusses the various types of stories we tell, their specific parts, and how they are assembled. Say good-bye to staring at the blank page waiting for lightning to strike. Just put a few coins in the Plot Machine and design better stories faster.

    Includes Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? For four decades, George Carlin has been one of America's favorite comics, known as much for his willingness to take on taboo subjects as for his absurdist wordplay. As an author, he has proved equally popular: With combined sales of more than two million copies, Carlin's three books of razor-sharp and hilarious observations have topped bestseller lists nationwide. Now, for the first time as an ebook, Hachette Books proudly collects all three volumes--When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, Napalm and Silly Putty, and Brain Droppings--into one hilarious omnibus.

    Start Here solves that problem; it tells you how to read your way into 25 amazing authors from a wide range of genres--from classics to contemporary fiction to comics.Each chapter presents an author, explains why you might want to try them, and lays out a 3- or 4-book reading sequence designed to help you experience fully what they have to offer. It’s a fun, accessible, and informative way to enrich your reading life.A wide array of writers, critics, and bloggers offer their expertise and passion for these authors to help you get started reading authors you’ve always wanted to try.Includes chapters by Erin Morgenstern (The Night Circus) on Neil Gaiman, Joe Hill (Heart-Shaped Box) on Bernard Malamud, Linda Fairstein (The Alexandra Cooper Series) on Edgar Allan Poe, and Kevin Smokler (Practical Classics) on Sherman Alexie.Also includes chapters on reading your way into:Margaret AtwoodJane AustenRay BradburyItalo CalvinoPhilip K DickCharles DickensE.M. ForsterGabriel Garcia MarquezErnest HemingwayZora Neale HurstonJohn IrvingStephen KingCormac McCarthyHerman MelvilleArthur MillerAlice MunroHaruki MurakamiRichard RussoZadie SmithDavid Foster WallaceColson Whitehead

    Outdated, overcrowded schools are taking up our children’s time and taking away from valuable life experiences. There’s a better way to learn—and The 5-Hour School Week is how we hacked homeschool so we could enjoy our life and our kids!When Aaron and Kaleena Amuchastegui took their kids out of school to travel the globe and educate them through experiences, their children became more engaged, self-aware, curious, and passionate about learning. Now, they share their inspiring successes and practical advice to give you the tools you need to create your own unconventional education plan, no matter what your budget, walking you through topics like:Teaching kids to love learningProviding a social educationIncorporating travel into lessonsEmphasizing practical skillsAnd moreThis isn’t your mom’s homeschooling. This is an innovative, eclectic approach to education that will revolutionize your family’s life.

    Now, celebrity ghostwriter Michael Malice pulls back the curtain to expose the life story of the "Incarnation of Love and Morality." Taken directly from books spirited out of Pyongyang, DEAR READER is a carefully reconstructed first-person account of the man behind the mythology. From his miraculous rainbow-filled birth during the fiery conflict of World War II, Kim Jong Il watched as his beloved Korea finally earned its freedom from the cursed Japanese. Mere years later, the wicked US imperialists took their chance at conquering the liberated nation—with devastating results. But that's only the beginning of the Dear Leader’s story. In DEAR READER, Kim Jong Il explains: How he can shrink time Why he despises the Mona Lisa How he recreated the arts in Korea Why the Juche idea is the greatest concept ever discovered by man How he handled the crippling famine Why Kim Jong Un was chosen as successor over his elder brothers. With nothing left uncovered, drawing straight from dozens of books, hundreds of articles and thousands of years of Korean history, DEAR READER is both the definitive account of Kim Jong Il's life and the complete stranger-than-fiction history of the world's most unique country.

    Their job is long, lonely, and hard, yet there is limited support and no formal training. As a result, carers suffer frequent damage to their physical and mental health. Though carers by definition are anything but "selfish pigs," they are also liable to feelings of guilt that are often brought on by fatigue and isolation. This guide is designed to provide support for carers of every variety and air commonly ignored topics that arise when providing care. Humorous and uplifting in tone, this is the perfect resource for coming to terms with caring for someone in the grip of a debilitating disease.

    1 was written with you in mind. This action guide takes you, step by step, through 30 bad habits that are crippling your time management efforts. Each habit is explored in detail. You'll learn about the triggers that prompt it and the ways in which it hurts your productivity. Most importantly, you'll receive a series of actionable tips you can use immediately to curb the bad habit and create a healthier, more productive habit in its place. A Blueprint For Better Time Management!Getting control of your time and improving your productivity is doable. You just need a blueprint describing the steps and a system for putting those steps into action. The 30-Day Productivity Boost Vol. 1 fills those gaps. Here's a sample of what you'll learn in this new action guide: - A simple formula for creating to-do lists that actually work (Day 3)- How to slash the amount of time it takes you to complete any task (Day 4)- How to stop being a people-pleaser and catapult your productivity (Day 6)- 5 tips for designing your workday so you can avoid working overtime (Day 7)- How to create a diet that improves, rather than hinders, your productivity (Day 9)- A 6-step system for breaking your procrastination habit (Day 10)- 6 easy tips for curbing your social media addiction (Day 12)- The productivity-killing effect of television and how to deal with it (Day 14)- How to control your inner critic and regain confidence in yourself (Day 18)- 6 ways to leverage your body's natural rhythms to get more work done (Day 21)- The one addiction nearly everyone has (and how to crush it!) (Day 24)- 4 actionable tips for taking advantage of the Pareto principle (Day 25)- 5 steps to creating reachable goals that motivate you to be more productive (Day 27)- An 8-step formula for avoiding - or recovering from - burnout (Day 29)- And much, much more!Bonus Material Included In The 30-Day Productivity Boost Vol. 1I've included an entire chapter devoted to helping you curb the behaviors that are destroying your time management efforts. You'll learn a 10-part system for breaking these bad habits and replacing them with patterns that boost your productivity. Take Action Today!Download your copy of The 30-Day Productivity Boost Vol. 1 today! Take action to improve your time management, and free up more time to spend with your loved ones and pursue your passions. Click the orange "Buy Now" button at the top of the Amazon sales page to grab your copy and start designing a more rewarding lifestyle!

    Packed full of zingers and hilarious illustrations, if this doesn't put a smile on your face, nothing will. What's not to like:The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. I'm against hunting. I'm actually a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.' Velcro. What a rip-off. Black Beauty. He's a dark horse. I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

    Included are the first three Big Nate comic compendiums: Big Nate: What Could Possibly Go Wrong?, Big Nate: Here Goes Nothing, and Big Nate: Genius Mode. Diary of a Wimpy Kid author Jeff Kinney says, "Big Nate is funny, big time!"