After twenty-three years and three combat tours with the 75th Ranger Regiment, he’s got a Silver Star, a titanium knee and a plan to see America on his Road King motorcycle. No more patrols, no more firefights. Nothing more dangerous than passing the old work van rumbling along in front of him as he rides toward Hunter-Stewart and the sunset of his career in the Army. But just as he twists the throttle to pass, a woman’s bare foot smears a bloody print on the van’s back window. Roman turns back to help, triggering a chain of events that puts his brother Virgil and two old friends in the crosshairs of a murderer. Saving them sends Roman on a desperate ride from Savannah to DC, where he discovers that the past he has been trying to forget has not forgotten him. It’s been waiting patiently, holding his secret like a time bomb.

    Make sure the caterers don't serve devil's food cake to the Christian Women's Alliance- check. Tell my mother that having a séance to get rid of any unwanted spirits in the kitchen during dinnertime is not okay- check. Send a friendly reminder to all staff that the pens are colour coded for everyone's enjoyment, and therefore it is not a good idea to put them all in one jar in order to spice things up as was anonymously suggested- check. But, when an acclaimed hotel critic dies at the Inn, just before she's about to publish a scathing review that would ruin the business, Kate's life and checklists are thrown into disarray. And it doesn't help matters that the detective assigned to the case is messy, unorganized, and too charming for his own good. Now Kate has to prove her innocence and save her Inn, or else the only thing that she'll be organizing is the prison's next bake sale.

    Gary Handler has issues. His boss hates him, his mother hounds him, and his cat thinks he’s an idiot. But that’s okay because Gary’s got the perfect solution to all of life’s troubles: a porn site subscription and his right hand.Sadly, all habits grow old, even the fun ones. Gary soon finds himself at the doorstep of a creepy old pawn shop where he buys a used adult novelty toy to spice up his one-man sex life.Pity for him that it’s cursed by the angry spirits of all the “kids” he’s flushed down the toilet. Needless to say, hairy palms are about to become the least of his worries.----------Jack on, jack off ... with the Jacklight in book 2 of Shingles, the horror comedy series that’s not for those with faint hearts or weak bladders.

    During a routine check-up, however, her doctor claims she has just a week to live, news that proves to be quite inconvenient, seeing as the beloved sister has one ambition in life: to be the oldest person in the world. At last count, she was the fifth. However, never one to admit defeat, Sister Agatha concocts a bold Plan B. Dusting off her passport, she decides to leave Irish shores for the first time in her very long life, and using the few days remaining, plans to travel across three continents and meet the only four people whose birthday cakes boast more candles than hers. And then, one by one, she intends on killing them. What the media is saying: "Domhnall [has] some mind...When they say 'comic thriller', this book does what it says on the tin...There is so much in it to enjoy...It works really, really well." ~ Gerry Kelly, Late Lunch, LMFM Radio Interview: http://utv.vo.llnwd.net/o16/LMFM/2016... • • • "A laugh-out-loud, globe-trotting adventure that is wildly unique with an enormous amount of heart. And despite Sister Agatha being a considerable 118 years of age, the naughty nun still has more energy than a school playground! One of the year's best débuts." ~ Jennifer Zamparelli, presenter of 2FM's Breakfast Republic

    What started as an outreach program to make sure no one spent Christmas alone, turned into a story in my head, and then a journey of soul searching that I hadn't intended to take. This novel is a work of fiction, but I hope it encapsulates the fear so many of us face in living up to our potential, and more importantly, I hope it highlights the brave life so many choose to live after the loss of a loved one. Because it is a choice; a hard choice with so many possible endings. This novel is for the readers who have shared their stories, and for those who have yet to tell. Thank you for your honesty, your bravery and your incredible will to live. I've learned so much from you all. God bless. - C. G. Cooper BOOK DESCRIPTION Elmore Thaddeus Nix, it's retirement time. You're sixty-five and ready. Take that final physical and then it's adios to your old life and hello to the new. Not so fast. Sorry, Elmore. Your plan's about to change. It's Elmore's last day of work. As part of his retirement, he heads to the family doctor for the follow-up to a routine physical. That's when the universe shifts on its axis. Cancer. Then we find out that Elmore's wife lies at home with only days to live. The stroke of injustice falls hard. And so, with a final word from his wife, and the buck passed to the opposition's corner, Elmore must decide whether to take his wife's advice or just wither away. To Elmore, the choice seems easy. Which path will he choose? Only time will tell, but time is not on our friend's side. Along the way, we'll find out what secrets Elmore's been hiding from the world, and maybe even himself...

