Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village


Maureen Johnson - 2021
    How charming. That is, unless you have the misfortune of finding yourself in an English Murder Village, where danger lurks around each picturesque cobblestone corner and every sip of tea may be your last. If you insist on your travels, do yourself a favor and bring a copy of this little book. It may just keep you alive. Brought to life with dozens of Gorey-esque drawings by illustrator Jay Cooper and peppered with allusions to classic crime series and unmistakably British murder lore, Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village gives you the tools you need to avoid the same fate, should you find yourself in a suspiciously cozy English village (or simply dream of going). Good luck, and whatever you do, avoid the vicar.

Revenge (aka The Stars’ Tennis Balls)


Stephen Fry - 2000
    The only thing that can be guaranteed is that it will be his next earth-movingly funny bestseller. And we are still pretty confidently saying it will not be about earthworm migration patterns in East Devon.This is the story of Ned Maddenstone, a nice young man who is about to find out just what hell it is to be one of the stars' tennis balls.  For Ned, 1978 seems a blissful year: handsome, popular, responsible and a fine cricketer, life is progressing smoothly for him, if not effortlessly. When he meets Portia Fendeman his personal jigsaw appears complete. What if her left-wing parents despise his Tory MP father? Doesn't that just make them star-crossed lovers? And surely, in the end, won't the Fendemans be won over by their happiness?  But, of course, one person's happiness is another's jealous spite. And spite is about to change Ned's life forever.  A promise made to a dying teacher and a vile trick played by fellow pupils rocket Ned from cricket captain to solitary confinement, from head boy to political prisoner. Twenty years later, Ned returns to London a very different man from the boy seized outside a Knightsbridge language college.  A man implacably focused on revenge. Revenge is a dish he plans to savour and serve to those who conspired against him, and to those who forgot him.

Orpheus Rising


Colin Bateman - 2008
    Now he's back to face the ghosts of his past.Michael met Claire when she was living with local hard man Tommy, a Gulf War vet. When Tommy leaves town to be a roadie for a band playing a six week stint on a cruise ship, Michael falls in love with Claire, they marry and he writes his novel. But then Claire is killed in a bank raid. Ten years later Michael returns to the scene of the crime to exorcise the ghosts of the past and try to write his second novel. But he discovers the grim truth behind his wife's murder and encounters the strangest of small-town behaviour...

Boys Don't Knit (in Public)


T.S. Easton - 2014
    All a big misunderstanding of course. To avoid the Young Offenders unit, Ben is ordered to give something back to the community and develop his sense of social alignment. Take up a hobby and keep on the straight and narrow. The hot teacher he likes runs a knitting group so Ben, reluctantly at first, gets 'stuck in'. Not easy when your dad is a sports fan and thinks Jeremy Clarkson is God. To his surprise, Ben finds that he likes knitting and that he has a mean competitive streak. If he can just keep it all a secret from his mates...and notice that the girl of his dreams, girl-next-door Megan Hooper has a bit of a thing for him...

Moonlight Over Muddleford Cove


Kim Nash - 2021
    And that’s before the solicitor’s letter, along with a request to visit a place she hasn’t thought about for a very long time.Heartbroken, Nellie escapes to the beautiful seaside town of Muddleford in Dorset, where she discovers she’s inherited more than she ever bargained for. Nellie never knew why her mother stopped talking to her sister, but now childhood memories of Muddleford come flooding back: long hot summers, the sea glistening beyond the sandy cove... and a stolen kiss with a boy called Jack.Jack, now a devilishly handsome vet, has the local pet owners swooning over him, and as Nellie and he become close once more, and she gets used to gossiping with the locals and sipping wine at her beach hut with sand between her toes, she’s sure she can feel sparks flying once more. But just as she thinks she might be able to open her heart again, her newest frenemy, the glamourous Natalia, tells her a secret about Jack that changes everything.Nellie will never know why her mother and aunt parted ways. She’ll sell the house, forget about Jack, and get back to real life. Because there’s nothing for her in Muddleford... is there?An utterly uplifting and completely hilarious summer read about learning to trust yourself and of finding love and friendship in the least expected places for fans of Jessica Redland, Heidi Swain and Holly Martin.This is what readers are saying about Kim’s writing:'Kim Nash, a must-read author for romantic comedy fans and an author who is becoming more and more accomplished with each story.' Rachel's Random Reads'Kim’s books are emotional, heart-warming and true to life, taking you into the heart of the story. With characters you can connect with and storylines that you can relate to, every book leaves me with a warm happy feeling and a smile on my face.' Stardust Book Reviews.'Kim writes feel-good, uplifting and yet thought-provoking stories written from the heart that centre around family and friendship. Reading one of her books is like taking the best tonic a doctor could ever prescribe.' Crooks on Books

