. . One batch of doughnuts . . . One ripple of resentment.Profit-hungry developers are swarming over Middleton, determined to see the local football ground turned into luxury flats. But they haven't counted on the spirited resistance of local baker, Bill Baxter, who vents his frustration at the developers' plans by neglecting to put jam into a batch of doughnuts. Unbeknown to Bill, a rogue jamless doughnut sets in train a ripple of irrational anger that grows, wave upon wave, until finally it threatens to swamp the entire nation, leaving careers ruined, fortunes won and Parliament in turmoil. But where will it end? And what will become of Bill and his beloved Middleton?Stand up comedian Dominic Holland delivers another slick slice of comedy that will have you roaring with laughter, rooting for the good guys and relegating the villains to the bottom of the table.

    They chew the fat, set the world to rights, curse the ref, say a last farewell… In this second collection of comic dialogues Doyle’s drinkers ponder:- a topless Kate Middleton- Barack and Michelle Obama (‘fuckin’ gorgeous’)- David Beckham (‘Would you tattoo your kids’ names on the back of your neck?’ ‘They wouldn’t fit’)- Jimmy Savile (‘a gobshite’)- the financial crisis (again)- abortion (again) - and horsemeat in your burger… Once again, those we have lost troop through their thoughts - Lou Reed, Seamus Heaney, Reg Presley, Nelson Mandela (‘he should never have left the Four Tops’), Phil Everly, Margaret Thatcher, Shirley Temple - and they still have that unerring ability to ask the really fundamental questions like ‘Would you take penalty points for your missis?’

    Jane must get his attention—fast. Can her friend Max change her into a sexy goddess in three weeks?Nicole: Instead of admitting that she doesn't have a date to the prom, she tells everyone that she's going with some random hottie she saw at the mall. Not only does she know nothing about him, but she only has a few days to track him down!Christy: She never expected the cute, but very obnoxious Jake would invite her to prom. And she couldn't say no because her mom is best friends with Jake's mother. Will the most romantic moment of her life be a huge disaster?

    

    Since the end of the war, when Bob Brown had taken over the car workshop in London, Frank Bennett had been trying to get his hands on it. An East Ender made good, Frank was determined to get the prime site - whatever the cost.As children, Bob's daughter Bella and Frank's son Dezi became unlikely friends, though both families disapproved. Years later, their love blossomed, and it seemed that nothing, not even the feud between their fathers, could prevent their marriage. Until Bob's tragic death and his dying request to Bella . . .

    That is what troubles animal-phobic, robotics engineer Smith who just got married. He learns that his bride’s dream is to have a farm where there are lots of animals and she can rescue ex-race horses to retrain and find them new homes. But according to a Meyers-Briggs Personality Test that they took for fun, their marriage is doomed. There is only one problem: the newlyweds took the test after the wedding. Whether Smith is chasing a cow named Pork Chop through the woods with a rope, getting locked in a tack room by the family pony, being snubbed by his wife’s dog, or unsuccessfully trying to modernize their barn using the latest technology, the odds are stacked against him. It seems like everything with four legs is out to get him. Will the animals win, forcing Smith to admit defeat, or will he fight to keep his family and the farm together? Enjoy the true, warm, and frequently hilarious stories of Smith’s journey along the bumpy road from his urban robotics lab to a new life on a rural Virginia farm.

    I am Brandon Thighmaster. Monk. Hero. Inspiration. I enjoy crunching, squats, looking at myself, looking at other people looking at myself, and long walks on the beach. I also do adventures and stuff, and I guess you can read about them here. But enough about you, let's talk about me. Brandon Thighmaster."

    It premiered 37 years ago, in 1973, and, after 31 series it finally came to an end last year – even though all its original protagonists – Compo, Foggy, even Nora Batty – are now dead. Remarkably, for a series of such longevity and international appeal, it is all about elderly people, has little action or plot, and is set and filmed in and around the small Yorkshire town of Holmfirth. Now, Andrew Vine, the deputy editor of Yorkshire’s daily newspaper, has written the definitive history of this television phenomenon. It covers the show’s inauspicious beginnings, with low ratings, its endless reinvention as participants like Bill Owen, Michael Bates, Brian Wilde and Kathy Staff retired or died, the appearance of a string of guest stars from John Cleese and Norman Wisdom to Thora Hird and Russ Abbott (both of whom soon found themselves fixtures in the cast), and the ingenious plot contrivances as the protagonists became too old and frail to attempt any of the slapstick stunts with runaway prams – indeed any outdoor action. Holmfirth is now a year-round tourist attraction, and endless repeats and new DVD box sets will ensure a readership for this book for years to come.

