Not being happy all the time makes them stressed out of their tights. Carol practises uninhibited sex which ends with her panty liner stuck to the bottom of someone's shoe. Donnie, after a mystery bite in a third world country, thinks he's incubating a nest of spiders up his bum. Daphne gets fat. She makes soup all the time and wonders if Woolworth's sell a hose pipe to fit a Vauxhall Vectra. Pierce is a poet; a fat balding womaniser who's only steady relationship is with a cup at the sperm bank. He's the only one not on anti-depressants, and he's the hero.

    Discworld is a flat planet, supported on the backs of four elephants, who in turn stand on the back of the great turtle A'Tuin as it swims majestically through space.

    What Dave Barry did for American history in Dave Barry Slept Here and for getting older in Dave Barry Turns Forty, he does for everything else in America! Tupperware ladies, eighties people and leisure-concept salesmen beware: Dave Barry is on the loose and no one is safe!

    She rejects the outside world and embarks on a contented existence of isolated self-indulgence. But when her nice neighbours Fred and Geraldine introduce her to the roguishly desirable actor Finbar Flynn the walls of the citadel begin to crack . . .

    The RAF is on the verge of defeat, the Royal Navy near mutiny.In an underground bunker, Churchill and the British commanders await the onslaught. Their plan to throw back Hitler's army is about to be put to the test.Churchill is confident they can throw back the enemy.But not all his enemies are abroad.

    There may be numerous typos or missing text. There are no illustrations or indexes. When you buy the General Books edition of this book you get free trial access to Million-Books.com where you can select from more than a million books for free. You can also preview the book there.

    She is addicted to the feeling of being on stage, looking out at expectant, up-turned mouths, waiting for the first laugh to hit. A first laugh that will not happen unless she creates it. But Brenda is clueless. The on-off girlfriend of a prolific comedian, it is only after she realises his best stage material consists of recycled versions of her own restless, smart-arsed energy that she begins to wonder whether she might be better off keeping her jokes for herself - and so she finds herself making her very first walk to the mark on stage in front of a bare brick wall, with just a spotlight and a PA system for cover, wondering what we all wonder from time to time: am I funny? A book as much about the thrill of performance as it is about what goes on when the microphone is switched off, Brenda Monk is Funny is a blackly humourous and devastatingly candid snapshot of the reality, the brutality and fragility of the comedy industry from an exciting new voice in fiction.

    But as a penniless and partnerless house-painter with an expired lease on her flat and a twelve-year-old daughter, she could hardly turn down her parents' offer to take them on a once-in-a-lifetime trip to the Caribbean. She'd just have to put up with her sister Theresa (making no secret of preferring Tuscany as a holiday destination) and brother Simon (worrying that there might be some sinister agenda behind their parents' wish to take them all away) with their various spouses, teenagers, young children and au pair. In a luxury hotel, with bright sunshine, swimming, diving, glorious food and friendly locals, any family tensions should have melted away in the fabulous heat. The children should have been angelic, the teenagers cheerful, the adults relaxed and happy. But...some problems just refuse to be left at home.

    He took a selfie of himself pouring a whole tube of them into his mouth, before sending it to his best mate, along with the letters LOL! The bestselling authors of We're Going on a Bar Hunt and The Very Hungover Caterpillar bring you another hilarious parody of a much-loved children's book, this time turning the spotlight not only on modern teens, but firmly on their parents too.When the doorbell rings, just as Sophie and her Dad are sitting down for their tea, they're half-expecting a visit from a tiger, but what slouches in through their doorway is even more curious than that... a teenager.A perfect read for anyone who remembers the original, or has ever been a teenager or is the parent of a teenager today.

