Readers learn the effects that their listening has on others and insight into the effects that the listening skills of others have upon them.

    These patterns include, for example, narcissistic love, when a person has so idealized the partner and the relationship that they can’t possibly continue to measure up; one-way love, when a person loves someone who doesn’t return that love; triangular love, when a third party, be it a mother, an affair, or a job is involved in the relationship; and forbidden love, the kind of relationship that is generally off-limits, such as when a teacher dates a student. In If Love Could Think, Gratch shows us that all of these patterns stem from one fundamental problem—our own ambivalence.With his trademark combination of depth and humor, and using many individual stories as engaging examples, Gratch walks us through the ways we get stuck in these patterns. In each case we are looking for perfect or ideal love. Every pattern creates an obstacle so we don’t have to face our own ambivalence about the relationship or the other person. But humans aren’t perfect, so no matter how wonderful love can be, there is no such thing as pure love. Ambivalence implies the existence not only of love but also of anger, disapproval, or disappointment. As Dr. Gratch shows, there are really only two choices: accept ambivalence as part of any loving relationship, or continue to repeat the patterns of illusory love. Happily, using a simple yet powerful three-step approach, If Love Could Think helps readers to use their own minds to break these patterns of failed relationships and find real and lasting love.From the Hardcover edition.

    Cultivating good habits during these first twelve foundational months of your marriage and knowing what to focus on will set the stage for years to come.Robert and Bobbie and Mark and Susan know that there’s a big difference between preparation and actual experience. This is your guide to actually dealing with all the things that come after “I do.” In this unique flip-over format, the chapter topics are the same but one half is written by men for the husband, and the other half is written from a women’s perspective for the wife. As a couple, you’ll each progress through your part of the book and meet somewhere in the middle. Become an expert on what really makes your spouse happy, and enjoy the benefits of a great partnership. Take an honest look at the family you grew up in: its unwritten codes, how it has shaped you, and the ways it affects your relationship with your mate. Learn how to speak each other’s “language” and appreciate the qualities each of you brings to your marriage.You’ll also get an eye-opening look at communication skills, secrets for a great sex life, budget basics, dealing with in-laws, navigating tough times, and much more. Above all, you’ll cultivate a spiritual unity that draws the two of you closer to each other as you draw closer to God. Start reading, and make this first year together what it was meant to be: the most important year in your life.