When a flying saucer crashes into his fishing hole, Jimmy tries to use the stranded survivors to jump-start his TV career. This first contact isn't accidental though. The Galactic Pool's saddest excuse for a politician has committed sabotage while plotting to rule Earth. And he's about to find out what happens when you mess with Earthlings.*81,000 words with a courteous 0.0149% F-word rate*There are sex scenes, but they are strictly telepathic. (sorry)

    After watching his father's fall and the suffering it caused Walter learns from a young age that favor is fleeting. Young Walter leaves home to find his own way and is swept away on one of the ships in service to the crown. The seas are full of dangers, from unforeseen storms to brutal pirates. During one of Walter's many sea voyages he encounters a girl who will change his fortune. But in order to survive in a world where favor can bring a man a lifetime of good fortune or destroy him in the blink of an eye, Walter must stay true to himself and his values. Walter faces the question we all face, are we what we are born into or can we become more? I, Walter is a tale of love, courage, and adventure.

    Unfortunately, due to an exercise allergy, and an eating obsession, it isn’t going to be as easy as he first thought. Throw in a battle of wits with his neighbour’s cat over toilet rights to his garden, a son who lives in the shed and dreams of being discovered on The X Factor, a stroppy teenage daughter with a Wayne Rooney fixation, a wife who doesn’t want to sleep with him anymore, and an amorous work colleague who does, and you have all the ingredients to Sex, Lies and Chocolate Cakes: The Secret Eater’s Diary.

    But fate, a run of bad luck, and a dead uncle have thrown them together, and together they must save the family bookstore from financial ruin, from its own insane employees, and probably from themselves. This is the story of what happens when The Sopranos meets Fawlty Towers...in a bookstore.

    But Cleone yearns for a husband who is refined, aristocratic and who is as skilled with his wit as he is with his dueling pistols.... Everything Philip Jettan is not. As much as she is attracted to the handsome squire, Cleone finds herself dismissing Philip and his rough mannerisms.With his father's encouragement, Philip departs for the courts of Paris, determined to acquire the social graces and the airs of the genteel — and convince Cleone that he is the man most suited for her hand. But his transformation may cost him everything, including Cleone....

    When a jar containing the Universe's DNA falls from Eternity, bumbling backpackers Jason and Theo find their loyalties--and sanity!--put to the test. Unaware that a motley crew from another realm is chasing them across the globe to retrieve that radioactive vessel, these intrepid new friends are forced to contend with passion, responsibility, and their own mortality--and the fate of the Solar System, which hangs in the balance. Traversing Europe, New Zealand, and the backbone of Eternity, Finders Keepers: The Definitive Edition ultimately asks one simple question: Is the life you're living the life you actually want . . . or does the Universe have more to offer than you can possibly imagine?IMPORTANT NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: The Definitive Edition of Finders Keepers has undergone significant changes from the original version. Consider the original as the Raw & Uncensored version (rated 'R')--which is no longer available-- while this new updated and revised Definitive Edition is 'PG-13'. Goodreads will not allow the two version to be listed separately, so please keep in mind that older reviews do not necessarily reflect the updated narrative, characters, language, and tone of the Definitive Edition.For more on why I wrote the Definitive Edition, and how it differs from the original, check out my blog here: https://russcolchamiro.com/2018/11/bo...

    Summerlandish is all the hard-won, scar-leaving, tattoo-regretting, butthole-tearing lessons Summer has learned over the years – “summer-ised” here in all their glamorously gory detail, so you don’t have to bother with learning them yourselves. And, surprisingly, she seems to know quite a bit about love, life and awkward moments involving too much caffeine and/or lack of restraint.

    The place? China-adjacent. If you had told young Simon Lang that he’d spend his best years piloting a boat for a trumped-up Venetian, instead of enjoying the good life back home in Exeter, he’d have laughed in your face. But King Edward IV did not like that Simon was thrice removed from some long forgotten ancestor who was somehow related to the owner of the cow that gave milk to King Henry the Fifth. Or something like that, Simon was not very good at genealogy. But now the Lancastrian lordling has fled to the far reaches of the world to brood on revenge. He’s stranded in these strange waters with money-hungry Captain Aldo Mitacchione, his halfwit first mate Neno, and a crew of starving Italians. But if the strange vessel on the horizon or the unexpected ally on board have anything to say about it, things are about to get stranger.Join smart-talking Simon, fabled samurai Kojiro Takeda, and their band of misfit brothers as they outrun cannibals, outsmart assassins, (attempt to) outdrink Scotsmen, and help Henry Tudor oust the crown from the sociopathic Duke of Gloucester.Note: The area of western Japan that surrounds the cities of Kyoto and Osaka is referred to as the Kansai or "Kinki," region (so get your minds out of the gutter).