    He’s in Goa, dreaming of the passport-thief who stole his heart (and his passport) forty-six years ago. Back then, fate kept bringing them together, but lately it seems to have given up.Jan has not. In his long search he has accidentally held a whole town at imaginary gunpoint in Soviet Russia, stalked the proprietors of an international illegal lamp-trafficking scam and done his very best to avoid any kind of work involving the packing of fish. Now he thinks if he just waits, if he just does nothing at all, maybe fate will find it easier to reunite them.His story spans fifty-four years, ten countries, two imperfect criminals (and one rather perfect one), twenty-two different animals and an annoying teenager who just…His story spans fifty-four years, ten countries, two imperfect criminals (and one rather perfect one), twenty-two different animals and an annoying teenager who just…Will…Not…Leave.But maybe an annoying teenager is exactly what Jan needs to help him find the missing thief?Featuring a menagerie of creatures, each with its own story to tell, We Are Animals is a quirky, heart-warming tale of lost love, unlikely friendships and the certainty of fate (or lack thereof). For the first time in her life the cow noticed the sun setting, and it was glorious.

    This wasn't always the case, but years in the soul-shattering world of retail have made Wade a bitter, cynical young man. Impeded by a lack of direction and nearly infinite levels apathy, Wade idles through his days avoiding waves of annoying customers, his obtrusive boss and any kind of work in general. When a management opportunity makes itself available Wade finds himself facing an unprecedented weekend of opportunity and distraction, a gauntlet of women he can't begin to understand, and a potential mental breakdown that could destroy his personal and professional life at once.

    

    He works with dysfunctional teenagers, and where everyone else sees apprentice career criminals, he sees hope. No-one has ever taught him to accentuate the positive; his mind is simply built that way. He adores his family: Karen and the children are the centre of his world. So when he finds that one of his few teenage success stories has wound up working in a massage parlour, he knows he has to help. He’ll pop in for a little chat – thats all it will be. But try telling that to anyone else. Karen’s not convinced, and maybe she has her reasons to be suspicious. Alvin finds that one mistake, arising from the noblest of motives, will propel events out of control. Now cast adrift, Alvin’s only allies are the teenagers everyone’s given up on. They’re great at supplying dodgy DVDs and ringtones – but can they help him get his life back?

    These headstrong women cannot help but keep London society dangling on a string, but will they find a husband or lose themselves in the game? Immerse yourself in the Daring Debutantes world with this seven-volume series from #1 New York Times bestselling author M.C. Beaton. Henrietta (Book 1): Henrietta’s plain features seemed to guarantee her a solitary future. But with some unexpected wealth, Henrietta sets out to conquer London's high society and win the heart of Lord Beau Reckford. Molly (Book 2): She was a precocious American upstart who thought beauty, brains, and bravery were enough to conquer London society. Well, he'd show her! Nobody spurned Lord David Manley, the most eligible bachelor in town. Penelope (Book 3): Penelope, golden-haired and fresh from the county, has stolen the heart of the desirable Earl of Hestleton. But the Earl begins to doubt Penelope's true love. Can the belle keep her beau? Lucy (Book 4): How could lady’s maid Lucy Balfour hope to win the favor of Andrew, Viscount Harvey? Hamish MacGregor, the wily old butler, proposes they conquer London society as "father" and "daughter" and meet the king himself. Annabelle (Book 5): Annabelle Quennell gets a chance at a London Season to snare a wealthy husband. But before she sets off, Mad Meg the Gypsy predicts trouble ahead! Kitty (Book 6): Kitty Harrison, once achingly poor, is now a wealthy heiress. But Kitty realizes that to save her life and win the man she loves, she’ll have to learn to play the game. Sally (Book 7): "Aunt Mabel", the lovelorn magazine columnist, is summoned to prevent the Duchess of Dartware's son from a terrible marriage. Who would guess that behind Aunt Mabel's ageless wisdom is the real eighteen-year-old Sally Blane?

     All the best,Kerry and Kurtanp.s. Kurtan wants to make it clear that although this newsletter is in book format it does not make him any of the following:Book WormBook bummerBoffinNerd alertThe lion, the witch and the book wormp.p.s If you don't buy this newsletter that's fine, but we are getting a percent of the profits to donate to the Kerry Mucklowe eating fund, so if you don't buy it I'll basically starve. Which is fine if your conscience can deal with that utter headf***.