i really mean it! IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED AND BELONG TO ONE OF THE FOLLOWING GROUPS, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS BOOK: SCOTTISH, WELSH, NORTHERN IRISH, IRISH CATHOLICS, COCKNEYS, CHAVS, UPPER CLASS ENGLISH TWATS, RELIGIOUS CHRISTIANS, MUSLIMS, JEWS, HOMOSEXUALS, RESIDENTS OF WATFORD, THE ACTOR ROBERT CARLYLE, THE WORKING CLASSES, THE UNEMPLOYED PUB GOING DOLE SCROUNGERS, THE AUTHOR'S FRIEND DANIEL SKELTON, REPUBLICAN AMERICANS, SOUTHERN STATES AMERICANS, CHRISTIAN MIDWEST AMERICANS WITH TRADITIONAL VALUES, ANY AMERICAN, TRANSVESTITES, SUPPORTERS OF THE ENGLAND FOOTBALL SQUAD, IRANIANS, EX PRESIDENT OF IRAN MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD, SYRIANS, BASHAR AL ASSAD, WAYNE ROONEY, BELGIUMS, AGATHA CHRISTIE, THE FRENCH, YAHOO MESSAGE BOARD COMMENTATORS, SOUTH AMERICAN CRIME CARTELS, PRIESTS AND REVERENDS, THE WRITER OF THIS BOOK, PALESTINIANS, ARABS IN GENERAL, OLD YIDDISH MEN, THE FICTIONAL OLLAWONGA TRIBE OF DARKEST AFRICA, THE WRITER AND READERS OF FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, THE CHINESE AND TONY BLAIR. IF YOU BELONG TO ONE OF THE FOLLOWING GROUPS WHO HAVE HAD A MORE THAN CAMEO MENTION/APPEARANCE IN THE NOVEL, PLEASE READ THE BOOK WITHOUT FEAR OF OFFENSIVE STEREOTYPING: ITALIANS. If you have got this far, then allow me to enlighten you about a secret so great that the general public has no idea about but every government in the world knows and they are involved in a consistent cover up to keep the horrors from you.. What are the Ethereals? Some say they are the personifications of iconic and stereotypical energies given life by our collective beliefs and imagination. Others say they started as humans and evolved for much the same reasons given above. Both viewpoints have a basis in truth. A decade ago one of the most fearsome of these beings 'The Englishman,' was banished from our plane of existence by a weeping Tony Blair who cut the throat of a small child in a necromantic energy ritual to do so. With such a price paid, the question has to be asked ... just how serious a threat has arisen from the Ethereal world that the British government's only option is to bring back the Englishman to save us!!!! Set in 2012 in the lead up to the US election ... welcome to the twisted world of Mad Dog and The Englishman. WARNING: The following piece of hack work contains levels of swearing, depraved activity and violent situations sufficient enough to have Jihadi John puking up his guts.

    Dreams of rose-covered cottages, rolling pins and two parents living with their own biological child were well and truly shattered.But now Juliette is engaged to her childhood sweetheart, Alex Dalton, and everything is looking up. Juliette can’t wait to marry Alex and live happily ever after at the Dalton Estate.The trouble is, Juliette isn’t the only one getting married this year. Her ex-partner, Nick, is getting married too and is trying his hardest to sabotage Juliette’s wedding day. Plus, there’s the small matter of the global Covid-19 pandemic.Will Juliette get the wedding of her dreams? Or will Nick succeed in ruining yet another wedding day?Wednesday 24th JuneAnother meeting with our wedding planner today – this time about party favours.Cressida showed us cute little hangover kits, personalised wine glasses, mini champagne bottles, chocolate truffle boxes, watches, toiletries, all sorts. There was even a monogrammed rum and Coca Cola can and a little treasure chest of sugared almonds, should we choose a Caribbean destination wedding.When Nick and I got married, all we thought about was drink, food and the church, in that order.Who knew there was so much sparkle and magic in the wedding world?Perfect for Jill Mansell and Unmumsy Mum fans. Can be read as a stand-along novel or as part of the series. Download this Kindle Unlimited comedy as part of your subscription.Editorial Reviews for Suzy K Quinn‘Suzy K Quinn is the literary equivalent of hot chocolate …’ – Liza Foreman, New York Times journalist'Suzy K Quinn is a born storyteller' -- Erin Kelly, bestselling author of He Said, She Said.'I read Suzy’s latest novel in one sitting, with a break for sleep. This does not usually happen. It's a terrific read.' -- Fay Weldon, author of the Lives and Loves of a She Devil.'Unputdownable. I was completely absorbed.' -- Julia Crouch, author of Cuckoo'A seriously skilful page turner ... don't read it on the beach unless you want sunburn.' -- Kate Harrison, author of The Secret Shopper's RevengeThe writing is skilful and vivid and the tension doesn't let up. Suzy K Quinn is one to watch.' -- Julia Gregson, author of East of the Sun“Funny, real, honest, and raw—this is an excellent book about the roller-coaster that is being a mum.” —Charlene Wedgner“Books like this, books that share honest and realistic experiences are a breath of fresh air.” —Diary of a Book Mum“I just love its honesty/real-ness and the way it ends on such a high note helped me to realize what a privilege it is to be a parent.” —Busy Mama Book Club“The reason I loved this book so much was the honesty of it! Unlike other parenting books nothing is sugar coated! This is Motherhood!! You will find yourself relating to almost everything she writes!” —B Club Betty“Would highly recommend this book for anyone looking for a fun and honest read about parenting.” —Em Digs Books“It’s funny, it’s quick, short chapters, all of these things are really important, easy read, when you’re a sleep deprived new mother. I really wish I had it when I was a new mum five years ago.” —The Motherload Book Club“A real breath of fresh air and a massive reality check for when you’re trying to be the perfect mum.” —Mrs Cooke’s Books“Had me in fits of laughter…I really do applaud Suzy for being so honest …She really does tell it like it is, which is that parenthood is a challenge but it’s totally worth it!” —Kirsty’s Book Buying AddictionAbout the AuthorSuzy is a bestselling British fiction author. Her books have sold nearly 1 million copies and been translated into nine different languages.

