“You’re about as useful as a windshield wiper on a goat’s butt.” Keep this book handy, someday you’ll be glad you have it. “Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you just be yourself.” Pick any of the many jaw-dropping insults then laugh at the look on your adversary’s face when you whip one out and use it on them. You’ll leave no doubt in their mind that you are a master of sarcastic insults! ADDED BONUS: In addition to the fresh and hilarious insults in this book, you’ll also find great sarcastic observations about life hidden inside this book’s pages, like… “I think the reason so many people have smart phones is because opposites attract!” You’re no idiot, so you need this book to start your new life as the master of sarcastic insults and put-downs! “Hey! Who left the Idiot Box open? Now they're everywhere!”

    The Funniest Text Message Autocorrects, Wrong Numbers & Mishaps on Smartphones!

    As you identify your tribe and divinely align in time with God's calendar, you will discover how to find your position in God's Kingdom, how to war effectively for your inheritance, and then walk in His blessings.A Time to Advance: Understanding the Significance of the Hebrew Tribes and Months will help you understand how God is developing His whole conquering army for today. You will also understand how each part moves together, and the redemptive quality of God's covenant plan for Israel. This will help ground you on how we are grafted into a movement in days ahead.As you learn how to think like God thinks and study the Hebrew tribes and months, you will receive prophetic understanding of how the Lord orders your steps throughout the year. You will also see your place in God's next Triumphant Reserve that is rising in the Earth today!

    Starting with your genitals. And then you were disemboweled, and the bowels that were removed were then also set on fire. And then while you were running around in active labor, passing a kidney stone, on fire with your bowels also on fire, you accidentally stepped on a Lego with your bare foot. And that Lego was also on fire.""It's an 11."Medicine can be funny. It can be sad, painful, inspirational, but also sometimes funny. "11 out of 10" is a collection of humorous medical stories from practitioners in all fields, ranging from physicians to nurses to EMTs to medical students. Some are totally true, some are exaggerated, and some are mostly fiction. But every single one of them aims to put a smile on your face.All profits from this book will be donated to Deworm the World Initiative, a charity that aims to treat parasitic infections in children in developing nations.

    Read on your PC, Mac, smart phone, tablet or Kindle device. If You Don't Have Kindle You Can Still Read This Book On Your Web Browser using Amazon Free Cloud ReaderThis book contains proven steps and strategies on how to pronounce French vowels and consonants, how to pluralize nouns, and how to get around your way in France, using all the helpful examples of phrases and dialogues provided in this book.Through this manual you will learn the basics of the romantic French language and gain confidence as you speak. To facilitate learning, easy-to-follow pronunciation guides have been included. Tips for tourists and other pertinent information about the City of Lights were extensively researched for your convenience. Here Is A Preview Of What You'll Learn Inside ✔ Numbers and Gender✔ Plural Forms of Nouns✔ Pronouns✔ Verbs✔ Prepositions✔ Useful Expressions✔ Much, much more! Take Action Right Away and START your amazing journey with French!

    I just want to be known as a clown because to me that's the height of my profession. It means you can do everything-sing, dance, and above all, make people laugh.” – Red Skelton “All I want to do is to make people laugh, to take the word ‘heartache’ out of their vocabulary” – Red Skelton A lot of ink has been spilled covering the lives of history’s most influential figures, but how much of the forest is lost for the trees? In Charles River Editors’ American Legends series, readers can get caught up to speed on the lives of America’s most important men and women in the time it takes to finish a commute, while learning interesting facts long forgotten or never known. Among radio personalities and television entertainers, almost nobody had a career as long or storied as Red Skelton, one of America’s foremost comedians during the 20th century. Over the course of 70 years, Skelton made crowds laugh from vaudeville to performing as a clown, and while he is best known for The Red Skelton Show and his other variety shows, he also managed a 45 year stage career, as a pantomime or one of the other characters he created over the years. Although Skelton was extremely popular in America at the peak of his career, his entertainment was also a throwback to the early 20th century, which compelled television studios to balk at the notion of continuing to air his shows by 1970, even though his shows had spent almost two straight decades with Top 10 ratings on the air. Understandably bitter, Skelton refused to have his shows in syndication until the 1980s, and by then, the same concerns about his appeal to younger crowds had only gotten worse as he and his show had aged. Skelton is still best remembered for his performances and his television career, but he was also a noted artist who fittingly excelled at depicting clowns on canvas. Despite the seemingly silly content of his work, Skelton’s skills as an artist were so impressive that he made millions of dollars a year selling his art and having it displayed. By the time he died in 1997, it’s estimated that he may have made more money through art than through performing. American Legends: The Life of Red Skelton chronicles the life and career of one of America’s most beloved comedians. Along with pictures of important people, places, and events, you will learn about Red Skelton like never before, in no time at all.

