Damn, now I sound stupid, too." -Bomani Jones, ESPN "It's great, and I have no idea what just happened, but Jerry Jones dick exploded and that's enough for me." -Spencer Hall, SB Nation "The only parody Twitter account worth following" -Deadspin.com "This is the least influential book of anything I've ever read. I hated it." -Adolf Hitler In what is being hailed by many, probably, as the best, funniest, most gut-shittingly poignant literary work since The New Testament, PFT Commenter takes you on a realistic-fiction journey through the backdoor politics of today's NFL. Set in the 2014 offseason, Roger Goodell and President Barack Obama become locked in a mano a mano battle over the future of the Dallas Cowboys, culminating in a literal fight to the death. Starring NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, Barack Obama, Mike Ditka, Joe Biden, Michael Vick, Peter King, Ron Jaworski, Dan Snyder, Robert Griffin III, Danny Woodhead, J.J. Watt, Jerry Jones, Russell Wilson, Pete Carroll, and many more of your favorite NFL stars and media personalities; "Goodell vs. Obama: The Battle for the Future of the NFL" will take you on a journey that any NFL fan is sure to love, or at least not hate. WARNING: Told through the narrative eye and screaming mouth of an uneducated internet commenter, this book is filled with grammatical errors. It was written by a someone who was raised on scorching hot sports takes, light beer, and an undying love for Roger Goodell. He cares about TELLING, not about spelling. If that's going to be a problem,, there's the door.

    She has a great voice, has taught herself to play the guitar, and writes her own songs with help from her friend Josh. The school is having a contest for would-be pop stars, and Carmen eagerly puts her name on the list. But when Carmen hears a spiteful girl at her school make comments about her weight, she stays home from school and swears she is never going back.

    Toad, Badger, and Ratty--have enchanted children of all ages. Whether the four friends are setting forth on an exciting adventure, engaging in a comic caper, or simply relaxing by the River Thames, their stories are among the most charming in all English literature.

    In my view, there isn't higher praise than that."--Brian Keene, author of The Rising Meet Delphine, Simone, and Zarina. Together they are the Sisters of the Endless Night. For centuries the coven has traveled the width and breadth of the country, unable to call any one place home for very long. The black magic that has sustained their youth and beauty over the centuries requires frequent ritual human sacrifice. Thus they must move often to avoid detection by those who would oppose them. Now the coven has come to idyllic Wagner Avenue, the very heart of American suburbia. It is here where the alluring witches will face their gravest challenges yet. Dark forces are in motion, the cauldron is boiling, the pentagram is bleeding, and trouble is brewing. The witching hour is here. "Bryan Smith is one of the most reliable and consistently entertaining writers working in the horror and suspense genres."--Ray Garton, author of Live Girls

    Maimed and abandoned as an infant, Freckles seeks a chance to prove his worth. He is given that opportunity as the guard of the precious timber of the Limberlost.

    Milo & Ze is the eagerly-awaited second illustrated children's book by Mark Watson and Pablo Michau, authors of the bestselling, "The Shark in the Park". "Milo is a cute bull terrier puppy who has been forgotten, locked in a kennel, until one night a blinding light comes out of the night sky and smashes his kennel creating a crater that the bull terrier braves his way to peer into and hears a mole who asks his name and the little bull terrier discovers a fallen star: `'Never again need you wish for a friend, he waits for you at your journey's end.' And off Milo goes on a journey, sees a truck, meets Big the Pig who invites him to his yacht which turns out to be a leaky barge but Milo jumps ship and ultimately comes ashore to see Big the Pig safe and free. Milo meets a pelican who gives him a ride. The next ride is on a camel but a sandstorm hits, covers the little bull terrier, but he is discovered by an elephant who helps him on his journey. But more adventures arise - a tiger, a mountain goat, a cavern and finally, the little bull terrier puppy arrives at the door where lives an Indian lad by the name of Ze: Milo finally has a friend of his own. Enchanting rhyming verse, exquisite illustrations and a heartwarming adventure that simply is restorative and makes the reader feel good. Searching for friends - a great goal and a wonderful destination. Highly recommended for children and art loving adults." Grady Harp, January 15

    Failure doesn't have to be scary for kids. And parents, guardians, and mentors play a crucial role in teaching kids that failure is just one step towards success. Thankfully, simple books with powerful language can help! With the help of "I Am Not Afraid To Fail", you and your child can work together to learn that failure is a normal and natural part of life. Help the child in your life build the confidence to take chances and go for it without fear of failure. Read the book and start this important conversation today!"I Am Not Afraid To Fail" is the third book in the Persistence Project Series. GET IT NOW The Persistence Project Series -Book One: I Am Not Afraid To Fail -Book Two: I Won't Give Up -Book Three: You Can Face Your Fears-Book Four: You Can Always Improve - Coming Fall 2020!

