In the meantime, enjoy this freebie from God: OMG: How I Created the Universe, Adam, and Steve, which contains the first five chapters on the Creation of Adam and Steve (you read correctly) excerpted from The Last Testament.

    With illustrations by Tony Ross, this re-issue is sure to delight.A tale about an extremely unconventional vampire. This tale of laughter and ghoulish horror for seven and eight year-olds is sure to delight. Here, Eric Morecambe’s customary humour is employed for a young audience.

    Have you done your TEETH? HAIR? SHOES? Come on, come on, come on, we're going to be bastarding late again. No, I haven't seen Lego Optimus Prime, and nor do I give a shit about his whereabouts. Sam, will you stop winding your sister up and take this model of the Shard that I painstakingly sat up and created for you last night so that I wouldn't be in trouble with your teacher. I mean, so that you wouldn't be in trouble with your teacher. No, it doesn't smell of 'dirty wine'. Well, maybe it does a little bit. Look, Sam, I haven't got time to argue. Just hold your nose and get in the car, okay? AVA! TEETH! HAIR! SHOES!" Gemma is only just holding it together - she's a single parent, she's turning 40 and her seven-year-old daughter has drawn a cruelly accurate picture which locates Gemma's boobs somewhere around her knees. So when her new next-door neighbour, Becky, suggests that Gemma should start dating again, it takes a lot of self-control not to laugh in her face. But Becky is very persuasive and before long Gemma finds herself juggling a full-time job, the increasingly insane demands of the school mums' Facebook group and the tricky etiquette of a new dating world. Not only that, but Gemma has to manage her attraction to her daughter's teacher, Tom, who has swapped his life in the City for teaching thirty six to seven year olds spelling, grammar, basic fractions - and why it's not ok to call your classmate a stinky poo-bum...It's going to be a long year - and one in which Gemma and Becky will learn a really crucial lesson: that in the end, being a good parent is just about being good enough.

    Lieutenant Orion Murphy is scheduled for execution due to a clerical error. His only out is to undergo a complete physical makeover, get a rank and name change, and agree to take over a new platoon in the Segnal Space Marine Corps (SSMC). Seeing that it's a case of comply or die, he accepts the offer. A week later, he finds himself standing on the bridge of The SSMC Reluctant with a misfit crew, an insane special agent, an antiquated robot mechanic, and his updated identity. Will the newly-named Commodore Don Harr be able to get control of the ship and crew? Can they all survive their first mission, especially since they're not really supposed to? And who came up with this mission, anyway? …it all makes Harr wonder if execution may have been the better option.Author Rating - Comedic-Red: Contains racy and irreverent humor, adult themes, situations, and language. Will likely be offensive to some people.

    Purchase includes a free trial membership in the publisher's book club where you can select from more than a million books without charge. Chapters: Naked, When You Are Engulfed in Flames, Me Talk Pretty One Day, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, Holidays on Ice, Santaland Diaries, Barrel Fever. Source: Wikipedia. Free updates online. Not illustrated. Excerpt: Naked, published in 1997, is a collection of essays by American humorist David Sedaris. The book details Sedaris life, from his unusual upbringing in the suburbs of Raleigh, North Carolina, to his booze-and-drug-ridden college years, to his Kerouacian wandering as a young adult. The book became a best-seller and was acclaimed for its wit, dark humor and irreverent tackling of tragic events, including the death of Sedaris mother. Prior to publication, several of the essays were read by the author on the NPR program This American Life. About the early life of the Sedaris family, and David's hopes to one day be rich and famous. It is revealed that the family is actually middle class. A description of Sedaris' obsessive-compulsive and Tourettic tendencies as a child. His behavior quirks include licking light switches and kissing newspapers, and they frequently land him in trouble at school. These tendencies are abandoned when he begins smoking at college. An account of Sedaris' elderly (and slightly senile) grandmother, known as Ya-Ya. After suffering an injury she is forced to live with his family, resulting in tension for all. Eventually, at the urging of Sedaris' mom (who was against Ya-Ya moving in with the family in the first place), she is put into a low-grade nursing home. When she dies, only his father seems to mourn. A description of events regarding a pornographic book that Sedaris finds when he is a child. The book is passed between his siblings, and eventually confiscated by his mother, who in turn reads it. A description of...More: http: //booksllc.net/?id=89168