    Shunned at work and at home, unable to break out of a twenty-year rut, each dull day blends seamlessly into the next.However, there is no life so tedious that it cannot be spiced up by inadvertent murder, a deranged psychopath, and a freezer full of neatly packaged meat. Barney Thomson's uninteresting life is about to go from 0 to 60 in five seconds, as he enters the grotesque and comically absurd world of the serial killer…

    A story that has captured the hearts and minds of sports fans throughout the world. Feel every blow and unearth the answer to the all-important question...What ever happened to Ivan Drago?

    He's confronted the HOA. He's even taken on Santa himself. He doesn't usually win. These are the tales of the Dumb White Husband and they are all available here in this collected edition.This handsome volume includes:Dumb White Husband vs. the Grocery Store - John would rather sit and watch the game, but his wife needs some things at the store. Can he complete the list and get back in time to see the end of the game?Dumb White Husband vs. Halloween - Every Halloween, Chris has the scariest house on the block and gives out the best candy. But, this year, someone is showing him up and he'll stop at nothing to find out who.Dumb White Husband vs. Santa - Erik has planned the perfect Christmas for his family. The plan is foolproof, bulletproof and flame retardant. Nothing can undo the hours of planning and preparation. Nothing except maybe odd-shaped packages, ill-timed fruitcakes or an errant neighborhood Santa Claus.Dumb White Husband vs. the Tooth Fairy - Erik always has a plan and he's sure he would have figured out the whole Tooth Fairy thing eventually. But, when his three-year-old son takes a frisbee to the mouth, he's forced to speed things up. Between neighborhood kids with big mouths and unhelpful dentists he's going to need to improvise. Will he bend to the pressure of inflation? Will he get caught in the act? And, what do you do with those teeth anyway?Dumb White Husband for President (A novella) - There comes a time in every man's life when he must stand for the things he believes in. John doesn't believe in bagging his grass. So, when a new allergy-prone neighbor gets the HOA to require it, there's only one thing he can do - run for President of The Creeks of Sage Valley Phase II.John, Chris and Erik put aside most of their differences to run a campaign that they hope will see John elected as President and end the meddling of the rule-loving new kid on the block. Will they succeed? It's doubtful.

    And she's seen how a simple message of hope uplifts a life that's left in tatters.In these pages you'll find a daily dollop of Barbara's favorite jokes, heartwarming stories, witty cartoons, and heartache-survival strategies. Share a moment each morning with the Geranium Lady, and soon you, like Barbara, will realize you've been "blessed to be a blessing."

    In this outrageously funny and oddly wise guide to relationships, forty-five-year-old bachelor Will Forte shares his bulletproof advice for attracting-and retaining-a romantic partner of the fairer sex. Told in the form of 101 hand-drawn rules of thumb, the book takes on all the questions men are dying to know the answers to but are too afraid to ask: What activities are acceptable and not acceptable to do with a romantic interest's father? What animals, if any, should never be incorporated into foreplay? Should I claim to have collaborated with a famous poet? Combining wisdom, both practical and not, with idiosyncratic drawings so simple that even a romantically frustrated man-child could understand them, 101 Things to Definitely Not Do If You Want to Get a Chick gracefully answers these questions and ninety-eight others.

    Witty and unexpected, this collection of customer reviews is sure to show you a new, hilarious, and completely candid side of Amazon products and reviews you never knew existed.

     Join Dana Schwartz on a journey revisiting all of the awful choices she made in her early twenties through the internet's favorite method of self-knowledge: the quiz. Part-memoir, part-VERY long personality test, Choose Your Own Disaster is a manifesto about the millennial experience and modern feminism and how the easy advice of "you can be anything you want!" is actually pretty fucking difficult when there are so many possible versions of yourself it seems like you could be. Dana has no idea who she is, but at least she knows she's a Carrie, a Ravenclaw, a Raphael, a Belle, a former emo kid, a Twitter addict, and a millennial just trying her best. This long-form personality quiz manages to combine humor with unflinching honesty as one young woman tries to find herself amid the many, many choices that your twenties have to offer.