    Never fear, there are hundreds of ways to revolt against the tedium of everyday life. Whether it’s making rude gestures to a hotel clerk under the desk or making your own "Do Not Disturb" sign that says "Come In If You Like Swordplay," Rich Fulcher's inventive collection will allow readers to unleash their rebellious sides—without getting arrested. Other tiny acts include unbuckling your seat belt before the plane has fully stopped, squeezing a zit into the ATM camera, driving through a lonely red light in the dead of night, wearing a French Renaissance outfit on casual Fridays, and greeting a stranger with a limp, well-lotioned hand. Featuring original illustrations by Mr. Bingo, the illustrator of The Book of General Ignorance whose clients have included Absolut, New York Times, Nike, and Suicide Girls; and designed by Dave Brown, also known as Bollo the gorilla in The Mighty Boosh and designer of The Mighty Book of Boosh.

    Elrod's picked 15 of her favorite short works for this multi-genre collection spanning 15 years of publication.Also included is a never before published VAMPIRE FILES story, featuring her urban fantasy vampire PI, Jack Fleming!Each story has been polished afresh for this anthology, with pages of new material added.More information -- and previews of the stories! -- may be found at her website vampwriter-dot-com.Titles:1. A Night at the (Horse) Opera (Vampire Files, Fleming)2. The Breath of Bast (Vampire Files), Ecsott)3. Bossman (Original mystery, no vamps)4. Slaughter (Vampire Files, Fleming & Gordy)5. The Devil's Mark (Original historical vampire)6. You'll Catch Your Death (Vampire Files)7. Izzy's Shoe-In (Historical mystery introducing Izzy DeLeon, fearless girl reporter)8. The Quick Way Down (Vampire Files, Fleming and Gordy)9. The Scottish Ploy (Original romance/mystery)10. Grave-Robbed (Vampire Files, Fleming)11. The Company You Keep (Vampire Files, Gabriel Kroun)12. Death in Dover (Jonathan Barrett before he got vamped, historical mystery)13. Drawing Dead (ALL NEW VAMPIRE FILES, Fleming)14. King of Shreds and Patches (Hamlet from a different point of view, mystery)15. Fugitive (Science fiction/space opera)16. BONUS STORY! The Wind Breathes Cold (Quincey Morris: Vampire)

    You can’t fathom the weirdness– unless you’re one of the ER aliens. If you are, buy a dozen copies to give away: to your family, your neighbors, and the PTA. They’ll learn things you never had the heart to tell them, but they should know, like how it's like to work in the ER, the deviousness of shampoo bottles and the dangers of frying bacon naked.

    Ten years later they find themselves working for the same company, but at first, neither can remember who the other one is. As they start to date, what happens when they find out, especially when Will realises that it was Abigail who'd teased him into early therapy?

    True tales from a post-truth world)It should have been simple. Go in and steal the cash. But no job is simple when the two guys named Lenny and their buddy Hot Sauce are involved.Sprinkle in a backpacker who is not what she seems, some cashed-up tourists who don’t speak English, a couple enduring the night from hell, not to mention the mysterious Jack the problem solver and you have a night full of sex, drugs and misadventure.If you love hilarious stories that will keep you laughing and guessing all the way to the end, you’ll love Jack Stroke’s The Other Hotel.Get it now.

    I’m an almost-ex-wife, and former full-time mom who works part-time at the local yarn store. The biggest mystery I’ve ever solved is finding a missing knitting needle tucked behind my ear after spending all morning looking for it. Someone in Harmony Lake is trying to stitch me up for murder.In a small town where everyone has a secret they want to keep hidden, no one is talking to the out-of-town cop who’s been brought in to solve the case. So, armed with everything I’ve learned from watching murder mysteries on TV, and a little help from my friends, it’s up to me to find the real killer and clear my name. Can I knit the clues together and expose the killer before they unravel and kill again? I hope so, because knitting needles aren't allowed in prison, and I look horrible in orange.If you like your cozy mysteries with a bit of humour, small town Canadian life, a hint of romance, a close circle of quirky, lovable characters that you wish you knew in real life, dogs and cats, and free knitting patterns, there's something in this series for you.Clean read: no graphic violence, sex, or strong language.Each ebook includes a link to a free knitting pattern at the end of the book.Included stories: Knit One Murder Two, Killer Cables, and Murder & MerinoDownload The Knitorious Murder Mystery Books 1 - 3 and start unravelling the mysteries in three entertaining cozy mysteries today!Read FREE on Kindle Unlimited

    Unfortunately, due to an exercise allergy, and an eating obsession, it isn’t going to be as easy as he first thought. Throw in a battle of wits with his neighbour’s cat over toilet rights to his garden, a son who lives in the shed and dreams of being discovered on The X Factor, a stroppy teenage daughter with a Wayne Rooney fixation, a wife who doesn’t want to sleep with him anymore, and an amorous work colleague who does, and you have all the ingredients to Sex, Lies and Chocolate Cakes: The Secret Eater’s Diary.