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The Haunted Vagina
Carlton Mellick III - 2006
Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy's pubic region. She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn't think it's that big of a deal. Steve, on the other hand, completely disagrees. When a living corpse climbs out of her during an awkward night of sex, Stacy learns that her vagina is actually a doorway to another world. She persuades Steve to climb inside of her to explore this strange new place. But once inside, Steve finds it difficult to return... especially once he meets an oddly attractive woman named Fig, who lives within the lonely haunted world between Stacy's legs.
Dying for a Living
Kory M. Shrum - 2014
Jesse dies for a living, literally. As a Necronite, she is one of the population’s rare 2% who can serve as a death replacement agent, dying so others don’t have to. Although each death is different, the result is the same: a life is saved, and Jesse resurrects days later with sore muscles, new scars, and another hole in her memory. But when Jesse is murdered and becomes the sole suspect in a federal investigation, more than her freedom and sanity are at stake. She must catch the killer herself—or die trying.
Undertaking Irene
Pamela Burford - 2014
To dead people.Life gets complicated for Jane and her Death Diva business when she’s hired to liberate a gaudy mermaid brooch from the corpse during a wake—on behalf of the rightful owner, supposedly. Well, a girl’s got to make a living, and this assignment pays better than scattering ashes, placing flowers on graves, or bawling her eyes out as a hired mourner. Unfortunately for Jane, someone else is just as eager to get his hands on that brooch, and he’s even sneakier than she is, not to mention dangerously sexy.Just when she thinks her biggest problem is grand theft mermaid, things take a murderous turn. But hey, when you’ve teamed up with a neurotic seven-pound poodle named Sexy Beast, how can you go wrong?
The Emerald Burrito of Oz
John Skipp - 2000
It starts when Glinda the Good Witch becomes President and before long munchkins are working at fast food restaurants.
Domestic Violets
Matthew Norman - 2011
In the tradition of Jonathan Tropper and Tom Perrotta comes Matthew Norman's Domestic Violets—a darkly comic family drama about one man’s improbable trials of love, loss, and ambition; of attraction, impotence, and infidelity; and of mid-life malaise, poorly-planned revenge, and the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction.
Boomerang
Alan L. Hutcheson - 2009
The only way he can get the money to rescue her is to accept an assignment from the AABC, a not nearly official branch of the United States intelligence community. He is partnered with Jerry Kwiatkowski, master of the Hammond B-3 organ and chronic flatulence sufferer, to steal a boomerang containing secrets that should have died with J. Edgar Hoover over thirty years ago. It would be a simple job if only they knew what they were doing. And if a crossbow wielding assassin, two unemployed Australian women, The Director of Central Intelligence and a clothing optional former onion festival queen were not also hot on the boomerang's trail.
The Traveling Dildo Salesman
Kevin L. Donihe - 2011
His selection was vast, and all models were stamped MADE IN HEAVEN.Under the watchful glare of a giant eyeball in the sky, Ralph walks door to door selling dildos. He doesn't know why he sells dildos, but he does know that with each house, and each strange customer, he moves closer to solving the mystery of the eternal dildo curse.A nightmare comedy about destiny, faith, and sex toys, The Traveling Dildo Salesman is another classic from Kevin L. Donihe, the Wonderland Award-winning author of House of Houses and Night of the Assholes.This edition also features Donihe's most lurid and infamous short stories: Milky Agitation, Two-Way Santa, The Helen Mower, Living Room Zombies, and Revenge of the Living Masturbation Rag.
My Fake War
Andersen Prunty - 2010
Saul Dressing is a flabby middle-aged librarian who just wants to be left alone to listen to jazz, watch porn, and cultivate his toenails. All of this changes when a soldier in a camouflage sweat suit shows up to draft him into the army of the United States of Everything. His mission is simple: go to a foreign country no one has ever heard of and incite the opposition to strike first. All alone in the middle of a desert with no enemy in sight, Saul must come to terms with the absurdity of his situation. Thus begins a surreal journey into the politics of war, consumerism, and giant robots.It's Rambo meets Waiting for Godot in this subversive satire of American values and the scope of the human imagination.
