So waste no more time, scroll up this page and order the the ebook right now.

    Want to read an example? Have a look at How an Elephant was Weighed.A hippo believes he is the most handsome of all animals. But do the other animals in the forest agree? Find out in Hippo Humbled.Shonar the deer is in trouble! What’s Kalia the Crow going to do now?A washerman is convinced his donkey can turn into a man! Find out why in The Dhobi and his Donkey.

    Whether this is because they haven't yet mastered the 21st century phone or because they live to embarrass you throughout all forms of communication, Text Fails from Mum, is a hilarious collection of our all time favourite texts from Mum.Please stop changing the google logo so much, I like the original one.Mum I don't change the logo. Google changes it.On my computer, you don't run the Google?If I did I wouldn't be driving a 2004 Ford.Andy, I can't find my phone. Can you call it so I can try and track it down?I don't have time to be quippy, mum. It's in your hand.What? No it's not. I've got a bag of groceries in my hand. Are you saying it's in the grocery bag? How do you know these things!?WHAT ARE YOU TEXTING ME WITH!?Never mind! I found it! Thanks!This humour gift book is the laugh out loud answer to the annual conundrum what should I get Mum for Christmas, Mother's Day and her Birthday? Text Fails From Mum is the perfect stocking filler, and a gift all the family can relate to and enjoy.

    He was already a TV sensation as the benign extraterrestrial Mork from Ork on Mork & Mindy and had starred as a comic-strip sailor in Popeye. But that Tonight Show stint revealed the distilled form of Williams' unique genius in stand-up comedy and his visits with Carson, Dick Cavett, David Letterman, Jay Leno and the other late-night lions. This TIME Spotlight Story explores The Heart of Comedy, Mr, Robin Williams.

    

    And when Lady Peculiar’s butler – a part-time comedian – is found drowned in his own mango chutney, Detective Inspector Clinton Trump comes blundering onto the scene – ready to shun logic, breach protocol and trust in his own gut instincts. What will South East England’s greatest detective uncover? Is her ladyship a murderess? Was the killer a comedy rival? Or are darker forces at work in this particular corner of Brokenshire? Join our self-proclaimed British detective genius, as he races against time to solve this very funny murder mystery – so he can play golf at the weekend! The first novel in the ‘Clinton Trump Detective Genius’ series This riotous English detective spoof is murderously good fun from first page to last, as Inspector Trump and his unwanted sidekick, Constable Dinkel, encounter a procession of crazy comedy characters in the Great British countryside. Stuffed solid with British humour (or ‘humor’, if you’re one of the many American tourists who visit Upper Goosing), its mix of black comedy, British farce, funny one-liners and downright silliness is guaranteed to generate tremendous titters across the very civilised world.More amateur sleuth than professional investigator, Clinton Trump will bring a smile to your face like no other Trump has before, or probably ever will. So, jump aboard the Trump detection train, blow your Clinton trumpet and join the movement – Make Murder-Mystery Great Again! A Word from Detective Inspector Clinton Trump: “Greetings from Upper Goosing – the murder capital of Europe. You’ll find the scenery, tea rooms and cake shops are well worth the risk of a premature, grisly death. But before purchasing this novel, please note that it only employs British English, as spoken by Her Majesty the Queen. I don’t want anyone griping about me saying ‘per cent’ instead of ‘percent’, ‘metre’ instead of ‘meter’ or ‘tea’ instead of ‘coffee’. If you must grumble, please do as the English do and complain only to yourself. And if you’re planning on enjoying a cup of Earl Grey with this quality e-book, please remember: it’s tea first, milk second. Finally, don’t be afraid to laugh thunderously when reading this novel. Just don’t laugh yourself to death – we have enough fatalities around here as it is. Thank you.”

    Easy reading and enjoyable.." - John P Sam's trousers were round his ankles. The microwaved chicken - long past its sell-by date - had made a hasty exit. He was down a ditch in the middle of nowhere, and there weren't any tissues. Suzy had dumped him. Things weren't going well. He was only one wipe away from his life changing forever when he found a blue IKEA bag packed with banknotes. Gary wants to kill him. So does Vlad. Ashton wants to paint him naked and then there's the Contessa. Suzy isn't certain they've broken up. One thing’s for sure: Sam's life has been turned upside down.

    A quick-reference title checklist made for your kindle - Lisa Gardner book list in order. ALL novels in ALL series. Includes short stories, where to find them and where they fit in the series, as well as all stand-alone books.- FREE with your Kindle Unlimited Subscription- Automatic updates with each new book release- All series, short stories, and stand-alone worksCONVENIENT ON YOUR KINDLE- Tap open just like other books on your kindle instead of searching through websites and hoping they are up-to-date.- Check off the books you've read: Tap the book title and choose highlight from the pop-up.AUTOMATIC UPDATES:- This list is updated each time Lisa Gardner releases a new book.- Kindle Unlimited subscribers: Get your updated list by simply returning this booklet to the Cloud. When you need it again later, retrieve it and the updates will be there.- Buyers: Turn on Auto Updates for your device. When Amazon pushes the updated list through, your list will update to the latest version.COPYRIGHT COMPLIANCE: This is a title list only. In reading order. No portions of the books mentioned have been reproduced here. It complies with United States Copyright Office circular 34.THIS CHECKLIST COVERS ALL OF LISA GARDNER'S WORKS, INCLUDING PEN-NAME ALICIA SCOTTDetective D.D. Warren SeriesTessa Leoni SeriesFBI ProfilerFamily Secrets TrilogyThe Guiness Gang TrilogyStand Alone NovelsB000APTQPU