    

    As he struggles to make a dent in the icy exterior of the townspeople he wonders if his efforts will be wasted--then he meets Matilda, and everything changes.From the moment they meet Danny finds himself entranced by her ambition, and Matilda is captured by his passion and determination. But life in Bear Creek is difficult for outsiders and despite the attraction, their blossoming romance could end in tragedy.How can Danny choose between the chance at love and his life's dream? Will Matilda lose her independence if she admits how she feels?Grace Cranfield dreams of freedom from high-society and the suitors her parents push onto her. When all seems lost, she finds a chance at hope when she spots an ad in the church from a Montana rancher looking for a wife.Left alone after the sudden deaths of his brothers, Malcolm Wilson longs for someone to help build a new life from the rubble of his old one. Grace is charming and kind, and as sparks fly she finds herself on a train speeding towards a new home, but also a world like nothing she's ever known.Will Grace be able to find a place in this new world and discover who she truly is? More importantly, will she survive long enough to get the chance?All Mayme Ruble wants is to feel like she belongs. When she comes across an ad from a farmer looking for a wife, she feels a glimmer of hope--a chance to start over and maybe even find love.Thomas Harris has spent most of his life running his farm, and now it's time for him to marry. Mayme's kind, honest response strikes a chord with him and there is instant chemistry. She leaves her hometown with tentative optimism that a new chapter in her life is about to begin.Despite Thomas' warmth and the welcoming townspeople, Mayme struggles to shed her self-consciousness. All seems well, until disaster strikes in Bear Creek and Mayme is forced to make a decision: will she step up and be the woman she hopes to become? Or will she lose this chance at happiness once and for all?When Rachel Maxwell discovers that her home - and her hand in marriage - have been sold to notorious poker player, Salis Dangerfield, her world is thrown into turmoil. Despite the stories swirling around town, Rachel has no plans to give in easily.Salis is a ruthless businessman and highroller. But right now, he's just a man in search of a safe haven. Faced with distrust from both his wife and the locals, it seems as though he and his young sister will never find their footing in Bear Creek.Rachel soon discovers the kind man behind the facade and Salis thinks he may have finally found the peace he's been looking for.Will Salis be able to overcome his demons? Can he and Rachel find a way to be together even when the whole world is against them?In Bear Creek Brides: Books 9-12, you will discover four captivating stories of vulnerability, danger, and determination as these four brides navigate peril and heartache to hold onto the chance for true love.

    Illustrated with 16 pages of photographs.

    Join the O'Reilly family once again as they meet around the Jack O'Lantern on Halloween night and share ghost stories that will make you shiver and have you looking over your shoulder to see if there is "a little something extra" wandering through your home tonight.

    A strange, elusive figure, his name whispered in barrooms and boardrooms, his advice sought by pashas and presidents, his exploits recounted in movies, novels, and comic books that seem somehow more real than life itself. Buckaroo Banzai. First and foremost an extraordinary brain surgeon. In his spare time designer and driver of the electrifying Jet Car, a speed machine faster than sound! Buckaroo Banzai. A happy man whose life has been marked by great tragedy, who speaks a dozen languages and writes songs in all of them. His musical sidekicks the Hong Kong Cavaliersó Rawhide, Reno, the Swede, Perfect Tommy, Flyboy, Big Norse, Pecosóare one of the toughest, most popular hard-rocking bar bands in east Texas. Join Team Banzai on their two-fisted, action-packed assault against the evil red Lectroids from Planet 10! Experience the horrors of the Shock Tower and the Pitt deep within the walls of Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems as Buckaroo Banzai fights against impossible odds to rescue Penny Priddy from the clutches of Dr. Emilio Lizardo, the diabolically alien dictator. Pray that Buckaroo will succeed, knowing only too well that if he fails the Earth itself will be blown to dust! For the first time in nearly twenty years, Pocket Books is proud to present The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai. This special edition features a new introduction by the author and a color insert featuring photos and illustration seen here for the very first time! No matter where you go, there you are.