    That changes when Travis breaks his leg, but then he discovers there is a bright side to having crutches.In The Pretender, Sam loves to pretend. Sometimes he pretends to be a knight. Sometimes he pretends to be a samurai. And sometimes he pretends to be a ninja. His older sister thinks he’s too old for pretending. But then the school play begins.In Fitness Fanatics, Zack is the fastest runner in his grade until Ben joins his class. Zack realizes that Ben might beat him in the cross-country. Ben wants to be friends, while Zack wants to win. What will Zack do? The best experiences are often the unexpected ones. Book Categories: Children chapter books age 6 – 8 Adventure stories for kids ages 6 – 8 Action and adventure books for kids ages 6 – 8 Beginner reader chapter books Children’s ebooks Please scroll up and click the Look Inside feature on the top left hand side of the page.

    James Bond isn't a secret agent. The funny bone isn't a bone. E-readers like the Kindle were invented in 1949. Slavery has never been more common as it is today. Neanderthals were extremely smart and were able to speak. Vikings invented rap battles. Natural oranges aren't orange. Rats didn't cause the Black Death. Halitosis doesn't exist. Buddhists don't worship Buddha. Everyone mispronounces "Nutella." St. Patrick wasn't Irish. There has never been 50 states in the United States. Selfies aren't a recent fad. They have existed since 1839. Guardian angels aren't mentioned in the Bible. A comatose person can speak and walk around. Nicotine doesn't cause cancer.

    Good for readers in grades 1-3. Tyler has a monster called Eddie! He is a perfect monster at home- he is well mannered, helps Tyler practice his soccer skills and even cleans the house. But in public, it's a different matter! Eddie farts in public and doesn't seem to think it's a big deal. Not at all! Although Tyler pleads with him to stop, Eddie won't listen. It all ends in a way Tyler couldn't have imagined!

    

    

    Dumb crooks, celebrities gone bad, unsolved mysteries, odd laws, and more—Strange Crime has plenty of stories that will make you ask yourself, “What could they possibly have been thinking?” This easily portable paperback book is ideal for readers on the go. Take it to school, to work, to jury duty!

    Funny jokes, Knock Knock jokes, Kids Jokes.Jokes for Kids, Best Joke Book for Kids is styled for as kids grow older they find certain jokes less and less funny. This means you have to come up with age appropriate jokes to keep them entertained. Jokes are more than just for laughs. They also stimulate thought and educate. That does not mean you go stiff on the kids, far from it. You want jokes that are funny, corny and have some substance. Usually the really good jokes will give even you the tickles.Kids jokes, with over 200 funny jokes, this will keep the kids, and adult laughing for some time.

    What the what?! Is there really a secret treasure hidden in the school’s basement?! Based on Cartoon Network’s award-winning original series, Gumball and Darwin head back to school! It’s a brand-new collection of shorts and illustrations featuring everyone’s favorite mischief-makers.

    Covering Sid's early years in South Africa and life as a ladies' hairdresser, his obsession with gambling and women, his questioning by Scotland Yard in a murder case, Hancock's Half Hour and the Carry On films, and Sid's death on stage at the age of 63, Cliff Goodwin reveals the amazing truth behing the legend.