Stories From the Polycule: Real Life in Polyamorous Families


Elisabeth Sheff - 2015
    Just like the molecules that make up all living things, polycules come in diverse forms: large, small, tightly bound, loosely connected, static, ever-changing. How do polycules form, what do they look like, how do they transform through time, and how do they, sometimes, end? The first of its kind, this anthology brings together stories, poems, drawings and essays created by real people living in polycules. Children describe life with more than two parents; adults share what it’s like to parent with more than one partner. We hear from triads, solos, people who have felt polyamorous their entire lives, and people exploring poly for the first time. Some whimsical, some hilarious, some heartbreaking, some mundane, some life-changing—all pieces reflect the diverse reality of polyamorous families.

The Dear Queen Journey


Sylvester McNutt III - 2015
    After being ejected as collateral via my parent's breakup; After being lied to, cheated on and subtracted from all equations of love; I determined that things were not adding up any more. I knew that I deserved to be loved everyday, not only with words but with actions. I found a great deal of power in learning about love. I had been confused this whole time as I believed what we were all taught to believe as children - that love was something you find inside of another person. This journey allowed me to heal, forgive and accelerate my life towards love. Our journeys have different titles but we are all out here walking together toward the same goal. People with different skin tones, speech variations and socie-economic status all deserve love. This is The Dear Queen Journey: A Path To Self Love.

Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage


Jenny Block - 2008
    She operates from the assumption that most couples who are curious about or engaged in open marriages are in fact more like hernormal people who question whether monogamy is right for them; good people who love their spouses but want variation; capable parents who are not deviant just because they choose to be honest about their desires. In Open, Block paints a down to earth picture of how an open marriage can work, and specifically why it works for her and her husband. In dissecting other people s strong reactions to her choice, she explores the question of why cheating is more socially acceptable than open marriage. In part, she concludes, the lack of models for successful functional open marriages is such that the general public is not yet equipped to handle treating it as anything other than abnormal. Open challenges our notions of what traditional marriage looks like, and presents one woman s journey down an uncertain path that ultimately proves that open marriage is a viable option, and one that s in fact better for some couples than conventional marriage."

Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy


Jessica Fern - 2020
    Using her nested model of attachment and trauma, she expands our understanding of how emotional experiences can influence our relationships. Then, she sets out six specific strategies to help you move toward secure attachments in your multiple relationships. Polysecure is both a theoretical treatise and a practical guide.

Redefining Our Relationships: Guidelines for Responsible Open Relationships


Wendy-O Matik - 2002
    this IS a serious, thoughtful (and thought-provoking) comprehensive introduction to, and examination of, a much misunderstood and misused practice. But more than that, it is a witty, provocative, damn fine read, with as much to offer to the faithfully monogamous as to those looking for a bit more out of life, love and relationships. Go on. Dive in. "Wendy-O tackles a touchy subject with clarity and creativity. She is wise beyond her years. This guide teaches you how you can have it all. I gave the jealousy tips to my lover immediately." [Annie Sprinkle]

Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy: A Guide to Getting Over Your Partner's Past and Finding Peace


Zachary Stockill - 2013
    That's where I come in. Written from the rare perspective of one who has struggled with, and eventually overcome, intense jealousy surrounding my partner's past, "Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy" is the only guide you will ever need to letting go of jealous thoughts and anxiety about your partner’s past, overcoming constant unrest and worry, and finding greater peace. You might currently feel hopeless; like retroactive jealousy is something that you’ll just be forced to “live with” until you die. You might even be severely depressed, mired in obsessive jealous thoughts and confusion. I used to feel the same way. I'm here to tell you that you are suffering needlessly. In nineteen chapters, I outline effective strategies, practices, and exercises for confronting, and eventually overcoming, jealousy regarding your partner’s past as painlessly and efficiently as possible. After reading this guidebook you will: - have access to a new multi-step program that will help you to let go of your jealousy and anxiety - begin incorporating coping exercises into your daily routine which will reduce your jealous thoughts as soon as they appear - feel a new sense of optimism and confidence in your ability to grow and overcome retroactive jealousy - understand what your jealousy is really trying to tell you Overcoming retroactive jealousy wasn’t easy, but I am undoubtedly a stronger, more confident, more loving and overall better man for having gone through it. My jealousy turned out to be a blessing in disguise -- seriously. It might not seem like it now, but you too can use jealousy to your advantage. As you progress, you will emerge a stronger, more confident, more attractive, and more loving person and partner — and it’s my pleasure to guide you every step of the way. What my readers are saying: "Thanks for writing such a great book… It’s superb. Your advice has already given me instant help. I see the problem clearly and feel empowered to start the battle." - Ryan, UK "I cannot express to you how grateful I am for your book… The help that your book has given me, and the hope you instilled in me is priceless. It would be an understatement to say I would recommend this book to sufferers of RJ. This should be compulsory reading for all sufferers of jealousy." - Jeremy, USA "Your book was better than professional therapy... I’ve gone from crying and feeling helpless all day, to functioning at about 90%, with reassurance that I WILL get back to 100%. - Nick, USA Visit http://www.retroactivejealousy.com/ov... for more testimonials. You need to know that you can move on from retroactive jealousy, and reassert control over your life. You can get a hold on your brain, and patterns of compulsive questioning and obsessive thoughts. You can be the partner you want to be — you just have to understand where retroactive jealousy comes from, and how to deal with it. So let’s get started!

