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Citadel 32: A Tale of the Aggregate
Tom Merritt - 2015
But someone wants to stop him from pursuing it. Meanwhile on Earth, a monk of the Citadel discovers a strange ancient artwork. Could it lead to truth of the myth of the Moon Men? Finding out the truth could kill him.
Permanent Visitors
Kevin Moffett - 2006
Some move toward the future heartened by what they learn from those around them--a tattoo artist, an invented medicine man, zoo animals, strangers, fellow outsiders. Deftly rendered, these stories abound with oddness and grace.In “Tattooizm,” included in The Best American Short Stories 2006, a young woman struggles with a promise that her boyfriend is determined to make her keep. In the Nelson Algren Award–winning “Space,” a reluctantly undertaken errand forces a young man to finally confront the death of his mother. And in “The Medicine Man,” hailed by the Times (U.K.) as “perfectly pitched and perfectly written,” a man recounts his manic attachment to his sister.Moffett’s closely observed stories are candid and complex, funny and moving. The world of Permanent Visitors is an idiosyncratic and generous one, its inhabitants searching for constancy in a place crowded with contradiction.
Don't Forget to Call Your Mama...I Wish I Could Call Mine
Lewis Grizzard - 1991
In this book, Grizzard turns his attention to his mother, and to all mothers, casting a loving, comic eye toward the most important and defining relationship of all.
The Story of Life
Chris (Simpsons Artist) - 2017
this book is a magical journey through life from the beginnings of time to the birth of a child and the adventure that we take on our way to the grave and beyond to the starsit is a celebration of being human and all of the beautiful things that is in between.if you like books that are about:why we are herehow we are madebabies shedding their baby legs and growing their child legsthe innocence of childhoodthe warmth of papas backteen lifebody harethe first kissfalling in lovebeing alonethe gift of a feathertales of witchessaturday nightsmonday morningsthe mystery of old peoples earlobesdeathghostsand the meaning of lifethen this book is for youbecause inside of this book there is all of those things and after reading about 5 pages of it you will be the main expert of human life and there will be nothing in this world that you will not know love from your friend chris (simpsons artist) xox
The Rosie Effect sample chapters
Graeme Simsion - 2014
Now Graeme Simsion returns with the highly anticipated sequel, The Rosie Effect. Don Tillman and Rosie Jarman are now married and living in New York. Don has been teaching while Rosie completes her second year at Columbia Medical School. Just as Don is about to announce that Gene, his philandering best friend from Australia, is coming to stay, Rosie drops a bombshell: she's pregnant. In true Tillman style, Don instantly becomes an expert on all things obstetric. But in between immersing himself in a new research study on parenting and implementing the Standardised Meal System (pregnancy version), Don's old weaknesses resurface. And while he strives to get the technicalities right, he gets the emotions all wrong, and risks losing Rosie when she needs him most. The Rosie Effect is the charming and hilarious romantic-comedy of the year. Graeme Simsion was born in Auckland and is a Melbourne-based writer of short stories, plays, screenplays and two non-fiction books. The Rosie Project began life as a screenplay, winning the Australian Writers Guild/Inscription Award for Best Romantic Comedy before being adapted into a novel. It went on to win the 2012 Victorian Premier's Literary Award for an unpublished manuscript and has since been sold around the world to over forty countries. Sony Pictures have optioned the film rights with Graeme contracted to write the script. It won the 2014 ABIA for Best General Fiction Book and overall Book of the Year. Praise for The Rosie Project: 'Funny and heartwarming, a gem of a book.' Marian Keyes 'Don Tillman helps us believe in possibility, makes us proud to be human beings, and the bonus is this: he keeps us laughing like hell. I'd love to have a beer with the humane and hilarious Graeme Simsion.' Matthew Quick, New York Times bestselling author of The Silver Linings Playbook 'The Rosie Project is 1930s screwball comedy updated for 2013. Hepburn and Grant in Bringing Up Baby, or Rosalind Russell and Grant in His Girl Friday have the exact same pitch, intelligence, wit and farce with a love story at the centre of it all. Madcap indeed, but like those films The Rosie Project underscored with writing meticulously judged...Extremely loud and incredibly long applause.' Age/SMH/Canberra Times/Brisbane Times 'What an endearing, funny book...a quirky love story about belonging with poignant undertones on the need for us all to be more tolerant of those with differences. A must read for 2013.' Courier Mail/Daily Telegraph 'The charm of this story is Simsion's affectionate depiction of his strange, flawed, infuriating, logical and always amusing protagonist.' Weekend Australian
Crusoe, the Worldly Wiener Dog: Further Adventures with the Celebrity Dachshund
Ryan Beauchesne - 2018
You'll also get to see a little of his "staycations" and life at home between travels.Jet-setting is what dachshunds do best. From Switzerland’s Alps and Mexico’s Mayan temples to Italy’s seaside villages and France’s Eiffel Tower—as well as various locales throughout the U.S. and Canada—Crusoe shares his wit and wisdom on appreciating culture, fine wine, and haute cuisine, always dressing for the occasion, and maybe learning a thing or two about what really matters most in life along the way.In hundreds of brilliant color photographs, see the charming and charismatic mini-doxie embark on such thrilling adventures as…* Hitting the streets of New York City as The Wiener of Wall Street* Stalking evildoers as Batdog * Strolling Hollywood’s Walk of Fame (with his own star)* Going out on a dinner and movie date with the lovely Paisley* Digging for fossils at Dinosaur Provincial Park* Playing doctor and dentist to his sidekick brother, Oakley* Drinking at the notorious Bar Vitelli, shooting location of The Godfather* Recovering from back surgery with lots of love and rehabilitating in style * Tasting a beignet at New Orleans’s famous Café du Monde* Exploring his German heritage as a “badger dog”—and discovering what wiener schnitzel actually is…And so much more!