The Outcast


Sadie Jones - 2008
    He is nineteen years old, and his return will have dramatic consequences not just for his family, but for the whole community. A decade earlier, his father's homecoming has a very different effect. The war is over and Gilbert has been demobilized. He reverts easily to suburban life—cocktails at six-thirty, church on Sundays—but his wife and young son resist the stuffy routine. Lewis and his mother escape to the woods for picnics, just as they did in wartime days. Nobody is surprised that Gilbert's wife counters convention, but they are all shocked when, after one of their jaunts, Lewis comes back without her. Not far away, Kit Carmichael keeps watch. She has always understood more than most, not least from what she is dealt by her own father's hand. Lewis's grief and burgeoning rage are all too plain, and Kit makes a private vow to help. But in her attempts to set them both free, she fails to foresee the painful and horrifying secrets that must first be forced into the open. In this brilliant debut, Sadie Jones tells the story of a boy who refuses to accept the polite lies of a tightly knit community that rejects love in favor of appearances. Written with nail-biting suspense and cinematic pacing, The Outcast is an emotionally powerful evocation of postwar provincial English society and a remarkably uplifting testament to the redemptive powers of love and understanding.

The Reluctant Vampire


Eric Morecambe - 1982
    With illustrations by Tony Ross, this re-issue is sure to delight.A tale about an extremely unconventional vampire. This tale of laughter and ghoulish horror for seven and eight year-olds is sure to delight. Here, Eric Morecambe’s customary humour is employed for a young audience.

Carrots


Colleen Helme - 2011
    Her life is organized and predictable, revolving around her husband and two children. All that changes the day she stops at the grocery store for some carrots. As the cashier rings up her purchases, a gunman is busy robbing the bank inside the store. When a customer grabs the robber's mask, he is shot and everyone runs for cover. Everyone except Shelby, who finds herself face to face with the killer. The next thing she knows, she's lying on the floor with a bullet wound to her head. Luckily, the bullet only grazes her scalp, and she doesn't suspect any lasting affects until later, when she suddenly 'hears' what people are thinking. With this uncanny ability, her life takes on a whole new dimension. Her kids think she's bossy and too old to understand them, but that's nothing compared to her husband. He says he loves her, but what is it about the redhead at work that he doesn't want her to know? As if that isn't enough, the gunman knows she can identify him, and he's out to silence her forever. In her fight to stay alive, she is saved from certain death by a handsome hit-man with ties to organized crime. This pulls Shelby even deeper into danger, where knowing someone's thoughts can not only hurt her feelings, but get her killed.

One Pair of Hands


Monica Dickens - 1939
    She makes the plunge to a life "below the stairs," confident in her abilities to be a cook because she once took a course in French cuisine. She quickly learns the difference between school learning and real life. Scalded milk, dropped roasts, and fallen souffles plague her in her domestic career, but she perseveres. What makes this book so delightful is the sense of humor and drama Monica Dickens brings to her work. From dressing up for job interviews in a "supporting-a-widowed-mum look" to eavesdropping on dinner guests, she tackles her work with an enthusiasm for discovery. To her descriptions of battles with crazy scullery maids, abusive employers, and unwieldy custards, she brings a humorous and pointed commentary about the delicate and ongoing war between the wealthy and their servants. Written in 1939, this true-life experience reveals a writer who wasted no opportunity to explore daily lives and dramas. Her keen eye for detail, youthful resilience, and sense of the absurd make One Pair of Hands a deliciously inside look at the households of the British upper-class.