The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory: Everything You Need to Know About Open Relationships, Non-Monogamy, and Alternative Love


Dedeker Winston - 2017
    The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory incorporates interviews and real-world advice from women of all ages in nontraditional relationships, as well as exercises for building self-awareness, confidence in communication, and strategies for managing and eliminating jealousy. Chapters include:Polyamory: What It Is and What It Isn’tThe Biggest Question: JealousyThe Second Biggest Question: SexSmart Girl SkillsLand of Love-Craft: Crafting Your Relationships from the Ground UpIf you're curious about exploring group sex, opening up your current monogamous relationship, or ready to “come out” as polyamorous, this book covers it all!Whether you're a seasoned graduate, a timid freshman, or somewhere in between, you'll learn how to discover and craft unique relationships that are healthy, happy, sexy, and tailor-made for you. Because when it comes to your love life, being a know-it-all is actually a great thing to be.

Making Marriage Work: New Rules for an Old Institution


Lynn Toler - 2012
    She herself has also been wed for 22 years and has seen both the highs and lows of matrimony in her own marriage as well as the marriages of those close to her. While the national divorce rate hovers around the 50% threshold, there is a lot of chatter that marriage as we know it is an outdated institution--that we are too selfish, too unwilling to make sacrifices, and too misguided by elevated expectations of happiness to make marriage work.While these points may hold some validity, a lot of this chatter is nothing new. So what's causing so many divorces and, perhaps even more importantly, what are we to do about it if we want marriage to survive? Drawing from both her professional career and personal life, Toler sees that the biggest impediment to marriage these days is that couples decide to take the plunge based almost entirely on the most irrational criteria: falling in love. Making Marriage Work doesn't suggest that love has nothing to do with marriage at all; rather, Toler says that love by itself is simply not enough to make marriages survive. This book is a logical and simple guide to reintroducing some of the practicality of marriage that has leaked out of it over the years.Marriage, Toler says, is a job, and it needs to be treated like one. However, the makeup and consistency of this job has changed so much over the past few decades that the old rules no longer apply. Making Marriage Work is an updated manual to help get the job of marriage done right in this day and age. It suggests specific procedures that should be put in place to bridge the gap between head over heels and happily ever after. It explains how to phrase things in order to span the great hormonal divide men and women often fall into when trying to talk to one another. It also discusses the very new and real challenges to marriage created in a culture often overwhelmed by the emphasis on (and ability to attain) instant gratification. Replete with simple, no-nonsense rules, Divorce Court anecdotes, and stories about Judge Toler's own union, Making Marriage Work contains invaluable information couples can use today to secure their marital tomorrow.

Love Without Emergency: I Want This but I Feel Like I'm Going to Die: Writings on Trauma, Attachment, and Polyamory


Clementine Morrigan
    For the first time, I have collected all my writing on the subject in one place. The pieces in this zine were written between 2014 and 2019; including my early writing on polyamory as well as my more recent work. This zine moves away from simple (and often judgmental/shaming) frameworks around managing jealousy, and toward a recognition of the distress traumatized and attachment injured people can feel when trying to navigate polyamory. Understanding distress as an embodied, nervous system experience, rather than simply a cognitive one, this collection of writing is trauma and attachment informed. Normalizing and validating distress while exploring the experience of earning secure attachment and developing nervous system regulation, this zine draws on both my personal experience as an anxiously attached polyamorous person living with c-ptsd, and my experience as a facilitator teaching my Trauma Informed Polyamory workshop. It’s a thick zine with fourteen pieces of writing covering topics such as non-hierarchical polyamory, queer platonic love, shame, anxious preoccupied attachment, avoidant attachment, desiring polyamory, and nervous system regulation. With a bright pink risograph cover, this zine celebrates trauma survivors and the hard work and great courage we put into love.

Sex From Scratch: Making Your Own Relationship Rules


Sarah Mirk - 2014
    Sex From Scratch: Making Your Own Relationship Rules is a love and dating guidebook that gleans real-life knowledge from smart people in a variety of nontraditional relationships. Instead of telling people how to snag a man and find “true love,” the book sums up what dozens of diverse folks have learned the hard way over time—including life advice from people who are making open relationships work to people who’ve decided they’re never going to have kids—that is helpful to anyone, in any type of relationship. The eight-chapter book follows author Sarah Mirk as she tries to figure out what kind of relationships she wants to build for herself. The book includes lengthy interviews with Tristan Taormino, Erika Moen, Betty Dodson, Aya de Leon, Tomas Moniz, Tracy Clark-Flory, and others.