    Its setting is Blindefellows, a second rate public school in the West Country, founded as a charity school for poor, blind boys, but long since converted into an ‘elite’ educational institution for anyone who can pay.The novel runs chronologically from 1974 to 2014. In the first story ‘The Fair Filles of France’ we see the arrival of Sedgewick who starts his first teaching job at Blindefellows after an unsuccessful stint in shoe sales. Japes, who has been at Blindefellows for a few years following a career in the Royal Engineers, senses the younger man’s inexperience and determines to help remedy it by taking him on the school’s annual World Wars trip to France. Once they arrive in Bayeux, it quickly becomes apparent that the trip is a means for Japes to cavort with one of his many girlfriends.Throughout the novel, Japes, an older chap, regularly attempts to imbue the younger Sedgewick with his worldly experience and takes it upon himself to introduce Sedgewick to womankind as a means of giving the naïve fellow some sort of fulfilling experience in life. He’s repeatedly thwarted by the timorous Sedgewick, however, who throws his energies into his love of History as a means of sating his rather watery appetite. An unlikely hero through and through, Sedgewick repeatedly finds himself driven to save the day, such as in the next story, ‘The Guardians of The Flock’ where Sedgewick tries to diffuse a siege and is himself taken hostage.In ‘Of Art and Cheese’, out of necessity, Sedgewick thrusts himself into the role of entrepreneur. Blindefellows’ loathsome Librarian, Francis Fairchild, proposes that the strapped for cash school do away with The Flock, the school’s mascot. Sedgewick comes up with a plan to make them pay their way by establishing a creamery which he will attempt to run, much to the ridicule of the others who hear he needs to read a book on dairy farming to learn how to milk a teat.In the fourth story it is 1984, the year of the 400th anniversary of the founding of the school, and English master, Tony Tree, bombastic descendant of Beerbohm Tree, has penned ‘A Blindefellows Chronicle’, a multi-media extravaganza to mark the great day, with Sedgewick dubiously in charge on the technical front. Meanwhile, Japes, who has been given responsibility for the social side of the event to distract him from his mid-life crisis, gets entangled in twin flings with the caterer and decorator he has hired, whom he unsuccessfully tries to keep out of sight of one another.Later, Sedgewick finds himself in a predicament after inadvertently sputtering what is taken to be a proposal by the school’s dowdy receptionist, Yvonne. Advised by Japes to wriggle out of it, Sedgewick tries to pluck up the courage to do the deed. Her ramshackle family farm and her frightening father urge him on until he is touched by the way Yvonne tends to an abused donkey. From that point, he finds himself unable to act on his cold feet and marriage is on the cards.Other members of the school’s bachelor community feature in the form of Toby and Les, Japes’ colleagues in the Science department. In ‘The Man in the Brown Suit’, Japes and Toby attempt to cure Les, their lab technician, of his imaginary allergies with near disastrous consequences. ‘Toby and the Tree People’ is the story that follows, set in 1989, the year of the White Paper, ‘Roads for Prosperity’. Nature-loving Toby attempts to block the razing of a favourite patch of woodland by inhabiting a tree. The Tree People of the title are a gaggle of itinerant protesters who turn up to help him, but who prove exceedingly trying.Bachelorettes are key elements too with the landmark arrival of the first female Head of Department half way through the novel in 1994 in “The Fraulein from Brazil”. Matron Ridgeway, Japes’ female equivalent in philandering, is the clear-headed Tiresias of the novel who has to go through her own baptism of fire in chapter two when she starts work at the male-dominated Blindefellows as the school nurse.

    We compare our life with the snapshots of happy faces posted on social media and feel terrible about our situation—often hopeless. What if we can live our lives, not defined by the trappings of this world, but by discovering contentment in the simple things and in what we are given?In this modern-day Book of Job, Andy sits at the bottom of life’s pecking order. Working as a honey-dipper (a septic truck driver) and living in a single-wide trailer in small-town Montana, Andy longs for love and a better life. His only solace is found on the wild side of the river amongst the ponderosa and bull trout.But when Andy is granted all that he desires, the peace he once found in his simple existence, and the serenity of dipping a dry fly into the Blackfoot River evaporates. A family secret that seems like a cruel betrayal emerges as a great blessing in disguise.The Book of Andy is for everyone who feels that life has beat them down…for anyone who prays for a breakthrough. Fans of Walter Mitty, A River Runs Through It, and Forrest Gump will enjoy this humorous family saga of finding faith, love, and contentment.

    No Jobs. No friends. Just buckets of our own ignorance. Follow along in horror and hilarity as the family acclimates to the new small town way of life and the author bounces from jobs working in a school cafeteria to selling women’s clothing in a call center to opening a barbecue restaurant. Written in a smart, self-deprecating, salty style, Small Town Ho is all at once poignant and laugh-out-loud funny, full of the struggle of an ordinary family consisting of three boys, one big black lab, one assassin of a cat, and two very tired parents.