    All Matty really wants, however, is to work with animals, tend them, help them and care for them. But he has no qualifications and his parents have no real understanding of his ambition – they won’t even let him keep Nelson, the old stray dog he befriends and takes home. Yet, finally, it is because of Nelson that Matty gets permission to go on a camping holiday with his friends, Joe and Willie. And this holiday, on a farm high on the fells, will take Matty through unexpected dangers but to a new and satisfying way of life. An exciting and heartwarming tale that will strike a chord of recognition with all children with a desire to choose their own path in life.

    One day she was playing and became lost. She finds a pink castle and a lovely little fairy named Angie. Angie and the other fairies decide to help Goldie find her family. Find out what happens next!This book is especially great for traveling, waiting rooms, and reading aloud at home. Books For Kids: Goldie the Unicorn: Illustrated Kids Fantasy Books Ages 2-4 4-6 6-9 9-12 (Kids Books, Children's Books, Bedtime Stories For Kids) Excellent for beginning and early readers Great for reading aloud with friends and family Illustrated story book great for a quick bedtime story Scroll up and click 'buy' and spend some quality time with your child!

    Since winning her first race a little more than a year earlier, the unbeaten, unflappable Ruffian had literally raced her way into the hearts of a nation. One of those hearts belonged to Newsday turf reporter William Nack.As a boy in Illinois, Nack had carried in his pocket a trading card of his hero, Swaps, the winner of the 1955 Kentucky Derby. As a young soldier in Vietnam, Nack tuned out the midnight bomb blasts by listening to racetrack broadcasts from Santa Anita. Now, fresh off the publication of his astonishing biography of Secretariat -- described by Seabiscuit author Laura Hillenbrand as "the gold standard of horse books" -- he found himself smitten once again.But tragedy struck that summer's day at Belmont Park. After charging from the gate, Ruffian stumbled and shattered her right foreleg. She had to be put down. Nack's heartbreaking run with thoroughbred racing's most famous filly will soon be immortalized in a made-for-TV movie to be broadcast on ESPN and ABC. In this moving, lyrical memoir, he relives the afternoon that forever changed his love affair with the track.

    Whether in business or his personal life. Not many people tell him, “No.” Until Kourtney Deen, a striking beauty, refused to sell her business to him so that he could put up a luxury spa and golf course. Business is business that’s what Zac has always believed. He refuses to get caught in the marriage trap like his cousins. However, the day he meets the feisty shop owner face to face, he can’t resist the attraction he has for her. Kourtney refuses to allow herself to get distracted. No matter how tall, grey-eyed and handsome he maybe. That road has already been traveled. Years ago, she made some mistakes and had to make some tough choices. Now, the only two things she cares about are her daughter and the success of her shop. In Zac’s structured life, things have always gone how he planned it, but one unexpected event leads to another. When he discovers that nothing is what it seems and there are secrets, yet revealed, he learns quickly that it is not his wallet he has to lean on, but his heart.

    In Boston, five magical bon-bons make an ordinary senator, an ordinary professor, an ordinary girl and her ordinary parents do the most extraordinary things! A young cowboy lassoes Father Time; the dummy in Mr. Floman's department store window comes to life; and a tiny beetle gives a New England farmer and his wife a pump which pumps not water, but gold!Author of the much-loved Oz books, L. Frank Baum transforms the familiar with his magical mix of humor and enchantment. Most of the twelve stories in this delightful collection are set in America where, so it seems, modern fairies, knooks, and ryls are always causing the most astonishing things to happen! These tales will enchant both young and old. When American Fairy Tales first appeared, Baum's reputation as a storyteller had already been established by The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, written in 1900. The twelve stories in this collection were originally syndicated weekly in at least five newspapers during the first half of 1901. The first book edition, which this facsimile reprints, came out later that year.

     When Queen Beatrice visits the royal family of Norway, she receives a lovely surprise gift, a cute fluffy kitten. She names the kitten Albert and brings him home to live in the palace. As Albert grows up he gets into all kinds of trouble. Albert has many friends at the palace, including Isabelle the Chambermaid, Gerard the Butler, Angus the Chauffeur, Norman the Grenadier Guard, Princess Sophie, Prince Nicholas and his best friend Sergeant Major, the Magpie. Albert travels to lots of lovely places with the Queen, meets lots of nice people and some not so nice. If Albert does not like you, then watch out. His favourite trick is rubbing his paws on the carpet and giving you a nasty electric shock, which can be painful. Albert loves to roll in smelly horse poo and it’s usually left to Isabelle to bath him before the Queen finds out. Life is good at the palace and Albert makes the most of his position as The Queen’s Cat. In this story Albert wonders if the Queen has remembered his first anniversary at the royal palace and he also meets an unfriendly dog.

    He loves them so much that his home and office overflow with animals of every description. When Polynesia the parrot teaches him the language of the animals, Doctor Dolittle becomes a world-famous doctor, traveling even as far away as Africa to help his friends. This edition of the beloved children's classic contains black-and-white illustrations by Michael Hague and has been edited by award-winning authors Patricia and Fredrick McKissack for modern audiences.

    Meanwhile, Bill Butler is roused from his bed and, together with his Knock team, must try to outwit the devious smugglers. Part of the Storycuts series, this short story was previously published in the collection The Veteran.