For Single People Who Still Understand the Value of Relationships


Rob Hill Sr. - 2012
    This book gives vital insight on the different dynamics of relationships and love in an uncanny fashion. Relationship expert, Rob Hill, is setting a new standard for singles, new couples, as well as seasoned lovers. Not only will they value relationships more, they’ll have a better understanding of what it takes to date, relate, and grow as individuals to better their chances of finding, enjoying, and sustaining a healthy relationship in today’s times. This book is fun, energetic, and filled with wisdom. Get ready for the journey of a lifetime.Courtesy of Amazon.com

The Uncomfortable Truth


Gayton McKenzie - 2014
    I am the guy love gurushave been trying to figure out.’Gayton McKenzie knows a thing or two about women.But what he could never quite understand was how reluctant so many women seem to be to face up to the uncomfortable realities about men, themselves and their relationships.Not knowing and accepting these ‘truths’ can get women into deep trouble, cause heartache and result in even greater damage. Because a woman who accepts a man’s obvious lies – or lies to herself about the kind of man she’s with and the kind of relationship she’s in – will always get hurt.Gayton McKenzie has young daughters. This is the book he would want them to read – to warn them against the kind of man he has so often been himself.As Gloria Steinem once said: ‘The truth will set you free,but first it will piss you off.’So what you will read in this book may be uncomfortable. But it will make you ask the hard questions about yourself ... and men. It will also sometimes make you laugh and ultimately give you hope that you can find the love you really need and the love you truly deserve.

Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life


Amy Gahran - 2017
    Yet often, people assume that all healthy or serious intimate relationships must follow same trajectory. Fortunately, there are plenty of options. The “Relationship Escalator” is the bundle of social conventions for intimate relationships: monogamy, living together and much more, ideally until death do you part. If you wish to explore a different way of loving, it’s not always obvious what your options are, or where those paths might lead. Many people have stepped off the Relationship Escalator, to live and love in uncommon ways. In 2013-14, journalist Amy Gahran surveyed 1500 people about their unconventional intimate relationships: how those relationships work, how they feel, and why these people stepped off the Escalator. Participants shared moving, in-depth personal stories and insights. Over 330 individuals are quoted directly in this book (with permission). "Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator" explores how unconventional relationships might look and work differently from traditional relationships. Gahran identifies five main ways that intimate partners can step off the traditional Relationship Escalator. Off the Escalator, intimate relationships might be: - Nonmonogamous: Sexual/romantic nonexclusivity, with all-around informed consent. Polyamory, swinging, monogamish relationships and more. - Highly autonomous: Partners choose to not live together or otherwise prioritize their individuality over couplehood. - Egalitarian: Not defaulting to giving one partner, or romantic/sexual partners in general, top priority. - Nonsexual: Asexual people, and others, enjoy deeply intimate, committed relationships that never include a sexual connection. - Fluid or discontinuous: Sometimes intimacy is pause/play, or significantly shifts form, without a breakup or ending. This book aims to foster awareness and acceptance of relationship choice; to empower people to speak up for what they might want and find more ways to let love flourish. To not assume that love must look a particular way for it to be valuable and meaningful. At a point in history when divisiveness can seem overwhelming, finding more ways to connect with love can help us sustaining each other through tense times. This book is the first in a series. At least two more Off the Escalator books are currently in production: - (2017) What’s It Like Off the Escalator? 10 Common Questions About Unconventional Relationships - (2018) Off the Escalator, in the Closet: Navigating Stigma Against Unconventional Relationships More information about this ongoing project: OffEscalator.com

The Polyamory Breakup Book: Causes, Prevention, and Survival


Kathy Labriola - 2019
    With multiple partners often come more complex relationships to navigate. This practical guide looks at the common causes of polyamorous breakups, identifies strategies to avoid ending relationships, and provides you with the toolkit to survive a breakup. Kathy Labriola uses real life examples and expert insight as a counselor and nurse. From how to handle jealousy to the practicalities of managing money and time with multiple partners, this book includes tips and insights from the polyamory community. It is inevitable that some relationships will end in a breakup. This book helps you maintain friendships and minimize the impact of a breakup on the rest of your polycule and wider community. Unlike traditional breakup guides, Labriola’s book offers insight specific to the polyamory community and addresses the unique challenges that come with multiple partners.

Selfish or Selfless: Which One Are You?


Eric Watterson - 2011
    Every act can be categorized as either a selfish act or a selfless act. “Selfish or Selfless: Which One Are You?,” discusses how you can discover whether or not you are doing things that are selfish (about your own wants, your own need, and your own desires) or whether you are doing things that are selfless (things that are about other people’s wants, other people’s needs and you do things that benefit others). Do you know which one you are? Have you thought about why you do what you do and how it impacts the people around you? Learn how to discover whether you are selfish or selfless and how to change sides if you need to.