The Cannibal's Daughter
Mitchell Nelson - 2014
She’s a nobody. And that’s the way she likes it. Her father, on the other hand — Hank Keeling, the serial killer and occasional cannibal better known as the Pork Chop Killer — has just gone viral. Thanks to a prison guard’s error, a cell phone video of Keeling’s botched execution is quickly becoming an internet sensation. After watching her father die in all his pixelated glory, Caroline is taken off-guard when Keeling himself shows up at her front door, looking very much not dead. And he has a plan. A plan involving Caroline. A plan Caroline is going to take part in whether she wants to or not. Success means wealth beyond her dreams. Failure means death. Soon Caroline is whisked away from her bland life to face down killers, gangsters and a well-meaning cop in a hunt for long-lost fortune. Deceit, avarice and unrelenting violence collide in a coming-of-age story like none you’ve ever read.
Doctor Who: Shada
Gareth Roberts - 2012
But now he needs help from the Doctor, Romana and K-9. When he left Gallifrey he took with him a few little souvenirs—most of them are harmless. But one of them is extremely dangerous.The Worshipful and Ancient Law of Gallifrey isn’t a book for Time Tots. It is one of the Artifacts, dating from the dark days of Rassilon. It must not be allowed to fall into the wrong hands. The sinister Skagra most definitely has the wrong hands. He wants the book. He wants to discover the truth behind Shada. And he wants the Doctor’s mind...Based on the scripts for the original television series by the legendary Douglas Adams, Shada retells an adventure that never made it to the screen.
Samaritans
Jonathan Lynn - 2017
The chairman of the board, billionaire arms dealer and part-time philanthropist David Soper, decides that it's time to kill or cure. Business School alumnus and Las Vegas hotel genius Max Green is the perfect man for the job. A man of vision. A man with a mission. A man who knows that wealth-care is smarter than healthcare. He's going to make Samaritans great again. Andrew Sharp, star cardio-thoracic surgeon, turns his back on the NHS and buys in to this brave new world of Porsches and payola. But when his American Dream turns into a living nightmare, Andrew discovers that even the new-found love of his assistant, Cathy, may not be enough to save him… Samaritans is the new novel from the co-creator and writer of Yes Minister and Yes, Prime Minister. Praise for Samaritans 'A book George Orwell would have approved of.' The Sunday Times ‘It’s wonderful! I was hooked, mouth open, heart pounding. The catastrophic state of medical care is his story but Samaritans can be read too as a wider allegory, a discourse on a politics of greed, dis-entitlement, deregulation and social brutality that has run quite mad.’ Stephen Fry ‘It is with the highest confidence that I recommend this book, with particularity, to those Members of Congress who remain committed to making access to life saving care far too difficult for far too many people. It is my fondest hope that they might laugh their way to the education they so sorely require.’ Rick Ungar ‘Jonathan Lynn tackles the US healthcare system in satirical splendour. I laughed out loud. It is both hilarious and scary at the same time! Nobody does it better.’ Barbara Broccoli 'There is reason to believe Jonathan Lynn was not born in the US and, while probably not a spy, he has spent some little time observing Americans in the wild. His observations are not always flattering—he’s talking Big Medicine, Big Insurance, Big Business and their cousin, Small Ethics—but he certainly seems to have our number. Samaritans is smart, dark, and very, very funny. Stay healthy, America!' Michael McKean, Better Call Saul, Spinal Tap ‘Jonathan Lynn's Samaritans does for hospitals what Evelyn Waugh's The Loved One did for cemeteries. The book is laugh-aloud funny, but also deadly serious--because it deals with the lethal effect profit-minded health care can have on patient lives...I haven't read satire this hilarious and powerful since Riotous Assembly, the late Tom Sharpe's indictment of apartheid in South Africa. This is essential reading for anyone who has a body and wants to keep it alive.' M.G Lord ‘Comedy genius...as politically and socially important as is it is entertaining.’ Muriel Gray Jonathan Lynn is the multi-award winning author of The Complete Yes Minister and The Complete Yes, Prime Minister, which were drawn from the phenomenally successful BBC series which he created and wrote with Antony Jay, and which sold more than a million copies in hardback.
