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The Onion Presents a Book of Jean's Own!: All New Wit, Wisdom, and Wackiness from the Onion's Beloved Humor Columnist
Jean Teasdale - 2010
Now for the first time, li'l ol' me shines front-and-center in a book of my very own! A Book of Jean's Own! features all-original, never-before-published material, and if that wasn't impressive enough, marks the very first Onion book by a solo writer! Historical, huh? My book is sure to find an eager audience among The Onion's ten-million-strong readership. Wait, ten million people? I had no idea! Frankly, that scares me a little. We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto! (Oh shoot, I should have put that hilarious phrase in my book!)A Book of Jean's Own! also marks a departure from past Onion books in that it isn't crammed with headlines and articles in teeny-weeny print! Instead, I write about the stuff that really matters: shopping, chocolate, part-time jobs, and hot Hollywood hunks! Whether you read my book on the bus, the beach, or the toilet, you're guaranteed to find something to chuckle at and deeply relate to!Among the many nuggets of fun:* I tell you the Twenty Things That Are Better Than Sex! * For the first time ever, you learn my maiden name!* I spill the secrets of my scrumptious chocolate-loaded desserts, such as Ooey Gooey Choco-Cocoa-Mocha Cupcakes With Raspberry Filling And Coconut-Cream Cheese-Cola Frosting!* Acquire valuable, real-world tips on coping with a job you dislike, getting through those rough teenage years, and styling a Jean hairdo of your very own!* Get a giggle out of my doodles and overdose on the words of wisdom that are my Jean Proverbs!* You've heard of pity parties—get my tips for throwing your very own self-pity party!* Check out my own cure for the blues, the Plush Jamboree!* Witness my nervous breakdown while writing this book (well, writing is hard, after all!)* Also for the first time ever, Hubby Rick speaks! (Spoiler: It's not entirely in grunts!) * Lots of exclamation points! (And phrases in parentheses!)I'm sure every single one of those ten million readers will buy my book! And who knows? They just may find something in it that will help them lead happier and better lives!
In Search of Vindication
Ethan Westfield - 2020
Deputy Marshal in Kansas for a great deal of his life. As soon as his brother Tommy stops answering his letters, he gets extremely alarmed and decides to take matters into his own hands. When he puts a plan in place to travel to Texas, little does he know that a shattering surprise awaits him there; his brother has been found dead, next to the body of one of the most powerful ranchers in town. Will Lee manage to unravel the truth behind these enigmatic and shocking deaths?While Lee is still aghast, the local sheriff declares Tommy's death a suicide, and also accuses him of attempting robbery and murder. On the spur of the moment, the case is considered closed, which makes Lee highly suspicious. Feeling that they drag Tommy's name through the mud, he decides to defy the law and seek vindication. Will he succeed in this lonesome yet risky mission? How will he solve this demanding riddle and clear his brother's name?Lee's hazardous quest begins, having Susan Marsh and Ki'Somma, a young Cherokee medicine man, on his side. Doubts, lies, deceits, serious injuries as well as many other roadblocks will derange their endless undertaking. Will they manage to join forces triumphantly and complete this challenging mission? Or will Tommy always be remembered as a ruthless criminal?
Hey, Cowgirl, Need a Ride?
Baxter Black - 2005
When Teddie Arizona, woman of mystery, crawls out of the wreckage of her plane and into their lives with a $5,000,000 secret, things start to get interesting.When T.A.’s “husband,” F. Rank Pantaker, dispatches his henchmen to retrieve the money—and the girl—Lick and Al find themselves trying to outrun the bad guys and protect a damsel in distress. Is T.A. out to cheat her cheatin’ husband, or is she really just trying to stop an illegal scheme cooked up by F. Rank and the infamous Ponce de Crayon, Vegas’s most glamorous tiger tamer? Is she playing Lick—or is it love? Will Al Bean’s cockeyed plan, an able assist from Cody, Lick’s cowboy sidekick, a brigade of old-time rodeo reunioneers, and twenty miles of duct tape be enough to stop F. Rank’s nefarious schemes, reform a career party girl, and change the hearts and minds of ten of the world’s most thrill-seeking billionaires? Can Cody keep Lick from climbing onto raging bull Kamikaze’s back one more time? Can true love triumph over shoot-outs at the not-so-okay corral and close encounters with white tigers? Hey, this is Baxter Black—what do you think? With its colorful cast of characters, rip-roaring humor, and inventive language, this caper will have you riding high long after it gallops to a thunderously satisfying conclusion.
The Bundled Doonesbury
G.B. Trudeau - 1998
Start with the book: a rich, oversize anthology, jam-packed with America's most provocative and pointed satire -- including 80 Sunday strips in full color. From O.J. and Mr. Butts to Whitewater and Tailgate, from Mike, Kim, and Alex's funky software start-up company to Duke and Earl's Las Vegas long shots, Trudeau tracks the fierce strangeness of end-of-century life through the ever-intertwining fortunes of his substantial cast.Bundled with this impressive tome is the Doonesbury Flashbacks CD-ROM, a complete account of all things Doonesbury over the course of the strip's first 25 years. The disc contains more than 9,000 strips, archived with every search mode imaginable -- readers can locate strips by character, topic, chronology, dialogue, or location. Contemporary newspaper headlines, articles, quotes, and factoids give useful context for the historically clueless. Other features include a digital bibliography of Doonesbury books, posters, videos, and audio recordings; a Doonesbury trivia game, complete with unctuous host (Mike) and decorative hostess (Boopsie); a Doonesbury timeline; elaborate character bios; and animation. A useful print capability lets users generate crisp refrigerator art from any strip.Thanks to this digital cornucopia you can relive the ages of Aquarius, Reagan, and O.J. through the eyes of G.B. Trudeau and his merry band of misfits.