An Accidental Royal Kidnap


Paul Mathews - 2020
    And when the feisty royal accuses George of kidnapping her, his very ordinary life is turned completely upside down, as the party princess takes root in his apartment, causes royal waves among his friends and family, and demands to go walkabout on the streets of London.It’s blue-blooded comedy by unofficial royal appointment in this hilarious, and often surreal, regal romp that's packed with majestic mystery, aristocratic intrigue and Great British humour. Guaranteed to raise a laugh from Balmoral to Buckingham Palace!This very British comedy novel is the first in a series starring reluctant hero George Nearly, the unpredictable Princess Araminta of Essex (‘Minty’ to her friends) and a host of other quirky characters – all of whom make Mad King George seem like a perfectly sane individual. Royals and commoners collide with comical consequences in these uniquely English adventures that will bring a smile to the faces of even the grumpiest gargoyles at Windsor Castle.

An Affair to Dismember


Elise Sax - 2013
    That’s why Gladie is more than a little skeptical when her Grandma Zelda — who is more than a little psychic — recruits her into the family’s matchmaking business in the quaint small town of Cannes, California. What’s more, Gladie is also highly unqualified, having a terrible track record with romance. Still, Zelda is convinced that her granddaughter has her clairvoyant “gift.” But when the going gets tough, Gladie wonders if this gift has a return policy. When Zelda’s neighbor drops dead in his kitchen, Gladie is swept into his bizarre family’s drama. Despite warnings from the (distractingly gorgeous) chief of police to steer clear of his investigation, Gladie is out to prove that her neighbor’s death was murder. It’s not too long before she’s in way over her head — with the hunky police chief, a dysfunctional family full of possible killers, and yet another mysterious and handsome man, whose attentions she’s unable to ignore. Gladie is clearly being pursued — either by true love or by a murderer. Who will catch her first?

The Adrian Mole Collection: The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole/True Confessions of Adrian Albert Mole/Adrian Mole: The Wilderness


Sue Townsend - 2000
    I pushed my sausages away untouched. Charting nearly ten years in the life of Adrian Mole, from his increasingly troubled adolescence and schooling to his first job as newt counter for the DoE, from his parents' marital troubles to his own difficult relationship with Pandora, from the failure of his early poems to the even grander failure of his epic novels, these three novels in one volume provide a hilarious portrait of one young man's coming of age. 'He will be remembered some day as one of England's great diarists. No matter what your troubles may be Adrian Mole is sure to make you feel better' Evening Standard

Mom of the Year


Denise Pischinger - 2013
    You'll laugh, cry and phone a friend about Mom of the Year--the debut title from the new literary genre, Script Lit. Janie Parker rules the school at Parkside Elementary, though she’s not even a student. She’s a volunteer room mother, tirelessly pouring her blood, sweat and tears into every perfect detail of every party or project for her daughter’s class. And she does it all for…GASP…the glory. Her over-the-top antics alienate her daughter, Kelsey, who isn’t anything like her mother. So when Janie’s husband, Greg, announces the family must relocate to Houston in the middle of the school year, Kelsey sees the opportunity to start over. Janie, however, sees the end of her legacy as the most fabulous, glorified volunteer in the history of public schools. As if that isn’t horrifying enough, the family’s move to Houston forces Janie to live in the same town as her own mother, Helen, whom she despises. When they arrive at Kelsey’s new school, Bear Branch Elementary, Janie discovers some silver lining – their new school district annually crowns a “Mom of the Year.” Janie soon meets her match in Lanette Middleton, the class room mother and reigning Mom of the Year. Lanette makes it clear there is no room for Janie at Bear Branch. After one too many insults, Janie fights back...and the competition is ON!

Who I Am and What I Want


David Shrigley - 2003
    In this mock autobiographical collection his mischievous drawings capture life's anxieties and ambitions from the mundane to the surreal. Here, at last, is The Truth about beer, doctors, shadow puppets, lunch, dolphins, boredom, and supernatural forces. Seductively strange and addictively amusing, this edgy little book welcomes the uninitiated and rewards the faithful.

Free Country: A Penniless Adventure the Length of Britain


George Mahood - 2013
    George and Ben have three weeks to cycle 1000 miles from the bottom of England to the top of Scotland. There is just one small problem… they have no bikes, no clothes, no food and no money. Setting off in just a pair of Union Jack boxer shorts, they attempt to rely on the generosity of the British public for everything from food to accommodation, clothes to shoes, and bikes to beer.During the most hilarious adventure, George and Ben encounter some of Great Britain's most eccentric and extraordinary characters and find themselves in the most ridiculous situations. Free Country is guaranteed to make you laugh (you may even shed a tear). It will restore your faith in humanity and leave you with a big smile on your face and a warm feeling inside.