    But instead of being able to transform into cool super-beings, they take on the characteristics of the kids they bully. Sure their abilities may be at an all-time high, but do they really have what it takes to save their school when their self-esteem is at an all-time low? "The Offenders is the best use of detention since The Breakfast Club - funny, exciting, and the most charming thing I've read in ages. Writing something entertaining is tough, but writing something important is even tougher. Jerry and his boys have made it look easy." - Drew Pearce, writer of Iron Man 3

    In another universe, humanity is overrun by monsters so evil that their very presence dims the light of the stars. In yet another universe, humanity is drawn into an endless battle for dominion over the galaxy. This is not one of those universes. In this universe, humanity is in charge of the Galactic Peace Committee. In theory, the Committee is an unmatched force for good, bringing peace and prosperity to countless worlds and ensuring that conflicts between different races are settled with words and not planet-cracking weaponry or super plagues designed to turn everyone into goo. In theory. Jake Smith is a diplomat. He works for the Committee. This is his story – and it goes about as well as you’d expect. In other words, it doesn’t go very well at all. Can Jake survive petty aliens? Sure. He’s a diplomat. It’s all part of the job. What about angry aliens? Probably. He does have a killer robot for a secretary, and he’s not bad with a shock staff. How about a fleet of aliens out for blood? That… that might be a little bit trickier. The Galactic Peace Committee… keeping peace (sort of) throughout the galaxy.

    His life, set in 1849 against the backdrop of the California Gold Rush, is one long parade of amazing sex, dynamite montages, whiskey, and explosive gunfights. The kinds of things men could do when men were actually men. He is the richest man in town — equal parts loved and feared by all. But when the Schlager Brothers come to town, so too comes the end of the good times. St. James is forced to defend everything that matters to him (including, but not limited to: prostitutes, his horse, money, and drugs. Oh, and his wife and children too, sort of). God help anyone who stands in his way.

    In these four stand-alone novels, Kinsella’s charming heroines juggle work life, love life—and sometimes, even the afterlife—to heartwarming and hilarious effect. This must-have eBook bundle includes:CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET?“Move over, Bridget [Jones]! . . . Kinsella’s witty take on mundane office and family life will really make you laugh out loud.”—Evening Chronicle (UK)Emma Corrigan has a huge heart, an irrepressible spirit, and a few little secrets. Secrets from her boyfriend, secrets from her mother . . . secrets she wouldn’t share with anyone in the world. Until she spills them all to a handsome stranger on a plane, who, she later discovers, just so happens to be Jack Harper, her company’s elusive CEO—a man who now knows every humiliating detail about her.THE UNDOMESTIC GODDESS“Another charming winner from the delightful Kinsella.”—BooklistSamantha Sweeting, a workaholic attorney at a London law firm, has just made a huge, unthinkable mistake, wrecking her chance of becoming partner. Going into utter meltdown, she walks out of her office, boards a train, and ends up in the middle of nowhere. Asking for directions at a big, beautiful house, she’s mistaken for an interviewee and is offered a job as their housekeeper. And as she figures out how to turn on the oven and how to open the #@%# ironing board, she finds that this new life may be exactly what she is looking for.REMEMBER ME?“A delicious page-turner.”—USA TodayWhen twenty-eight-year-old Lexi Smart wakes up in a London hospital, she’s in for a big surprise. Having survived a car accident, Lexi has lost a big chunk of her memory—three years to be exact—and somehow she’s gone from being a twenty-five-year-old working girl to being a corporate big shot with a sleek loft, a personal assistant, and a gorgeous husband. Will she ever remember how this all came to be? And what will happen when she does?TWENTIES GIRL“Kinsella [is] a master of comic pacing and feminine wit.”—Publishers WeeklyLara Lington’s imagination seems to be in overdrive. Normal twenty-something young women don’t get visited by ghosts. Or do they? When the spirit of Lara’s great-aunt Sadie mysteriously appears, she has one request: Lara must find a missing necklace that was in Sadie’s possession for more than seventy-five years. And in their mission, these very different “twenties” girls learn some surprising truths from and about each other.BONUS: This eBook bundle also includes an excerpt from Sophie Kinsella's Wedding Night.