    John Taylor. But waiting in the darkness was a life that held more than she bargained for. Battling a negative self-image, self-imposed isolation, and troubled relationships, Elisa eventually unlocked the strength to free her and become the teacher and bestselling novelist she was meant to be. And she discovered that her Duran Duran fandom-and the power of music-was the key. Using her signature blend of humor and heartstring tugging, Elisa transports readers back to a time of synthesizers and shoulder pads, fedoras and Ferris Bueller, leather pants and Live Aid. Much more than a fan letter, Friends of Mine: Thirty Years in the Life of a Duran Duran Fan is a collection of stories about growing up in 1980s suburbia. It's about first loves, first losses, divorce, Generation X, family, and friendship-all set to the soundtrack of the original Fab Five.

    There's just one problem: he doesn't quite have the looks to match his talent, and his publisher wants a photo to put on the book jacket. He asks his handsome (but dim) college classmate, Mike Smith, to take his place.Consequently it is Smith rather than Collins who receives the offer to be writer-in-residence at an asylum where therapy is centered on the soothing powers of literature. It's not long before the boundaries between inmate and observer are blurred in this literary cuckoo's nest and this comedy of errors verges on tragedy.

    Their slogans “Where You’re Fat and We Know It!” and “Where the Fat IS Your Fault!” are recognised around the globe, the counter in the lobby says five million slimmed and their share price is as high as their energy levels. But today the theft of their latest revolutionary product, Lipid Loser, will threaten to expose the real secret behind Slimmit’s success…As Director of Security, hunky Aaron Green is held responsible and threatened with his job. Spying an opportunity to get back into Aaron’s pants, Marianne Brand, head of Slimming Operations, offers to help him track down the intruder – but what she’s really hoping to find is her missing Much, Much More Muffin, a secret prototype she believes the intruder ate. Meanwhile Slimmit CEO Nicola Darcy struggles to stay conscious in the three layers of constricting underwear she needs to hide her new muffin top, while her daughter Emmy – deemed “unacceptably beyond corporate Appearance Policy parameters” – pushes paper in Slimmit’s basement and dreams of a skinny life, one she hopes her secret membership of Fat Club, Slimmit’s main competitor, will eventually bring her.The race is on to retrieve the Lipid Loser and save Slimmit from total disaster. If their secrets get out, their competitors will put them out of business. If the government finds out, they’ll all go to jail. And if their clients find out… Well, as Slimmit’s Slimming Specialists know all too well, there’s only one thing worse than a hungry, sugar-crazed, carb addict – an angry one.Will the secret behind Slimmit’s success survive the day, or will their long-suffering slimmers finally discover the truth?

    Now we’re taking it to the next level with an anthology of original short stories from some of the wittiest women writers we know—stories they would only tell their closest friends, most likely from within the haven of a ladies’ room. Inside you’ll find 39 (mostly) true tales by women, for women, about being women—bodily changes, relationships, careers, motherhood, aging, illness, and more—written with the humor and grit that proudly sets In The Powder Room apart.But be forewarned: we’re holding nothing back. We’re revealing our deep dark secrets—because it’s through our most vulnerable and honest moments that we forge the strongest connections and discover we aren’t so alone after all. You have a gimpy boob? Me too. You think glitter is the herpes of the craft world? Me too! You got your fishnet-clad leg stuck to your head on stage in front of thousands of people? Wait…what? OMG. Tell me everything! We are your friends, sisters, mothers, and daughters. Regardless of what life has dished up for you, chances are, we’ve been there and we can relate. We’ll help you laugh it off, or hold your hand until you’re ready to laugh again. And we promise: we’ll always tell you when you have lipstick on your teeth.

    He is excited and afraid; he wants to recapture the love he knew with his parents before they died and become a doctor like his father. But in his new home of celebrities, crooks, untrustworthiness, and excessively wealthy deviants, lust and want thwart his search for selfless caring love, and in his quest to become a doctor, he discovers the altruism of health care and scientific discovery riddled with profit motivation and deficient moral standards. A finalist in the 2012 William Faulkner-William Wisdom Creative Writing Competition.

    The melancholic, middle-aged lexicographer plunges into an increasingly ambiguous relationship with the vivacious Mrs. Thrale for the next twenty years. In that time Hester's eldest daughter, the neglected but prodigiously clever Queeney, will grow into young womanhood. Along the way, little of the emotional tangle and sexual tension stirring beneath the decorous surfaces of the Thrale household will escape Queeney's cold, observant eye.

    With no hope of leaving, the years have passed her by. Lord Ryde, exiled abroad after a scandal, has returned to strip his estate and make a new start in America. A chance encounter changes their plans, plunging Elinor and Lord Ryde into adventure and not a little peril until, finally, they are forced to confront the mystery of what happened on That Night, all those years ago. Are they both so entangled in the riddles of the past that they are about to miss this one last opportunity for future happiness?