    A British Army conspiracy. Can DC Ruth Hunter and DC Lucy Henry uncover the killer's identity before there's yet another cover-up.When ex-soldier Ashley Campbell is brutally murdered outside a Peckham nightclub, Ruth's first thought is that it is gang related. Yet, as the investigation progresses, it seems that the victim's time as a recruit at Cranleigh Barracks might hold the key to the true identity of the murderer. As Ruth and Lucy uncover a brutal culture of bullying, racism and sexual abuse at the barracks, it seems that several officers in the British Army will go to any lengths to protect their identity.Can Ruth find enough evidence to bring the officers to justice? And what will she do when new evidence appears to suggest that CID should have been looking far closer to home for Ashley's killer?

     Emily Atack was flung to fame at just 17, as Charlotte 'Big Jugs' Hinchcliffe in The Inbetweeners. Nearly ten years later, she won over the nation on I'm a Celebrity . . . Get Me out of Here! thanks to her hilarious impersonations and epic bravery during trials. While she was in the jungle, the country watched her go on a journey of self-acceptance and come out on top. Now Emily reveals the hilarious highs and the heartbreakinglows that rocked the years between. With astonishing courage and her trademark humour, she shares stories about her family, relationships, work life and love.Are We There Yet? is a warm, honest and funny book for anyone who has ever felt the need to break the mould to find out who they really are.

    All 97 counties of it! Surely it can't be as bad as everyone tells him. After twenty years living abroad, he thinks the time is right to search his homeland for the best of British using new eyes, those of a foreign tourist, and in the only way he knows how – by bicycle. Armed with a list of recommendations gathered from friends and strangers alike and the most spontaneous of routes, he pedals 5,000 miles through damp English country lanes, soggy Welsh moorland and windswept Scottish mountains. He gets wet quite often. Following on from the success and irreverent style of both No Place Like Home, Thank God and Hungry for Miles, Steven seeks out the quirky in the people he meets, the places he visits and the food he eats. Can his initial store of positivity survive the journey, or will it be ground down by the traffic, the weather and his British, vegetable-free diet of beer, pies and pork scratchings? In this, Book 1, The Journey South, Steven travels from Merseyside to Warwickshire, through the whole of Wales, the West Country, the south coast and to London. Armed with a bag of googly eyes, he meets a poetry-prescribing nurse, stumbles across Hilda Ogden's lawnmower, has his footwear stolen by foxes, discovers some very special Mexican fleas, crashes the TARDIS and visits dozens of British capitals, including its infidelity capital, its boob job capital and its dogging capital. He experiences "real" Britain – the good and the bad – its Morris dancers, pie 'n' mash and the pinnacle of British culture, a good old-fashioned street fight. The concluding part, The Journey North, covering the east of England, Scotland and the north-west of England will be available in Summer 2017.

    A galactic empire of a quarter of a million worlds stumbles across the Earth. Their philosophy on life is totally unexpected. With the help of intelligent automatons, they've turned a reviled political system into a utopia for the masses, but are they a force for good or evil? A Daragnen university graduate, Yol Rummy Blin Breganin, discovers that Earth failed in its attempt to join the Federation, and, for some unknown reason, members are forever banned from visiting or contacting the planet. Rummy had never heard of a whole world being outlawed. Perhaps it would be sensible to leave well enough alone but no, he decides to investigate… FEDERATION is the first in a series of near-future, hard science-fiction novels by Tony Harmsworth, the First Contact specialist. Immerse yourself in humankind’s cultural and economic dilemma by buying FEDERATION today.

    

    Well, technically more of a midriff crisis, if he’s honest. Still, the Dad-bod is ‘in’ these days, isn’t it?He needs a girlfriend. But even though he's constantly surrounded by women, he can't seem to escape from the friend-zone slammer.Keeping the kids alive and entertained, working all hours, and then spending half your income on shopping, aren’t easy things to deal with.Trying to find love and happiness is even harder. Those dreams of ‘happy ever after’ seem like an unreachable utopia. But that hasn’t stopped him trying.Will Danny ever find his special someone? Or will he live out his remaining decades in dismal celibacy? What if he’s been looking in all the wrong places? What if love is right around the corner and he doesn’t even realise?Dad lit at its cynical best - hilariously relatable.

    And It’s Not Happening Inside a Courtroom. Lawyers come in all shapes and sizes, male and female, brilliant and dim. Michael Gresham is a Chicago lawyer who is quietly—and sometimes not so quietly—going about his business, defending his criminal clients, and providing for his wife and children. When a new client walks in, the lawyer must have the upper hand in all dealings and the client must allow the lawyer to run the show. To do otherwise is to risk jail or worse for the clients of Michael Gresham. But without warning, a client turns on him. Without warning, Michael’s world is turned on its head one life at a time. Michael, being Michael, fights back. A trial takes over and the book begins a runaway contest with a runaway jury that neither the judge nor the lawyers can control. When it is over, the last man standing will walk away with his life and his world and the other will lose it all. The pawns are Michael’s wife and children—his everything. In the end Michael must face his own demons and try to lay hold of the person he is ultimately meant to be: the lawyer who roared.