The Silver Spurs Home for Aging Cowgirls
Laura Hesse - 2019
Turns out three of the four women aren’t cowgirls at all, and their horses aren’t ranch horses either.And then there is the cheating husband that came along for the ride.The word ‘baggage’ just got a whole new meaning.If you think senior living means the party is over, then you haven’t spent a night at The Silver Spurs Home for Aging Cowgirls where romance is in the air and sleeping with another woman’s man can be murder. This politically incorrect black comedy is one part Murder She Wrote and one part Blazing Saddles for lovers of outrageous romantic comedies and cozy mysteries where spurs are jingling and mysteries are afoot. Oh, and we can't forget horse and dog lovers too. More information: When the Montana family decide to turn their struggling ranch into a senior’s home for retired cowgirls and their horses, they don’t realize how much baggage comes along with them, not to mention the fact that only one of the four ladies who move in is a ‘real’ cowgirl, and one of them also comes with a husband with a wandering eye.Sam Montana thinks he’s seen it all until the four ladies show up with four stallions, blankets for every season, more tack than the barn has room for, and a list of what to feed and what not to feed the horses that is longer than his arm.Young widow, Emma Montana, and her children all agreed that a group of retired cowgirls in the house would be fun…just like having four new cowgirl grandmas. They didn’t count on a cheating husband, his completely disabled wife left helpless after a massive stroke, his mistress of forty years, and the multi-divorcee deciding that Sam’s the new mount she wants to ride. And then there are the crude jokes and midnight capers. Throw in a love struck sheriff, a jealous Forest Ranger, a hot ATF agent, a plane crash, a fugitive on the loose, and a rogue mountain lion, and Emma is over her head in no time.
This politically incorrect laugh-out-loud black comedy will leave you wondering just what your grandmother is up to when you aren’t around.
Avatar the Last Airbender: The New Master
Taesoo Kim - 2007
This 96-page activity book is chock-full of puzzles and games that will have fans walking on air as they join in Aang's challenges and adventures.
The Manly World of Lloyd Llewellyn
Daniel Clowes - 1994
The 31 stories collected here combine Dragnet with The Twilight Zone with Tales from the Crypt in a world filled with aliens, good-time girls, and cocktail-bar nihilism. The stories are hip and funny, with a good dose of wacky 1950s paranoia and the kind of tongue-in-cheek morality that characterized the old E.C. horror comics. The Lloyd Llewellyn stories also trace the development of Clowes's style as a comic artist, from the angular early pieces that show the influence of 1950s advertising style to the grotesque Robert Crumb-inspired style of the more recent work in Eightball. Clowes is one of the most gifted comic-book artists around, and the retro-chic world of Lloyd Llewellyn deserves to be seen by a new generation of readers.
Myth-Ion Improbable and Something M.Y.T.H.-Inc.: Double Myth Adventure Edition
Robert Lynn Asprin - 2015
This time they’re treasure hunting in a dimension that combines the Wild West with the vampire-curse hills of Transylvania—where gold is common as dirt and danger lurks behind every sagebrush.Something M.Y.T.H. Inc.…Revolution is in the air. The king’s court sorcerer is being eyed with suspicion. Not for dabbling in black arts… not for consorting with a demon… not for having a dragon as a pet… not even for being mobbed up. But for the greatest crime of all: raising taxes.Who is this terrible Tyrant? None other than Skeeve the Great.Oh, how the mighty have fallen…
Fu#@ing Seriously? (Real Stories from a Small-Town ER)
Kerry Hamm - 2016
In another condensed version of the series, we learn about forgotten sports, appendage amputations, suicide attempts, drunk and high patients, and you'll find yourself STILL asking why people do some of the things they do. If the dirty version isn't your cup of tea, don't fret! Swing on through Kerry's listings until you find the CLEAN version of this edition: 'Freakin' Seriously?'
Black Orchid
Sheldon MayerFred Carillo - 1973
The original appearances of the Black Orchid from Adventure Comics #428-430, The Phantom Stranger #31, 32, 35, 36, 38-41, and The Super Friends #31.
Hometown Weekly
Bruce Lindsay - 2008
After more than thirty years of being asked the same question—"Why don't you give us some good news for a change?"—veteran television news anchor Bruce Lindsay obliges us with humorous and heartwarming stories from the idyllic town that we believe we grew up in—or wished we did. Inspired from the stories found in real small-town newspapers, Bruce Lindsay introduces us to the down-to-earth, foible-filled characters from Parley's Grove—folks who can make the mundane mesmerizing and the absurd endearing. Warm, poignant, and always hilarious, these affectionate vignettes of small-town life will help you remember who you are and where you're from.
The Locklear Letters
Michael Kun - 2003
His innocent letter requesting an autographed picture begins a bizarre turn of events that eventually costs him his job, foils his romantic intentions toward a coworker, drains his finances, and generally ruins his life. Sid, a Don Quixote character with large blind spots regarding the fate of his one-sided correspondence with the movie star and his own behavior, cannot escape the wrath of lawyers, public relations bulldogs, angry bosses, and ex-girlfriends that drags his life down the tubes. Until he fights back.
The Junk-Drawer Corner-Store Front-Porch Blues
John R. Powers - 1992
At turns hilarious and bittersweet, this novel is destined to be a bookshelf classic.
The Afternet
Peter Empringham - 2011
When the system begins to misfire under the workload, the ill-equipped representatives of God and the Devil tasked with managing the process are given an ultimatum. Fix The Afternet or go back to your previous afterlives. They begin an odyssey through the hordes of souls awaiting judgement and the oblivious living in search of a solution. Rich in comic detail and populated with characters real and imagined from throughout time, their quest is never going to be straightforward…