     A TIME OF PEACE tells the story of Kate Freeman, daughter of the inimitable Rose Webster, as she goes to London in 1960 to follow her dream of becoming a photographer. But Kate has a long journey to take before she realises her dreams and a lot of growing up to do. For Kate, her family and friends, the era that was dubbed 'A time of peace' proves to be anything but, as they cope with tragedy, upheaval and the tears and laughter of family life ...

    Fatigued from overwork and dismayed by relentless cost cutting, Captain Reilly finds himself developing an unhelpful aversion to the very people who pay his salary: passengers and managers.Riding aboard a typical flight, we follow John Reilly as he struggles with the challenges facing today’s airline pilot: trying to stay awake, keeping crew food down, fending off flirtatious cabin crew and completing the crossword before landing.The Life of Captain Reilly is a shocking but hilarious tale of the low cost airline, and reveals its great secret: glamour doesn’t fly anymore.PLEASE NOTE: IF YOU HAVE A ROMANTICIZED PERCEPTION OF AIRLINE PILOTS AND COMMERCIAL AVIATION -- AND YOU WISH TO KEEP IT -- DON'T BUY THIS BOOK!ALSO, THIS IS QUITE A SHORT BOOK.

    Beth Moorhouse flatlines after a devastating car crash in the north of England. Simultaneously in Afghanistan Liam MacIntyre is almost killed when his army truck hits a landmine, the blast stopping his heart. Both are brought back after crossing over. Recovering from debilitating injuries, lost in fevers and delirium they experience vivid dreams that bleed through into their reality, making them yearn for a past lost to them. From the sixteenth century massacre of Glencoe in the Highlands of Scotland through eighteenth century Venice and finally to Flanders in World War One they both dream of the lives they shared together, each one cut short by Beth’s young and violent death. In each incarnation Liam‘s death shortly follows her own when he finds himself unable to go on without her, but not before avenging himself on the one who took her life. Resolved to discover the meaning behind these dreams Beth visits a gifted psychic who reveals that her murderer in each dream is a dark entity who has latched onto Beth and her soulmate with the sole purpose of destroying their happiness. She must find her love in this life and break this fatal pattern if she is to avoid another brutal death. Liam and Beth set out, determined to find one another by retracing the steps of their shared pasts. But their reunion is like a flare, drawing the dark soul to them and the race against time itself begins to save Beth from her inevitable fate. Bleed Through is a tale of love enduring centuries, sweeping through some of the most memorable events in European history and is the age old battle between good and evil.

    But he soon finds himself struggling to keep the peace between three feisty fellow judges who have very different views about how to do their job, and about how Charlie should do his.And as if that’s not enough, there’s the endless battle against the ‘Grey Smoothies’, the humourless grey-suited civil servants who seem determined to drown Charlie in paperwork and strip the court of its last vestiges of civilisation.No hope of a quiet life then for Charlie, and there are times when his real job – trying the challenging criminal cases that come before him – actually seems like light relief. If you like Rumpole of the Bailey, you'll love Walden of Bermondsey Praise for Walden of Bermondsey 'No one writes with more wit, warmth and insight about the law and its practitioners than Peter Murphy. He has no equal since the great John 'Rumpole' Mortimer' - David Ambrose'Though his exasperation is sometimes palpable, what triumphs over everything is his sense of humour. And it is the humour that makes Walden of Bermondsey such a delightful read. Think of him as what Rumpole would be like if he ever became a judge, and you get some idea of his self-deprecating wit and indomitable stoicism. Add a dash of Henry Cecil for his situation and AP Herbert for the fun he has with the law, and you get a sense of Peter's literary precedents' - Paul Magrath

    