Demons and Other Inconveniences
Dan Dillard - 2010
"Icky." 5 Stars "Humor and horror and shivers, excellent combination." 5 Stars "Dan Dillard has written a great book, loaded with some creepy short stories." 5 Stars "...this book will snare you in its gloriously wicked clutches and drag you kicking, screaming, and sometimes laughing from one creepy story to the next." -Stalk and Slash "...creative and very entertaining in some cases while truly horrifying in others." 4 Stars Demons are all around us. Hatred, greed, old age, addiction. Some of them are more tangible with claws, fangs and dark intentions. Face your demons before they take over. They're only as frightening as you allow. A collection of short horror stories for grown-ups with non-traditional twists and a bit of dark humor.
To Date an Immortal
Stephanie Rowe - 2006
Too bad she's immortal, great with a sword, and distractingly adorable."A wild ride of fun, fantasy and romance!" ~J.R. Ward, #1 New York Times bestselling authorImmortal guardian Justine Bennet has one duty: keep a powerful magical item out of the hands of troublemakers, like, oh, the leader of hell. The eternity of celibacy that goes with her job? Something that would have been nice to know before she signed up for it.Then Derek LaValle, a no-carb pretzel mogul, shows up at her door to behead her, which is the only way to save his twin from a deadly curse. Derek's charming, tempting-as-hell, and extremely determined, all the things that Justine needs to amp up her life.Unfortunately, if Justine lets him live, her mom will end up as Satan's love pancake. But if Derek doesn't kill her, his twin will die in a week.When high-octane attraction blooms between them, a dramatic fight to the death no longer feels like such a fantastic option. But with such high stakes, they better figure it out fast, or Satan dating her mom will become the least of their worries.RITA® Award Nominee for Best Paranormal RomanceNote: This book was originally released under the title Date Me, Baby, One More Time by Warner Books, and then under the title Immortally Cursed. It was briefly listed under Stephanie's former pen name, S.A. Bayne.
Love Me
Danger Slater - 2011
foreign policy? How about cute angst-filled teenage vampire toyboys? Well, too bad. None of those things are in this book. Instead you'll join a guy in a Viking suit on an absurdly epic quest to figure out the meaning of life. There will be obstacles, of course: rabid gangs of disgruntled grannies, rival cults of pie-enthusiasts, toasters, anti-matter conversion do-hickeys, Shadow Men, bandits, hippies, annoying celestial bodies, the Department of Internationally Sexy Affairs, and probably way too many dick jokes for this book to ever be considered for any serious academic curriculum. You know, the usual. So what are you waiting for? Light a few candles, pour another glass of wine, and grab the lube. You're about to LOVE ME.
Fat Vampire
Johnny B. Truant - 2012
And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire -- too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead -- he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have… and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race. Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes.
Cinderella Screwed Me Over
Cindi Madsen - 2013
Burned one too many times by ex-boyfriends, Darby has lost all belief in the happily-ever-after that the fairy-tale princess promised her. She's sworn off love, Prince Charmings, and happy endings and she's happy about it. Really. Or at least she was…until she met Jake, her gorgeous neighbor and the manager of her favorite restaurant. But Darby has rules about dating, ones she's culled from her years spent with so-called “princes,” and starting something with Jake would break all of them.Charming, fun, and unwilling to give up on her, Jake doesn’t fit any of the profiles Darby has created from her case studies of ex-princes-gone-bad. Finally presented with her own Prince Charming, can Darby take a chance on a happily-ever-after?Full of wit and sarcastic humor, Cinderella Screwed Me Over proves that sometimes the perfect love, like a perfect pair of shoes, is just within your grasp.
The Paranormal 13
C.J. ArcherChristine Pope - 2014
Poe The Girl by Lola St Vil Rest For The Wicked by Cate Dean Drowning Mermaids by Nadia Scrieva I Bring the Fire: Part I Wolves by C. Gockel The Witch Hunter by Nicole R Taylor Beyond the Fortuneteller's Tent by Kristy Tate Nolander by Becca Mills The Medium by C.J. Archer Dream Student by J.J. DiBendetto Deception by Stacy Claflin The Black Parade by Kyoko M The Thought Readers by Dima Zales
The Brothers Crunk
William Pauley III - 2010
After discovering a mutilated robot corpse in the middle of the desert, Divey mysteriously transforms into something abominable, setting a bizarre series of events into motion. Reynold follows his brother into the dark underworld of Tokyo, where there are no rules and old video game accessories are used as real weapons. Please consult a doctor if you experience any of the following symptoms while reading: convulsions, eye or muscle twitching, altered vision, involuntary movements, disorientation, or loss of awareness.