Going Postal
Stephan Jaramillo - 1997
He's similar - in name only - to the actor who used to play Hercules. He's the son of a postman who's been losing it for decades. He's got a girlfriend he's not so sure about, a demeaning job at BagelWorks, and a crappy car. Things are not going well for Steve. He just went home for his sister's wedding (to another postman) and hates his family more than ever. His Dad just gave him a gun, and he doesn't know who to shoot first. His girlfriend just dumped him (now he's sure), he just lost his demeaning job, and his car still stinks. What's a jobless, dreamless, girl-less twentynothing to do? Scam money off his deaf grandmother. Drink before noon with his equally pathetic friends. Keep the gun. And try to keep from Going Postal.
Men with Balls: The Professional Athlete's Handbook
Drew Magary - 2008
Because after you have read this book, you, Good Sir, will know how to be a pro athlete. And pro athletes don't need books. Or strong family bonds. Or any of that stupid crap. Not when they have ready access to millions of dollars and scores of smoking hot chicks with questionable judgment. This book will be all you require to cast aside your boring life as some jackass who cruises around bookstores hoping to score grad-school trim. With Men with Balls, you will learn how to: Showboat using classical pantomime techniques Figure out whether or not a stripper actually fancies you Emotionally cope from the emotional fallout of rookie year hazing games Find out which free locker room amphetamines will give you a shot of energy, and which will cause you to run down terrified schoolchildren with your Escalade (NOTE: Some do both) Avoid media scrutiny by directing beat writers and columnists to the nearest hot buffet So grab your balls, bookboy. You're about to become a home-run hitting, steroid-injecting, angry-orgy-having Turbostud. They're gonna need a whole ocean just to wash your jock.
I Love You Is Back
Derrick Brown - 2006
With a large worldwide cult following, Brown has delivered ..".a heart crushing and brilliant work of modern American classics." NYLON magazine. It contains such hits as "The Victory Explosions" and "All distortion, All the time." This collection of 49 poems sings with sincere revelations and ecstatic lust for wild, honest living.
The Book of Moe: Simpsons Library of Wisdom
Matt Groening - 2008
Get to know the man behind the apron strings, the misunderstood mixologist with the gold-plated heart, as he dispenses advice to drunks like it was Duff on draft, recommends some of his signature (and watered down) drinks like the Moe-jito, tries out a pick-up line or two, dreams of actually getting a date, dishes a little on his acting career, and counts his blessings (like babysittin' Maggie Simpson) that make life worth livin' for at least one more day.
Office Wars: The Mailroom Clerk
James G. Patton - 2017
He sleeps in a real bed and eats real food and only jumps into Neuroma to work. All he wanted was to log in, work and log out and live in general obscurity. Getting the attention of a CEO, meeting a stranger in real life, and forced to play in a secret game of corporations were not penciled into his calendar. While that was bad, he started to question whether Odditek was still in control, or had their complacency created the noose tightening around their neck. Bran was not yet aware of the choice before him. He could no longer stand back and watch, and he had to pick a side and fight before he lost the ability to choose. Would he recognize the inevitable in time? Was it possible to make a ‘correct’ choice, or had the lines blurred so much that hero and villain were indistinguishable? This novel is part of an Odditek series and is a LitRPG novel. I realize it’s the first Odditek series, but more are coming. This series started as a companion series to a book called Lantern Online. I wanted a way to build up the world as it now exists, and to explain what Odditek is. Neuroma and Nerves are mentioned in Lantern Online, and I felt all that information was taking away from my story and is mostly not relevant, but good to know information. I took a lot of it out and added it to this series. Anyway, out of that came Office Wars. I hope it's different than most LitRPG you will read, and brings another dimension to the genre. Explicit language! I will not lie, there is a satirical nature to this story, and a lot of the language and scenarios are morally questionable on purpose. In this story and I use a lot of curse words and controversial commentary. Just look on Facebook or any half a dozen social media sites, and you will see similar language, conversations, and other nonsense. If we all moved into a digital world, this is how I view that world.
Git-R-Done
Larry the Cable Guy - 2005
I sat down one day and said to myself, “Larry, you’ve done it all. You’ve got three gold records, a successful DVD, a hit TV show, a picture of Shania Twain givin’ ya the finger, and most important, the high score on Frogger. What more could you possibly do?” Then I started thinking about writing a book. I wanted mostly to write Git-R-Done for all those good Americans who just wanna laugh like I do. Come on inside and hear me make fun of Janet Reno, Rosie O’Donnell, and my fat sister, who caused a twelve-tray pileup in front of the caramel nut rolls at the country buffet. I’m gonna tell you why Dick Trickle is my hero, why we need to get back to good ol’ common sense, and why I prefer a picture of the Last Supper with NASCAR drivers as the disciples over just about anything.Lord, I apologize!The book will go down in history as one of America’s most important events since the breakup of Aldo Nova. Even my mom liked the book—here’s what she said: “There’s really not much I can say here except for I apologize to everyone ahead of time for the crap you are about to read.” Git-R-Done is just plain funny, I don’t care who ya are!Also available as an eBook.From the Hardcover edition.