    To say the least. She calls Sweet Meadow, Georgia, home, where she works for her father doing auto repairs. She also drives the tow-truck, although Sweet Meadow's rather colorful denizens tend to treat Bertie more like the local, free taxi service. You know, someone has to get to a doctor's appointment or pick something up at the dry cleaners. Bertie's favorite day of the week is Friday, when she leaves the wrecker with her father for the whole weekend and joins her friends at the Dew Drop Inn for a night of dancing. Her best friend, Mary Lou, sometimes fixes her up with dubious dates, although Bertie has to remind her friend not to tease her hair too high for those occasions. Like the time when they went to Carrie Sue's open house, and a ceramic cow with angel wings hanging from a ceiling fan locked its hooves into Bertie's big hair and refused to let go. She had to wear it all night, dangling chain and all. Bertie's nearly perfect life is about to take a downhill turn, however. It starts when her landlord, Pete, currently a resident in a nearby nursing home, starts showing up at her house. In his birthday suit. A very badly wrinkled birthday suit. And then she goes to her mailbox, a rubber large mouth bass, and finds a notice from the zoning commission saying she can no longer park the wrecker in her driveway. The notice is signed by George Bigham. But when she goes to the courthouse to take care of her little problem, it is only to discover George Bigham is deceased. And Mary Lou's pregnancy test just came up positive. Can it get any worse? In a word... yes.

    

    He's working a routine case, complete with hours of tedious surveillance, when he sees something that shakes him to the core. There, with the subject, is a little blond girl wearing a pink top and denim shorts—the same outfit worn by Tracy Turner, a six-year-old abducted the day before. When the police are skeptical of Ballard's report—and with his history, who can blame them?—it's the beginning of the most important case of his life.LAST CHANCE LASSITERPaul LevineIn this prequel to the “Jake Lassiter” series, the linebacker-turned-lawyer faces overwhelming odds. Fired from his job and dumped by his girlfriend, Lassiter rents a grungy law office in a Miami Beach parking garage. What else could go wrong? Well, he could be disbarred for punching out his own client. As for cases, the down-and-out lawyer has only one. Lassiter represents Cadillac Johnson, an aging rhythm and blues musician who claims his greatest song was stolen by a top-of-the-charts hip-hop artist. The evidence is long gone and chances of winning are slim. Except for one thing. “If your cause is just,” Lassiter says, “no case is impossible.”CLIENTParnell HallStanley Hastings couldn't be happier. He had his first paying client, and the assignment was straight out of a forties noir movie, tailing the man's cheating wife and snapping pictures of her at a motel. If only he hadn't fallen asleep on stakeout. When he wakes up the woman is dead, the murder weapon is in his car, and a small town police force straight out of In the Heat of the Night has him cast in the Sidney Poitier role. To clear his name—and get paid—Stanley will have to figure out who his client is, who killed the woman in the upstate motel, and who was the resultant corpse!RADIO ACTIVITYBill FitzhughFM rock deejay Rick Shannon has just been fired from his latest Classic Rock station. He’s thinking it’s time to get out of radio once and for all. But when a famous deejay disappears in Mississippi, Rick gets a job offer to take over the slot. So he packs his bags and moves back to his home state where he comes across a tape of an illegally recorded phone conversation that might explain the fate of the missing deejay. Rick starts looking into the matter, and before you can say “Stairway to Heaven” he’s uncovered a scheme of blackmail, arson, murder, and a major FCC violation. Based on an illegal recording made by the author (and former FM rock deejay), Radio Activity redefines classic rock.CALABAMA Steve BrewerWhen a speeding Corvette flies over his head, leaving him without a scratch, Eric Newlin decides it's an omen and his life is about to change. He's right. Within days, he's broke, homeless, unemployed and getting divorced. He falls so far that he ends up involved in a kidnapping scheme with hillbilly crimelord Rydell Vance. Leavened with dark humor, CALABAMA takes a wry look at California's rural, redneck interior, a bitter, precarious place where it's easy for an outsider's life to spiral out of control.

    Note: These texting fails contain profanity, not for children.When are people going to learn that autocorrect can't be trusted? With FAILS like these, we actually hope that's not for a long time.This book complies 101 of the funniest, most viral and cringeworthy autocorrect screenshots to date.Guaranteed to put you on the floor laughing!

    The collection takes us from England to Asia with stops in Australia and the United States and it proves the point that disgusting old people are to be found just about everywhere. We enter the troubled minds of murderers, bank robbers, practical jokers, serial killers, perverts and just regular old liars all of whom are old enough to know better. You'll doubtless recognize people you know and be forced to admit to a few wiles of your own.

    The novel follows the journey of Ira Overman, veteran of multiple botched careers and a singularly botched marriage, as he makes one last attempt to rise above the guilt, weakness, and self-hatred that have been hard-wired into his soul since birth. Through an unlikely side effect from a seemingly routine surgery, Overman suddenly finds himself trying to reconcile newfound powers with the man he used to be, determined not to repeat the poor choices of his past. Overman succeeds at righting some of his former wrongs, fails miserably at others, but, most importantly, gains a small yet significant window into a life that matters.

    His humor and short fiction appear in various publications throughout the Southeast.

    You may find it for free on the web. Purchase of the Kindle edition includes wireless delivery.